Authors: Monica Miller
Matt backed out of the kissed way too soon, still holding me in his arms, and he put his forehead on mine, his breath as harsh as mine. I wondered if he realized how much it affected me. I couldn’t even dare to look into his eyes. I hated myself for not having that feeling with Morgan. Oh, Morgan! I’m an awful person. Totally horrible and terrible.
“So, what are we eating for Christmas?” Matt asked casually sitting on the couch with his feet on the coffee table.
What
? How can he be that cool about it? I stood there, in the middle of the living room, completely astounded, and there he was as confident and cocky as if nothing happened!
“I don’t know yet. Surely not pizza,” I said sitting carefully next to him and sighed. It’s incredible! He just can’t do that!
“We could always go out. To have dinner out.”
“At Destiny’s?” I asked, feeling a little uncomfortable. Was he actually asking me to have dinner with him? Of course he’s not, Emma, Rick would come too.
“Not really. We hang out there all the time, Ems,” he complained, pulling me closer to him and placing his arm around my shoulders. “We could go somewhere nice. It’s Christmas, right? It’s not that I don’t like Destiny’s, but it’s quite ordinary for Christmas, don’t you think?”
I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder, trying to make all the feelings which struggled inside of me disappear. But it was so damn hard!
*
Matt was supposed to come and pick me up around 7:00. Rick should come, too, but I haven’t seen him since last night. I ended up making Matt a nice frame with a picture of us at Prom, I actually managed to find one where I looked pretty enough to not ruin the whole picture since he was there in his black suit and being as perfect as always. It actually looked nice.
I chose to wear a little black dress, a little too short. I straightened my hair and it took about an hour, because usually Monica helped me with it and I was slow at this. I missed her already. She sent me an e-mail last night, and said everything was awesome in Canada, but it was really cold. Of course, Sherlock, what would you expect? My makeup took around twenty minutes and at 6:47 I was ready. I wanted to know where Rick was. And I couldn’t stop but think that my night with Matt looked a lot like a date. And normally it should bother me, because I had a boyfriend, who didn’t call me in the last 48 hours, but I was pretty excited about this.
Ever since he left I couldn’t get my mind of that perfect kiss we shared. It was abnormal and it shouldn’t be like that! I should hate the fact that my best friend kissed me under the mistletoe, and I had freaking enjoyed every second of it.
When the doorbell rang I checked myself in the mirror one more time. Yes, I looked pretty tonight. Somehow I felt a little more confident. I opened the door and there he was, as flawless as ever, with a bright smile on his beautiful face. I smiled back at him and invited him in.
“This is for you,” he said, giving me a bouquet of white lilies. My jaw literally dropped when I saw just how beautiful they were. “Also, I got you this,” he said, giving me a small box.
“I got something for you too,” I told him taking his present from the coffee table and giving it to him without making eye contact. I was so curious about his present and I unwrapped its purple paper. Inside was another small box and when I opened it there was a beautiful golden necklace with a heart medallion. Seriously?! “Dude…” I started, without knowing what I should say to this. Obviously he had spent a lot of money on this. “This is…”
“Do you like it?” he asked excited, looking at the frame in his hand. “Ems, this is awesome!” he told me with a smile, and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, and then he bit his lower lip.
“No,
this
is awesome!” I told him, still in shock. “You know you shouldn’t have…”
“Oh, stop it. You deserve it. Plus, I’ll get a job soon, so no worries,” I tucked my hair on a side and turned my back on him as he put the necklace on my neck. I felt my heart pounding but I decided to ignore it. “You’re beautiful, Emma,” he said with a smile. “And we should get going. Are you ready?”
I nodded, and put on a pair of Monica’s black shoes. Matt took my hand and I didn’t say anything. When we reached his car, because he knew L.A now so he could drive safely, plus Ben gave him for Christmas a GPS so we won’t get lost, he opened the door for me and I had this strange deja-vu, reminding me of Prom.
