Authors: Brei Betzold
Liam
slung an arm over my shoulder walking with me into the house, “What’s going on
between you two?”
“I
have no idea.”
“Did
you have a fight?”
I
shook my head, “No, I haven’t really seen him since the accident.”
He
kissed my head. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, princess.”
I
growled at the nickname and elbowed him in the ribs before running off to my
room. I pulled out my cell to make a call I had been putting off but couldn’t
any longer. I needed to do this for myself; I wanted this for myself.
I
quickly found the number I wanted and hit send waiting for someone to answer.
“Dr. Moore’s office.”
“Hey
Marie, it’s Scout, can Dr. Moore talk now?”
“Hi
Scout, let me check, please hold.”
“K,”
a second later bad elevator music began to play while I waited.
“Scout,
how’s my favorite patient?” Dr. Moore’s friendly voice helped soothe my nerves
over what I was about to do.
“Fine,”
I mumbled then cleared my throat. “I, uhm, had a question for you.”
“Okay,
what’s that?”
“Can
you refer me to a female therapist or counselor or something in San Diego for
when I get back?”
The
papers I had heard rustling before stopped and I knew he was shocked by my
request, “Are you sure, Scout?”
“Yeah”
I said trying to sound confident, “it’s time.”
“What’s
changed?”
I
took a deep breath. “I have, I don’t want to be like this anymore.”
I
could hear the smile in his voice, “I’ll have a list of suitable therapists for
you by the time you get back. We can interview them together if that would
make you feel better?”
“Yeah,
it would.”
“Good,
and Scout, I’m happy you finally decided to do this.”
“Wish
I could agree with you,” I muttered.
Dr.
Moore chuckled, “It won’t be that bad we will find you someone you are
comfortable with.”
“Okay,
I trust you to help me with this.”
I
heard a small gasp from him. “Scout, you are ready for this. I’ll talk to you
soon, okay?”
“Yeah,
I’ll come in the day after we get back.”
“I’ll
make sure you have an appointment and have names for you.”
“Bye,
Dr. Moore.”
“Bye,
Scout,”
I
hung up then buried my face in a pillow hoping I had made the right choice.
Chapter
46
The
next morning was the same as the one before, Thayne dropped Nikki off without
getting out of the car or noticing my existence, only to be waiting for me in
the parking lot. I didn’t know what to think about his odd behavior and every
time I asked if he was okay he would say yeah then change the subject to
something else. We were able to go straight to work without the normal fanfare
of lining up so that’s what we did. We jumped in pulling the frame and other
parts that needed to be painted into our painting booth. I had a vision for
this bike and regardless of how much they didn’t approve, I was not going to sit
around twiddling my thumbs.
“I
will keep it covered in the clean suit, I won’t pick anything up that’s heavy
and can pull at the stitches, but I am fucking going into that room.” I told
them all after listening to them tell me yet again that I wouldn’t be allowed
in the painting booth. I spun on my heel and walked into the room, slamming
the door behind me, pulling my ear buds out I shoved them into my ears, and
zipped up the clean suit. I heard the door open and close behind me but didn’t
turn around to see who it was, I already knew.
“We
just don’t want you to tear your stitches or get them infected,” he said
softly.
“They
are fine, Thayne. I will let you do most of the work, but I am not going to
just sit around doing nothing.”
He
walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind, I leaned back into
his strong chest and sighed. I had missed this.
“Will
you tell me what’s wrong?” I whispered.
“Nothing’s
wrong, Scout.”
“What
did I do then?”
He
shook his head and took a step back. “Nothing,” he murmured then went to work
pulling out the items we would need to paint.
I
sighed and went to help him gathering the paint along other small items we
would need. I knew something was going on regardless of what he said. I just
didn’t know what or how to get him to tell me.
I
turned my MP3 player on and supervised letting Thayne do most of the work, but
I did the more intricate items so it matched the tanks perfectly. I knew I was
a perfectionist when it came to my work. I had been razzed more than once over
it, only it wasn’t something I could help. If it had my name on it, it was
going to be as close to perfect as I could make it before I let it out of my
care.
