Authors: Monica Miller
I got up and looked around the room for Monica, ready to admit that I was wrong and it was too late to make things right, but maybe I could. I walked around the crowded room aimlessly and then took another look at Emma and she gave me a little smile and I nodded before I went outside to talk to Monica. I found her on the hallway sitting on a chair with her head in her hands and she seemed so sad.
“We need to talk,” I said before the courage I had from the booze vanishes.
“Okay,” she said without looking at me.
“I think it’s all a mistake. Us. We shouldn’t be dating, cause I don’t think I feel the same way.”
I said it all too fast and I don’t think it sounded just like that, cause I was drunk, I couldn’t keep my balance and I was jealous as hell because Emma was dancing with Alex. But in my head, that’s what I was saying.
“Are you being serious right now?” Monica said and when she looked at me I noticed that her eyes were red and her makeup was now all over her face.
“Yes, I think we’ve both been through some big shit when we got together because my stupid best friend left and you loved him, but now… I’m drunk,” I said and started laughing, but Monica didn’t find it so funny. God, she’s
so
boring.
“I can’t believe you’re saying that!”
“But I am drunk!”
“God, you’re stupid!” she took a deep breath and got up from the chair and took a few steps away from me. “Look, I told you at first it’s been a mistake, Matt! And that it didn’t mean anything, but no, you insisted, and you were so great… Despite the fact that you really are a selfish jerk, as I can see now. And I thought you were better than Ben, because he left me and I thought I’m not good enough and then you were there, Matt, being all awesome, and now what? You say you don’t feel the
same
?”
“I said I’m drunk!” I stated as I sat on the floor and ran a hand through my hair and then placed my black hat again on my head. This was good. I never noticed the walls were red. Maybe they weren’t. They were green and red, with little flowers which were jumping on a field. No, they’re playing soccer! Gosh, they’re so funny!
“Could you stop laughing and focus here?” Monica asked and I shook my head.
“The little flower scored!” I yelled and raised up my hands. “I wonder who their coach is? Maybe a little bee? A spelling bee, maybe?”
“I can’t do this, Matt!” Monica said and took off just when the big, bad insects defeated my flowers. What’s wrong with you? And I lost it! It could’ve been offside but how would I know? Monica was in the mood for drama!
I got up when I lost the match and hardly made it outside and the fresh breeze hit my face like a glass of cold water. I sat on the stairs, reminding the feeling of unhappiness I felt when Emma was with Alex. She was with him now. And I couldn’t do anything to change it. I took of my hat and started playing with it and somehow it felt pretty relaxing. And hell, this was funny.
Maybe you could kill him. Yes! And took a sample of his blood to… destroy the human race. And I’d become the leader, king Matt Nicholls. No, I’d change my name to something more interesting. Matt… Thor! Or… The Hulk Nicholls. Or something like that. Matt ‘the Avenger’ Nicholls. That would sound good. And Emma would be my Black Widow. She’d be Lois Lane. Mary Jane. No, no, Gwen Stacy. Gwen Stacy and I’d go for Spider-Man. The amazing one. I’d be The Gorgeously Awesome Spider-Matt.
And Alex would be the bad guy… Who’d rise from the dead… No, he’s dead already. Now… He’s dead. And I can fly!
“What are you doing here alone?”
I heard her voice that sounded like… Christmas bells. I started laughing because I didn’t know what to answer and Emma came and sat next to me, crossing her arms across her chest. That didn’t make things easier for me.
“I noticed you drank a lot tonight. I was worried for you.”
“I love you, too,” I said as I took her hand and kissed it.
“I said… What’s wrong with you?” Emma said as she pulled her hand away and got up to her feet and when I looked at her she looked like a giant. I could be a giant too, I thought as I tried to get up, but the stairs were pretty clingy.
“Dance with me,” I told her as I took her hand in mine.
Of course she protested at first, but we were in front of our office building at 11 PM and the air was pretty cold for her strapless black dress and she didn’t have the time to complain too much before I placed my hands on her tiny waist and pulled her closer to me. She placed her hands around my neck eventually and everything stopped being so funny. It was us again, the Avengers.
