Patchwork Dreams (13 page)

“There’s the schoolhouse.” Becky pointed to a nondescript white building. ‘We usually walked across the fields to go to school, because it’s faster that way. My best friend, Annie, is the teacher. I wanted to be, but….”

Sadness crossed her face.

She didn’t need to explain. Her silence said it all.

“Your Emma is a joy.” He said the first thing that came into his mind, hoping it would chase her unhappiness away.

Her eyes brightened. “Jah. She is.”

Jacob pulled the buggy up to the schoolhouse. “Can we see inside? Where did you sit?” He hopped out and went around to her side, then reached up to help her. “Kum, show me around.”

She pulled back. “The building is probably locked.”

“We could peek in the windows, ain’t so?” His fingers grazed her waist. “Kum.”

Becky narrowed her eyes and scooted out of his reach. She stared at the school. Jacob glanced back at it, too. Plain and white, with windows in the front and around to the side, low bushes beside the front steps, and a volleyball net peeking out from around the corner of the building.

He looked back at Becky. That was definitely fear in her eyes. He didn’t see anything to be scared of.

“It probably looks just like your old school.” Her voice trembled.

Jacob wouldn’t beg. He swallowed his disappointment. Why did she keep rejecting him? Walking around a schoolhouse seemed so safe, so innocent. He wished he could understand her.

He opened his mouth to question her, but then comprehension flickered. After Kent, she had good reason to be wary of a man’s physical attentions.

After a long look at Becky, he went back around to his side of the buggy and climbed in. He made a clicking sound to the horse, disengaged the brake, drove back to the road, and turned the buggy back the way they’d come.

Time to go to town, have dinner, and hope that Becky would relax a little.

***

She’d forgotten how isolated the schoolhouse was and didn’t know how to explain her fear to Jacob. How exactly would she tell him that the idea of being alone with any man scared her?

Jacob hadn’t spoken one word since they’d left the school, but he’d pointed the horse toward town, so apparently their date wasn’t over. Did he still want to learn about her? She didn’t know. Taking a chance, she nodded toward a house on the right side of the road. “That’s where my friend Annie lives.”

Jacob glanced in the direction she indicated. “Tell me about Annie. How did you become friends?”

His voice was quiet, kind, and calm. It sounded like the voice Daed used when he spoke to a frightened horse. But at least the topic was safe. And a moving buggy didn’t involve empty buildings, low bushes, and dark, private places. Becky relaxed. “Annie and I were playmates ever since we were wee boppli….”

Hours later, after dinner and a long conversation at her favorite restaurant, which was followed by cappuccinos at McDonald’s, Jacob drove the buggy up to Becky’s house, now dark. She couldn’t remember when she’d talked so much or had so much fun on a date. Never before had a man shown so much interest in who she was. But then, this wasn’t a real date. She climbed out of the buggy. “Danki for taking me out tonight, Jacob. I’ll always be grateful.” She turned and headed toward the house.

“I enjoyed it, Bex. We’ll have to do it again sometime.” His voice came from right behind her, stirring the hair on the back of her neck.

She spun around, surprised that he’d followed her, and stumbled slightly. His hand grasped her elbow, steadying her. “Easy there.”

She backed away, mistrust growing again. “I’m not inviting you in.”

She could barely see his nod in the darkness. “I didn’t expect you would.”

“What do you want from me, Jacob?” She rammed her back into the railing on the side of the porch steps.

Jacob’s gaze held hers. “Friendship. Trust. That’ll do, for starters.” He smiled. “Gut nacht, Bex. I’m going to take care of the horse and buggy. I’ll see you in the morning.” He reached out and pushed a cluster of loose hair under her kapp, his fingers lingering on her cheek. “Sleep tight.” Then, he turned and walked back toward the buggy.

Jacob wanted to sing as he took care of the horse and secured the buggy in the shed, but, respecting the lateness of the hour, he settled for a low hum. His date with Becky had gone well, all things considered. Her skittishness at the beginning had settled into something he would have called companionable comfort. He’d enjoyed getting to know about her favorite foods, preferred pastimes, and other simple things that made her who she was. He hoped she’d liked learning more about him, too.

But they hadn’t touched on her recent past or her hopes and dreams for the future. Both seemed to be taboo subjects at this point. And he still hadn’t earned a genuine smile from her.

