“I know,” Jack said. “And because I don’t want him to feel any pain. Everyone is so ready to help him with any pain or fear or worry he has, and he’s got this wall. It’s awful.”
“Let him talk. Try not to tell him how he should feel.”
“I know,” Jack said. “And if he doesn’t talk?”
“Remember that you want him to talk because you miss him. If he doesn’t want to talk yet, let him be quiet.”
“I just want to know why he couldn’t at least call Liz and tell her what’s—”
“Jack, that’s between them. When he gets home he’s going to have to work it out because she’ll be around and he can’t send her to voice mail when she’s standing right in front of him. Jesus, this is your weakness. You, who didn’t fall in love till you were forty, think you can fix up everyone’s relationships.” She shook her head. She got up on her toes and kissed him. “Well, your heart’s in the right place, that’s for sure. Make sure your mouth is in the right place, too. Closed.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And for God’s sake, drive carefully. I need you back.”
“Aw, Jack left this morning for San Diego. He’s gone to pick up Rick. And he’s not handling the situation all that well. He didn’t sleep much, was up by four, anxious to get on the road, troubled about the whole ordeal. There was such a ruckus around the house, the kids woke up too early and they’re all cranky, so I left them having morning naps at their aunt Brie’s. We’re all out of sorts.” She took a breath. “Jack’s so worried about Rick. And sometimes when Jack gets worried, he acts out.” She shook her head. “He has so much love in his heart. He just wants his people—the people he loves—to be all right.”
“God,” Cameron said. “You have no idea how nice that sounded.”
“It did?”
“You can’t imagine what it would mean to me if the right woman said that about me.”
She lifted her coffee mug to her lips, taking a sip. “Well, maybe she has, Cam. If she hasn’t, she just doesn’t know you well enough. You and Abby doing okay?”
He smiled. “I haven’t been banished to the loft yet.”
“Good for you, Cameron,” she said. “That’s something.”
“I probably should be. I also haven’t talked to her about it yet.”
“Well, why not?”
“Because I’m afraid when I tell her the truth about how I feel about her, she’s going to run for her life, that’s why not.” The wall phone in the kitchen rang. “I got it,” Cameron said. He lifted the old-fashioned receiver. “Clinic,” he said.
“Cameron,” Abby said in a whisper. “There are deer in the yard!”
“Really?” he asked. “Why are you whispering? Can they hear you?”
“I don’t want to scare them off. Oh, I wish you were here. There’s a baby. And a couple of deer look ready to pop. Not as ready as I look, but wild animals probably don’t get this big.”
He laughed into the phone. “I told you, you’re perfect.”
“If you’d been home another half hour, you’d have seen them. Cameron, there are six of them.”
“Any bucks?”
“Just the mamas. And one baby.”
“That’s a fawn,” he said.
“It looks like it’s barely born. He’s wobbling on his legs. Oh, I wish you could see him.”
He turned the phone away from his mouth. “Mel? Can you spare me for a little while? Abby has deer in the yard.”
“Sure, there aren’t any appointments. I can call you if someone wanders in and needs you,” she said, smiling, cradling her coffee cup in two hands. “Go on.”
“I’ll come,” he told Abby. “I’ll park down the road and walk up. I might scare them off anyway if they smell a human. But I’ll give it a shot.”
He drove a little faster than necessary out to the cabin because he couldn’t wait to see the look on her face, all lit up and excited about the deer. He parked before he got to the clearing and crept up the long driveway as quietly as he could. By the time he got to the clearing, the deer had moved to the tree line. He gave them a wide berth by going around the far side of the cabin to the door. He had to tiptoe across the porch. One doe lifted her head; they could no doubt smell his human scent, but they didn’t bolt. That surprised him. There were too many hunters up this way for them to feel safe.
Abby held the door open for him. Her face was bright; she was all stirred up. So happy. “You saw them?”
“They’re half hidden in the trees, but I saw.”
“Mel said this was an enchanted cabin. I guess she’s right.” She went to the kitchen window, leaning across the sink the best she could to look out. She could feel him move up behind her and put his arms around her. His hands instinctively rested on her belly. The kids were still now. Of course. Their parents were awake.
He leaned forward and inhaled the scent of her hair, breathing deeply. She let her eyes drift closed.
“I have to tell you something,” he said. She started to turn around and he said, “No, just stay like this.” He gently massaged her belly. “There’s something I should have told you from the beginning, Abby. I didn’t mean to mislead you, but I was afraid if I was completely honest, you’d never agree to move into the same house with me.”
She closed her eyes tight. He’d been lying beside her in bed at night; she’d felt him draw her closer, fondle her in his sleep. She knew he didn’t realize what he was doing, but she was more than aware. That had never been part of their plan. He was going to tell her now that’s not how it was supposed to be between them. “Okay,” she said softly.
“At night, when I’m beside you, holding you…”
Oh, here it comes,
she thought.
Don’t cry, don’t cry. It’ll be worse if you cry.
“I’ve been a little carried away in my sleep,” he said. “I apologize. I didn’t intend to do that, but you have to know the truth. It’s not just when I’m asleep that I have that urge. That reaction.” He took a deep breath. “The truth is, I have that impulse all the time. I respond to you.” He took a breath. “Boy, do I.”
“Huh?”
