Authors: Danielle Steel
“It’s good that the boys don’t forget our traditions,” Paul said with a satisfied
look, and then lay down again and closed his eyes. He seemed tired, and Alex decided
to spend the night, sitting beside him, although Paul seemed better and stronger when
he went back to sleep. Paul opened his eyes once just after midnight, in the first
moments of the New Year, and smiled at Alex, who realized instantly that Paul thought
he was Nick.
“Come home soon. They need you here,” he said in a whisper.
“I will,” Alex promised, speaking for his friend. “I need you, too, Papa,” he said
then on behalf of both of them. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing the old man
he loved, and he knew that the loss would devastate Nick.
Paul just smiled as he looked at him again, nodded, and drifted off to sleep. He slept
for several hours as Alex dozed beside him, and when the sun came up, Alex looked
at him and knew instantly what had happened. Paul von Bingen had died peacefully in
his sleep. He was gone. Alex sat looking at him for a long time, and gently stroked
his hand, which was already cool, and his heart plummeted as tears rolled down his
cheeks and he realized that the worst lay before him. Now he would have to tell Nick.
Nick spent Christmas Eve in his trailer with Toby and Lucas, and he gave them each
a game and a sweater he bought for them in Sarasota, and he gave Christianna a tiny
heart-shaped gold locket, which she put on immediately. She cut out a small photograph
of him from one of the pages in the circus program and put it in the locket, and she
was thrilled. She had knitted him a scarf herself from soft black wool to wear on
cold nights when they were on tour. They spent as much of the holiday together as
they could, without arousing suspicion, and she joined them when they spent Christmas
Day with Gallina and Sergei and their children. And despite the alleged rivalry between
them, the two women laughed with the others and had a good time. Nick and his children
had spent Thanksgiving with them too, they were his closest friends.
“She’s a sweet girl,” Gallina said to Nick afterward, and looked at him with the same
motherly look she gave Toby. “So when are you two going to admit that you’re in love?
How long has it been now? Don’t you think you have the right to be happy? You can’t
keep it a secret forever, and anyone who sees you knows.”
“How long have you known?” he asked her sheepishly, wondering if they had been less
discreet than they thought. But Gallina was a smart woman, and by now she knew him
well. And his deep feelings for Christianna were hard to hide. Even his sons had figured
it out and were pleased. They loved her, and Lucas said he hoped his father would
marry her one day so they could keep her, and Toby agreed.
“I’ve known for several months,” Gallina answered, and he laughed.
“Well, so much for keeping secrets around here. I just wasn’t sure how her family
would feel about it, and I don’t want to complicate things for her. They’re very protective
of her.”
“Except when they put her on the high wire,” Gallina said with a strong look of disapproval.
She had completely given up working without a net herself the month before, at the
insistence of Sergei. But Christianna was still in the main ring every night, risking
her life, to the thrill of the crowds. Nick hated every minute of it, but he was always
there, watching her. He couldn’t stand being anywhere else. And whenever possible,
they managed to spend a night together, but they had been very careful not to be discovered.
He didn’t want to hurt her reputation in any way, and treated her with profound respect.
And fortunately, there had been no slips in their sex life either, and she hadn’t
gotten pregnant. He was always careful to protect her.
Gallina’s words were not lost on Nick. He and Christianna spent New Year’s Eve with
them. And the next day, Nick talked to Christianna before they went to dinner with
her family at her father’s favorite Polish restaurant in Sarasota. He had invited
Nick and his boys, to celebrate the New Year.
“What do you think about saying something to your family one of
these days?” Nick asked her cautiously when he fed and watered the horses, and she
came to keep him company. She liked feeding Athena, and had gotten used to her from
their act.
“I’ve been wondering the same thing,” she admitted.
“Will they be upset?” Nick asked her, looking worried. He could handle it for himself,
but he didn’t want them taking it out on her. It was a problem she didn’t need, with
four brothers and a father who watched her every move.
“They like you,” Christianna said with a shy smile, as she stroked the Lipizzaner
mare who nuzzled her. “And they suspect anyway.”
“They might not like my age.”
