Authors: Kimberly Schwartzmiller
“I’m fine. I need to stay busy.” Although, that particular night I was feeling the strain of my busy schedule and opted to skip dinner and go straight to bed. “Come on Duchess, let’s turn in early tonight.”
My faithful companion hadn’t left my side once since Logan left her with me. Although I loved her, I almost resented her presence as she was a constant reminder of what I had lost.
I lied in bed petting Duchess when a strange pain hit me hard in stomach. I rolled over in bed, thinking that a position change might fix the problem, but it only made it worse. I assumed I was in labor, but the pain was nothing like what my doctor had described, so I laid there a while longer waiting for them to get stronger and closer together. When I noticed that it was a constant pain and then I felt a wet sensation between my legs, I got up to investigate, certain my water had broken. As I headed into the bathroom, I realized it wasn’t my water at all
.
I was bleeding. I screamed for my aunt who was instantly at my side.
“What is it?”
“I’m bleeding
,
” I said, terrified.
“Oh my God, I’ll call an ambulance
,
”
s
he said, when she noticed the pool of blood I was standing in.
She was back in a moment with the phone in her hand dialing 911
,
“Sit down
,
honey. It’s going to be okay.”
I was getting light-headed and the room was starting to spin. I was scared and I remember screaming for Logan as the lights finally dimmed and I passed out.
Chapter
Fourteen:
The
Shirt
I woke up a few hours later in the hospital. I remembered what happened, and all of the blood
.
I instinctively reached down and touched my belly, praying I hadn’t lost the baby.
“You gave us quite a scare
,
young lady
,
”
m
y doctor said, standing next to me with a chart in her hand.
“Is the baby okay?”
“Yes. You’re both fine.
This time!
”
she said, with an obvious warning.
“
Can I
go home?”
“N
o. You’re staying right here
for a while,
where I can keep an eye on you…
both. I’ll be back to check on you later.
You stay in bed and keep those monitors on.
”
“Thank you
,
” I said, as she walked ou
t of the room, leaving me alone.
I looked down and realized I was in a hospital gown. I had no idea where Logan’s shirt was, but I knew I wanted it. I needed the comfort it provided me, but I didn’t see it. I s
tarted to get up to look for it.
I knew I
had been
wearing it, and I was suddenly terrified that s
omeone had thrown it away.
“Oh, no, where is it?” I asked, scanning the room.
“Oh
,
no you don’t, you get back into
that
bed!”
m
y aunt scolded from the doorway.
“Where is it? Where’s his
…shirt?” I asked,
openly
crying now.
“
It’s okay
,
Delaney
. I
t’s
in the drawer next to you
,
”
s
he said.
“
Oh, t
hank you
,
” I said, sighing
with relief
as I pulled it out of the drawer
. “
I know it’s
stupid, and it’s just a shirt…
but it’s
his
and I…
”
I was hugging it to me for dear life.
“You what?”
“I
n
eed it.”
“Why?”
s
he asked.
“It’s all I have.”
“Let me call him
for you
,
honey
, please
?
”
“No
,
”
I said,
determined not to give in
,
even though it was killing me.
The
tears
were
running silently down my cheeks
, betraying me once
again.
“Delaney, you are insufferable. Tell me why you won’t let me call him
?
”
“You know why.”
“
E
xplain it
,
again
,
”
m
y aunt ordered.
“I just want to sleep
,
” I said, and turned away from her, hugging
his
shirt to me.
“You can’t hide forever.
Delaney, he deserves to know the truth.”
“I just want to sleep now
,
okay?”
I pleaded
, hugging his shirt t
ighter
.
“NO DAMMIT, it’s not okay
!
I want the truth
. T
ell me the truth. Why is that stupid shirt so important to you?”
I sat up in bed then and yelled, “Because I love him and it’s all I have left
!
Are you happy now?
Is that what you wanted to hear?”
I yelled with tears pouring down my face.
She smiled
softly
at me
and
then
moved away from the door
.
“That’s what I wanted to hear
,
” Logan said from the doorway.
