Patchwork Dreams (22 page)

“Came to apologize, did you?”

“Yes, sir.” A time like this called for Englisch. Jacob’s shoulders slumped with fatigue, and he stifled a yawn. He dreaded the drive back home. His left eye throbbed, and he wished he’d taken a couple of pain pills.

Troy sat on the corner of the desk. “Feel better?”

Jacob shrugged. “A little. I still need to apologize to Becky and to God.”

Troy nodded. “Might want to start with God. And then, forgive yourself. Did you talk to Daniel already?”

Jacob nodded.

“And my guess is, he forgave you. Daniel’s a good man. Got a reputation around here for being upstanding. A man of integrity.”

“I’ll try not to shame him again.”

Troy stood and walked over to Jacob. “I know you will, Jacob.” He clapped him on the shoulder. “Go on home and have that talk with God. You’ll be alright.”

***

Becky had seen Jacob return home almost two hours earlier. He’d parked the buggy and put the horse in the barn before heading into the dawdi-haus. She was almost asleep when she heard what sounded like hail hitting the bedroom window. She rolled over, wondering if Katie expected a beau. Not quite fifteen, she wasn’t old enough for courting, but Becky knew that the buwe looked Katie over. Yet her sister slept. She would have been awake and fully dressed if she’d been expecting someone.

The light taps continued steadily, with a short pause between each one, as if someone was deliberately causing them. It was probably no one, nothing; maybe a branch brushing against the house. Becky slipped out of bed and peeked out the window just to be sure. Her eyes widened when she saw Jacob standing there in the moonlight. She opened the window and leaned out.

“Jacob? Where’d you go? Are you alright?” She hoped she hadn’t awakened Katie or Emma. She glanced back at the beds to make sure. Neither one stirred.

He shook his head. “Meet me in the kitchen.”

Becky slid the window shut and grabbed her clothes. She shed her nightgown and climbed into her dress as quickly as she could, then padded downstairs in her bare feet.

Jacob already waited in the dimly lit kitchen. She felt the heat of a blush as she recalled the time she’d told him she wouldn’t invite him in. Daed never locked the doors. Jacob could have walked in anytime he wanted.

He shoved a mug of hot chocolate toward her. There was no way he would have had time to make it after rousing her, so he must have been down here a few minutes beforehand. He cooked? There seemed to be no end to his talents. She studied his bruised face. “Do you want ice for your eye?” She wished she could fix it.

“Maybe later. Sit.”

So, was he courting her? The pebbles thrown against the window would certainly indicate as much.

“I think we need to talk. First of all, let me start by saying I’m sorry.”

She shook her head as she sat. Ach, not courting. But she was glad he was finally talking. “Nein. I’m sorry for goading you into it. I wanted you to stand up to him.”

Jacob nodded. Like he’d known.

Becky lowered her eyes, ashamed. His sin was her fault.
Lord, forgive me.

“I’m going to ask you a question. Don’t go telling me this is none of my business. Tonight made it my business, ain’t so?” Jacob studied his mug. “What exactly happened between you and Kent?”

Becky swallowed. “What do you want to know?” She didn’t want to tell him about that. She had to live with her mistake every day. But still, if there were any hope of a future between her and Jacob, she’d have to open up.

Though if she told him, he would dump her so fast, her head would spin.

“I went to the police station to talk with him.” A muscle worked in Jacob’s jaw. “He said he offered to pay for an abortion. The way he talked, it kind of sounded like he forced you to…uh, lie with him.” He drew in a sharp breath.

“Ach.” Heat rushed to Becky’s face. How could she tell Jacob about this? She’d never shared it with anyone. Not her parents. Not even Annie.

Jacob leaned forward and grasped her hand. His eyes held hers. “Did he, Bex?”

She tried to draw strength from his pleading glance. “It was my fault. All my fault. I shouldn’t have dated an Englischer. Their ways are so different from ours. He said it was expected, and I thought maybe he was right.” She shrugged one shoulder. “He insisted, but I didn’t know…I never dreamed that…. I told him nein, but he said it was too late and just did it.”

She’d cried the whole time. Just remembering the awful experience made her want to sob again. Ach, the humiliation. She blinked the tears back.