Jacob snuck into the dawdi-haus, hoping not to disturb its elderly occupants. He avoided the squeaky step as he went upstairs to prepare for bed.

After turning on the gas light in his room, he knelt to say his prayers, a childhood habit he clung to, then stood up and crawled under the covers in the chilly room. The letter he’d tossed on the bed so many hours before stopped him in surprise. It almost felt like seeing a blinking neon light in Amish country. Susie would be furious if she ever discovered her message had received so little care.

He fingered the envelope, studying it, trying to see it through Becky’s eyes. His calluses caught on the edge of the flap. He turned it over, carefully slid his finger along the flap to disengage it, and pulled out a single page, folded into thirds.

Drawing in a deep breath, he smoothed out the paper. Unlined green stationery with a faint background image of two girls collecting flowers in a meadow—definitely a feminine print. He’d expect nothing less from Susie. Totally unlike the plain, white lined paper his mamm used.

He closed his eyes, visualizing the gold chain she wore around her neck to let him know that she could leave the house without her daed noticing it. At the bottom hung an ornate heart-shaped locket, in which she’d put a picture of herself on one side and one of Jacob on the other. Jewelry and graven images were both forbidden in their Ordnung, but that never stopped Susie. She’d secretly purchased one of those cell phones that took pictures and used it often. He had a cell phone, too, but he’d never snapped a picture of anything, except his foot once, by accident.

He smiled as he remembered the day that photo had been taken. It had been the last day of summer, and Susie had worn a pair of tight blue jeans with a revealing shirt that had nothing but tiny little straps going over her shoulders. He’d been in jeans and an unbuttoned shirt. Of course, those now hung in his closet at home. He hadn’t packed his Englisch clothes when he’d come to Missouri. After all, he planned to join the Amish church. Susie wasn’t so sure she wanted to remain Amish, another reason his daed was opposed to her. Maybe he could see Susie trying to lure him away.

That last day he’d seen Susie before leaving Pennsylvania, she’d worn her tight jeans and a fuzzy sweater, and she’d brought along her boom box. It had looked so odd set up on the barn floor. She’d danced while he’d sat on a hay bale with most of their friends, drinking pop and talking.

He missed his friends the most. More than the Englisch clothes, the freedom to drive cars, the music…everything. They used to get together every Friday and Saturday night. Sometimes, after their chores were finished, they’d go fishing. Maybe he’d make some friends around here, but so far, he’d met only Becky’s cousin Ben and his friends, and he hadn’t connected with any of them. But maybe some of his friends from home would be part of the arranged swap Daniel had mentioned. Josh Esh would volunteer, for sure. After all, he’d wanted to come with Jacob in February. And maybe Matthew Yoder would come. For some time, Matthew had been chafing at the lack of farmland in Lancaster County. Jacob relaxed on his bed, his thoughts still on his friends at home, but the crinkling of the letter drew his attention again. He opened his eyes, rolled onto his side, and began to read.

Dear Jacob,

I can’t believe you are gone to Missouri. I hope you’ve had a gut trip. Your mamm gave me your address since I hadn’t heard from you yet. I tried to call your phone, but I keep getting your voice mail. Are you avoiding my calls?

Ach. He’d never even thought to check his phone since he’d arrived. But no matter. He didn’t know of any place to charge it here. He’d try to remember to check his messages tomorrow. And he’d need to ask Daniel about someplace to plug the phone in. Although, why bother? Might be better to make a clean break from Susie.

Timothy Shultz asked to take me for a ride the other night. I agreed, since you aren’t here to take me. We had fun, and I thought maybe I should consider asking you for a break.

Relief flooded him. God had this Susie issue under control.

We could see other people until you get back. That way, I won’t be stuck at home without a date. Though you’re still my sweetheart.

Write soon!

Ich liebe dich,

Susie

Jacob folded the letter and dropped it on the floor beside the bed. Seemed he wasn’t the only one considering a break, even if Susie’s reasons were entirely different. Well, maybe not so different. Perhaps she needed to think, too. Timothy Shultz had always been sweet on Susie, making eyes at her long before she’d set her attentions on Jacob. Timothy hadn’t waited long to make his move.

Strange thing was, Jacob didn’t mind one bit. Not since he’d decided to ask her for a break, anyway. And Timothy was nice. He’d make a good husband for Susie. And maybe he’d be a strong enough lure to keep her from jumping the fence.

