Past Heaven (29 page)

He turned away from me.

He had never done that before. My heart throbbed in my chest. Each beat made me ache a little more. I heard him go out into the family room and tell the boys he had a meeting in L.A. and needed to go away for a while. I had to let him go. He was distancing himself to protect my family.

Standing at the front door, I watched him walk to his car as the snow fell. I rubbed my fingers on the space where my rings once lay. My heart hurt, but I wouldn’t put them back on. I wasn’t taking a step backward. Reynolds had waited for me. Now I would wait for him. We were worth it.

“EXCUSE ME, MR. CARTER?” My housekeeper, Maria, squatted by the edge of the heated pool. I pulled my goggles off and laid them on the tiled ledge. The white monstrosity was on the market, but I was taking advantage of the pool until the place was sold. Gotta love L.A. in December.

“Security called. You have a guest.” The look of discomfort on her face when she uttered
guest
clued me into who was at the door.

“Thanks, Maria.” I sighed and pulled myself out of the pool. Grabbing a towel from my lounge chair, I mopped off my face and dried my hair roughly. I was not in the mood for Kylie. I wasn’t in the mood for anyone.

Except a certain stubborn blonde.

Leaving her and the boys in Baltimore was one of the hardest choices I had ever made. I loved each of them in different ways. They were scared, but I had made sure the best security team was watching them. My being in town was the problem. Their privacy and safety were at risk because of me.

I tied a black robe around my waist and slipped on rubber flip flops before walking back into the house. The last few weeks had passed achingly slow, but I was pleased with the amount of interest we had in the screenplay. Several production companies had set up meetings, and I would narrow them down before I asked Liz to come and meet with our final choice.

“What do you want, Kylie?” Irritation laced every word as I entered the foyer. I cocked my head to the side and crossed my arms over my chest. The perplexed expression on her face made me smirk.

“Can we sit down for a minute?” Kylie didn’t wait for an answer. She walked into the family room and sat down on my white sofa. Crossing her long legs, the edge of her mini dress rose high on her thigh. She batted her eyes and patted the cushion next to her. I rolled my eyes at her lame attempts at seduction.

“I’m busy right now. What do you need?” I didn’t budge from my spot in the entryway.

“You. Always you. Only you.” Kylie said in a throaty voice. That tone used to turn me on, but it no longer had any effect on me. Only one woman’s voice got to me now. Kylie ran her fingers around the cleavage in her low cut, white mini-dress. She was trying hard, I’d give her that.

“Kylie, I’ve moved on. I’m interested in someone else. We’re over.” She needed to leave. I didn’t have the time or energy for this.

Kylie’s eyes welled with tears. She walked over to me and ran her hands down my chest. I refused to uncross my arms. “Let me take care of you now. Let me make you feel good. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. Come on.” She tugged at my arm, attempting to pull me toward the bedroom.

“That’s enough.” I shrugged out of her hold. “I don’t want to be an asshole, but that’s all you understand. Get this through that pretty little head of yours. I do not want to be with you. That ship sailed, sweetheart.”

Kylie’s mouth gaped open, and her eyes widened. She shook with anger.

I stood my ground. Liz had transformed me. I could never go back to casual sex again because Liz owned me. I wasn’t going to explain that to Kylie. She just needed to get the hell out of my house.

“Are you really screwing around with that old nobody from Baltimore?” Kylie huffed and rolled her eyes. “That’s ridiculous—even for you. You know as well as I do, that both of our careers are dragging right now. We need each other. We can help each other stay on top.” She crossed her arms and kicked out her hip.

I sat on the arm of the sofa and stared at her. Hollywood perfection. I understood what she was saying, and for a split second I saw the woman I had shared my life with. Even though Kylie was being rude about Liz, I knew it was because she was insecure. It wouldn't do any good to be a dick to her. It would only make things worse.

“Kylie, everything’s changed for me. Being the hottest actor isn’t what’s important to me anymore. I can’t be with someone just because it’ll help my career.” My tone was gentle. I was over us, and she needed to be as well.