“They’re afraid you’ll leave,” she said simply. They had questioned him about it too.
“Or interfere,” she added. His comments about the wire hadn’t been lost on them, and
they had mentioned it to her, that he was worried about her on the high wire.
“I’m not planning to leave anytime soon,” Nick said quietly. “There’s a war on in
Europe. I had to flee Germany, and I have nowhere to go. And I don’t know if I’ll
ever go back there, even after the war. I can’t, unless things change. So leaving
isn’t an issue. And yes, I might interfere if they don’t take you off the high wire
one of these days. I’m not going to stop objecting to that. You know how I feel. All
I want is for them to let you work with a net. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
If they give you a net, you can stay up there till you’re ninety years old for all
I care. Without a net, I’m going to interfere every chance I get.” He was always honest
with her. And he had been with her family too. But he was polite enough not to make
a constant issue of it. He had let them know how he felt, and then let it go. He was
respectful and polite, if nothing else, and Christianna loved him for that too. “What
do you want to tell them, if we say something?” Nick asked curiously.
“That we love each other. I think that’s enough.”
“What if they want to know more?” Nick asked her.
“What more is there?”
“They might want to know if I intend to marry you,” he said gently. It was the kind
of thing fathers wanted to know.
“You don’t have to tell them that,” she said, blushing, as she turned away and busied
herself with Athena. He smiled as he watched her then, and walked over to where she
was hiding behind the white horse.
“Don’t run away from me,” he said with a smile, gently pulling her away from the horse
and turning her face up to his. “You don’t have to hide from me. I love you. I want
to marry you one day, but not until I can give you a good life.” He had never said
that to her before, and she buried her face in his chest. She had wondered, but would
never have dared to ask.
“This is a good life,” she said, as she looked up at him again.
“Not good enough. I want to give you more than this, a trailer, and a net for your
act, if I can talk your father into it. You deserve a lot more, Christianna. And one
day, I want to give it to you. I’d love to buy a ranch in the Santa Ynez Valley.”
It had stayed in his mind from when they had seen it together. “Or somewhere else.
Somewhere where we can breed horses and have a peaceful life.”
“And what would I do?” she asked him, smiling at him mischievously. It was a big conversation
they’d never had before, about their future and his dreams, although she knew some
of them but not all.
“Take care of me,” he said with a broad smile, “and have babies, if you want to. That’s
up to you. I’d like that, but I have the boys. I’d love to have a baby with you when
we’re married. But as long as I have you, I’ll be happy. The rest is your decision.”
“And not Germany?” she asked him, curious about his answer.
Like her brothers, she had the feeling that one day he would want to go back to his
own world, even if he was bitter about being forced to leave.
“I don’t know. It depends what happens there after the war. I’m not sure what I would
have left, or how I would feel after they made us leave.” It was a cruel blow. “I
have my father in Germany, which is important to me. If he’s old and he needs me,
I’d go back. If not, I honestly don’t know. Maybe we’d be happier here. We’ll have
to see what it’s like after the war. I don’t know if I’ll be able to reclaim our property.
And who knows how badly they’ll destroy the country? I don’t trust Hitler, and Germany
is at his mercy now. It might never be the same again when it’s all over.” That was
honest, too, and he was trying to be fair with her. “I can’t ask you to marry me now,
Christianna. I have nothing to offer you. But when I do, I will, and I hope you’ll
say yes.” He took her face in his hands as he said it and kissed her. He had told
her all she needed to know, and all that her father would want to hear. “I love you,”
he added for good measure.
“I love you too. And when you ask me, I will say yes, whatever you have. I don’t care.”
He knew that about her, too, and loved her for it.
“I think we got that all worked out,” he said, smiling broadly as they left the horse
tent, and they both looked exceptionally happy when they picked up Lucas and Toby
and joined her family at the restaurant for a New Year’s celebration. Her father noticed
how jubilant they looked too. And after dinner he turned to Nick with a question in
his eyes.
“Do you two have something to tell us?” Sandor prodded them. He and Nick were on a
first-name basis now, which was a sign of his approval.
Nick looked at him innocently, teasing him a little. “Like what?” Nick smiled as he
said it, and Christianna giggled.