Jacob hadn’t been strong enough for that. Susie had figured she could take him with her.

He felt a weight slide off his back knowing he no longer had a girl back home in Pennsylvania to worry over. Although, maybe the break was unofficial until he wrote back and agreed to it. He wasn’t sure.

Maybe soon he’d have a girl in Missouri, Lord willing.

Though he’d assume nothing. After all, he’d thought they’d made progress before, only to have Becky turn into an ice princess overnight.

Jacob sat up to extinguish the gas lamp, then collapsed back onto his pillow, thinking again of Becky.

His stomach clenched as he tried to imagine her wearing revealing Englisch clothes like Susie’s. He couldn’t see it. Becky didn’t seem the type. And he liked that about her.

***

Becky helped Mamm get breakfast on the table, setting the jams and jellies next to the basket of sliced bread. Jacob, Daed, and Grossdaedi came in to wash up. Jacob pressed something into her hand as he passed behind her. A folded piece of paper. She slid it into her pocket, but as she did, she remembered the letter from his mamm still sitting on the hutch. She picked it up and put it near his place at the table, hoping he wouldn’t say anything about her tardiness in delivering it to him.

Daed sat, but he didn’t have the usual twinkle in his eye. His typically jovial attitude seemed to be missing. Instead, he frowned at the table, his shoulders slumped as if he carried the weight of the entire Amish district on his shoulders. Becky studied him, hoping for some clue as to what ailed him, but he avoided her gaze. She hoped he didn’t think she’d gone and invited Jacob in the night before. Maybe the lateness of the hour when she’d snuck inside disturbed him. But then, wasn’t he the one who’d arranged the date in the first place?

Perhaps he hadn’t realized she and Jacob would stay out so long.

Of course, she never would have dreamed that, either, nor that she would have such a good time.

She’d try to get out to the blacksmith shop later. Maybe Daed would tell her what bothered him.

Breakfast was eaten in near silence, then Grossmammi retired to the dawdi-haus to work on her quilts. Katie, Ruth, and Abbie set to work doing the dishes, as they always did before school, and the men returned to the blacksmith shop or the barn. Becky needed to do laundry. She headed for the gas-powered washer but had barely started work when she noticed Mamm standing there, observing her silently.

Becky began to feel a bit uneasy. “Did you need something?”

Mamm shook her head. Frowned.

“You’re scaring me.” Becky dropped the pair of pants she’d been holding into the laundry basket.

Mamm laid her hand on Becky’s arm. “I’m not sure what is going to happen. Amos Kropf didn’t take your leaving very well at all. He got nasty with your daed and threatened to send the deacon out.”

“I don’t want to make things difficult for you and Daed.” Becky swallowed. “I don’t want to marry him, but if it means—”

“Ach, Becky. Nein. You mustn’t think that. We’ll weather whatever comes. There is no way your daed would allow anyone to bully him into giving you up to that man. There’s talk of some Amish moving to Arkansas for cheap farmland. If need be, we’ll go, too.”

Becky nodded. At least she knew what was wrong with Daed now.

Mamm pulled Becky into a hug. “I need to run to market. I’m taking Mary with me today.” She started to move off, then hesitated, her eyes searching Becky’s face. “Did you have fun last night?”

Did she hear a bit of hope in Mamm’s voice? Heat rushed to Becky’s cheeks. She didn’t give an answer. But then, Mamm didn’t really expect one, anyway. Details of courtship were traditionally kept secret.

Not that she and Jacob were courting.

He had a girl. He’d said he wanted friendship.

Sure, he’d said he would be asking Susie for a break, but that sounded a lot like what Kent had said when she’d gone to tell him about her pregnancy and caught him with another girl: “Surely, you didn’t think you were the only one I was seeing!”

And then, he’d insisted she was the one who was loose. Except he’d used a much harsher word.

She’d made a horrible mistake.

She wouldn’t make it again.

The laundry had been hung out to dry before Becky remembered the note Jacob had given her that morning. She pulled it out of her pocket and settled down on a porch step to read it.

The note was on a fancy piece of stationery, not the plain white paper Mamm used to write letters to distant family. And the handwriting matched the address on Susie’s envelope yesterday. Extremely feminine.