I
watched Thayne closely while he passed smooth strokes across the frame with the
purple I had chosen. The purple reminded me of hydrangeas, it was just this
shade of blue, and would look great when I added the gold pin striping I had
planned. The rest of the parts that needed to be painted would be done in
satin black to match the tanks. I was still debating adding some flair to
those parts. I was going to wait until the bike was together before deciding
if it needed more or not. It was easier to add more afterwards than to regret
it and then remove it. It kinda sucked that the first time that I wasn’t given
a time limit to paint was the time that they wouldn’t let me actually paint. I
had been looking forward to this. I wanted to show what I could really do, so
standing on the sidelines really wasn’t sitting well with me.
When
he was finally finished with the frame I helped him change colors so we could
get the smaller items done and let them dry overnight. Then we would come back
to them tomorrow to get to work on details. The smaller items were quickly
finished and I was happy that we wouldn’t have to move anything risking damage
to the freshly painted pieces. We headed out of the room and I instantly
ripped the mask from my face then stripped out of the protective covering that
we had to wear while in the room. I really hated wearing them. When I worked
at home, I wore jeans, a tank top with a flannel over the top. I liked being
able to move comfortably while working, and that did not include the suit some
shops required.
We
headed back to the stall to see what we could help with. Thayne and I hadn’t
really discussed anything other than painting the bike. I was about to scream
out of sheer frustration, I wanted, no, needed him to talk to me. Only I
didn’t think I really wanted to know what was going on because I didn’t think I
would like what he had to say, I was stuck.
I
sighed walking into the stall, instantly being put to work running around
getting items we needed until time was up. I wasn’t even all that surprised to
find Thayne gone when I made it back to our stall. I grabbed my stuff and
headed out the door to go home. I just wanted to curl up on my bed and take a
nap while trying not to think about Thayne. I knew that wouldn’t happen since
I hadn’t slept well for the past two nights, because I was, of course thinking
about him.
When
I got home, I went straight to my room curling up in the fetal position in the
center of the bed, wishing I could sleep. Instead I dug my phone from my
pocket, I didn’t particularly want to make this call but I knew it couldn’t be
put off forever. I figured it would be better to get it over with now than
have to do this face to face and deal with a potential fight.
“Scout,”
he greeted.
“Hi
Cas,” I replied quietly.
“You
okay?”
“Yeah,
I’m fine.”
“How’s
the arm?”
“Doesn’t
bother me anymore.”
“That’s
good,” he said sounding distracted.
“Did
I call at a bad time?”
“No,
just trying to figure out what you needed.”
I
took a deep breath not wanting to fight with him. “I didn’t need anything just
thought I would call and see how you’re doing.”
“Mmm,”
I could hear the doubt in that small response and I began to second-guess my
decision to call him.
“I’ll
let you get back to whatever it was you were doing,” I murmured.
“Scout,
what’s going on?”
“I
just wanted to talk to you,” I whispered. “I miss that, it feels like I can’t
do that anymore.”
“Ah
baby girl, you can always talk to me.”
I
shook my head even though I knew he couldn’t see it. “No, not really, every
time we talk anymore we fight. I don’t want to fight Cas. I’m tired of fighting.”
“Scout,
what’s going?” I could hear the concern in his voice.
“I
called Dr. Moore the other day.”
“Yeah,
what about?”
“I
asked him to set me up with a therapist.”
I
heard his inhale but he remained quiet for a moment. “Why now? You were never
interested in it before.”
“Because
I am ready now.”
“You’re
sure? I don’t want you to delve into all this just to watch you fall apart
again.”
I
sighed this is why I didn’t want to tell him, he made me second-guess myself.
“Yes, I’m sure,” I said trying to make myself sound confident in this choice.
“I’m also moving out,” I told him thinking about what Saul had done for me.
“I
know you told me,” he muttered.
“As
soon as possible, I am moving out,” I told him.
“Why
rush it?”