“You know, Rey Rey, I’ve been reading up on that family.” She walked closer to me, her finger pointing toward my chest. “I learned a few facts about that dead guy. Do you know who he was?” Her head bobbed back and forth. “He was a
really
phenomenal person. He was genuine and kind. Nothing like you.” Her tone was scathing, and her nostrils flared as she spoke. “Do you think she could ever love you like she loved him? He was a saint, and you’re the worst kind of sinner.” She snarled, hate oozing from her pores. “You’ve been fake with everyone you met here. No one knows the real you. You’ve fucked and partied your way around Hollywood while that guy was trying to save the world. You’ve only ever
played
the role of the hero. You have no idea what one really is.”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.” I shook with rage and summoned all my inner strength to keep me from physically removing her from my sight. As soon as she crossed the threshold, I slammed the door behind her.

I walked back into the family room and stared outside at the pool. She was right. I couldn’t compete with Jack. Who was I kidding? I would never be the kind of man he had been, and I could never give Liz that kind of peaceful—we’re making the world a better place—life. Liz might grow to have feelings for me, but she could never love me as much as she loved him. Maybe I should leave all of them alone? Maybe being out here was for the best? I would never want her to live a life of subpar love.

As Christmas drew closer, I met with prospective directors and producers. I had also shopped for the boys and Liz. I had wanted them to open presents on Christmas morning that would show how much I cared for them. I had wanted to be with them, but going back right now would not be what Liz and her family needed or deserved. I’d sacrifice every selfish wish I had if it was what was best for that family.

I opened my laptop as our meeting time approached and tapped my fingers on the desktop with anxiety. This was the best and worst time of day. I got to see and hear Liz, but I couldn’t touch her. It was torture.

Her sweet smile lit up my screen, and I couldn’t contain my grin as I sat back in my chair.

“Hi, how are you? How did your meetings go?” Liz smiled, her eyes soft.

“Really well. I think we want to go with Bradley’s production company. They want to meet with you the week after Christmas. What do you think?”

Liz nodded and checked her calendar. “That would be perfect. The boys are off school and will be staying with Jack’s parents. I could fly out after I drop them off. Could you send me the meeting location and time? I’ll make my flight and hotel arrangements tomorrow.”

I squinted at the screen and moved my jaw back and forth. What the fuck? “Excuse me?” I forced a tight laugh. “You’re not doing any of that shit.” I raised my voice, and her eyes narrowed in response.

“The hell I’m not.” She straightened in her chair, looking taller through the screen, and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. “I’ll handle my own arrangements, Reyn. You left town to protect us, you do not need your name attached to any of my travel documents.”

I groaned loudly. “It won’t be. I know what I’m doing here. Please, Liz.” I lowered my voice. “Let me take care of you.”

She raised her eyes and looked almost seductively at me. I thought I saw a glimmer of hunger there. Something that hadn’t been present before, or at least she had never let me see. Had something changed? Was she able to take the next step with me? Please God…I opened my mouth to ask her and was cut off before I got a word out.

“Okay, I’ll let you take care of me.” She smiled coyly, and I swallowed hard.

“I’d better go. The boys and I are making Christmas cookies. You should see my kitchen.”

My heart raced. I didn’t want her to go. I loved this side of her, but there was a balance to Liz. Sexy ass woman and devoted mom. I loved and respected both.

I chuckled at the image of her boys covered in flour. “Text me a picture.”

She bit back a smile. “I will.”

“It was good talking to you, Liz.”

“Yeah.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and glanced away. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, and that’s when I noticed that something had definitely changed.

Slamming the laptop closed, I stomped to the bar to pour a drink. I was pissed at the entire world. Timing was never right for anything in my life. I was pretty certain that the woman I desperately wanted finally wanted me as well. Yet, I had to be as far away as possible in order to protect her. Then, I had the never-ending worry that I wouldn’t be a good enough man for her. The only thing clear in this complicated equation was that none of the answers were simple.

Merry
frigging
Christmas to me. I slammed back my scotch and returned to my work.

“Just fly to Maryland. We’ll be fine. We’ll sit here by the pool and read our books.” Mom encouraged as I lay in the lounger next to hers, drinking a Bloody Mary. The only way to know it was Christmas Eve in my holiday-barren abode was Perry Como’s Christmas album playing through my sound system. It was the single Carter family tradition I could think of to make my parents feel welcome.

“It’s too soon to go back.” I kept my face expressionless so she couldn't see how depressed I was without Liz.

“Mr. Carter,” Maria called from inside the house. “You have a package. I put it in the kitchen.”

Mom raised her eyebrows, and I helped her up from her chair. Walking into the kitchen, I saw a large box with the name
Atwater
and their address written in a familiar handwriting. A smile exploded across my face.

“Is that from Liz?” Mom peered over my shoulder.