Patchwork Dreams (26 page)

She hid her grin as she entered the walk-in pantry and started gathering ingredients for breakfast. She thought she’d make pancakes and bacon.

Naomi Joy poked her head inside the pantry. “I’m going to go make the bed and change Regina’s diaper.”

“Jah.” Becky sensed that her sister wouldn’t be coming back to the kitchen until breakfast was ready.

Becky grabbed a mixing bowl and started measuring the ingredients, all the while thinking of home. Daed and Mamm had discovered her note by now. Had Daed told Jacob where she’d gone? Maybe he would hire a driver and chase after her. Unlikely, considering the way he had rejected her. Plus, now that Susie was here, he’d be spending all his time with her.

More likely, she’d get a letter from Daed saying that Jacob had gone back to Pennsylvania.

Not that she’d be able to go home right away if he came for her. Naomi Joy really did need help. She’d gotten sick twice after Becky’s arrival yesterday, and her morning sickness seemed to last all day, triggered by almost every smell.

But it sure would be nice to be missed.

By one person in particular.

She almost wished she could have overheard the conversations at home when they’d discovered she was gone.

Well, maybe. If Jacob didn’t miss her at all, maybe it’d be better not to know.

He’d rejected her, just like she’d known he would.

She was the one with the broken heart.

That made her wonder about God. Had He rejected her, too? He knew her secrets. He’d known them in advance. Did He really give second, third, even hundredth, chances, with grace and complete forgiveness? Or would she face eternity as an outcast?

The thought that God might shun her hurt worse than Jacob’s rejection. She bowed her head in silent prayer, begging God to grant her His forgiveness as freely as Daed had given his, despite his great disappointment.

She prayed until she felt peace and acceptance wash over her. Then, she turned to praise.

***

That night, Jacob started three different letters to Becky but crumpled each one and set it aside to burn later. He couldn’t figure out how to word what he needed to say: that he thought he’d fallen in love with her the moment they’d met, or at least at some point in the kitchen that first day. Daed had always told him that love was a decision, not an emotion, but Jacob figured he was a bit wrong there. Jah, he’d made a decision to love Becky. But emotion was definitely involved.

And he also needed to tell her that he was sorry for treating her unkindly. He’d been jealous, but that was no excuse. She needed to know that he’d acted on wrong information, not out of disgust over knowing the truth about her past.

He put his pen to yet another piece of paper, then hesitated. He really needed to go find her, to talk to her in person.

But he didn’t know when he would be able to, or how. If his motorcycle were here…. But it wasn’t. And that would clearly be frowned upon by the Ordnung. He could just hear the gossip that would create, could almost imagine the look of shock on Becky’s face if he rode up on a motorbike. Besides, he wanted to establish a reputation as a good Amish man. A man worthy of marrying Becky.

This goal meant he’d have to keep Susie under control while she visited. She could ruin his reputation quickly, and he didn’t want any disturbing news to reach Becky.

He could hire a driver and go by car—that wouldn’t take too long. A distance of thirty miles was nothing to the Englischers. In less than an hour, he could see her.

He’d have to see how busy the shop would be today. No way would he leave Daniel in the lurch. They were usually closed on Saturdays, but orders were piled up and waiting. If he could get away after lunch, he’d ask Daniel for the driver’s phone number and go.

And, if not, Becky would receive a letter by Tuesday. It probably wouldn’t take more than a day for a piece of mail to reach her.

Might be better that he keep their time apart as just that. Apart. And communicate only by mail. He’d keep his prayer time unhampered. Maybe, if he asked her, she’d pray about them, too.

Jah, he’d apologize by letter and wait.

He’d write her every day. Okay, that might be too much. Twice a week, at least.

He turned his pen to the paper.

Dear Bex,….

Becky lifted open the freshly washed window and peeked out at the long driveway curving toward the road for what must have been the hundredth time since she’d arrived at Naomi Joy’s. Her shoulders slumped. Still no car. Every night for a week, she’d dreamed of seeing a vehicle pull into Naomi Joy’s long drive—a driver, with some of her family (okay, mostly she dreamed that it would be Jacob) come to check on her. But there was no reason why any of them should. She’d told them where she’d gone, and they knew why. Rather, she assumed they did. Naomi Joy needed help. She was being the good, dutiful sister here.

