Authors: Zoya Tessi
“
I've seen enough of them to tell a bullet wound when I see one.”
“Princess... that’s not the kind of expertise you ought to have.”
“Welcome to my life,” I angled my head a little, “You didn’t answer me.”
“Well no, not often. They’re all three from the same round. They did me over pretty good.”
Remembering the conversation I’d had with Nikolai, I kept on tracing the length of the scar with my finger, feeling its ridges and lines beneath my touch, realizing that Alex wasn’t about to let me in on how exactly he’d ended up with it. I sucked air through my teeth and wondered what might have made him risk his own life to save my father.
“Do
es it still hurt?”
“No.”
“Liar.”
“And you have to know everything, don’t you?” he smiled faintly and got up from the bed, “Sometimes, when I sit or lie for a long time.”
He drew away, but not in a way that made me think he was mad, and I watched as he pulled on some sweatpants and a black t-shirt.
“I hope you won’t use this insider information against me next time you want
to retaliate or something.”
“
You really think I would do something like that?” I asked very quietly, looking up to stare into his beautiful eyes.
For a long moment, Alex stayed where he was and watched me silently,
then approached and stood very close.
“No.”
Very slowly, his face started moving towards mine, his gray eyes shining. When I felt his lips against my own, it seemed like someone had pulled the rug out from under my feet and I was falling.
As the kiss grew more intense, I hugged him tightly round the neck
and bunched his hair in my fist. Without taking his mouth away from my own, he drew me down onto the bed as his kisses continued to rain down, his hot breath against my cheeks and his warm tongue pressing insistently against my own. If words could describe it, I felt like I was being sucked up into the eye of a tornado, leaving the world at a frightening pace, never to return.
Waves of consuming pleasure carried my body away as my he
art thumped heavily in my chest. Never for a second allowing our bodies to separate, I reached down and gripped the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head in one fluid movement.
“Sasha...” Alex said under his breath, “this is a really bad idea…”
“I don’t care!” I cut him off and moved my mouth around to his neck, biting and tasting salt there.
***
“This could complicate the situation,” Alex spoke in a very low voice that was somehow tender at the same time, all the while stroking his finger up and down along the middle of my back, “We’ve fucked up, essentially.”
“
Mhm...” I agreed.
Our bodies intertwined, we were lying in each other’s arms, exhausted. Sheets were strewn across the bed, hanging down onto the floor.
I lifted my head from his chest and pulled a lock of hair away from my face, feeling my lips curl into a smile.
“Oh, that look makes me worry!” he
grinned, pulled me towards him and kissed me on the nose, “Come on, let's hear it.”
“You should smile more,” I pressed my index finger over his lips.
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Nothing special... I just thought your head might swell, if it’s possible for it to get any bigger than it is already.” I giggled.
”What? Why?”
“Well... you’re in bed with a girl who’s ten years younger than you are. You must be very pleased with yourself.”
“Yeah, well, it feels just great when people say that I look older than I am.”
“Only when you put that murderous expression on your face.
When you sleep you look like a kid.”
“Like a kid?! I'm not sure which is worse. How do you know what I look like when I sleep, anyway?”
“I was watching you,” slightly embarrassed, I buried my head in his neck.
“When?”
“What do you care…,” I mumbled, allowing myself the pleasure of squeezing his ear ever so slightly between my teeth.
“Hey! I’m not lunch.”
“Hmm... I'm not so sure. You’re my cupcake right now, with double cream on top.”
I almost rolled out of bed as laughter overtook me and it increased when I saw the dumbfounded expression on his face. No one with half a brain would have compared Alex to a cupcake. It was like calling a raging tiger a pussycat.
“I'll pretend I didn’t hear that,” he said when he could get a word in, even though I kept on laughing.
“Whatever you say, sugar.”
“Oh, I'll give you sugar!”
He reached his hands out in my direction with the intention of catching me. I squeaked and tried to get away, but he was on top of me before I could protest, looking at me with mischief glinting in his eyes.
“You forgot to get a hall pass,” he brushed his lips against mine before releasing me.
Getting out of bed, I took the first clean
T-shirt I could see from the closet and headed for the bathroom.
Half an hour later, I was sitting on a counter top in the kitchen, devouring the biggest tuna sandwich I’d ever seen, when Alex walked in, looking like a thundercloud set to burst. Everything about him looked perfect, except his expression, which showed his good mood hadn’t lasted at all.
“What is it now? You look as though someone stepped on your toes.”
”We need to talk...”
“Well I didn’t doubt it.”
“Princess... This thing between us... it wasn’t supposed to happen. I think you know that.”
“And?”
“And I don’t want things to go wrong here... Once this situation with Sherazi is resolved, I...“
“Yes, Alex. I know. You're
gonna leave and I’ll probably never see you again.”
I did my best to keep my voice steady
. It was obvious how this whole thing was going to end, given the way my life had turned out so far, but when I heard my own words, and worse the silence that hung in the air, it sounded so final that my heart turned to lead in an instant. Steeling myself to sound as convincing as possible, I held the air in my chest and willed my voice not to tremble.
“Believe
me, I’m not laboring under any illusion that one roll in the hay makes us an item. That would make me pretty stupid. As screwed up as things are, I don’t imagine that one hour of passion would lead to us walking off into the sunset. I mean… It’s a crazy idea.”
“
Even if things weren’t the way they are... we’re too different. Complete opposites, like magnets forced together at the wrong end.” he gave me a serious look.
