Peachy Keen (18 page)

Those conversations, those thoughts, those petty worries had been the reasons I’d always thought relationships were bullshit. And yet, with Harrison the thoughts and feelings seemed unavoidable. In fact, I found myself enjoying the way he challenged me. Maybe I’d always banished the concept of a relationship because I’d never found someone who made me feel like it was remotely worth the headache or the range of emotions involved. 

Clicking on his name, I felt a sudden wave of regret knowing I didn’t have a single picture of him. Overwhelmed by pathetic pining, I sent him a message as I often did—without thinking.

Me: I can’t stop thinking about your birthday.

While my insecurity and utter lack of relationship experience had me tied up in knots most days wondering what everything meant and how everything was supposed to progress between us, I knew that when a man responded to you instantly he must be on the hook.

Harrison: It’s late. Sooo you’re thinking about this in bed? Please go on.

Me: I’d give anything for…

Me: a root beer float right now.

Harrison: Smartass. Can I call you?

I smiled and sighed. I knew from the start I was in deep with Harrison—long before I even knew who he really was—but the flutter in my chest and the desire pooling low in my abdomen told me I was a goner.

My phone shook in my hand and I answered his call with a touch.

“Hi.”

“Hey, baby.” Hearing the grin in his tone made me weak and though I hated how transparent I already was with Harrison, I sighed audibly at the sound of his voice.

“Why are you up so late?” I asked.

“Holly’s still staying with me and she had a date tonight…I’m waiting up for her,” he replied sheepishly.

I laughed. “Stop making me like you more, dammit!”

“What’s so bad about liking me?”

Nothing. It was all good. Harrison was the first man to show me without a doubt that there was goodness beyond sexual satisfaction to be found in a relationship. Was I in over my head? Absofuckinglutely. Were we in some kind of honeymoon, hearts and flowers, limbo that had me wearing rose colored glasses? Of course. But I didn’t give a damn.

“Nothing. You’re just too far away,” I breathed.

He stayed quiet for a beat and a pinprick of doubt stabbed at the back of my mind. What was I thinking? Everything I knew about romance came from books, movies, and the world’s most sickeningly sweet, not to mention written-in-the-fucking-stars couple, Evan and Danielle. I needed a handbook. I needed a crash course in girlfriendese.
Shit. Is girlfriend the right word?

“I know. I need to see you. Soon, I promise.”

The words frayed and split the tight ropes that bound my lungs, making it easier to breathe. He was so much better at this than I was.

“Why are
you
up so late?” he asked.

“Can’t sleep.”

“Want me to read to you?”

I closed my eyes and smiled, whispering a yes. I’d been three seconds away from turning our conversation into phone sex, hopeful that that might get me off and make me sane again, yet his chaste suggestion washed away all of the annoying symptoms of my caged libido. The deep thrum of his voice was a lullaby, setting me adrift into sleep. The only thing better would’ve been his arms around me and his breath against my cheek as he read.

18.

Georgia on My Mind

Harrison

The sound of my phone has never bothered me. It’s never made me jump up or given me that feeling in my chest as if I’m scared who might be on the other end or what news is impending. Even considering the majority of what I do for Evan is done via the phone, it’s never caused me much stress.

Until now.

Reaching for my phone, I felt a mixture of hope and panic ripple through me. Was it her? I missed her voice and it hadn’t even been twelve hours since I last heard it. I’d never imagined reading a woman to sleep could make me so happy. But hearing the subtle change in her breathing as she finally drifted off eased the tension in my body and made my heartbeat tap out a new rhythm. Something like a love song.

I glanced at the number flashing across the screen before I answered and the hope inside me fizzled. “Hello?”

“Hi,” my older sister Hilary chirped happily.

I kicked my feet up on the desk and had a sudden flash of the memory of propping Georgia on top of it on my birthday, but quickly willed it away.

“What’s going on?”

“I haven’t talked to you in a while and I missed you on your birthday. I’m just checking in. How’s life?”

I let go of a sigh. How much could I share with her? I’d struggled for the last few years with telling Hilary anything of importance for one reason. Hilary was the biggest hold out on Team Meredith, constantly waiting for me to “come to my senses” and go back to her. They still talked frequently and I knew Hilary probably relayed any current information about me to her so I usually kept our conversations light.