“It’s
time, Cas.”
“Is
this because of the guy, Scout? If it is you can tell me that, I just don’t
want you to make a decision then regret it.”
“Isn’t
that life though, Cas? Making the best decision you can with what resources you
have. This is my best decision with what I have, and I can’t give you a
guarantee that everything is going to turn out with rainbows and unicorns. I
just know that I can’t continue this way, something has to change, and I think
this is the best way to go about it.”
I
heard him sigh, and I knew he was running his fingers through his nonexistent
hair, frustrated. “When did you grow up, Scout? How did I miss that you don’t
need me anymore?”
“I
still need you, Cas. I just don’t think I need you to run my life anymore.
It’s time for me to try and not forget because I will never forget but maybe
not remember constantly.”
“Is
that what I did?” he asked quietly.
“It’s
what everything did, Cas,” I whispered. “I never had a real chance or wanted to
deal with it, and you let me not deal with it. I don’t know if that was right
or wrong, and honestly don’t really care. All I know is that I can’t keep not
dealing with it, if I do, I don’t know what’s going to happen but I do know I
can’t take much more.”
He
sighed once again. “Just be honest, baby girl, is this because of the guy or
for you?”
“I
think it started before I even came here. I moved into your place and I was on
my own for the first time, even if everyone checked on me. Then I met him and
he saw me or the me I could be. I’m not sure, all I know is that I am tired of
being scared. I am so tired of hurting, Cas,” I whispered.
“I
know you are, baby girl, and I am so tired of seeing you hurting.”
I
let out a breath, “I love you, big brother.”
“I
love you too, Scout. I love you so much and I will try to back off, just
expect me to mess up sometimes.”
“Yeah,
we all will probably mess up for a while, it’s going to be hard to change.”
“It
is, but as long as you’re happy then we’ll make this work.”
“Okay,”
I told him. “I need to go help get dinner done, I’ll call you soon.”
“Okay
and Scout be careful, yeah?”
“Always,
Cas, love you.”
“Love
you too, baby girl.”
With
that, I hung up feeling good about where Cas and I were at in our
relationship. I knew we would eventually be okay.
At
dinner, I told everyone my plans of moving out when we got home, as well as my
decision to finally go and see a therapist. They had taken it about as well as
I expected, everyone wanting to make sure it was what I wanted. I knew they
just didn’t want to see me hurt, but it was time to make some changes. By the
end of dinner, I was more secure in my plan.
Chapter
47
The
next morning was the same with Thayne just dropping Nikki off then leaving. I
had already decided I was done with this shit though. If he was done with me
then so be it but I wouldn’t let him get away with not even having the decency
to tell me that to my face. I went to work with everyone else and dived
straight into painting what I still needed to do free hand. I ignored the
scowls about me doing this. My arm was fine. It barely bothered me anymore
other than itching like hell. I finished it quickly so it could dry and we
could begin assembling it. The guys had everything else finished or close to
it. I hoped assembly would go smoothly, if it did we would be done tomorrow
with time to spare, if not we could end up in trouble.
Our
saving grace was that Matt’s team seemed to be running into all kinds of issues
with their bike. They hadn’t had our foresight and had to make alterations to
their chassis as well as tank to get everything to fit. I had seen them
earlier finally dragging their items in to be painted. I kind of felt bad for
them, tomorrow would be a rough long day for them.
“What
can I do?” I asked no one in particular.
“Go
rest, you should be taking it easy,” barked Simon.
“I’m
fine.”
“No,
you’re not. You’re hardly sleeping or eating and add in that you have an arm
that’s stitched together you need to sit down,” he growled.
I
sighed, “Fine, I am going to get coffee.”
I
left them to their thing heading to the common area to clear my head. It was
hard working with Thayne with things so strained between us. I had caught him
watching me more than once this morning. Every time I caught him though, he
would jerk his head the other way. I wasn’t going to get into it here, it
wasn’t the time or the place, and I really didn’t need this to be on national
TV. No girl wanted to have their heartbreak seen by others, especially for
entertainment purposes.