“I’m aware of that, Alex.
What we did was pretty normal considering we’re chained together twenty-four-seven. It was just sex, that’s all. I don’t know why you’re acting all melodramatic all of a sudden.”
“I was afraid you'd think...”
“Oh, come on,” I forced myself to smile, “Don’t flatter yourself. The truth is you’re hot, I can’t deny that, but apart from that you’re not my type at all.”
That’s it. Keep smiling. Just don’t look him in the
eyes, or he will see right through your bluff.
“Well,
good. That makes things a lot less complicated.”
I had to summon every last ounce of strength to stay composed, even though inside I felt shattered.
Determined not to let my emotions show, I casually shrugged, knowing that if he doubted my resolve that would be the end. He’d call Nikolai and by night time I’d have a new bodyguard.
“In an
y case, that can’t happen again.”
After
this conclusion, Alex turned and headed for the front door. A minute later I heard the door close behind him with a thud and a key turn in the lock.
Tha
t was my cue to stop pretending and I brought my hands up over my mouth to stifle the sobs that had been building inside me. If someone had told me a month before that I’d be crying in a kitchen of a serious criminal because he didn’t want me, I’d have thought they were insane.
You're really a fool.
Whiny pathetic fool.
I felt the sharp prick of pins and needles in my legs as I stood up
, tears falling from my flushed cheeks. After washing my face in cold water over the sink, I went to the fridge, pulled out some frozen carrots and held the bag against my face, hoping the cold would do something for the puffiness round my eyes. I splashed water over my face again for good measure and took a clean dish cloth off a hook to dry myself before leaving the kitchen.
Passing the front door I was surprised to hear the sound of Alex’s ringtone from somewhere close by
. Thinking he was coming back, I readied myself for another performance, but the sound of his key in the lock didn’t come. Half a minute passed, and eventually I went right up to the door on tiptoe, bringing my eye to the spyhole.
Half obscured and around eight feet away, there was Alex, smoke rising around him from a cigarette in his hand, sitting at the top of the stairs and staring down at his feet.
When he walked into the living room half an hour later
and sat next to me on the couch, I decided to pretend that nothing happened. Keeping my eyes glued to the TV, I watched from the corner of my eye as he smoked, blowing smoke rings from time to time.
“You definitely sulk more than anyone I know. Sometimes you remind me of a big old walrus,” was my comment, eventually.
“That’s interesting... and two hours ago I was a cupcake with cream. Make up your mind.”
“You don’t look like a cupcake right now. More like a lemon that got left in the store... all dried up and sour. Do you practice that expression in the mirror? I’ve just got to know…”
“No. It’s just something I’m blessed with,” he shrugged his shoulders and I felt like smacking him on the head with a heavy thing.
“Jackass,” I spat the word irritably.
“Weirdo.”
“Walrus!”
“Brat.”
I grabbed a pillow from the couch and flung it towards his face
, but he managed to catch it in time, just before it hit him.
“OK. I guess I’d better not retaliate in future. Obviously I risk losing an eye.”
Though he tried to keep a straight face, I saw how the corners of his lips turned up just a little.
“You’re acting! You smiled, I saw it!”
“I didn’t.”
“No? Hmm...” without any warning, I started tickling his sides for all I was worth, catching him off guard.
“Have mercy!” he shouted, half laughing, “This is destroying my walrus face!”
“You don’t deserve any mercy, but if you feed me, I might take pity on you.”
“Whatever, just stop it, please...”
I poked him one last time in the ribs before stepping back to look at him with a wide grin on my face. He was lying stretched out on the couch in front of me, watching. His eyes seemed to be smiling, or at least I felt they were, and he looked again like a different person to the Alex I was used to.
Blinking a couple of times, I wondered what Beth might make of him if she saw him like this. She’d probably think the real Alex had been taken away and replaced with this new, improved version. As strange as it sounds, I felt I loved them both; the stubborn mule and the artful dodger.
“I saw this restaurant in the building across the street. We could go there for lunch,” I suggested.
“I'm not sure that's a good idea.”
“Please.”
I put on a sad face and looked at him pleadingly, glad to see him slowly give in under the pressure.
“Please, just half an hour. I’ll go
mouldy, stuck between these four walls.”
“You know, I think your hangdog
expression’s started to get to me,” he sighed deeply and got up from the couch.
Clapping my hands together in glee, I rushed to put on my new sneakers. Maybe so much enthusiasm over something so small was over the top, but given the current climate, it seemed I had to take every opportunity to breathe fresh air, in case my supply was eventually cut off for good.
My mood faltered a few minutes later, though, when Alex showed up in the hallway with a gun in his hand.
“Do you have to?” I asked, watching him fix it in place round the back of his jeans.
“Why ask when you know the answer?”
I knew he was right, but it was hard to fathom the reality; that all the simple pleasures in life were off limits now. Here was a reminder that all life’s small freedoms were falling around me like dominoes, and it was a bitter pill to swallow that lunch across the street felt like a clip from a Tarantino movie. I looked from Alex to the door he was now holding open for me, and moved through it.
We were sitting in the garden of the restaurant, some hug plants with luscious yellow flowers behind us, giving off an almost intoxicatingly sweet scent. We’d just finished our lunch and Alex was absently checking messages on his phone as I basked in a chair with my eyes closed, soaking
up the sun’s warm rays as they filtered down through a loose canopy of leaves hanging above us from some trellis.