Parallel: The Secret Life of Jordan McKay (30 page)

I looked at him sideways, what else would I be here for? “For the Master’s course,” I said ruefully.

“Oh really!” he looked back at me again, this time analyzing my face more closely. “Aren’t you a bit young for a Masters?”

I shrugged, watching my feet as they struggled to stay on pace, nerves again gathering in my stomach. “I got my degree while I was young.”

“Really?” he sounded shocked.

“Well,” I felt embarrassed and my cheeks began to flush, “It’s just that, it came so naturally.” I paused, breathing hard as we passed under a large pine that left a thick bed of needles on the ground, “It wasn’t very difficult for me. I had a lot of time on my hands.”

The fact that I never had friends made me result to anything that could pass my time and mostly that was homework and studying. I was a first class nerd and social reject. Even when I did try to make friends, my awkward existence eventually scared them off. I knew that at some point, Scott would come to learn this as well.

His eyes smiled at me, “Then I am impressed. I’m in that program too, but I’m not quite as young as you, I’m twenty-one. I kept pretty much on pace with things through High School.” He watched me with curiosity, “I suppose we’ll have the same classes. There aren’t many people here.”

I nodded, thinking about the fact that that was how I’d wanted it, quiet and secluded. As we rounded the path, I finally spotted a small cabin perched on the hill.

“So, that will be yours,” he announced. We approached fast, climbing onto the porch as our boots echoed beneath us. He threw down a bag to open the door and I noticed there was no lock. “I will just set your bags here in the corner. Does that work?”

I nodded again, “Yeah, thanks Scott.”

He thrust his hand toward me again, still the same energetic spark to his face, “Well, good to meet you Elle.” He still didn’t seem fazed by my standoffish behavior. “I guess I will see you tomorrow in class?”

I shook his hand and tried to give him another smile, though I was never able to succeed in getting the happy notion across. “Yeah, I guess I will. Thanks again.”

I shut the door behind him as he bounded down the hill with the same awkward lumber as before. As I looked around the small square cabin I was pleased to see there was a lot more then I’d first imagined. I had my own bathroom, small shower, and a tiny kitchenette with a small fridge. My bed was a full size, bigger than I’d ever had and I began to feel somewhat spoiled.

I reached in my bag and grabbed out the thick envelope Heidi had given me and I slid it in the crack where the fridge met the cabinet, thinking I’d save it for an emergency. I circled the inside perimeter of the cabin, placing one foot before the other, inspecting every square inch of my investment and opening the blinds as I went so to let the light in.

After deciding everything was in order, I sat on my bed and pulled one of my bags toward me. From inside I grabbed out a small stack of moleskin journals and placed them on the shelf above my bed. I had began documenting my life the day I was able to write, it soothed me to be able to get it out, keep my soul open for happiness to come in, though it never did.

Deep in the bag, I found the framed note from my real mother. It was the only thing I had from her. The beautiful script and rough edges played at my emotions and every day I read it in anticipation,

The poetic words puzzled and saddened me. I had searched for her when I was younger but found nothing about her or where she’d gone or even if she was dead or alive, and my soul remained black.

Placing it on the wood side table, I glanced back to my bag where I reached in and pulled a small tattered brown box from its depths, treating it with extreme care and delicacy. Opening it as though something may fall out, I retrieved a small pot containing a petite purple plant that was sleeping inside. Grasping it with two hands, I set the Purple Clover on the sill and touched its butterfly leaves as it reacted to the light and stretched its petals toward the sun like an opening umbrella. I had decided to take just one tubular with me from my vast garden in Seattle, just one child to start a new life with.

After unpacking the few clothes I’d had, and leaving some in the bag out of laziness, I finally laid on my bed, letting my platinum hair fan out around me. After a moment of silence, I pulled myself back up where I reached in my bag, grabbed my book, and leaned back into my pillow where I began to read as the darkness of the night crept in around the cabin. Soon, only the small light of the single lamp shown across the lonesome room, the sharp contrasts eerie against the walls of the unfamiliar place.

The hours had passed faster than I’d expected as I glanced away from the page to the windows. The blackness there was infinite and my heart began to race as I allowed the world of my book to fall away from me. I pulled my head off the pillow and sat up, throwing my legs to the floor where I stood. As I approached the cool pane I was shocked to see only a few faint lights glimmer from the compound that surrounded me. I had never seen or felt something like it in my life, darkness and quiet, all at once. I leaned toward my lamp and switched it off, allowing the lights outside to magnify.

I crept to my door where I placed my hand on the cool brass handle and opened the door, walking in slow quiet steps onto the small deck, not wanting to disturb nature’s slumber. I clenched my eyes shut as tight as I could as I tilted my head to the sky, allowing myself the suspense of what I would surely find there. As I opened them, I gasped as the tiny diamonds that littered the sky sparkled greater then I’d ever seen and in far vaster numbers than I could imagine.

I had read about the stars, seen images and studied their matter but never would I have expected the expanse that welcomed me now. The city lights of Seattle and the almost constant thick shroud of clouds made star watching nonexistent.

My body was full of sudden weight and I began to feel dizzy as the strength from the star’s mass caused my heart to race. A light breeze whipped around my cabin, twisting my hair around my shoulders and it felt like the breath of God. I could smell the pines and the sage tickle my nose and a feeling I had never felt crept through my limbs.

For a moment I couldn’t help but feel I may at last smile, but the wind subsided and my dark soul remained empty. As the stars twinkled ever stronger, I realized I was getting close. There was something out here I needed to see, something I was meant to do, but what that was, for now, would continue to elude me.

FEAR

The sun streamed through the blinds as I woke to the quiet. My restless sleep left me groggy and clouded as I reached in the bedside table for my medication. Putting one hand to my head as it began to ache, I felt suddenly nauseated. I hadn’t expected the dead silence of the night when I was so used to the rumble of the city. Eventually, I knew I would grow to love it, but the transition period was a little rocky.

