Patchwork Dreams (16 page)

Maybe getting sick would be a good thing, because then she would have an excuse to stay home. After all, her sister Naomi Joy had come home for a brief visit, brought by a driver she’d hired, and it would be nice to talk with her this evening. If Becky claimed to be sick, well, it wouldn’t exactly be a lie. After all, Mamm had even commented that she looked a little green and had sent her out to sit on the front porch to get some fresh air. She planted her bare feet solidly against the warmth of the wood porch to still the porch swing so that it wouldn’t cause her queasy stomach to be even more upset.

Maybe Jacob would notice that she didn’t look so well and would go without her. After all, he’d have more fun if she wasn’t there. He certainly didn’t need her to hold his hand. And even though he had kissed her—just once, at the beginning of the week—when it came down to it, she was used goods, and he would never want to marry her.

But oh, that kiss. She shut her eyes and inhaled, reliving the pressure of his lips on hers. Wow. That was almost enough to make a girl believe in miracles and second chances.

God might still work miracles today, but Becky had never seen any, except for when Emma was born. And she didn’t think He’d want to waste His time and abilities on her. What did God care about an Amish girl who had made a mistake, gotten herself shunned, and then had been accepted only grudgingly after she’d repented and joined the church? Did God hold the same reservations toward her that the rest of the community did?

Jacob’s comment about God not withholding love made her wonder. She wished she knew where to find answers, which book of the Bible to search.

Whistling warned her of Jacob’s presence moments before she heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. She opened her eyes.

He stopped before her. “Hey, Bex. Your mamm said I would find you here. I’m going to get cleaned up, and then I’ll be ready to go.”

“I’m not feeling so gut.”

“Nerves, ain’t so?” Jacob nodded without waiting for her reply. “Your daed said not to let you talk me out of it.” Something about his smile looked sympathetic. Maybe it was his eyes.

Becky frowned and stared at the porch floorboards. “You go without me. Maybe I’ll go next time.” Most definitely not next time. Or ever. Ach, if only Daed hadn’t told him not to allow her an out.

Jacob gazed at his work-blackened hands. “I’d really like it if you’d go. I can’t make you, Bex, but…please?”

That “please” conveyed a mountain of unspoken feelings. Becky almost cried at the longing and loneliness she thought she’d heard. Was Jacob beginning to feel isolated here, so far away from his friends and family, not knowing anybody? That was enough to make her reconsider. Maybe he did need her, or he at least wanted the familiarity of a friend.

“Jah. Nerves.” She took a deep breath. “Just nerves.” That might have been the truth; she just wasn’t completely sure.

“Gut.” Jacob backed away, then hesitated. “I’ll be praying for you to feel better.”

“Danki.” She set the swing in motion with her big toe, then curled her weak-kneed legs into the swing.

Jacob eyed her bare feet. “You should get ready too, ain’t so?”

“Jah.” She would. In a minute. When she could find the strength to make her legs work. Right now, they felt as if they were made of rubber.

Jacob nodded. His gaze flicked toward her lips, then away. “Listen. I…um, I should probably apologize for, um, kissing you without permission the other day.”

She sucked in a breath. He was sorry for kissing her? And here she had just been thinking about how amazing it had been. Tears burned her eyes.

“I mean, I know I don’t have the right to kiss you without a promise being made. But, well…. The intent is there.”

The intent for a promise was there? Becky struggled to wrap her mind around his words. If only she could believe that.

But then, why shouldn’t she be able to? Kent had never made such promises.

Jacob moved away another step, his shoulders slumping. “I’ll be right back.”

“You have my permission,” Becky blurted out before she could change her mind. And then she wondered if he’d take advantage of it right at that moment. She almost wished he would. Yet another part of her already regretted her offer. She would be setting herself up for a fall. And it would be bad. Very, very bad.

His eyes searched her face and then lit up with a brightness she hadn’t seen in them before. He straightened his shoulders and gave her a heart-stopping grin. “I’ll pick you up in a few minutes.”

She nodded, then watched him turn and jog down the porch steps and across the lawn. When he disappeared inside the dawdi-haus, she got up and went inside to get ready. Not that it’d take much. She’d need to take care of Emma, put on her shoes and socks, and grab her black bonnet. And maybe say a prayer.

