“Stop saying that,” she yelled, throwing her hand up. “That’s all you kept saying. And I didn’t believe it then and I don’t now.”
Memories she had refused to face resurfaced as her thoughts flashed to the accident that had changed their lives.
“Dris, you’re full of shit.” She laughed.
“Shit,” the rest of the band in the back seats of the vehicle chanted.
“Fuck all of you,” Driscoll replied.
Laughing, she glanced at him and saw his smug smile that clearly showed he didn’t give a crap they were teasing him. Regina focused back on the road, shaking her head. Driscoll was too used to being in control. The sound of thunder made her frown and she stared out at the pouring rain surrounding them. It had been steadily getting worse throughout the day. A flash of light made her look to her right and past Driscoll out of the passenger side window. A tree toppled. Regina’s eyes widened.
Oh, my God it’s going to hit us.
She focused on Driscoll whose attention was focused on the people in the back seat. “Dris!” she screamed.
He glanced at her startled then turned to look out of the window. “Get down,” he yelled. He returned his attention to her and reached for her.
Regina tightened her hand on the wheel as the tree fell. She swerved to try to save them. The van jerked and she screamed as they were hit. Glass cracked in the back behind them and the screams echoed in the interior. The belt jerked her and she fought to turn the wheel. Stronger hands covered hers and she glanced at Driscoll. There was fear on his face she knew mirrored hers. He jerked the wheel sharply and they spun. Driscoll’s foot pushed down on hers and she felt the van buck as it roared forward then they slid and flipped. Her head snapped back and she moaned as her vision went in and out for a moment.
“Dris.” She reached for him.
“Reggie.” His hand gripped hers and his big body covered hers.
Why isn’t he wearing his seatbelt?
They slid forward. In the next moment, she remembered their location and fear filled her. They were on the winding road to take one of the band members home and there was a steep drop off. She glanced out of the windshield and in the overcast day, she could make out the guardrail that they were moving towards.
“I’ve got you, Reggie.” Driscoll curled his arms around her. She realised he was trying to protect her. She held him, spreading her hands on his back.
Spence, I love you
. She ached, knowing they would die and she would never see him again. Never hold their child together. She slid her hand between her and Driscoll’s body and wept bitterly at the loss of her happiness. Driscoll covered her hand with his. She met his gaze and saw the same hopelessness in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Reggie.” His voice trembled.
“Dris,” she cried then screamed as they hit the rail. Her vision went black.
She was aware of being jostled and lifted, then placed on the cold hard ground. There were sounds around her, then as if from a distance, she heard her name being called.
“Reggie.”
She moaned.
“Come on, Reggie. We need to get you out of here.”
She registered it was Driscoll’s voice. She blinked, opening her eyes. His blood-coated face filled her view. On one side of his face, she could see the bone and sinew.
“Dris,” she whispered.
“You will not die on me, Reggie. Spence would never forgive me. I would never forgive myself. I’m getting you out of here.” He yanked her along the road. She hissed at the scraping on her skin then the pain registered and she bucked, holding her stomach.
“It’ll be okay, Reggie.” Driscoll kept repeating it over and over and he moved her away. Blearily she looked at the fire on the top of the vehicle crumpled against the guardrail.
When did the fire start?
she wondered
.
Driscoll finally stopped and he laid her on the road. He knelt beside her and pushed her hair back from her face. “I’ll be right back.”
“What? Where are you going?”
Driscoll looked at the vehicle then to her. “I need to get them out. There are some alive.” He gulped. “Some looked dead, but their families should at least have their bodies. There is gas and with the fire the van might blow before we get help.” He kissed her cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
“No, Dris. You could be hurt.” Regina grabbed his arms.
“I’ll be fine.” He smiled then pulled her hands from his arms.
He took off his jacket and placed it on her tucking it in around her. He stood then stumbled but seemed to catch his balance as he went back the vehicle. Helpless, Regina watched through the pouring rain as he pulled his band members out of the vehicle. With each person he brought out, she could tell from his expression if they were dead or alive. She heard sounds of pain as some woke. The fire kept burning and she could swear it was spreading. Anxious, she waited each time for Driscoll to get to safety.
