Authors: Danielle Steel
“Why did you leave Germany last year, and come over here?” her youngest brother asked
Nick.
“I discovered that my mother was half Jewish. I never knew her,” he answered simply,
looking him directly in the eye. He knew that the Markoviches weren’t, and he had
no idea what their feelings were about it, but there was no point hiding it, it was
a fact. “They were persecuting Jews and trying to chase them away. It was right before
Kristallnacht
. We had to leave to be safe, or we could have been sent to a labor camp or put in
prison,” which was the truth.
“You don’t look like a Jew,” one of her older brothers commented, passing each of
them a shot of vodka from the bottle Nick had
brought. They all tossed it off in one gulp, and Nick tried not to make a face as
he did. He didn’t want to be rude, but he rarely drank and it burned his throat.
“I’m only a quarter. My father is Catholic and my mother was half,” Nick explained.
“And a count, from what I hear,” he said with an edge to his voice, as he took another
shot. Their father rolled in and helped himself to a shot as well and seemed pleased,
as he glanced at Nick. “This must be quite a change for you.” There was still a sarcastic
tone as he spoke to Nick.
“Coming to the circus saved my life, and my boys. I’m grateful for that. A friend
gave me the horses I brought with me. This is the only thing I know how to do, ride
horses and train them. I’ve learned a lot in the last year.” The simplicity and honesty
with which he said it silenced all of them for a moment. Nick didn’t put on airs,
he was modest and told the truth.
“Don’t worry,” one brother said with a sudden laugh, warmed by the second vodka, as
he glanced at Nick with a kinder look in his eyes. “We don’t know how to do anything
else either, except our trapeze act, and watch our sister on the high wire. It’s enough.
So is what you do.” Then generously, he added, “You’re good. I like what you do with
the white ones. How do you teach them to stand up like that?”
“It’s in their blood.” Nick smiled. “They’re born and built to do that. There’s a
school in Vienna where they teach them all the exercises they do. My friend was training
them before he gave them to me. I want to breed Lipizzaners one day.”
“They must be worth a lot,” he commented, and Nick nodded. And then one of them asked
him the question they’d all been wondering,
and predicting darkly to Christianna: “Do you think you’ll stay?”
“I hope so. I need the job. I have my boys to take care of. And by the time Hitler
is finished, Germany will be in ruins. This is all we have now.” What he said discounted
the schloss and the land he had left in Germany, all of which he would inherit one
day, if he was allowed to, and Hitler was no longer in power, or lost the war. But
for now, Nick had no access to any of it, and lived on his salary, just as they did,
and knew he might have to for a long, long time. He saved his money, knowing it was
all he had for now. “What about you? Do you still have relatives in Poland?”
“Only some cousins. Most of us are here. And we’re not Jews,” Peter said matter-of-factly.
“Some of the juggling acts are Jewish and still have relatives there. They’re trying
to bring them here, but they haven’t been able to. You’re lucky you got out when you
did.”
“Yes, I am,” Nick agreed. There had been pogroms in Poland, Russia, and Czechoslovakia,
and Jews were being taken to labor camps and severely persecuted, or killed. Nick
had heard about it on the news. “Things are bad over there. We’re all lucky to be
here.”
“We’re Americans now,” Peter, the oldest brother, said proudly, “and so are our wives.
My father is now too. We’ve been here for twenty years. Christianna is a citizen now
too. My aunt was the last to give up her Polish citizenship. It’s better for us here,
for all of us. America has been good to us,” he said gratefully. Thus far it had been
to Nick, too, but he still felt German, not American, and thought about going back
one day, when things changed again, although he was no longer sure after everything
that had happened. And he felt attached to neither country, the old, nor the new.
He hadn’t adopted his new country sufficiently to want to give up his heritage and
his
homeland yet, no matter how cruel they had been to him. He had been betrayed, but
by Hitler, not by Germany. And he didn’t feel American, and didn’t think he ever would.
But he admired Christianna’s family for embracing the country that had been good to
them, and where they’d lived for so long.