I closed my eyes and prayed this was
n’t a dream. “I can’t do this…
”
“
Please
,
Delaney, don’t shut me out
again
,
” Logan said
, moving toward me.
I looked up at him, standing next to the bed and said, “I can’t do this…without you.”
“You don’t have to
,
”
h
e was holding me then and all the pain and fear was instantly gone. I fell against him and knew I was home
the second
I was safely wrapped in his arms.
I clung to him, neither of us saying anything. I refused to let him go for even a second
, for fear that I would once again wake up alone. My nurse came in and
handed
me a sleeping pill per my doctor’s orders, but I refused to take it
. I refused to
miss one precious moment of my time with Logan.
“Delaney, you need to take th
e pill
. You’re exhausted. Please take
it,
for me
?
”
“I don’t want to sleep
.
I’m happy. For the first time in months, I’m happy. I need to see you
. P
lease don’t make me close my eyes.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I’ll hold you while you sleep
. I
n fact
,
I’m never letting you go
,
ever again. Please take the pill
. Y
ou need
a clear head tomorrow
. W
e have a lot to talk about.
”
I took the pill because Logan asked me too. It didn’t ta
ke long for it to take effect.
I was looking into his beautiful eyes and I heard him say, “I love you
,
” as I drifted off to sleep.
I stirred to the sound of an IV pump dinging. I opened my eyes and he was there
.
“You stayed
,
”
I smiled and snuggled into him, feeling whole for the first time in months.
“Of course I did
. W
here else would I go?”
As happy as I was that
Logan was holding me,
the nagging fears that had been haunting me for months started to
slowly
creep back in. I sat up and said, “I need to get up. I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Delaney, whatever you’re thinking, STOP!”
h
e said, sensing my tension.
My nurse walked in just then with a new bag of fluid
.
“Hi there, I’m Jessica
. I’ll be your nurse today
. How are you feeling?”
s
he asked, while hanging the new
IV
bag.
“I’m okay. When can I go home?”
“I’m
pretty
sure
that
Dr. Grey is
n’t
going to let you leave too soon. You lost a lot of blood.”
“I feel fine
,
now.”
“That’s because we’ve been pumping fluid into you all night.
You need to rest and regain some strength. You can order whatever you would like to eat.”
“Can I get up? I have to
clean up, brush my teeth…
and stuff.
”
“Yes, you can get up to
clean up
, but that’s it. Then it’s back to bed. I’ll help you
,
”
s
he said, reaching to unplug the monitors.
“I
’ll help her, if that’s okay?”
Logan said.
“Sure. Just make sure you hold on to her
.
I don’t want her to pass out again.”
“Can you take me?”
I
asked
the nurse
, not wanting to lean on Logan
.
I needed some time to think and his presence made it too hard to think clearly.
“Sure
,
”
s
he said, taking my arm and shrugging her shoulders at Logan.
“I’ll be right here
,
Delaney.
You can’t run from me this time
,
” Logan said, leaving no doubt as to the fact that I wouldn’t be able to fool him again
, not that I had fooled him in the first place
.
The nurse helped me get cleaned up. I brushed my teeth and hair and put on a clean gown. I was still holding the shirt and refused to put it down. She didn’t say anything about it. She helped
me untangle all the wires and go
t
me
settled back into bed.
She hooked the baby back up to the monitor for me and tucked me back in
to bed
.
“Thank you
,
” I said.
“You’re welcome. Is there anything you need?”
s
he asked.
“No. I’m fine
,
thanks.”
She left then and I finally had to face Logan. I was still holding
his
shirt. He walked over to me and sat down on the side of the bed. “I wondered where that shirt went.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just
…I needed…
”
“It’s okay. I still keep the note you wrote in class
. I’ve read it a thousand times since you left.
”
I nodded my head
, but refused to look at him
.
“You don’t need the shirt anymore
,
Delaney
.
I’m here and no matter what you say, I’m not leaving.”
I didn’t know what to say
.
I sat there, staring at
his shirt. I was
afraid that if I looked away
,
he’d be gone
, but at the same time, knowing that would be best for him
.
“Why did you leave?”
h
e asked, stroking my cheek.
“I had to.”