Past Regrets: Love and Friendship, Book 2 (23 page)

“Sexy without being too blatant. A fabric that won’t crease too much,” Susan added. “The last thing we need is to get off the bus looking as if we’ve slept in our clothes. And we want him to think of sexy possibilities, not think we’re a sure thing.”

Julia rubbed her hands together, forcing glee. “I’m looking forward to this.”

“An outfit that says feminine yet capable,” Christina said.

“A mission,” Julia said.

“We needed the full team on this one,” Susan said. “Maggie is meeting us there.”

Julia thought about all the things she needed to do at the club before pushing them to the back of her mind. “You have my full attention, at least until four. I want to pop in and see Mum.”

Maggie was waiting for them at the Downtown shopping center. She cocked her head, listened to their list of requirements and her lips quirked a fraction. “This sounds like serious shopping. Just as well I wore my comfortable shoes.”

Gradually, they made their way up Queen Street, stopping whenever a shop window snagged their attention or Christina’s insider knowledge told them the stock in a particular shop might work for them.

“This reminds me of the makeover you gave me,” Maggie said while they waited for Christina to try on a pale blue dress.

“So much has changed since then,” Susan said. “I handed in my notice at Barker and Johnson this morning and told them I wasn’t coming back after my holiday.”

“Good for you,” Maggie said. “Connor has decided to look for something more challenging too.”

Christina emerged from the dressing room to survey her reflection in the full length mirror. “It fits well, but it’s not quite the image I was going for. It’s too sweet.”

“What about this one?” the shop assistant asked, selecting a ruby-colored dress off the rack.

“Yes.” Christina gave an approving nod. “But not for me. Susan, this has your name written all over it.”

“But it’s red,” Susan said. “Isn’t it a bit eye-grabbing?”

“Go.” Maggie made shooing motions toward the dressing room.

Julia’s phone beeped, indicating an incoming text. Photos. She scrolled through the attached photos of Ryan and Alex at the beach. Her heart twisted when she reached one of both of them together. Ryan bore a grin while Alex was more pensive, the beginnings of a smile lifting the corners of his lips.

“Ryan took Alex to the beach.” She handed her phone to Maggie to show her the photos.

“They look alike,” Maggie said.

After showing the shot to Christina and Susan, Julia took a last look before putting her phone away, smoothing her thumb across Ryan’s face. The apartment felt empty without him.

Susan emerged from the dressing room.

“That’s the one,” Maggie said.

“It’s perfect,” Julia said.

“You look stunning,” Christina agreed. “The color works on you.”

“That was easy,” Susan said, sounding surprised. “It just goes to show you need to try the clothes on before rejecting them.”

“Where to next?” Julia asked. “The department store at the top of the street?”

“They have a sale on some of their designer labels,” Christina said.

Maggie flashed a grin. “Let’s move on out then. I might splash out on some lingerie and give Connor a surprise.”

“La, la, la,” Susan said while handing over her credit card to pay for the dress.

“Maybe you should buy some lingerie too, Julia,” Maggie said, her grin widening. “Ryan might appreciate it.”

Susan sent them a disgruntled glance, sharing it around before snapping the clip on her handbag shut. “I’m going to buy lingerie too.”

“Smart,” Julia said, winking at Maggie. “Always be prepared.”

They wandered past several shops, chattering and teasing Susan about lingerie. At the main doors to the department store, Julia glanced at one of the display windows and came to an abrupt halt. Maggie plowed into her back.

“What’s the problem—oh,” Maggie said.

The window display was full of children’s games and toys, bringing to mind the tiny gray rabbit she’d purchased for her baby. She’d ended up throwing it in the trash and regretted it ever since because the rabbit had represented hope and joy. Her gaze wandered the display to settle on a plush toy owl. It was mainly light brown and had big black eyes. Exquisite chocolate brown felt feathers covered its back. She thought of Alex and turned to Maggie.

“I’m going to buy a few things. You go ahead and start looking at lingerie.”

“Are you sure?” Maggie seemed to look inside her, attempting to ferret out insecurities and crazy thoughts. For once Julia didn’t have any. She knew exactly what she wanted.

“I’m sure.”

Alone, Julia took the escalator to the children’s department. She paused at the clothes, her attention snared by a miniature T-shirt bearing a popular cartoon character. She chose one in navy blue. In the toy section, she picked up an owl, three storybooks she recalled from childhood and a box of building blocks. While waiting at the counter to pay, she stroked her forefinger over the owl’s rounded head and pressed her lips together to keep from beaming. She hoped Alex would like the toy.

Later that night, after arriving home from the club, Julia wandered through her apartment, turning on lights as she moved. In the spare bedroom she found one of Ryan’s T-shirts. She picked it up and pressed the fabric to her nose. His scent only reinforced her loneliness. A reminder of how she’d felt after Ryan left to go on tour. Repeating the situation and the isolation… Her throat moved in a hard swallow. No, this was different. Ryan hadn’t left her. This was temporary—a break of her doing because she’d let fear get the better of her.

Her cell phone let out its musical summons, and she raced to answer it. “Ryan?”

“Julia.” His warm voice brought a rush of pleasure.

“I got the photos. Is Alex settling down? Is he talking to you?”

Ryan laughed, a low intimate sound that made her wish they were in the same room. “A little bit. It’s Mum he follows around like a baby duck.”

“I took some time off and went shopping with the girls today.”

“Good for you. Did you buy something sexy?”

“I might have.” Julia slipped into flirtation without thought. “That’s for you to find out.”

“Now that’s something to look forward to.”

A shiver worked through her, a fluttery, delicious feeling and something she’d think over later. “Are you working on songs? Or rehearsing?”