“I’d wanted to find out on my wedding night. It was only that once. I broke up with him afterward. I figured if I didn’t tell, then no one would ever know.”

Jacob’s jaw flexed.

She silently pleaded with him to forgive her for her past mistake. Instead, she saw his expression harden.

She lowered her head. “Our sin has a way of finding us out, ain’t so? About three months later, I couldn’t deny the horrible truth anymore.” She sighed. “I thought maybe he’d marry me. I never expected the humiliation of what happened instead. And then I had to go home and tell Daed and Mamm.”

Becky could still see her parents’ faces when she broke the news to them. The disappointment in Daed’s eyes, and Mamm’s tears, had hurt more than any of Kent’s accusations.

“I had to have a kneeling confession in front of the people. And they shunned me for six weeks for my sins.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. Ach, that was an awful memory.

And now, she had to tell the shameful story to a man she was falling in love with.

Jacob’s fingers stroked her hand. Silence stretched between them.

Becky studied the mug in front of her, still full of the hot chocolate he’d made. It was probably cold by now. She hadn’t touched it. After a minute, she looked up at Jacob, wishing she could read his thoughts.

If only he’d say something like, “I’ll marry you, Bex. I’ll be Emma’s daed.”

Of course, if she’d already agreed to let him court her, that might have been the next step.

But her fears had kept her from agreeing. Fears that once he knew the awful truth, he’d dump her.

She wasn’t worthy. Not of Jacob.

***

Jacob struggled to control his emotions. It sounded to him like Kent had raped her. Maybe not forcefully, but if she’d said nein and he’d done it anyway, that was rape, as far as he was concerned.

Maybe it was good that he’d found this out after the run-in with Kent, or he might not have stopped with a punch. Nein, it would have been far worse. He might have been in prison for murder.

Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Why hadn’t Becky told the church that she had been raped? The community would have looked upon the whole thing differently. But then, maybe she hadn’t known. She’d said it was her fault. And she wouldn’t have expected a date to rape her. But why hadn’t Daniel told them? Maybe he didn’t know that part of the story. The church would have rallied around her to support her and not shunned and condemned her.

It was just wrong. In so many ways.

If only he knew how to explain to her that it hadn’t been her fault. But the words wouldn’t come.

Not when all he felt was fury that anyone would do this to Becky. That she’d had to pay the high price.

This explained so much.

She pulled her hand out from under his and got up from the table. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to court me. Annie is a much better choice.” Her voice wobbled.

And, with a muffled sob, she hurried toward the door.

Jacob sprang to his feet and ran after her, not paying any attention to the chair that crashed to the floor behind him. “Bex, wait!” He grasped her arm and pulled her backward against his chest. Her shoulders shook. Wrapping his arms around her, he moved toward a different chair. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, letting their tears mingle as they soaked his shirt.

Probably not his brightest action. But he wasn’t about to shove her off. Instead, he snuggled her nearer. He needed to hold her, to offer what comfort he could give, while he searched for the words to say.

A floorboard creaked. Jacob looked toward the doorway. His heart pounded.

Everything alright in here?” Daed’s voice broke into the stillness. He sounded hesitant, like he knew he shouldn’t be peeking in on a courting couple—not that she and Jacob were courting.

Ach! Caught in this compromising position. Her face heating, Becky squirmed out of Jacob’s lap and, without looking at him, went to pick up the chair he’d knocked over.

Daed stood in the doorway. “I heard a crash and came down to check it out. Didn’t realize….” His face colored.

Jacob stood. “We were just talking. I thought maybe I should hear the story about what happened between her and—and that Englischer.”

Daed nodded, then backed up.

Jacob shook his head. “Nein. Stay. We need to talk with you about this. I made enough hot chocolate. Would you like some?” He moved to the stove.

For a second, Daed looked as if he thought he hadn’t heard right. Becky remembered her own similar reaction.

“Nein, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

But he already had. Becky stared at a scuff mark on the floor. And she had no idea what might have happened if she’d stayed on Jacob’s lap. They might have kissed, if his lip wasn’t too sore. But that moment was forever gone.

She heard Jacob draw in a sharp breath. “She was raped.”

Ach, there was nothing like Jacob’s bluntness. Hadn’t the man ever heard of tact?

She didn’t have to look up to know that the color had washed out of Daed’s face. He collapsed into a chair.

