Perfect Match (43 page)

“Matt! So… Alex just asked me out,” Emma said walking into my office with a big smile on her face. “Isn’t he adorable?”

“No! You don’t even know the guy!”

“But I will, right?” she asked sitting on the leather chair in front of my desk, still smiling.

I hated that. I hated I can’t make her smile like that anymore and Mr. Arrogant got all the credit now. Because I loved seeing Emma smiling, no matter who made her smile. But Mr. Arrogant couldn’t come here and act like he owns the place and ask Emma out!

“I wanna know what you’re thinking right now,” Emma whispered and I caught her eyes and sighed.

“I think that the guy’s kind of arrogant and I think he’s up to no good… And you’re rushing into it. You don’t even know him!” I repeated a little louder than I should have.

“Where’s this coming from, Matt?” she asked and her smile faded. “I didn’t know you when you asked me out when we first met.”

Oh, so she remembered that one too. Of course, the stupid arrogant version of me uses my lines! “I know, but I’m… me, and he’s…”

“He’s Alex, and you don’t even know him so why are you being so annoying?”

“I’m annoying now?”

“Yes! Because I was so happy until two minutes ago and now you’re making me question everything… Every single time. So what if I don’t know him? Am I not allowed to like someone, or what? What do you want, Matthew? Because I’m so tired of guessing what you think every single moment and why you’re acting like that lately!”

“Like what? How have I been acting lately?” I asked rolling my eyes.

“Like that! Like you’re better than anyone else and you’re so arrogant and annoying and no one could even talk to you properly and I happen to know you’re nothing like that… Or at least you weren’t.”

“I’m not arrogant! He is!”

“You don’t even know him!” she repeated, yelling at me.

“Why are you defending him? I was supposed to be your friend, right?”

“It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re acting like a jerk and judging people you don’t even know! And making me feel guilty for going out with a guy I’ve just met.”

“I’m not acting like a jerk,” I whispered and she sighed, running a hand through her hair.

I started pacing around my office and she didn’t say anything else. I hated seeing her mad, especially at me. She was right, I was acting like a jerk but that was because I didn’t want her to go out with him. Maybe I didn’t want her to go out with anyone and I knew that was just selfish coming from me.

“I just don’t like that guy, okay?”

“Why? Because he’s so much like you?” Emma asked with a sad tone.

I shook my head and sat on the chair next to her. She was avoiding my eyes, like she always did when she was mad. I slowly tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and she looked at me with her big brown eyes and my heart stopped.

“No. Maybe I hate the fact that you wanna date him, and not me.”

“Matt, we’ve been through this. You’re not… dateable anymore,” she said and I laughed.

“So you’re gonna think about it?”

“No. I kind of like him, okay? He seems interesting. Get used to the idea. Maybe there are times when I hate seeing you with Monica, did you ever think about that?” she blurted out.

I took a deep breath and leaned over her, placing my hand on her back and pulling her into me while my lips touched hers. At first she fought it, but I was holding her tightly in my arms and she had no way out. I didn’t want to leave her any way out of this. I ran my hand through her beautiful brown hair and she wrapped her hands around my neck, our kissing becoming even more passionate than before. I lifted her carefully and placed her on my desk without breaking our kiss. Emma was holding onto me so tight, kissing me like she used to, making me feel so many sensations, and I didn’t care about anything else except her, wrapped around me.

Our breathing was heavy and she tasted heavenly. Like strawberry and caramel and her legs were wrapped around my waist and I pushed away everything I had on my desk, kissing her without stopping. It was addictive.

“Hey, Matt I need to… Uh, sorry.”

Emma and I broke our kiss and I turned and saw Alex standing in the door frame with a confused expression on his face. I sighed and looked at Emma, who was definitely embarrassed, because she wasn’t looking at neither of us. Alex looked at us and nodded, walking out of the door and suddenly the air felt heavy as I sat on the chair I’ve sat before, without even looking at Emma. I knew what she was thinking. That it was my fault and I shouldn’t have done that and she hated me, because now I was dating Monica. Correction, I was engaged to Monica. And I was telling her that she can’t date Alex because I was stupid and selfish. I haven’t said that, but I knew she was thinking that. I know I was.