It would be a frolic. Annie would be there. Jacob would be there. And the chances that Kent would be there? Probably next to none. Jah, she would have a good time.

When Becky went into the kitchen to check on Emma, she found Naomi Joy and Mamm sitting at the table.

Naomi Joy looked up and smiled. “Becky, we were just talking about you! I was telling Mamm that I’m looking to hire someone to help with Regina, who, as you know, will soon have a baby brother or sister. I wondered if you might consider doing it.”

Becky blinked. “You want me to be your hired help?” But what about Jacob?

“Jah. You could just kum home with me tonight. Mamm said it’d be okay with her if you agreed.”

“Tonight?” Ach, she sounded silly parroting her sister’s words. “I promised to go to the frolic tonight.” Even sillier was her excuse, considering her nerves. “I can’t kum now. Maybe Katie could, and then I could kum some other time.” Like when she was more certain of where she stood with Jacob. Or, when she’d gotten over her crush, if only partway.

“Katie is still in school,” Naomi Joy reminded her. After a pause, she said, “Well, think on it, Becky. I want you, but you can kum when you’re ready.”

“Jah, I’ll do that.” Becky nodded, then lifted Emma out of her cradle. “Best go take care of her.”

Upstairs, she gave Emma a quick diaper change and then settled into a chair to feed her. Jacob would just have to wait a bit.

Thirty minutes later, a sated Emma heavy in her arms, Becky selected a clean pair of socks and went back down to the kitchen, where she gently laid the boppli in her cradle again. Mamm and Naomi Joy had disappeared, but Daed and Jacob were both there, sitting at the table with cups of coffee and a plate of cookies. Becky covered Emma with her pink blanket, then went to the door to retrieve her shoes before she sat down to pull them on.

“You’re teaching Jacob bad habits,” Becky said. “He’ll be expecting his future frau to keep his cookie jar full.”

When Becky looked at Daed, he smiled and shrugged. “Jah. But you’re….” He hesitated for a moment. “Any well-trained Amish girl would be up to the challenge, ain’t so?” His eyes issued a challenge. Or at least seemed to.

Any well-trained Amish girl? Or her?

“You ready, Bex?” Jacob drained his coffee cup.

“Jah. Jah, I’m ready.” Well, aside from her still-queasy stomach. And her out-of-control emotions screaming for her to kiss Jacob with all the passion bottled up inside her, then beg him for the right to be the frau keeping his cookie jar full.

Daed pushed himself to his feet. “Have fun, you two. Don’t worry about anything, Becky. Emma will be fine. You just relax and try to enjoy yourself.” He carried the two empty cups to the sink. As he left the room, he looked over his shoulder and added, “And don’t forget to smile.”

***

Jacob wondered if Becky’s smile function might be permanently broken. Her mouth didn’t even flicker when Daniel issued that final directive. For a second, he considered using his thumbs to press those soft lips into a smile, but he quickly dismissed that idea. Touching her right now would be like putting a lit match to a piece of paper.

He needed to get her to the relative safety of the frolic. At least there, they wouldn’t be alone, and she would have less need to be fearful.

“I have the buggy hitched and ready to go.” Jacob nodded toward the door, trying to ignore the expression in Becky’s eyes. It seemed to be a mixture of fear and anticipation, but it made him want to scoop her up and carry her off someplace where she would never be hurt again.

She nodded, then turned to peek in Emma’s cradle once more, adjusting the blanket, before following him to the door.

“Maybe I should take you by McDonald’s first for a fancy coffee, ain’t so?” he teased. “Take the buggy through the drive-through?”

“That’d be out of the way.” She pressed her lips together in a tight, thin line.

“Jah, but worth it if it’d make you happy.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Afterwards, then.” Jacob offered his hand, but when she shook her head, he stood by and watched her climb into the buggy without help. Then, he went around to the other side, climbed up into the seat, lifted the reins, and guided the horse toward the road. “Aw, Bex, this isn’t a death sentence. It’s a birthday frolic. For your cousin. Loosen up.”

Her hands curled into fists. He braced, expecting one of them to come flying in his direction. Though maybe he did deserve it. That comment was rather callous, now that he thought about it.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I meant…um….” What did he mean?