Driscoll placed another body beside her then patted her shoulder. “Just have to get Stuart.”
Stuart was Driscoll’s drummer and one of his best friends. Driscoll ran towards the vehicle. Regina stared at the fire—it was indeed spreading.
“Dris,” she called but her voice came out weak.
He went to the vehicle, going around so she couldn’t see him. The flames licked down the side of the car.
“Dris,” she yelled, glad that this time it had come out as she’d intended. She struggled to get up then finally sat, grabbing her belly in pain. Dazed, she started at the fire and shakily got to her knees. “Dris,” she called even louder.
“Reggie,” he replied as he came around the vehicle with Stuart slung over his shoulders, running towards her.
The van exploded and Regina gasped. Horrified, she started as the blast threw Driscoll. He flew through the air then dropped a little away from her. Driscoll was still beneath Stuart who lay over him, also still. Regina tried to stand but, finding she couldn’t, she dropped to her hands then crawled towards him, ignoring the wrenching pain. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she reached the two men. Shakily, she touched Stuart and checked his pulse. It was faint but there. She held back a gag as she saw his back was burnt. Gently, she pushed him off Driscoll. Stuart didn’t make sound—he was out cold. Finally, able to see Driscoll, she held onto the need to vomit as she saw his back was as burnt as Stuart’s was. She moved his head gently so she could see the side of his face. Regina put her fingers against his throat and relief filled her as she felt his pulse. She leaned over and looked at his face.
“Dris,” she screamed.
He groaned and blinked looking at her. His familiar gaze was cloudy. He smiled then said gently, “Tell Spence I love him. And tell your baby about his Uncle Dris.”
“You’re not dying on me, you bastard!” she screamed.
Stuart woke, yelling in agony. Driscoll stared at her. “I love you too, Reggie. Take care of my brother.” He breathed out and his body went slack. Regina stared, unable to believe he was gone. She reached for him and everything went black.
“He saved me then he died.” Regina blinked, startled at the sound of her own voice.
“You’ve never talked about it before,” Spencer said.
She realised she’d said everything she remembered aloud. Regina shook her head then collapsed. Spencer caught her, lowering them both to the floor then rocked her. Regina held him tight.
“He lived, Regina,” Spencer crooned in her ear. “He lived because of us. He saved you but then we saved him. Remember he wanted to die. Both he and Stuart were determined to die. But we wouldn’t let them.” His voice was soft and firm. “We arranged it for them to be in the same hospital room and we were there twenty-four seven. We had help from family and our friends who are our family. But we were the ones who Dris and Stu depended on to be stubborn enough to not let them die.” Spencer rocked her gently, smoothing his hand over her back. “Then after when they were released and those weeks of recovery and therapy, we stayed at Dris’ house with them both and made sure they worked to get back to themselves.”
“They will never be themselves,” Regina said bitterly. “None of us are.”
“I didn’t mean it literally. We all change daily, Reggie. Things happen that make us change. No one is the same. It’s what you do with the changes that are important.” Spencer turned her face to his. “Dris and Stu lived and then survived to live a full life because of help from us. You didn’t kill them. None of them. It was an accident.”
She opened her mouth. Spencer pressed his finger over her lip.
“An accident that tragically took many lives.” Spencer’s tears fell. “Including our child. It was tragic, but it wasn’t your fault, Reggie. No one blames you. I love you, Reggie.”
“I killed our son, Spence.” She blinked as her tears flowed down her cheeks.
Spencer inhaled. “Since the accident, that’s the first time you acknowledged we were having a boy.” He gently rubbed away her tears. “Hell, this is the first time you ever hinted that you blamed yourself.” He studied her. “I realise now that after the accident you evaded what happened. I was going between you, Dris and the other band mates to make sure everyone was okay. Then when you recovered, you came and helped, pushing away any concern for yourself. That was an evasion, Regina.” He cupped her cheek. “The guilt for what happened is not necessary.”