The restaurant we went to was really small, but beautiful, with a vintage style, and I could see the ocean from our table. They had very good music, creating a cozy atmosphere, and the waiters were really nice. Matt and I talked all evening, laughing while he convinced me to drink about three glasses of wine, because he couldn’t drink since he was driving. I liked the way he kept touching my hand, or how he moved every time closer to me, and he didn’t pay any attention to any waiter who tried to flirt with him. And they were actually beautiful, but he didn’t pay attention to them. I noticed that while they glared at me. Yeah, I was pretty lucky, but Matt was my friend. I guess.
All night I only thought that I had made a terrible mistake sending him that e-mail. Maybe we could’ve been pretty awesome together. But then, when I realized how every girl in the room looked at him, it seemed impossible. Not that I was jealous type or something, but he could have anyone he wanted. And it was damn difficult to compete with
anyone
.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Matt asked when we walked out of the restaurant around 11 PM. He took my hand in his and we slowly walked towards his car. The air was cool, and it was perfect for a walk.
“Why don’t we take a walk on the beach?” I asked then realized it sounded cheesy. Seriously, dinner, holding hands, a walk on the beach? I wanted to tell myself this wasn’t a date, but I knew it kind of was.
“Sure. Perfect idea, you know,” he told me with the smile that drove me crazy.
The fact that everything was so normal with him annoyed me. I wished there would be an awkward moment, and then hear him say “what the fuck are we doing, Ems, we’re just friends, stop dreaming,” or something like that. But there wasn’t a moment like that. We walked holding hands, occasionally he put his arm around my waist or shoulder. We talked all the way, and it felt so right just to stay next to him. After an hour we returned to his car, and sang along the random songs played at the radio, mostly ruining the songs because we had no idea what they were about. He almost ran the red because we were laughing so hard at some crappy band, messing the words so badly. Also, Matt held my hand in his all the way until we arrived at my place.
“Let’s watch a cheesy Christmas movie,” Matt suggested when we entered my apartment.
“Good idea,” I said while I was taking off my shoes. “Sure, Rick’s not home,” I sighed and sat on the couch, running a hand through my hair. He was supposed to be good! And I was supposed to watch him. What had happened with my brother?
“I’ll talk to him if you want me to,” Matt told me, sitting next to me. “It was an amazing night, wasn’t it, Ems?” he asked, rubbing my back. I nodded, and climbed out of the couch and looked through Monica’s DVD collection.
“
Love actually
?” I asked holding the DVD. “It has Alan Rickman, so whatever you say, your argument is invalid,” I told him laughing.
He didn’t say anything when I took the DVD out of his hands and played it. I turned the lights off, and Matt took off his jacket, opening the two top bottoms of his shirt, and I decided to act cool as I sat next to him, with my head on his shoulder like I used to.
Obviously Matthew talked all the time during the movie, like he’s always doing at romantic movies. He just can’t help himself not to say that is a cliché or something like that. And he laughs at every emotional scene. I punched him twice in his shoulder, but he just wrapped his arms around me, and I couldn’t do anything anymore. After the movie was over we decided to make a snack, or more he decided, but dragged me with him in the kitchen, and walked around without turning on the light, and he stood for a couple of minutes in front of the fridge, just looking at it.
He took some things out, and left them on the counter, and looked at me and I burst out laughing. Matt looked at me and took a step closer.
“Let’s dance,” he suggested, pulling me into him, placing one hand on my waist and he held my hand with the other one.
I looked at him in disbelief since we had no music, or light as a matter of fact. The only light was coming from the fridge, and I was uncomfortable, but we started moving around, and Matt was holding me so close to him I could smell his masculine cologne, and felt my heart pounding in my chest. I’m pretty sure he could feel it too, from the way he looked down at me.
He took my hand and twirled me until I ended up again in his strong arms. He slowly lifted me until we had the same height, and that was quite a lot, considering Matt was taller than six feet tall. He looked into my eyes, and I felt the breath catching down my throat. Even in the darkness, his piercing blue eyes shined. I felt my heart stopping, and suddenly I started trembling.
Just kiss me, dammit!
I thought to myself. I wouldn’t say that out loud, because it was weird to wish that your best friend would kiss you.