“I’m sorry, Emma. I’m being stupid, okay?”

“Yeah, you are,” she said and sat on the chair, running a hand through her now messy hair. “But I can’t help not being attracted to it.”

Emma said that in a heartbeat and before I even knew it, she was kissing me again as passionate as before. I immediately kissed her back, without thinking of anything else. Mr. Arrogant was irrelevant now and so was Monica and everyone else. She was sitting now on my lap, her hands around my neck holding me so tightly I could feel her heart beating so fast and I thought this was ironic, because my heart was beating equally as fast and we were just so perfect together, but I was stupid enough not to do something about it. And I was still dating Monica, and Emma wanted to date Mr. Arrogant, who just interrupted us.

When Emma started unbuttoning my shirt, her hands trembling whilst she kissed my neck, I felt bad about it. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, because I totally did, but it was unfair for Monica. And Emma.

“Hey… Emma, stop,” I told her as I pushed her away.

I didn’t even dare to look into her eyes, because I knew she was hurt and disappointed. Hell, even I was disappointed I was doing that!

“I just…” I stared without even knowing what to say.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she said as she rose from the chair and started walking towards the door.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. I’m always being stupid and I…” I took a breath and ran a hand through my hair. “Look, this is… Not good.”

“No shit, Holmes,” Emma said sarcastically. “This is seriously fucked up.”

“I know. And I… I’m sorry this has to be like this. I know it’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not, it’s mine too,” she said as she sat back on the chair. “We’re so not good for each other right now, you know? I should… take a vacation or… quit?”

“No! I don’t… I don’t want things to be like that for us, Emma.”

“Me neither,” she whispered. “Still, I think I should get a few days off, okay? Just to clear my head and… It’ll be good for you, too.”

“I love you, Emma,” I said again, and she didn’t even meet my gaze.

“You can’t keep saying that if you don’t mean it,” she whispered.

“But I do. I can’t, I…”

“Don’t do that again, okay?” she sighed and ran a hand through her hair again. “I’ve just started to accept this, and you tell me that you love me? You can’t do that!”

I nodded even though I couldn’t image how it was good for me now seeing her for a few days. But I had to stop thinking like that about her since I couldn’t break up with Monica now. It was weird even thinking about breaking up with her. She seemed into this wedding thing and I couldn’t do anything but accept it. It was stupid when I said it and it’s stupid now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care for her or that I don’t want her to be happy. After all, that’s why I’m doing this.

“Maybe it won’t be that bad if you get to know Alec.”

“It’s Alex,” Emma said with a little laugh, trying to sound upset.

“I know. You don’t wanna know how it sounds in my head.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

There was an annoying silence between us and I kept pacing around my desk. I wanted to say something, but the words didn’t want to come. I might as well say something really stupid and blow it. Worse than I already did.

“I really should get back to work. I have this awful boss and he’s so arrogant and annoying… You have no idea,” she said with a laugh and I rolled my eyes.

“I’m sure he’s not that bad.”

“You’re right, he’s not,” Emma said with a smile. “It’s even worse than that!” she said before walking out of my office and I smiled.

Chapter 32

Date night

~*~
E
mma
W
est ~*~

The truth is I feel like crap.

Because I made it clear to Matt that I still felt everything exactly the same way I did months ago, and that he wasn’t even considering leaving Monica. I didn’t want that, I just wanted him to realize we were perfect for each other. And after he kissed me in his office, I guess I just lost it. You can’t blame me for being addicted to his touch, cause… I am.

And the moment Alex stepped in… I can’t say that was the best synchronization I’ve ever seen. It’s true I was still trying to get over Matt, but I never thought you could get over someone by dating someone else. Because you can’t. I can’t, at least. I know I’d just continue to compare him with Matt and from where I stood, the first time my eyes laid on Alex, I thought he had the same attitude as Matt.