“No, this is pure holiday for us. We’ll start rehearsals again once we get back to Auckland. I talked it over with Caleb. We’re going to stay for two weeks.”

Two weeks.
Julia gripped her phone until her forearm started to hurt. She released the pressure and bit her lip to stop herself from blurting out her objections.

“I was looking through the papers the lawyer gave me relating to Alex. His birthday is in just over a week, and we’ve decided to have a party for him. Give him a chance to meet his cousins and look forward to something.”

“How old will he be?”

“Three.”

“He’ll love a party.”

“You could always come down.”

Julia sighed. “I’d love to, but I can’t leave the club, and I want to keep an eye on Mum.”

Excuses
, her conscience taunted her.

“When will she come out of the hospital?”

“Any day now,” Julia said, a yawn escaping and slurring her words.

“You must be tired. I’ll let you go to bed. Dream of me, sweetheart.” The phone clicked, disconnecting the call before she could reply.

“They’re letting me out for good behavior. Next week.” Her mother’s first words on seeing Julia stride into her hospital room.

Julia dropped onto the seat beside her mother’s bed. “That’s great. Do you need me to come and pick you up?” Although her mother moved slowly, she looked so much better after the heart surgery. “You have roses in your cheeks again.”

“That’s what Janet said. Janet will pick me up. I’m going to stay with her. It will be quieter and I won’t have to tackle stairs. How’s that young man of yours getting on? Have the newspapers stopped printing stories about him?”

“I don’t know. I try not to read them. I miss him.”

“Of course you do,” her mother said. “How is he getting on with the child?”

“Good.” Julia pulled out her phone and showed off the photos Ryan had sent her.

“I didn’t realize he looked so much like Ryan. I know you told me he did, but I thought you might have exaggerated.”

Julia frowned, accepting the phone back. “Why would I do that?”

“I’m not blind, Julia. You’re here and Ryan and Alex are in Tauranga. If you’d really wanted to go with them you would have found a way, which leads me to believe the pair of you had a disagreement.”

“Quite the detective.” Julia didn’t bother hiding the bite in her reply. Her mother knew her well.

“It’s only natural the appearance of a child—another woman’s child—would upset a relationship.”

“I lost a baby after Ryan and I married. This…” She waved her hand when her mother started to speak. “Alex’s appearance in our lives rattled me, and I’m afraid I panicked a little.”

Elise’s forehead crinkled. “A baby. Oh, hon. You should have told me.”

“I was a mess. I didn’t tell anyone the details, not until recently.”

“But you and Ryan are still talking?”

“Every day. Sometimes more often. He sends me texts and photos.”

“Communication is a big thing in any marriage. Your father and I never talked. That should have clued me in,” her mother said ruefully.

“You never talk about him.”

“Maybe it’s time I did,” her mother said. “I’ve watched you with Ryan. That boy has feelings for you. You care for him too, otherwise you wouldn’t be so cut up about your current separation.”

“I miss him, and I want to get to know Alex.”

Her mother’s eyes sliced through her. “You’re worried about rejection, about Ryan leaving you.”

“My father didn’t exactly hang around, and he’s never wanted to see me.”

“Some men are arseholes.” Her mother was blunt, her attitude uncompromising. “We were both better off without him. He was a rich kid, playing at slumming it. When his family learned about my background, they did everything they could to split us up. Francis never put up a fight. All he wanted was wealth and the good times that came with plenty of money.”

“But you told him about me?”

“Of course I did.”

“And he still didn’t want me.” The rejection hurt, even though it occurred before she was born.

“No, but I wanted you.”

Julia reached for her mother’s hand and squeezed, tears welling in her eyes. “Sometimes I forget how much you gave up to keep me.”

“I’m proud of you, Julia, and everything you’ve achieved.”

“But I’ve pushed you away.”

“You came when I needed you. I’ve always known you love me, even if you don’t say it very often.”

“Oh, Mum.” She turned away to grab tissues from her handbag, one for her and another for her mother.

Her mother gave a shaky laugh and wiped her eyes. “I have a point here. From my observations you love Ryan. Do you want to take after your father and make the worst mistake of your life because you’re too afraid to take a step into the unknown?”

Chapter Thirteen

“Do you think tradition is important?” Julia waited anxiously for Ryan’s answer, not sure what she wanted him to say. Heck, she wasn’t even sure what she thought about traditions anymore. The talk with her mother had skewed her stance when it came to what she thought should happen.

“It depends what the tradition is,” Ryan said without appearing to think about his reply. “I like the tradition of marriage and everything involved in the institution. I like the family traditions we have at Christmas and the summer holidays. But sometimes change is good and making new rituals works better than sticking with the old. Why the question?”

Julia sighed down the phone. “Part of my weird thought processes, and I talked to my mother today about my father. What did you and Alex do today?”

“Ah, changing the subject. One day you’ll have to tell me about your father.”

“I’ve never met him,” she said. “He came from a wealthy family, and they didn’t approve of my mother.”

“His loss. My gain.”

The sincerity ringing down the phone line made her feel gooey inside. “Thanks.”

“Caleb and I took Alex to Rotorua. We visited Rainbow Springs and fed the trout. We checked out the kiwis in the nocturnal house. Mum packed us a picnic lunch, and during the afternoon we visited Whakarewarewa Thermal village and peered down bubbling mud holes. I took plenty of photos.”

“Email me some?”

“I’ll do it tomorrow,” he promised. “How are things going at
Maxwell’s
?”

“Susan has started working full time, at least until she does the reality show thing. She’s a natural dancer and has the business side down. Best decision I ever made.”