He held me in his arms like I weight nothing, looking hesitantly at me, then my lips, then in my eyes again. I never wanted anyone so bad in my entire life. He slowly closed the distance between us, and I closed my eyes and right when his lips touched mine…
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear… Na na na, Happy birthday to you!”
The light turned on, and Matt slowly let me on the floor. I looked at my drunk brother who stumbled on the floor, completely wasted.
“Em!” he yelled with a big grin on his face. “Dude… Does anyone else… feel the sexual tension around here?” he asked and burst out laughing. I didn’t even dare to look at Matt. “Or maybe it is because… I just had sex?” he stumbled in his way towards the kitchen and nearly fell on the floor.
“Richard!” I complained, helping him walk.
“You’re… so boring!” he yelled even louder. “You sound like freakin’ mom! Hey, guy who wants to nail my sister. I don’t like you very much…” he coughed, and it was getting harder to keep him on his feet.
“Let’s get you to bed,” Matt sighed, taking him and walking with him towards the guest room. I sighed and sat on the closest chair, thinking what would’ve happened if Rick didn’t show up now.
This was so wrong! I knew that. But a part of me didn’t care. I should care about Morgan, and that is wrong to act like your dating your best friend. Then I reminded Monica’s words and I felt little proud about it. After everything that happened tonight, yes, I think we would be kind of great together. But I still have Morgan.
It’s not like you’re married to him. You don’t love him
, I thought. And it was true. He was great and everyone knew it, he always acted sweet, and cared about me, but it wasn’t the kind of relationship that lasted more than a few months. It was… boring, actually.
“Right now I’d really love to know what you’re thinking about,” Matt said as he sat next to me.
“Stuff,” I replied shortly. “How’s Rick?”
“Sleeping. What’s the matter with him? He wasn’t always like that, right?”
“Nope… Anyway, Merry Christmas to you too,” I said sarcastically.
“Just don’t think about him, okay?” Matt said as he put his arm around me. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, I promise. He’ll be a good boy again,” he added and laughed. I nodded, and wanted to believe that.
*
There was a lot of noise somewhere… I refused to open my eyes and I wish it would just go away. I shifted in my bed and I felt someone’s arms around me. It felt comfortable.
What? Wait a minute… I suddenly opened my eyes and saw Matt next to me. Oh, of course. He stayed here last night
again
. It started to become so usual for him to stay here… And for me to wake up in his arms. It felt great. I smiled to myself thinking about how nice our night has been, until Rick arrived drunk. I heard the noise again. It was coming from the kitchen. I moved carefully not to wake him up, and went to the kitchen, a place which my brother was ready to destroy.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m… Hey, Em,” Rick said, turning around and grinning at me. “Looking for coffee, actually. I have this huge headache!”
He ran his hand through his hair, and I noticed he was only wearing a pair of jeans. He was right, he definitely looked fitter than last time I saw him. I laughed, and pushed the button of the coffee maker, and went to the bathroom without saying anything to Rick. I wanted to kill him, but I couldn’t do that. Mom would kill me later.
After taking a shower I came back in the kitchen and Rick was there, sipping on his coffee. I smiled and him, and ruffled his hair, like I used to.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered so slowly I barely heard. “I suck. I got so fucking drunk last night and… I shouldn’t have done that. Just… you know how it’s living with our folks, right? I can’t go anywhere. And when I can sneak out, it’s not as fun as should be. So here I was allowed to do that…”
“You’re not allowed, Richard,” I told him, and he laughed. “And having fun doesn’t mean you can drink all the alcohol in the world, and do something stupid.”
“That’s what Matt said earlier,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Oh. Matt. Sure,” I said and a smile curled my lips.
“Yeah, he got a phone call, something about work? Is he working?”
“Not yet…” I told him confused. “So, what do you want for breakfast?” I asked looking in the fridge.
“Pancakes,” Rick and Matt said at the same time. I turned and look at Matt, who looked as good as always, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt either. What’s the matter with them? It’s like they’re on a six pack contest. I rolled my eyes, and agreed to that, but I didn’t actually cook.
“I’ll help you,” Matt said, reading my mind. He bumped his fist with my brother’s and it actually was weird. Rick said he didn’t like Matt just the night before.