“I did it.” She closed her eyes.
“You told the story of what happened from your view, Reggie,” Spencer said. “But when Dris told me what happened a while after the accident, it was slightly different.”
Regina looked at him. “I’m sure it was. He blames me for what happened.”
“You’re an idiot.” Spencer’s gentle reprimand made her frown.
“It’s true.”
“It’s as true as you killing his band mates.” He paused briefly. “Or our son.”
Regina flinched at having him confirm he believed she did murder him.
“There is no kernel of truth in either.” Spencer rubbed his finger on her cheek. “There is no one to blame. I—”
“I’m to blame. I was driving.”
“Then I’m to blame for asking you to pick them up,” Spencer countered.
“That’s not true.” Regina shook her head.
“Why not? I was supposed to pick Dris and his band from the airport but got called into work. I asked you to go to pick them up instead. So I’m to blame for sending you instead.” Spencer shrugged.
“That’s stupid. You didn’t do anything.”
“Hmmm…then maybe we can blame Dris for asking me to pick him up thus me asking you and then creating the accident.” Spencer scowled. “Yeah, let’s blame him.”
“It wasn’t his fault or yours.” She shook her head.
“Then why is it your fault that a tree fell and made you have an accident.” Spencer’s tone was reasonable.
“Don’t try the reverse psychology on me,” she said tucking her head against his neck.
“It’s true.” Spencer hugged her. “The silence between us was because of your guilt. About Dris and the others. Most especially about our son.”
Regina didn’t answer. He already sounded sure he knew the reasons. And he was correct—she was guilty about what had happened.
“I bet you’ve thought that us not having a child together bothers me. But it doesn’t, Reggie. I love you and you are everything to me.” Spencer rubbed his head against her hair. “If you had died that day I would have died too. You are my heart and soul, Reggie. The woman who has claimed me as hers. I won’t let you blame yourself for this.”
However, I am to blame. Our son is dead because of me and we can never have another child. I can never give you a child. You say it doesn’t matter, but it does.
Regina remembered all the times they’d talked about how many kids they would have. They’d wanted a houseful. Spencer would be a great father. She’d taken that away from him. The blame was hers—she was the driver of the van that had affected so many lives and nothing anyone could say would change the fact she’d killed so many people. Devastated families and changed lives. Killed their son, who she’d imagined would look like Spencer. Spencer kissed the top of her head.
“I’m glad this is finally in the open. No more silence, Reggie. You are not at fault for anything that happened. You need to believe that.”
But I am to blame.
She closed her eyes.
And I’ll never believe anything different.
Chapter Seven
Regina absently stared out of the window. The landscape around Moments was brightly lit by the mid-day sun. She imagined the workers were doing the final set up for the wedding she was in charge of, which was occurring the next day. It had been iffy that the weather would hold for them to do it outside—they had been getting a lot of rain for the last week. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Until a week ago, she usually hadn’t let the rain bother her but since talking about the accident, she had been uneasy with it.
“Reggie—”
She jumped and looked towards the doorway of her office. Julianne frowned and came in, closing the door behind her. Regina bit back a sigh. She knew that look—Julianne wasn’t going to be put off any longer. After speaking with Spencer, when she’d come in the first workday after their talk, her partners had looked at her and they knew her well enough to know something was wrong. She’d forestalled them asking by keeping busy. She’d had a legitimate excuse, since the bride had been particularly demanding and was making last minutes changes. Regina looked at the phone and wished it would ring.
“What’s going on with you, Reggie?” Julianne leaned on the desk beside her. “Is everything okay with you and Spencer?”
“Everything is fine.” Regina crossed her arms.
And it was. There was a lightness and relief in Spencer she could clearly see in how he acted. It was as if since she told him what she believed, he thought everything would be fine. He didn’t seem to realise life went on, but fine was relative to what you gauged it by. He was glad she had revealed what had happened and how she felt, but to her it was only bringing back memories best left buried.