She glared at him. “You meant I need to loosen up. And I suppose you’ve got that magic little brown bottle hidden away under the seat. All I have to do is reach under there, and…. You know, maybe you’d better let me out now.” Her voice thickened.

Okay, that apology hadn’t gone over so well. “Huh? What little brown bottle?”

He watched as she leaned over and reached her hand under the seat. She groped around there for a minute before he realized what she was talking about. His eyes widened in shock. “Nein, Bex. I don’t drink, and I would never dream of asking you to.” He flicked the reins, hoping she had never gotten drunk. Or even tasted the stuff. He hoped she’d never experienced anything so ugly. “I just want you to enjoy yourself.” But maybe she’d already decided that she wouldn’t have any fun. And if she had—well, there was nothing he could do. “Don’t sabotage our evening. Please.”

She straightened, her eyes brightening. “I’ll try not to.”

“Gut.” Maybe there was some hope after all.

Jacob pulled into Ben’s yard, which was already crowded with buggies. They were late, but there was nothing like making an entrance. With a smile, he hopped out of the buggy and headed around to the other side, surprised for a moment by the sinful pride that came from knowing he’d have the lovely Becky on his arm. But it wasn’t for his own good; he’d be showing Ben and his friends that Daniel’s Becky was someone worth spending time with.

God, forgive me for my pride
, he prayed.
Help her to have fun.

As Becky turned to climb down, excitement coursed through his veins. Without a thought, he reached up and grasped her around the waist, lifted her down, then swung her around in a circle. Her eyes widened, and she grabbed his shoulders, her hands twisting his suspenders. “Jacob!”

***

“Sorry.” He put her down, the light in his eyes anything but apologetic. With an arm around her shoulders, he guided her toward the field, where she could see the bonfire already burning brightly.

Judging by the bounce in Jacob’s step, Becky would say he couldn’t wait to be out and around people. He must have been pretty popular back in Pennsylvania. She wondered if Missouri would have a vibrant enough social scene to hold him.

She didn’t think it would. His friends and family were all back there. He had no one here, except for her kin. No girl, no friends, no relatives. Though he did seem to be trying to make the best of it. Getting out to meet people would be a good thing.

Although with her at his side, maybe not so much.

As they neared the crowd of young people, Jacob released her, perhaps thinking better of the intimate gesture. Maybe, despite his words, he was ashamed to be associated that closely with her in public. He strode beside her, his walk turning into something that reminded her of a rooster strutting before the hens. As they entered the crowd, he held his hands high in the air, and some of the guys in the group came up and slapped them.

Becky stopped walking to watch the exchange. What exactly was Jacob doing? And how on earth was she supposed to act while her date made such a spectacle of himself? Ignore him? She’d seen other Amish men do this, but never anyone she was with.

Jacob was well ahead of her when another man came out of the crowd toward him. “Jacob Miller, is that you?”

The next thing she knew, both men had their arms around each other in a bear hug, arms slapping each other’s back.

So much for thinking he had few friends. She didn’t recognize the Amish man he was with, though, so she turned away to look for a quiet place to stand—someplace where she could observe the festivities and remain invisible.

Something she did better than most.

If only she’d brought a book along.

Would Daed be upset if she walked home early without Jacob? Would that be construed as being rude to his guest?

All she knew was that if Jacob had invited her on the rebound to help him get over his Susie, he didn’t need Becky. He’d already forgotten about her.

She glanced over at the group of Amish young people and gasped as a man caught her eye. He raised his eyebrows, his mouth curling, and turned to say something to the person he stood with. The girl turned around and stared at her. Then, she whispered something to the man and laughed before nudging another friend and pointing in Becky’s direction.

Becky let out a deep sigh. So much for Jacob’s promise to stay right by her side.

Jacob couldn’t believe it. One of his best friends from Pennsylvania, Matthew Yoder, stood before him. When they pulled apart from their embrace, Jacob found it difficult to stop smiling. He wondered if Joshua Esh had come, too. “Hey, I’d like you to meet Becky.” He turned to introduce her to Matthew. “Bex, this is one of my best friends—Bex?” She wasn’t there. He looked all around. Not a sign of her. She must have found her friend—the one she’d asked about tonight. Annie. He’d catch up with her later, he supposed.