“Uh, you know. Working a lot, like usual. Guess who’s staying at my place?” I figured deflecting onto Holly would be a safe bet. Mine wasn’t the only sibling’s business Hilary liked sticking her nose in.

“You’re kidding?!”

I laughed again. “Yeah, I think I’m going to let her move in. She seems really over her roommates and I’d like to see her have the chance to save some money. Plus—don’t laugh—I actually like having her around.”

Hilary barked out a laugh on the other end then sighed. “Well, good luck with that. You’re a good brother. I swear, of all of us you’re most definitely the nicest.”

Clearing my throat, I tried again to keep the conversation off of myself. “Have you talked to Heather or Hannah? I need to call Mom and Dad, too. I have to break it to them that I probably won’t get home for Christmas.”

She gave me a brief rundown of what had been going on with my other two sisters and their families, then told me a few stories about her son, my nephew Jack. A grin grew on my face listening to stories about the funny things he’d done. Coming from a big family, I’d always wanted kids but the feeling that sprung into my chest as Hilary spoke had never been such a primal one as it was now.

I want that.

I wanted it all. And as insane as it seemed, as rash as it felt, I knew who I wanted it with.

“So…you know I have to ask…any girls?”

Rubbing at my eyes, wrought with confliction, I knew I shouldn’t tell her about Georgia as much as I wanted to. She was the family news source and I certainly wasn’t ready for everyone to know that I had…whatever I had with Georgia.

“Nah,” I croaked. “But…I’m ready,” I said, desperate to get some of my feelings out to someone. Anyone.

I heard something like a squeak come out of her before she spoke carefully. “What does that mean?”

Shit. Hell, I didn’t know. I just felt it. For months, the most frequent words out of Evan’s mouth had been “when you know, you know.” He talked about his relationship with Danielle with such certainty. He was always sure of her and he never wavered. And his justification for every quick step he made, every impulsive move, had been explaining that with her he just knew. I didn’t get it at first. I thought he was stupid and blinded by sex and the Mexico sun.

Then I sat under that same sun with the kind of woman I’d never known I’d always needed. I read to Georgia on a postcard-worthy beach and listened to her breathing slow as she fell asleep that day just as I had on the phone last night. I watched her brow furrow as she slept, and when clouds rolled in to block the sun I covered her with my beach towel, wanting nothing more than to protect her from everything—even something as simple as the cold. Though the moment I saw her, something sparked inside of me that seemed either lost, forgotten, or previously non-existent, it was that day on the beach that it became clear. I suddenly knew. There were doubts, of course. There still were. But when I thought of her, when I talked to her, when I dreamt of her…I knew.

A wave of electricity worked its way up my spine.

“You still there?”

Hilary’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Yeah, sorry. I, uh, I don’t know. It means I’m ready for it. The whole package. It used to scare me, but it doesn’t feel that way anymore, you know? I see you and Mike with Jack and Heather and Brad with the twins...I want a family someday and I just hit thirty…” My words spilled out, disjointed and nearly out of order. Everything rattling around in my head seemed to meld together and fall out at once. I cursed myself for my abrupt declaration. All of my sisters seemed to emit some sort of truth serum that made me talk even when I didn’t want to.

“Whoa,” Hilary said softly. “That’s so great to hear, Harrison. I had no idea. I want that for you, too.”

A pained laugh cracked from my lungs. “Yeah, so anyway,” I deflected.

“Harry—”

The office phone rang the moment she spoke and a new email popped up on the computer screen in front of me. “Shit. Sorry, Sis. Can I call you later?”

“Sure, yeah. Jack will be up any minute. I’m glad we talked,” she said, still with tenderness to her voice.

I told her I loved her and hung up quickly, answering the office phone in the next breath. The gravity of what I’d divulged to my sister hit me a few moments later, but when I heard Evan walk into the apartment, I had to store it away to worry about another time.

I was just hanging up with Evan’s lawyer when he poked his head into the office with a wide-eyed stare.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” I asked, leaning back in my chair.

“I need you,” Evan said.

“Ev, I’ve tried to let you down easy but this has gotten out of hand. I won’t fuck you, okay? It’s just not fair to Danielle.”

He stepped inside and rolled his eyes. “Ha. Ha. Seriously, are you busy?”

“I work for you. You tell me if I’m busy,” I laughed.