I
walked into the break room to find Matt sitting there looking utterly lost. I
was immediately concerned since that wasn’t like him. When I walked over, he
didn’t even glance up. I plopped down beside him and laid my head on his
shoulder.
“Everything
okay, old man?”
“No,
Seraph, they aren’t.”
“Anything
I can do to help?”
He
looked over at me attempting a smile. “No, not unless you can fix the mess
they did to our frame.”
“What
happened to your frame?”
“I
don’t know. Something happened in the paint room.”
“Huh?”
“I
don’t fully understand what happened. Only that things didn’t go correctly,
and now we have to strip it all back down and start over.”
“Come
on, show me,” I said urging him up and heading in the direction of the paint
room they were using.
Sitting
on the table was a bike frame. “Uhm, what color was it supposed to be?”
“Some
shade of blue, I don’t have the plans here.”
I
nodded and picked up the spray gun looking it over. I saw in the sprayer that
it had yellow paint on the tip and I frowned.
“Didn’t
they check the equipment first?”
“They
said they did, then went to get the paint color came back and went to work. It
wasn’t until they were done they noticed the yellow on and in the spray
nozzle.”
“They,
uhm, didn’t notice the streaking while painting?”
“They
didn’t think anything of it for some reason.”
I
shook my head at that. “You really need to get a more experienced painter,
Matt.”
“I
did, he starts next month,” he said gruffly.
I
nodded absentmindedly. “Can I see your tank?”
He
showed me the tank sitting in their stall, I blinked, looked again and then
over at Matt.
“Why
were you painting it blue?”
“To
pick up the blue in the blue overlay,” answered the newest guy and if I am not
mistaken artist of their team. I hadn’t really met him before.
“It’s
a green flip paint,” I murmured, “with purple undertones, just paint the frame
the same black undercoat with a light hand.”
“I
know what I used,” the guy barked.
I
rolled my eyes, “Take that tank outside in the sun and see what color it turns,
it’ll be green and purple.”
Matt
looked at me, “You’re sure?”
I
nodded, “Not that it really matters because if you used any color but the black
on that frame it’ll be too much. You don’t need anything to bring those colors
out when outside.”
He
nodded, “Okay, Scout.” He reached out gave me a hug and I left him to argue
with his paint guy. No way was I going to get in the middle of that. With
Thayne soon coming into his shop the guy didn’t want to make waves.
“What’s
going on there?” asked Thayne quietly. I jumped at the sound of his voice, I
hadn’t noticed him watching us.
I
shrugged. “They had a problem, I offered my advice.”
“Sabotaging
the competition, Scout? I didn’t see you as the type.”
I
shook my head and smiled slightly, “What can I say, I’m ruthless.”
I
headed back to get that cup of coffee I still hadn’t made.
Once
I deemed the frame dry, I sat back on the tool bench swinging my feet watching
the guys putting the bike together, pouting. I wasn’t allowed to help. They
didn’t want me picking up anything that could pull my stitches. I was tempted
to grab the box cutter beside me and just get it over with. I could figure out
how to cut and pull stitches out, it didn’t seem that difficult. I sighed when
Kale reached over grabbing the box cutter I had been eyeing giving me a dirty
look then shoved it in his back pocket—well, there went that idea.
Finally
time was up. I hopped off the bench and walked to Thayne before he could run
off. I wasn’t going to let him disappear today without a trace.
“You
and Nikki are coming to dinner tonight,” I stated.
He
cocked an eyebrow at me, “Is that a request or a demand?”
“Neither,
it’s what will be happening.”
He
ran a hand through his hair. “I think Nik has some plans today.”
I
shook my head, “Nope, already texted her she has no plans.”
He
sighed, defeated, “Fine, I’ll see you soon,” then walked out the door.
“Everything
okay, Harper Lee?” Liam asked.
I
shrugged, “Don’t know.”
He
nodded, “Things will work out.”
“I’m
not betting on it,” I muttered to myself and headed out to Stella.