No one would guess that she’d left in order to heal from a broken heart.

And so no one came.

Not even Jacob. But, of course, he would be busy with Susie.

Her eyes welled with tears. It’d be so nice if she were actually missed. She turned away from the window and went to the stove to check the meat, hoping Naomi Joy didn’t notice her tears.

Naomi Joy balanced Emma in one arm and Regina in the other as she used her bare foot to straighten the colorful patchwork quilt on the floor. “Can’t believe I tripped over that thing.”

Becky set the hamburgers they’d prepared on the table, followed by a small plate of sliced onion, just as Samuel came through the door and went over to the inside pump to wash up. She wiped the moisture from her face, and Samuel gave her an odd look she couldn’t translate, but she hoped he would attribute her watering eyes to the sliced onions.

He wouldn’t have reason to guess about Jacob, either.

How smoothly was the household running now that she was gone? Was Mamm enlisting Katie’s help in the kitchen more often? Did they even miss her?

With a sigh, she reminded herself that no matter what happened with her family, with Jacob, she belonged to God. And He wouldn’t turn His back on her.

That was almost enough to make her smile.

Naomi Joy put both babies back down on the quilt, then poured lemonade from a pitcher into three glasses.

Becky picked up the plateful of ginger cookies she’d arranged for dessert. Her heart clenched to remember how much Jacob had seemed to enjoy her cookies. Too bad she hadn’t been able to bake her way to his heart.

Becky still couldn’t believe that Jacob had asked Cathy home from the singing. It seemed unfair that he hadn’t sat at home in misery like she had. Obviously, he wanted to get on with his life. If only she could regroup as fast.

Why hadn’t she guarded her heart against Jacob? She’d wanted to. She’d warned herself not to let him in, that he’d reject her when he learned her horrible secret.

And he had.

How long did a broken heart take to heal?

***

Right after lunch, Jacob escaped Susie’s watchful eye long enough to run his letter to Becky out to the mailbox. It had ended up being four pages long, front and back. And it had taken him a whole week to put what he wanted to say into words. He hoped he hadn’t rambled too much, but he did want to share his heart and apologize completely for everything. And to ask Becky to pray with him regarding their future.

That request would surely make his intentions clear enough. She would know that he was thinking about marriage.

He realized that he probably should have mentioned how Susie’s visit was going so that she wouldn’t get the news secondhand.

Too late now. He’d mention that in his next letter.

He shut the lid of the mailbox and eased the wiggly red flag into the upright position, then turned around when he heard the sound of wagon wheels crunching over the gravel.

“Hi, Jacob.”

He looked up into brown eyes, the only obvious difference he could see between Cathy and Annie, whose eyes were a greenish hazel. He inwardly groaned. “Hi, Cathy.”

“Are you writing a letter home, Jacob? You must be so homesick for your friends.” She fluttered her eyelashes rapidly, as if she had something stuck in them.

Ach, that reminded him. He needed to write to his parents. No doubt they’d heard that Susie had come to Missouri. He needed to set their minds at ease. He’d do that tonight.

“Nein. Writing to Bex—Becky. She went to visit her sister for a while.”

“Will she be gone long?”

Jacob shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope not. The haus seems to have a big, empty spot with her gone.” Not to mention his heart. “Things just aren’t the same. I plan to write her a couple of times a week. Let her know she’s missed.” He hoped that would get the message across to Cathy that his interests lay elsewhere.

“I imagine. I know she’s a ser gut cook. Her baked goods and jams always place at the county fair. Care to take a ride with me, Jacob?” She shook the reins. “I’ll let you drive. We can talk….”

Jacob’s eyes widened. “Nein, but danki for asking. I need to get back to the shop.”

“Maybe tonight, then, Jacob? You could kum by after chores, and we’ll visit. I could get out the checkerboard, ain’t so?”

Her boldness rivaled Susie’s. Didn’t she know that men preferred to do the chasing?

“Nein, can’t tonight. Have a friend visiting from Pennsylvania.”

Cathy’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. “Bring him along.”