“Why do you let her work without a net?” Nick asked quietly, during a lull in their
war talk. It was the burning question he had wanted to ask them since he had first
seen her on the high wire, and there was a sudden silence. None of them answered him
for a moment, and then her father spoke from his chair. He had been watching Nick
closely since he first walked into the trailer with his boys. He liked him, better
than he expected to. He seemed like a good man, and he had well-brought-up boys, which
her father respected too.
“It’s what the crowd wants, and what we do. They don’t want to see a little girl tripping
across a wire five feet off the ground with a balancing bar and a canary on her head.
People respect courage. She’s a brave girl. So was my wife. You don’t win anything
in life if you don’t take risk. They don’t understand it, but they respect the skill.
It’s not easy to be up there, and Christianna is very good at it. She has a gift,
more than I did, or her aunt, or her mother, and we don’t know about her sister, if
she ever tries it, which she may not. Christianna has it in her blood. Not everyone
does. It’s a talent to be up there, not just something you learn or decide to do.
Like your horses. You said that they are born to do the tricks they perform. So was
Christianna. She must use the gift.”
“And if she falls?” Nick asked, trying to understand the deeper meaning of what he
said and what motivated them. They were gladiators in a way, prepared to ride into
battle and face their death every day. But they weren’t staring death in the face,
Christianna
was. And he didn’t want her to do it anymore. He loved her too much to lose her to
the high wire.
“She won’t,” her father said with confidence. “She’s too good at it. Much better than
her mother was. She won’t fall. And every day she learns that she can do something
difficult, something that may frighten her, and she conquers it again and again. It
will make her strong.” It could also make her dead, Nick knew, but he couldn’t convince
them of that. They were warriors who were letting a tiny, graceful girl fight their
battles for them, at her expense. He hated it, but he didn’t want to say too much
the first time they met. It was obvious how he felt about it. “You could break your
neck falling from a horse. It doesn’t stop you. You know what you’re doing. So does
she.” He had a point, and Nick could see he wouldn’t win the argument, at least not
tonight. “It’s hard for other people to understand.”
“Maybe we’re all very brave and foolish,” Nick said philosophically, but he and Christianna
were taking all the risks, they weren’t. Her father had, and her aunt and mother,
but her brothers were nothing more than observers on the ground who ran along next
to the princess when she came back down to earth. It was the princess who fought the
dragons every day, fearlessly. And she did it because they expected her to, and so
as not to let them down. As far as Christianna and her family were concerned, it was
her heritage and her duty.
Her youngest brother poured a third round of shots, which this time Nick refused,
and their wives put dinner on the table, and a moment later they all sat down, crowded
into the trailer, holding plates heaped with food, and Christianna sat down next to
Nick, in the only empty seat, which she didn’t realize her brothers had left
free for her. It was their way of saying they approved of him. He wasn’t one of them,
but they respected his honesty and clear, simple way of expressing what he thought
and who he was. Her father talked to him at length over dinner, and afterward they
cleared the dishes and invited Nick to play poker with them. He was happy to oblige,
as it was a game he loved, too, and played well. They beat him, but not without a
fight, and all the men pounded each other’s backs and embraced when he left. Her brothers
were fairly drunk, but Nick and her father weren’t, and their eyes met as Nick was
leaving. The women had gone to bed long before, and Christianna had played a quieter
card game with the boys. Lucas was winning, and squealing with delight.
“Thank you for having dinner with us,” Sandor said diplomatically. It was his way
of saying he approved, without uttering the words.
“Thank you for having us. It was delicious.” Nick smiled at the man in the chair,
who was looking at him with curiosity and new respect.
“You’re an honest man. I like that. And don’t worry about Christianna. She won’t fall,”
he said again. He could see now that Nick cared about her, although he didn’t know
to what extent or for how long. And he didn’t want his daughter getting hurt or having
her heart broken, going after a man who was from another world, which her father understood
too well Nick was. And if he went back to Germany, he would never take her with him,
back to his old life. She would never be accepted there, nor fit in.
“I hope not,” Nick said quietly, referring to his assurance that Christianna wouldn’t
fall. It would be an unthinkable loss to him if she did, but he didn’t say that to
her father. He didn’t have to. It was in his eyes. “I hope you’re right.”
