Panorama (31 page)

Whenever FHF talks this way no one takes him completely seriously, for what he says sounds almost like a joke, and he just throws it all in amid the fun he fosters as court jester, which they love, but when he’s really serious they just shake their heads and say FHF is theorizing yet again, only Alfred saying to let him be. Josef marvels at him when he shares some thoughts at night while lying in the tent after the lamp is put out, the two of them talking for a while quietly so as not to disturb anyone, as Josef asks, “How should one conduct his life so that the light can be reconciled with the darkness?” FHF explains that this only happens slowly, you have to observe the world, there being everywhere beautiful and exalted things, next to which there are evil and lowly things, though the Wanderers’ camp is a piece of good fortune, for from there you can hear the dogs howling in the villages, you can trace the history of the fall of Landstein Castle, you hear the steps of the
legio decima
, the wind stroking the treetops then as it does now, the beeches sounding a major key, the birches a minor, Altstadt founded later, and then disappearing until the church was built, the monks constructing their white church and cloister, the old Landstein Castle abandoned and continuing to go to ruin more and more, the Wanderers now guests, and even this a tiny piece of eternal history.

When FHF talks like this, the past and the present flow together for Josef as if in a dream, himself hearing again the songs sung around the campfire, the flames climbing high and smoking when green branches are placed upon them, life is beautiful and free, no need to languish in a prison, there being no barrier between what is serious and what is meant in jest, the flames of the campfire also part of the breath of the eternal light, before which one sits as in a panorama and stares inside, mankind always bracing
himself before this light which will not really allow him to find a way in, something always remaining closed off, unreachable, man an onlooker, though if he wishes to be more than that he takes many risks, for who knows who can prevail without being destroyed? But it’s good to sit by the light and let it warm you. Soon Josef hears nothing more of what FHF says, all of it now a dream, the sound of the forest treetops resonating day and night, a timeless journey that goes on and on and yet remains completely still. Adamsfreiheit is on the narrow-gauge railroad line, so there are few daily trains; perhaps Fritz Hans Fuchs is no longer talking and has already gone to sleep; the flag has been taken down and is at rest; and Alfred is asleep, everyone is asleep in their tents, the farm boy from Sichelbach asleep, the lake asleep, the fish tired in the dark current, as Josef also sleeps through to the new day that will soon dawn.

T
HOMAS OFTEN TELLS
J
OSEF WHAT A WONDERFUL PERSON
J
OHANNES IS
, the great questions of mankind often debated by his circle, free of superficial chatter, devoid of political jargon, though it’s not just about art, but rather what cannot be learned at any school or university, nor is it religion or philosophy in the usual sense, all of that being too extraneous; no, it’s about life itself, the inner life that you penetrate only when you concentrate on your deepest interior and peel away everything external. Thomas is the youngest in the circle, which contains remarkable men and women, as well as artists, who would really be of interest to Josef, as Thomas also mentions the poet and art collector Spiridion von Flaschenberg, though the most important is Johannes, who lives in seclusion above in his tower room and hardly ever comes out, but instead others visit him, the circle coming together each Wednesday, Thomas having told Johannes a great deal about Josef, such that he’d be pleased to have him visit. Yet Josef doesn’t allow himself to be enticed by this invitation, because he finds that already at eighteen he has gadded about with other people too much, having experienced
more than other people his age and fancying himself older and more mature. Often he thinks of himself as a finished man, and looking ahead at life he perceives no clear path, and you have to be on your own in order to find yourself, everything else is a distraction, Josef having composed a philosophy that he thinks is original but which Thomas doesn’t find so unique, though he firmly agrees that it is real and deep, the great truths not having changed throughout human history, because there is only one truth, the great masters having found it, and perhaps our era’s challenge is to show that there is still only one truth that can be reached in the end, people just have not woken up to it, only the great masters have known it or at least sensed it, Johannes being one of those who had indeed achieved it, that’s what is so amazing about him, that he has perceived it, he sees all things as if they stood in a panorama before him, and since he has turned the light inside himself to the highest brightness he can survey everything in the world with this very same light.