“Then come on,” he said, turning on his heels as quickly as he’d entered the office. He snagged our coats from the closet and tossed mine at me, punching the down button on the elevator repeatedly.

“Dude, what’s the hurry? Where are we going?”

Evan pulled in a breath and met my eyes. “I found a ring.”

***

We stood staring at three diamond rings presented on a black velvet tray and I thought I heard Evan’s heart pounding beside me. He’d been silent for a few minutes. Usually he would’ve cracked a joke or at least gone sappy on me. I hadn’t expected him to be so serious about this.

“The middle one, right?”

I took another glance at the rings. The one in the middle was the one he’d rushed me to Harry Winston to look at, but once we arrived the saleswoman insisted on showing him a few others. It was stunning and the thought of seeing it grace Danielle’s hand thrilled me for Evan’s sake.

“The middle one. For sure,” I replied.

He turned his back to the sales clerk and his brows rose, his hushed voice aimed directly at me. “I’m not crazy? You’d tell me, wouldn’t you? This isn’t like with Kim. I want your opinion and I swear I’ll listen this time. I won’t punch you.”

I laughed and clamped my hands down on his shoulders to look him squarely in the eye. “You’d be right to punch me. Danielle is the one. Get the ring. It’s soon, yeah, but…when you know, you know. Right?”

My guts knotted as I recited his own usual chant back to him. I didn’t feel a tremble inside because I was lying to him. It was something much heavier. My stomach fluttered the moment I registered jealousy building within me. I stood in a room full of rings and my wallet—and my heart—burned to buy one as well. I’d been in this position before and yet, buying a ring for Meredith felt no more exciting than buying groceries. The thought of buying a ring now made my heart beat erratically and tingle beneath my sternum. Jesus. I was the crazy one.

Evan smiled and nodded before turning around. I almost let a chuckle slip out at his expense—I couldn’t remember the last time I saw him so nervous—but I stifled the urge. The poor guy was just fucked up in love. Mad about a woman who was luckily mad about him in return.

An image of Georgia swam through my mind and I prayed she was as insane as I was. As insane as Evan and Danielle and any other person who found themselves happily drowning in this feeling I knew was the beginnings of love.

***

I waited as the phone rang, anticipating her voice, feeling just as nervous about making a call as I was about receiving one. I’d spent my day thinking of her in various ways. Half-telling my sister about her—or at least that I was ready, whatever that meant—then feeling irrationally envious as Evan purchased an engagement ring for Danielle. Every moment of my day was Georgia-related and yet I never spoke her name. No one but me knew that she was the reason for the smile on my face. And for the flutter in my chest and the heat under my clothes.

“Well, hello,” Georgia purred on the other end.

Her sultry tone made my head roll back against the couch cushions and grin. Fuck, I missed her. “Hi there,” I replied.

“What are you up to?”

“I just got home. What about you, babe?”

Hearing her hum a sweet little sigh made me grin wider. I knew she liked it when I called her babe. “Well, I’m hiding in my room. Dani is curled on the sofa blubbering into a box of tissues watching
Dirty Dancing
because apparently she misses your boy.”

I chuckled. “What? They saw each other like five days ago!”

“Right? She doesn’t know how lucky she is. She doesn’t know what it’s really like to miss someone.”

I gulped and reveled in the way her voice dropped and softened when the words flowed out of her. “Yeah, they’ve got it pretty good right now seeing each other every weekend,” I rasped.

Silence hung on the line and I listened to her breathe, a sound I’d come to love like music. “I miss you,” she whispered. “And I don’t know how to deal with it.”

I breathed a forlorn laugh. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…I’ve never—I…” she trailed off and went quiet again and my chest pulsed. “The way I feel about you, it’s...new to me. It’s all new and I keep trying to tell myself that it’s leftover infatuation from the trip, that great sex turned me into a mess over you. But I don’t always think about the sex. I think about your smile and your laugh. I walked to lunch today and wanted to sit across from you at a restaurant. I wanted to hold your hand on the sidewalk. God. Fuck, I shouldn’t even be telling you this stuff because I’m probably scaring the shit out of you. I’ve gone from queen of the one-night stand to crazy clingy girl, but I like talking to you more than anyone else. I know how crazy I sound but the bottom line is you’re my best friend. And I fucking miss you.”