“Just don’t let her fall off one of your horses,” her father warned him, and was only
half-joking.
“I would shoot the horse myself if she did,” he said with feeling. He was deeply in
love with her, and he wanted to protect her from all harm.
“Come to visit us again.” Sandor Markovich meant it, and smiled as he and Nick shook
hands, and Christianna watched from where she sat.
“Thank you. We will. I would invite you to our trailer, but I’d have to buy hot dogs
from the mess tent. I’m a miserable cook,” Nick said humbly, and the man in the wheelchair
laughed.
“We’ll take you to a Polish restaurant,” he promised. “They have very good food, better
than what my daughters-in-law cooked tonight. We go there a lot during the break.”
It sounded like fun to Nick. He rounded up his sons then and told them it was time
to leave. They picked up their jackets, and Christianna walked them out into the cool
air of the Sarasota night. It had been raining, and finally stopped, and the air was
fresh. They could see stars in the sky.
“They liked you,” she said softly, so no one else could hear, and the boys were a
few steps away, talking to each other and not paying attention to them.
“They just liked beating me at poker.” He had lost ten dollars, which was a lot to
him, but he was willing to sacrifice it in the interest of better family relations
between their two camps. He thought the evening had gone well too. And he liked them,
although he hated their attitude about her, and how cavalier they were about the dangers
to her, as though they were satisfied to leave her well-being in the hands of fate,
and not protect her.
“No, they really liked you, and so did my father. You were very nice to them.” She
thanked him with her eyes.
“They were nice to me too.” They were rough around the edges, but he could see their
merits, and they came from a different culture than he did, and lived by the mores
and traditions of the circus, but he respected it. He just didn’t want it hurting
her. “See you tomorrow,” he said, wishing he could kiss her, but he didn’t dare, in
plain sight of her family and his boys. He still wanted to protect what they shared,
although they had been together now for many months. They had taken an important step
that night, with her father and brothers, and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize
it now. He had proven to them, or tried to, that he was an honorable man worthy of
their daughter and sister, and hopefully in time, they would respect what he and Christianna
felt for each other. And in the meantime, he had held his own among the men. That
was important in their culture, and he knew it was to Christianna as well. He wasn’t
the elitist that they had believed he was. He kept no secrets from them, about why
he’d come there, or how long he planned to stay. In truth, he didn’t know his plans.
They all lived in an uncertain world. But he had shown them that he was an honest
man, and could be one of them, and fought his battles bravely too. It was enough for
now.
“I love you,” she whispered to Nick before he left, out of earshot of the boys.
“I love you too,” he mouthed back, and then he walked to his trailer with his boys.
“They were nice,” Toby commented, surprised that the evening had been as pleasant
as it was, and the food had been good.
“I beat Christianna at cards,” Lucas chortled, and his father laughed.
“Well, that’s a good thing. I hope you made some money at it, because her brothers
beat me at poker. They’re a tough bunch.”
“I like her, Papa,” Lucas said quietly with a yawn as they got home.
“So do I,” Nick confessed just as quietly, and Toby smiled at him. He had already
figured that out for himself, months before. “Now go to bed,” Nick said, not ready
to admit more than that to his sons. And five minutes later, their teeth were brushed,
they had on their pajamas, and they were in bed. He went in to kiss them in bed and
could hardly get around it, their bedroom was so small. And then he went and sat in
the trailer’s living room, thinking about the evening, and the family Christianna
had grown up in.
He had said the truth, they were a tough bunch, but a lot of people in the circus
were. They played by their own rules, and they respected the hierarchy established
by what they did. And in circus life, they were nobility, just as he was in his own
world. The Princess and the Count, he thought to himself, as he leaned his head back
and closed his eyes, thinking about her. In his mind’s eye, he always saw her now
standing on Athena’s back, as they performed their act together, with him on Pegasus.
He never thought of her on the high wire anymore, only as the magical elf who rode
the Lipizzaners with him. And in his mind, they always rode around the ring together
on the two spectacular white horses, holding hands. It was the only image he wanted
of her. She was the woman of his dreams.