Josef is mistrustful and counters that each person must find his own way, and that only on your own is it possible to do so, therefore no one can tell anyone what to do, it will quickly lead to misunderstandings, and there is nothing more important than to maintain your independence. Thomas assures him that is exactly what Johannes teaches, that in fact he says nothing, he only listens to people and shows them where they have gone wrong, and that it’s only a matter of discovering the truth in yourself and thus attaining the peace that allows you to remain within yourself. Josef replies that this all sounds well and good, yet he does not see what it is he should be seeking from Johannes if he is proclaiming only what Josef has long been convinced of already. Thomas at first has to agree, but soon he starts his campaign again and repeats that Josef has no idea what he’s missing by declining, for it is certainly right to want to be independent, and Thomas wants that as well, but to gather together with like-minded people is a godsend and an opportunity to share your innermost thoughts. Thomas can only underscore how much he owes Johannes, yet Josef shouldn’t believe that he is just not ready, one is always ready, it always being obvious that you stand at the start and look inside yourself, everything seeming confused, the path that leads to salvation is long, while upon it one constantly discovers new passions that are contrary to the truth, so how can one arrive at equilibrium?
Whatever happens is nothing but a distraction from the truth, the individual finds himself perpetually at odds with it, nor can you ever in life be completely at one with the truth, that being possible only through the deliverance that comes at the entrance to your final rest.

Why does Josef hang around Thomas? If you know who you are, then you are unaffected and it doesn’t bother you and nothing will bother you, but whoever is still looking for something finds himself constantly ill at ease and is very far from his goal, just as the great masters teach. Whoever is still looking for something should go where there is more light than in himself, and that is what is so marvelous about Johannes. Because he has attained so much, he knows what it is possible for humans to know, the next step leading from earthly reality into the true reality, where everything consists of pure spirit. Josef listens, but many months go by before he is willing to consider visiting Johannes just once with Thomas, but certainly not his circle, just him alone, because the more he learns from Thomas the more mistrustful he is of this circle, feeling that it could be some kind of sect or even a secret society, and therefore a cliquish confraternity from which he believes he would then have to extricate himself. The true person defines himself and should seek nothing from other people who bind themselves together in tight groups, for that forwards a herd mentality, as in a religious community, or in a youth group, a political party, in school or in the military, in a social club, and most of all among all those people who cannot stand to be alone because they are afraid of themselves, though Josef believes he is now empty of fear and understands his life as a singular battle against fear in his effort to attain unadulterated beauty, though the world disrupts the harmony in which such beauty can be found.

Josef recalls with disgust how once out of curiosity he took part in a demonstration against the government, the people rubbing up against one another in a dense crowd as they pressed on toward the Heumarkt, inflammatory signs swinging to and fro that also adorned a platform, while there up above they stood, fists waving and mouths wide open, hatred and condemnations yelled and spit out against the exploitative power of the ruling class, a furious clamor rising up in the background as black-clad and well-groomed mounted policemen pushed their way out of Jacobstrasse and told the crowd to disperse because the gathering had become unruly, but then
those up on the platform incited the crowd, unleashing a wave of hatred against the police. “Criminals! Exploiters! Executioners! Bloodsuckers!” Then cobblestones were pried out of the pavement and tossed at the police, who by riding toward the demonstrators with unsheathed sabers only exacerbated the situation, after which some enraged men tried to grab the horses by the reins and drag the police down in order to stop the attack, but the police swung their sabers unmercifully, while here and there they engaged in hand-to-hand combat, the stubborn ones arrested, some of the police wounded, a blind salvo fired over the waves of people, after which slowly but surely the fearful, raging mob was split up into smaller bunches that hastily tried to flee. Josef didn’t want to remain among their number and tried to find a door to slip through, but all the houses were locked, and so he had to move along with the running horde until he reached a side street where it was likely that he could disappear among uninvolved onlookers.