The air was making her hair float so gracefully and she looked perfect right there, in the darkness of the street and her brown eyes glowing.
“Matt, we can’t do this,” Emma said eventually as she let go of me and took a step back. “I just wanted to check on you, cause I didn’t see you for a while and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“I am now,” I said with a laugh.
“Okay, this might get a little weird, but… Why were you looking like that at me while I was dancing with Alex?”
“Because I hate the guy. I physically… drunk him. No, I’m drunk. And this is fun. You should be drunk too. And then we could be the Drunk Avengers.”
“What? Are you even listening to yourself?” Emma asked, but I could tell she found this funny, cause the sides of her lips were turned up in a cute smile.
“Yes, I thought about it. We’re the Avengers, Emma. It’s our job to be… drunk.”
“No, it’s not, that’s your job!” she said laughing.
“Then what would your job be?” I asked as I managed to get closer to her and I placed my hand on her waist and slowly caressed her back.
“My job… would be far away from you.”
“Wrong answer. You’re my Pepper, you know? No. You’re hotter than she is. You’re Gwen Stacy and I’m Peter Parker.”
“But he ends up with Mary Jane. It’s always been Mary Jane,” Emma said as she shook her head.
I took a step towards her and placed my lips on hers before she could react and protest. I wrapped my hands tight around her and just enjoyed the closeness between us, the feeling that I had with no one else but Emma, because I loved her.
She grabbed my collar and pulled me closer to her, kissing me so passionately I barely could keep my balance due to the amount of alcohol used to forget about my stupidity.
The way I held her in my arms, the way I felt about kissing her… I knew I’d do anything to have this again, that I’d do anything to keep her happy, and be happy myself at the same time and I knew that there was only one way to do that.
She pulled out from the kiss, her hands still on my chest as mine slowly moved up on her back. I touched her cheek with my fingertips and she gave me a small smile.
“I could break up with Monica. I’d do that for you now,” I actually did, but I didn’t tell her that.
“No! I can’t do this!” Emma yelled at me and ran a hand through her hair. “Are you being serious?” she asked a few moments later with a softer voice. “Would you?”
“Yes.”
“Then do it,” Emma said and I placed my hand on hers and she smiled. “I could break up with Alex too.”
“Yes, please do that!” I said and she started laughing as she moved a little closer to me.
“And you had to do this now?” Emma asked and I could barely keep my balance so she wrapped an arm around me and the other one placed it on my chest.
“Yes…” I heard myself saying, even though every single word was giving me a headache. “I love you.”
“Matthew, you know that you can’t say that, right? And you wouldn’t say it if you hadn’t drank the entire lot of alcohol from the party,” Emma joked as she helped me to sit on the cold stairs from the entrance of the building.
“You know me so well…”
“If I don’t know you, who else will?” she asked with a giggle.
I was completely surprised she wasn’t yelling at me anymore or making a scene about kissing her a few minutes ago. And that was perfect. Her lips were practically heaven.
“I don’t know. I think you really know me better than I know myself. Except when I’m a fuckin’ jerk.”
“Good point, Matt. Look, you can’t say that today. Everything’s going great with Alex and Monica was practically bragging about her ring to everyone. There is not a single person who hasn’t heard her say how amazing you are. And it’s awesome… She asked me to be her maid of honor, Matthew. And we’re not…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yes, me too. I’m really sorry because at some point I thought we could have something and I was wrong, I know you and I should’ve been the rational one. And I hate myself for it.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated and I felt myself sound like a broken record. “I want you to know you’re awesome. And I think I would’ve said that even if I was sober.”
“I know,” she said and rested her head on my shoulder. “We really have to stop being like this, Matthew… It’s not good for Monica or Alex or us.”
“I know… But I can’t help it…” I said and ran a hand through my hair. “I hate seeing you with that guy,” I confessed with a sigh and she nodded.
“I hate seeing you with Monica too, but I’m not complaining, Nicholls. I really think we should stop this, even if it’s killing me.”
“I love you,” I said and every single part of me felt the reality of it. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it and she moved even closer to me and placed her arm around me. I kissed her forehead and she sighed.