And after we spoke and he invited me out just the way Matt did five years ago, what else could I have said? Of course I said yes, considering I wanted to move on, but at the same time I wanted Matt back somehow. And Alex was there, being as Matt as anyone could. Except for Matt.

And the way Matt stopped kissing me in his office completely blew my mind. I never thought he’d stop and I had to admit the fact that he did made me want him even more. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t care if Monica loved him, that I’d do anything to go back to what we used to be.

But that would be wrong, and that’s not me. After all, I had no idea if I forgave him or if I’m just attracted to him like I felt for years, and now that I can’t have him anymore, I want him more.

We shared amazing moments, we also had a lot in common and my feelings for Matt have increased in time, during the moments we went out and laughed for hours, when he held my hand and we made fun of everyone, our kisses in New York, in the time we went together back in Connecticut and spent Valentine’s Day together, when he told me he loved me…

He has been the first guy ever who told me he loved me and… he was the first I’ve ever loved, too. He was the first in so many ways and right now I was more confused than ever. Maybe coming back to work with him has been a stupid thing to do, but how was I going to get away from him?

I remembered Jensen’s words and that he thought I should fight for him. But what does Jensen Ackles know? I’m just thinking about the fact that he’s dating Danneel Harris and he’s trying so hard to have something with Gabrielle while she’s still dating Shia LaBeouf. He’s not appropriate to give advice about dating.

But what about what I want? I want to go back to being Emmatt again. I want Monica to go find herself someone else, to move to New York and make Ben understand they were meant to be or maybe she could realize Rick was the one for her. Anything. Anyone. It doesn’t matter.

“What are you thinking about so intensely?” Matt asked leaning on my desk and I regretted the decision of coming back to work the next day.

Maybe I should’ve taken a day off like I said. Just to clear my mind. But what’s left to clear? I know what I want, but that’s something I can’t have, no matter what I could do about it. He’s pretty convinced he wants to be with Monica, considering he proposed to her.

“Stuff…” I started, avoiding his eyes as I took a file from my desk and started arranging papers and clearing the things on my desk.

“Wanna talk about it?” he insisted as he bent over the wood desk and his face was now so close to mine that I almost forgot how to breathe while my heart started racing in my chest.

“Nope. It’s cool,” I replied with a smile. “Going somewhere?”

“Yes, actually I’m leaving sooner cause I promised Monica we’ll go see this movie and… yeah.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“I can give you a lift if you want to,” he said casually.

“Nope, I still have to finish these here… Thanks though.”

“Hey, Emma!” Alex said popping out of nowhere.

This is awesome! I haven’t seen him the whole day, not because I avoided him, although I kind of did, and then he has to come here exactly when Matt was here too.

I gave him a small smile and I could swear I noticed Matt rolling his eyes. Alex’s smile was warm and he looked so good rocking a grey suit and he was standing in front of Matt with his hands in his pockets as if he was expecting Matt to say something first. Yes, definitely so much like Matt. But since I knew Matthew better than that, I knew he won’t say anything because he hasn’t liked Alex from the very first moment and he won’t start liking him now.

“So… Yeah, I’ll go now,” Matt said as he took a step back. “Have a good night, Ems,” he said and almost emphasized my name while glaring at Alex.

“You too,” I said trying not to laugh.

I know I was confused when Matt arrived, but seeing him act the way he does around Alex it’s just hilarious. I could dare to think he still cares, because he says he does, but he doesn’t do anything about it, so why all the jealousy? I don’t think I’ll ever understand Matt Nicholls.

“So… Emma… I was wondering if you’re still up for tomorrow night?” Alex asked with his hands still in his pockets while balancing back and forth.

“Sure,” I replied with a smile.

I wanted to say something else, but I had no idea what I could say. I’ve always been bad at small talk and basically I knew nothing about Alex. That reminded me of a guy who gave me a ride back to my house when I was like fourteen or fifteen, which had been really nice, and I remember hating myself for not knowing how to talk to guys. You’d think having Matt around for so many years adjusted my comfort around men, but that’s not true. I’m only comfortable around Matt.

“Do you still have work to do?” Alex asked out of a sudden.