And that word—that ugly word—had Jacob just used it in relation to her? He couldn’t have. She hadn’t been raped. It was her fault—she was the one who’d agreed to date an Englischer.

“Nein,” Daed whispered. He shut his eyes. After a moment, he opened them wide and shook his head. “We need to get her to the hospital.”

“Not tonight, Daniel.” Jacob set a mug in front of Daed. “When she conceived Emma.”

Daed straightened and glanced at Becky, his gaze softening. “Ach, Becky.” His eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t know. We didn’t know. Things would have been so different.” He shook his head again, and his gaze hardened as he looked back at Jacob. “How do you know this?”

Becky frowned. How dare they talk about her as if she wasn’t there? She glared at Jacob. “It wasn’t—”

He silenced her with a look. “It was. You said you told him nein, and he did it anyway. That is rape.”

“But he is Englisch.”

Jacob shook his head. “That is an Englisch law.”

An Englisch law? Did Jacob mean that she had broken the law? Did the Englisch really have laws about such private matters? Her knees buckled. She swayed and grasped the table for support, then reached for a chair, instead. Maybe if she sat down….

Becky missed the chair and fell, her left elbow banging the back of it on her way down. She landed on the floor, and her bruised hip took the brunt of the impact. She bit her lip to keep from crying out, then grasped her throbbing arm.

Jacob instantly crouched beside her. “You okay, Bex?”

For a moment, she considered waving him away and just staying on the floor. It would be so much easier not to have to move, judging by the pain radiating from her already bruised body. She swallowed. “I’m fine. Just missed the chair, is all.” She scrambled to her feet, ignoring his outstretched hand.

“You could have told us, Becky.” Daed’s hand smoothed his blond beard, his gaze accusing. “We would have understood. You know that. I’ve been supportive of you all the way through this.”

Jah, he had been supportive. But how could she have told them something she was too ashamed to admit to herself?

A cry from upstairs kept her from commenting.

She glanced at Jacob. Now that he knew the truth, rejection would surely follow.

But she wanted him to state his undying devotion to her. Fighting tears, Becky whirled and hurried from the room as fast as her sore legs would carry her.

***

Jacob watched her go, wishing that Daniel hadn’t interrupted and that Becky was still sitting on his lap. But then, they wouldn’t have had the previous conversation, and Daniel needed to know.

Daniel sat and stared into his cup of hot chocolate, just as Jacob had seen him do with a cup of coffee when he was stressed or thinking of a response. He’d hated to bother his cousin, but this truth needed to be told. Becky deserved nothing less than that.

After a few moments, Daniel reached for the cup and took a sip. A look of disgust crossed his face, and he put the mug down again. “Becky didn’t make this.” It wasn’t a question.

Jacob considered his own mug. Cocoa and hot water—weren’t those the main ingredients? Maybe he should have read the directions. But he’d wanted to have a hot drink ready for Becky, even though she hadn’t touched hers. Probably a good thing. He took a cautious sip and almost spit it out. Ugh. It really was nasty.

“If Becky didn’t say…rape, then how did you find this out?” Daniel got up and dumped the contents of his and Becky’s cups into the sink and then rinsed the mugs.

“The way both she and that Englischer worded it when I talked to them individually about it.”

Daniel nodded and turned toward him. His lips still curved down, and there was no trace of light in his eyes. Jacob hated being the one who’d erased the smile.

“I will be having a talk with the bishop about this. With a year gone by, I’m not sure how he’s going to want to handle telling the people. He may tell the truth, or he may decide to leave things as they are. He might say that there’s no point in upsetting the apple cart.”

As far as Jacob was concerned, this apple cart needed upsetting. The church needed to apologize to Becky for shunning her, for treating her as an outcast. For not coming alongside her and helping.

“I would imagine something will be said, though.” Daniel pursed his lips, his gaze remaining thoughtful.

“One more thing.” Jacob frowned at his still full mug, searching for some measure of courage. “You and Daed. Did you work this out in advance to get me away from Susie? Hoping that I would fall in love with Becky, maybe?” He hated asking. It put everything he’d been taught about confidentiality in courtship to shame. But then, everything was pretty much out in the open, anyway. Might as well lay it out there and see what Daniel had to say.