“I love you, too, Matt,” she whispered eventually and I turned my head and kissed her one more time.
Chapter 34
Changing minds
~*~
E
mma
W
est ~*~
“Matt and I broke up,” Monica said when I opened the door and she burst in before I said anything. “Just like that, he called off the wedding and everything.”
No, no,
no
!
Why not? You should be happy, I thought to myself as I looked at Monica who was sitting on my couch with her arms crossed over her chest and at her big, red eyes. She looked sad and depressed and inside me I felt… nothing. I couldn’t be sorry for this, because, well, I loved Matt.
“Monica…” I finally said as I sat next to her and took her hand in mine.
The tears started falling down her blue eyes and I hugged her just so I could have the chance to erase the stupid smile growing on my lips. Why was I smiling? My friend was hurt, because of Matt, and I was happy about it? That didn’t make me better than they were when it all began.
“I’m gonna get you a glass of water, okay?” I told her and she nodded.
I walked slowly until the kitchen where I started jumping like a five year old. I knew it was wrong, because there she was crying, but I’ve been there, I felt miserable and I loved him, and I still love Matt more than she does. I know Alex was awesome and so, but my heart always belonged to Matt and I never understood how Monica got over Ben so fast. She loved him and I knew it, and I was trying not to judge, because I was nobody to judge, I have no right plus she’s my friend, but seriously? And she never
even
considered the fact that I could feel something for him?
I calmed down and drank a glass of water and ran my hand through my hair. Now it meant Matt was single, and I could… No, I couldn’t. Not that fast. I know Monica didn’t even think about me, but I wasn’t her. I cared about her and I knew she loved him.
Pulling out my phone from my back pocket I spent a few seconds before typing “
I love you
” to Matt. Then I deleted it and placed my phone on the kitchen counter as I ran my hand through my hair. I typed it again and deleted it for a couple of times, then typed “
Matt and Monica broke up!!!!”
with a lot of exclamation marks and sent it to Gabrielle. I placed my phone back into my back pocket and took the glass of water and a pack of tissues and came back to the living room, where Monica was sitting in the same place with her head in her hands.
“There you go,” I told her as I handed her the glass.
She muttered ‘thanks’ and I nodded, sitting uncomfortably next to her and wishing I’d known what to say in a moment like this. I looked at the blue paint of the walls of my living room and the vintage furniture Rick insisted on keeping, the black fluffy rug in the center of the room and the big flat TV where Rick spent most of his free time.
Even if I’ve lived here for quite a while, I never felt like home. It didn’t quite feel like home without Matt in it, without us having breakfast together and watching TV shows where he’d say how unrealistic everything was – starting from Stephen Amell’s abs to the fact that nobody understood the love between Dean and Castiel – or yelling at some football games with Rick. I missed all that and when Monica showed up at my door crying and telling me they broke up I felt like I could have that again, even though I knew it was wrong and that I wasn’t like that at all.
I sighed and placed my hand on her shoulders as she silently cried for a few minutes more, until the door opened and there was Rick.
“Hey, Monica,” he said avoiding to look at her as he walked towards his room.
“Hey, Rick…” she replied with a low voice.
As it was obvious to anyone who knew that Rick had the biggest crush on Monica since the very first time they met, he stopped in the middle of the distance towards his room and turned to look at us and his eyes widened as he noticed the tears in her eyes. He frowned at me like it was somehow my fault that she was like that and walked towards us.
“What happened, Monica?” he asked softly, but as I knew him really well I knew he was all furious now that something made
his
Monica cry.
“Matt and I broke up,” Monica whispered and new tears fell down her red cheeks.
“YES!” Rick shouted and Monica and I looked at him in surprise then he added, “Yes, I’m so sorry… Can I help you with anything? Emma, would you like to go outside and take a walk?” he asked with a very nice tone.
I barely could repress my laugh when I saw him standing there as cute as always with a big smile on his face, even though Monica was crying. He wanted to run a hand through his hair, and then he reminded he’d ruin it and stopped halfway.
“I think it would be good,” I said as I got up from the sofa. “Could you be more obvious?” I whispered to him with a smile on my face before taking my purse and walking out the door.