What was the sense of it all, what was all the fighting about? Many friends tried to convince Josef how necessary such battles were in order to attain a more just and better world, and that meant action. Dreams were of no help, nothing but bourgeois lies, whereas true ideals demanded that they be realized, because society cannot remain the same, and it was not enough that it slowly decay, it had to be shattered. Besides, that’s all there was to history, endless wars, robbery, murder, and pestilence, barbarity bubbling up, while in between ideals were like flowers in a garden cut off from all events of the world, and that amounted to nothing. Josef mustn’t remain an individualist, so he let himself take part in a revolutionary festival as part of a day for the people sponsored by the party in a small town, letting himself be lectured to as on the decorated market square a delegate spoke to the people, telling them that today everything was a mess, in his opinion, everything would be better tomorrow once the party was victorious, and that was what had to happen, which is why you had to help it along and make it happen, and tirelessly work to make it happen. Everything he said was right, the cheers and applause confirming it, after which the crowd marched the length of the town and finally emptied out into a beer garden full of workers and farmers, wives and children, the beer flowing in streams. Josef was disgusted to see that kids were given beer, yet someone said to him it was the
fault of the ruling class that the underclass would always drink away the last of its money until it was freed of its chains, which was why one needed to become brothers with the masses and warn them of the dangers of alcohol, whose consumption led them to be only more tightly locked in the grip of their class enemies. Yet Josef was unconvinced and asked, Why is it that now for the first time one claims to have discovered and seized hold of the people’s salvation?

Truth can be found only through a spiritual life like the one Josef now embraces. Certain voices said that he must withdraw from the world if he wanted to attain true understanding, as nothing is as it appears, for everything evolves amid the continual depths in the midst of life, one having to be very still, for then the onslaught occurs, colored beams pressing down upon humankind from the firmament to the sounds of sacred music, slowly progressing toward the body that will be bathed in pureness, the beams then pressing their blessing into the body until they strike the heart, at which thunderous sound is released, you experience a freedom never felt before, you feel light, and you are released from the world and know that you are accountable only to yourself, everything else is immaterial and leads only to painful confusion, the inner realm the only thing that continues, each having to go his own way, though he must not be forced by anyone, for that is not allowed. The evil of the world comes directly from the impure spirit, for anyone who does not have an inner life must suffer, because only then will he feel worry and deprivation, which is the root of all fear and every terror. The true and good person lives selflessly, but at first selflessness involves spiritual sacrifice, and only when a number of people have chosen to embrace this can the outward circumstances be altered.

Josef could gather a circle around himself and spread the true teaching, but he feels no pressure to do so, it would too easily lead to endless misunderstanding, too many people valuing only speeches and gestures, seeking advice as to how to achieve blessedness, but such recipes don’t exist, and whoever issues the clearest rules soon notes that the words are understood and followed but they do no good, for the secret, the mystery, cannot be explained to the uninitiated, which is also what Josef had told Herr Koppelter, whom he first spoke with on a park bench. Herr Koppelter is a member of a society, which he calls a circle of people in search of the true spirit from all
different countries, Herr Koppelter having spoken about them in a positive and impressive way, such that Josef accepted an invitation to a gathering of the local chapter, though he found that what was talked about there sounded stilted, seeming to him a preachy mixture of science, philosophy, religion, and mysticism, the hall having a strange smell, women with sentimental eyes sitting around, men wearing high, stiff collars with lavender or green ties, some having long hair done in strange styles, and almost all looking rapturous. Josef disapproved of it all, and told Herr Koppelter so, but he replied that you just had to get used to it all, the teachings are all-embracing, it requiring decades to penetrate the master’s enlightenment, though books full of such mysteries must be studied each day, all wisdom and an incomparable beauty rising from them as your awareness grows within the master’s circle of light, which has truly grasped everything and explained it, he being the man for our times; nor can he be ignored, for without the proclamations of his teachings nothing more can be understood, be it the constant misery of the world, the unjust social conditions, the decline of culture, or the lacerated world, the teachings of the master are all that allow such to be understood, changed, and avoided. Josef counters that he follows no master, much less a single one with whom one must first study and be handed what no one has been handed before, such that everything that has come before him is taken only as a harbinger of this master.