“God, I hope this doesn’t make you angry or really offend you. But you should know—I get turned on by you all the time. All I have to do is see your eyes, smell your skin, touch you, even innocently. And I just about go out of my mind. My feelings haven’t changed one bit since that first night I met you. The second I touched you, it was like an explosion under my skin. I told you I wanted us to be friends, but the truth is, I’ve always wanted so much more than that. Abby, the truth is, I had ulterior motives. I thought if I got you under the same roof with me, I could get you to fall in love with me.”
She was quiet for a moment. Finally she said, “You’re just overwhelmed by the thought of parenthood. You said, even before we kissed, you wanted a family.”
“I do. I have for years. But I’ve met a lot of women who could have been mothers to my children, who would have volunteered for the job. And I’ve just never felt like this. When morning came in that Grants Pass hotel, I didn’t want to let you go. Ever. You just plain turn me on. Every bit of you—your laugh, your scent, your eyes, your hands, your soft hair…your mouth. When I look at your mouth, I almost lose my mind with lust.”
A small huff of laughter escaped her. “Are you crazy?”
“A little bit, yeah. I guess I thought that big belly with my babies inside would cool me down, but it didn’t. But you don’t have to worry. I’ll live with my feelings and not expect you to reciprocate them. And I will help you and keep you safe, just as I promised. I give you my word, Abby, I’ll never lose control.” He took his hands off her belly and grasped her upper arms, squeezing them. “I should probably go back to sleeping in the loft. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Or worried.”
“Oh?”
“Listen, I’m damn grateful that you’re willing to try to cohabit so we can get to know each other better, so we can be on the best of terms to be the best of parents. That means a lot. You probably didn’t realize it, but my hand has wandered while we slept and—”
“I realized it.”
“You did?”
She smiled to herself. “Can I turn around now?”
“Are you going to slug me?” he asked.
She laughed. “Do you think I should?”
“Maybe. Probably. I molested you in your sleep. Well, in my sleep.”
She slowly turned around and took in his vulnerable expression. “You don’t have to sleep in the loft.”
It took him a moment to absorb that. He swallowed, cleared his throat, gave his head a little shake. Then he focused on her eyes. “Listen, I know your emotions are all over the place—bad divorce, ugly legal problems, major pregnancy…Abby, I love you. I’m not just a guy under the same blanket with a girl. If it wasn’t you, this wouldn’t be happening. God, I hope that doesn’t scare you away.”
“Is that even possible?” she asked him. “Love?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t ask myself if it was possible. I couldn’t seem to help it. When you didn’t get in touch after we met in Grants Pass, when I couldn’t find you, I was miserable. I told you back then, I liked our chances. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone in my life I felt so much for, so quickly.”
“I can’t say it was that way for me, Cameron,” she said.
“I know. I guess I hoped that over time…”
“But I liked you,” she said. “You were very sweet to me.”
“That didn’t take any effort at all,” he said, giving her hair a soft stroke. “You were like heaven. I couldn’t believe I was that lucky.”
“I thought about you afterward. All the time.”
“You did?” he asked, surprised.
“But I was scared to death to find myself hooked up to another guy I thought was everything I wanted, only to find out I was just delusional. To let myself believe in you, count on you and have you run out on me?” She shook her head. “I wasn’t up to that. I thought it would be a lot safer if I never saw you again.”
“I understand, Abby. It doesn’t matter what place I have in your life—I’ll never run out on you. I’ll support you and the kids, I’ll be a good father, I’ll—”
“You were even kind and supportive after I called you a sperm donor….”
He chuckled. “You were in high temper that night. Remind me not to get into fights with you.”
“Cameron, when you asked me to move in with you, I thought it was all about the babies. That it had nothing to do with me.”
“Ohhh, it had everything to do with you.”
“The past couple of weeks…” she said. “I don’t know when I’ve been happier.”
“Really? If I could just elevate myself above sperm donor—”
“Why? They don’t get any better. Talk about packing a punch,” she laughed. “That night, I remember thinking, if I had a little more time, if my life weren’t so screwed up, I could fall in love with this guy.”
His breathing got a little heavier. “I have nothing but time,” he said, and his voice had grown raspy.
“Then we don’t really have a problem here, do we?” she said with a smile. “We could—”
She was cut off by his hands on her face, his lips on her lips, kissing her with a passion she hadn’t even dared hope for in so long. He groaned and moved over her lips with heat, urging her mouth open and kissing deeper, hotter. Long and wet and hungry. It was quite a while before he could even break from her lips a tiny bit.
“That’s what I remember,” she whispered, breathless.
And that fast he was on her lips again, devouring her, feeding her deep kisses and tasting the inside of her mouth. Her arms went around his neck, his went around to the small of her back and they were locked in a passionate kiss that didn’t end until he felt a strong kick against his belly. She laughed against his lips.
“I have a feeling that’s going to be an issue from now on,” he said. “More so after they’re born.”
“No question in my mind. I have to start on the parenting books right away.”
“Abby,” he said, running his fingers through her dark blond hair. “I’m a pediatrician. I can help with that.”
“Cameron, I love you, too. I want this to work for us. I can’t imagine being away from you ever again. You’ve made me so happy.”
He groaned. “God, why couldn’t you have told me that when you were less than thirty weeks….”
“I guess it’s too risky now,” she said in disappointment. “I’m sorry, Cameron. Although really, it baffles me that you can even think of sex when you look at me.”
“I think about touching every single curve of your body. I think about kissing and tasting every part of you. I think about things I’m not allowed to do until after you deliver and mend. I can’t stop thinking about all of that.”
“But you’re allowed to hold me, right?”
“I’m allowed to never let you go,” he said.