“We’re in love, Papa,” she said softly.
“I knew that much months ago. I’m not blind, for God’s sake. Anything else? Any plans?”
He suddenly looked concerned, as his eyes went back to Nick’s.
“As soon as I know that I can offer your daughter a good life, I will come and speak
to you, I promise. I give you my word.”
“And you will stay in the circus?” Sandor pressed him. He drove a hard bargain.
“For as long as Christianna wants to, if that’s reasonable,” Nick said diplomatically.
“I’ll do whatever makes her happy.” But he had already told her what he wanted and
hoped for them. And he hoped he could convince her to try it, a life in the real world
with him. “And I want a wedding present from you, on the day we get married,” Nick
said smoothly.
“Of course,” Sandor said, waving his arms magnanimously. “What is it?”
“A net for my wife,” Nick said, looking him straight in the eye, and for a long moment
the senior Markovich didn’t answer, and then slowly he nodded and shook Nick’s hand.
“You will have it. You have my word as well.” The two men looked satisfied, and as
Nick thought about it, it was enough incentive to make him marry her sooner, just
to preserve her life. But both men looked happy with the bargain they had struck and
the assurances that had been given. Now that their love for each other was no longer
a secret, Nick and Christianna could court openly, with her father’s approval. He
ordered vodka for the entire table, and everyone but Toby and Lucas drank it. There
was a mood of celebration that night, and it was nearly midnight when they went back
to the fairground. Nick wanted to get the boys home and Christianna joined him. Her
brothers stayed to continue drinking with her father, while
their wives and her aunt went back to the fairground as well. It had been a joyful
evening, and they no longer had to deal with the pressure of hiding what they felt
for each other. Nick was glad that Gallina had prodded him to broach the subject.
So far, she was always right. And Sandor seemed satisfied with his promise to ask
for her hand at a later date, and Nick’s answer about staying with the circus seemed
to satisfy him as well. Sandor couldn’t imagine Christianna ever wanting to leave
them, so obviously Nick wouldn’t either. And Nick would make a very distinguished
son-in-law one day. And at the restaurant, after several more vodkas, Sandor was bragging
that his daughter was going to be a countess. As he said it, she was sitting outside
his trailer, talking to Nick, and the boys had just gone to bed. The New Year was
definitely off to a great start.
As they talked softly, Nick noticed a boy wearing a Western Union uniform ride up
to the trailer on a bicycle. He squinted in the darkness as the boy in the uniform
approached after he set down his bicycle. He took an envelope out of a bag slung across
his chest.
“I have a telegram for Nicolas von Bingen. Is that you?” he said in an official voice,
which startled Nick. He wasn’t used to hearing his own name anymore. Everyone at the
circus called him Nick Bing now. And he only saw his name on letters from Alex and
his father.
“Yes, it is.” Nick looked surprised as he took it from him, signed a log sheet the
boy kept with him, and then opened the envelope as Christianna watched and the boy
left. Nick had no idea what it was. He could just barely read it in the moonlight,
and his eyes went immediately to the sender’s name at the bottom of the telegram.
It was from Alex.
“Deeply regret to inform you your father died in the early hours of New Year’s morning.
Peacefully from pneumonia. Nothing we could do. I am so sorry. Fondest sympathy and
all our love. Alex.” Nick
read it and said not a word, unable to absorb what was written, and then read it again
as it sank in. He felt as though he had been struck by lightning. He looked at Christianna
and his eyes filled with tears as he handed it to her. He hadn’t expected this final
blow. He couldn’t imagine a world without his father in it. Other than the boys, all
he had had all his life was his father, and a mother he’d never known and probably
never would now, thanks to Hitler.
Christianna took the telegram from him, read it and gave a gasp, and flew instantly
from where she sat to put her arms around him and console him. He was crying silently
as they held each other, and they sat that way for a long time as the full meaning
of the words hit him. He had lost his father. Christianna stayed with him that night
until early sunrise. The sun was just streaking into the sky when she left him dozing
on the couch and went back to her own trailer. No one heard her tiptoe in. The others
had all had too much to drink the night before, and would be hung over when they woke
up.