I urged my lethargic body to sit up as I scanned the cabin, realizing nothing had changed from the night before. I threw one pill in my mouth in one mechanical movement and forced it down my dry throat. Rubbing my eyes, the cloudiness began to fade and I was finally able to throw myself out from under the covers and place my feet on the cold wood floor where I worked to gain my balance.

Staggering to the bathroom as I grabbed a ruffled pile of clothes, I closed myself within and splashed a handful of cool water on my face. Outside the small window, the chirping of birds was deafening but sweet and I stood on my toes to peer through the dusty glass. Down the hill I spotted the cafeteria building and my stomach rumbled at the thought of food. I hadn’t eaten dinner due to my dumbfounded amazement with the night sky and I knew that it would be best to at least attempt a piece of toast.

As I slid on my jeans, struggling to force my tired legs through each pant leg, a sudden sharp knocking rapped against the front door of the cabin. I jumped in fear, my body going rigid with shock. I looked around as I scanned the mess I had made unpacking; half hoping I had just imagined the sound. To my regret, there was another sharp knock, this time even louder and more obnoxious. I dove to the floor where I threw my shirt over my head, catching the hem on my ears as I ripped it on and stumbled through the bathroom door, nearly crawling my way to the front door.

I grabbed the handle for balance as I flew it open, the sudden burst of light blinding me. I struggled to focus my eyes, shielding them with my hand as my gaze finally landed on my visitor. I wasn’t surprised to see Scott standing like an awkward idiot before me, smiling in the same eccentric fashion he had yesterday.

“Well hey there Elle.” He paused as he looked at my rumpled clothing, “I didn’t wake you did I?”

I was still stunned from the sudden burst of light so I just shook my head in defiance. My lips pursed and annoyed.

Scott’s smile ceased to falter. “I was just going to go get some food before class,” he pointed down the hill toward the other building. “Just thought since you were new, you’d like to have a guide.” He shrugged.

I swallowed hard, still too tired to attempt an empty smile. “Sure,” I said in a flat voice, cursing myself for my lack of confidence, “I’m starving.” My face was in shock, people usually tended to avoid me, but not Scott.

I pulled my long hair the rest of the way out of my shirt as I grabbed my bag. Giving the cabin one last scan, I gingerly shut the door behind me. Grasping my boots from the deck, I sat on the ledge to pull them on as Scott stood on the path, whistling to himself and looking up into the branches of a large evergreen that shaded the path. I couldn’t quite understand him. He was so unfazed, so unobservant of my awkward existence.

I finally stood, smoothing my navy thermal shirt over my jeans and collecting my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I mustered what courage I had and walked off the deck and toward Scott.

“Ok,” I paused a few feet from him and his attention fell to me, “I’m ready.”

Scott smiled again, “Perfect.” He summoned me forward, “You’re going to love the food here, I promise.” He attempted a wink but instead it ended up looking like a twitch.

We hiked down the hill and I took in my new surroundings. There were five buildings in my view and I noted each carefully, eager to find my place here. The structures looked modern and clean, built into their surroundings in such a way that hardly any dirt had been disturbed. The massive beam frames looked far stronger than necessary, and the windows were at least an inch thick. I knew the winters here were long and harsh and the snow pack so great that most of the trees, even now in late summer, were still bowing from the painful weight forced onto their limbs.

Scott noticed the curious look on my face and took it upon himself to elaborate, “That over there is the bird and wildlife lab,” he pointed to the far left toward the bottom of the hill, “That will be our second class today.”

“
Birds?” I asked, puzzled.

“
Yeah,” he choked, “they really are an integral part of the ecosystem here.” He looked at me with wide convincing eyes. “And down over there,” he pointed to the right, “That is the greenhouse.”

My eyes became wide with interest, “That’s more like what I’m into.”

Scott watched me with an amplified look of content to his face, “And over in that cluster is the astrological lab, the water lab, and the hatchery.”

I nodded in comprehension. Despite the fact that I was nervous around people, I was thankful to have Scott, even if I was uncomfortable being this conversational. I had never managed to keep friends, or even really make them to begin with. My soul was too depressing to be around and most people mistook my silence for cockiness. I had always thought I was at least reasonably attractive, with my crystal blue eyes and smooth porcelain skin, but looks aren’t everything and people still looked at me like I was a monster.

The gravel below our feet crunched as we arrived at the cafeteria. The front entrance was gated on both sides by two large timbers and the walls were mostly glass, allowing the light to bleed into the space. My skin glowed milky white in contrast to the other students and visitors filling the hall. They had obviously spent most of their lives outdoors where I was always shielded in the city shade, a prisoner of my own mind.

We walked to the counter and I grabbed a plate. There were droves of fresh berries and grainy breads and what I deduced to be tubs and tubs of granola. I cringed at the sight. I hated granola more than anything, the needless chewing and tasteless texture frightened me. Settling for a soft bran muffin, I grabbed it from the basket and placed it on my plate and then watched wide-eyed as Scott piled his plate high with berries and tofu scrambled eggs.

“I can’t get enough of this stuff.” Scott mounded another scoop of eggs on an already dangerously teetering stack and then grabbed for his silverware.

I followed him to a table in the far corner where the sun warmed my back as I sat. “So what made you come here?” I asked, watching him with acute curiosity as I tried my best to be social.

Scott looked at me over his glasses with a mouth full of blueberries, his teeth grossly stained. “My mother is an environmental researcher,” he paused, wiping juice from his chin as it dribbled from his gaping mouth, “She’s out in the woods of Alaska right now but she will be back in about six months. She was always my source of inspiration.”