Jacob shook his head. “Ach, not a ‘him,’ but thanks for the offer.” He turned to jog down the drive.

He didn’t get but a few feet from the mailbox when Susie dashed toward him. “Where’d you slip off to so fast? I’ve been hunting all over for you. I just heard there’s going to be a party in Judah Swartz’s back field. You’ll take me, of course.” She put her hand on Jacob’s arm and glanced at Cathy, still sitting there in the buggy. “Hi. I’m Susie.”

“You’ll have to find your own way.” Jacob shook off her hand. “I need to get back to work.” He looked back when he reached the shop.

Odd how Susie stood there in the road, talking to Cathy. He couldn’t imagine what they might have to say to each other. They were still chatting when Jacob went inside the shop.

***

Four weeks later, Becky had settled into her new routine at Naomi Joy’s. Another older man with a family had shown more than a passing interest in her, but she’d declined when he’d asked if he could call on her some evening.

Naomi Joy had told her she’d made a mistake in rejecting him outright. After all, she’d said, everyone knew that since she already had a daughter, her only hope would be to marry a widower.

Becky had shrugged off the hurtful comment, saying something about not being ready.

And she wasn’t, really. She spent hours in prayer, pleading with God to rid her heart of love for Jacob. Until she healed from this broken relationship, she needed to avoid beginning another.

But in four weeks, it seemed strange that no one in her family had contacted her. No phone calls—though that would be hard to do with Naomi Joy not owning a phone. And no letters, either. Not one single letter.

Except from Annie. Becky reached under her pillow and pulled out the letter she’d received a couple of days ago.

She’d thought that Mamm would have written to her, at least. Hadn’t she written Naomi Joy twice a week when she’d first married and moved away? Mamm might have begun writing letters for Becky and Naomi Joy both, but Becky supposed not, since Naomi Joy shared excerpts aloud but never gave her the letters. If Mamm had included Becky’s name in the salutations, then surely Naomi Joy would have handed her the letter to read.

Annie wrote about all the local news, telling Becky how much she missed having her around and spending time with her, and that Susie was still visiting.

At least it seemed that Jacob wasn’t courting Cathy.

Becky refolded the letter and slid it back beneath her pillow, trying to bat back the tears. Only Annie missed her. Not Mamm, not Daed, and certainly not Jacob. Nein, and his former girlfriend had come back into the picture so quickly, it set her mind to spinning.

Hours later, Becky watched through the window as the red pickup truck that carried the rural mail stopped down by the road. She got up and looked for Naomi Joy. She found her in the kitchen, wiping down the pantry shelves.

“Mail’s here.”

“I’ll get it today. I need the exercise. Maybe I’ll feel better.”

Becky nodded. Naomi Joy said that every day. Those same exact words. Maybe she’d walk out to the box with her sister today. Maybe she’d have some mail, too. Nein. She would be heartbroken if there wasn’t anything, and if she received a letter, Naomi Joy would give it to her. She’d do some more baking, instead. They were almost out of bread. And she hadn’t made an apple pie yet for Naomi Joy.

Fifteen minutes later, her sister came back inside and sat down heavily in a chair. “Getting hot out there. Here, you have a package from Annie. And Mamm wants to know why you aren’t answering any of their letters. Strange. I don’t remember you getting any mail. Except from Annie.”

“I haven’t.” Becky poured her sister a glass of water from the pump.

Naomi Joy peered down at the pages she held. “Mamm says that Daed’s been writing to you. Wow, he never writes me. But you were always his favorite. Wonder where the letters have been going?”

Her family had been writing to her? Becky stood in stunned silence. And her heart asked the same question. Where had the letters been going?

Jacob shoved the end of a piece of metal into the roaring fire. How long did Becky expect him to wait? Another week had gone by with no mail for him, except a note from Mamm expressing concern that Susie was still in Seymour. Jah, Jacob was about ready to put her back on the bus, himself.

Susie had lapsed into her old ways. Jacob thought he’d seen Kent’s red car picking her up down the lane one evening. He’d tried to warn her about Kent, but it had only given rise to another fight between him and Susie.

Probably just as well. He yanked the metal out of the fire and surveyed it, then put it on the anvil, picked up the hammer, and started pounding it.