"I'm so—" she starts but I quickly pull my arm across me, wincing again as I place my fingers against her lips. She stops speaking, watching me with fresh tears in her eyes as I try to push past the pain.
I shake my head slowly as it subsides, keeping my eyes on hers. "Don't even think about it. I'm still not done."
She lets out a choked laugh and I drop my hand as she presses her forehead against my shoulder. I squeeze her, lifting my head just slightly to press my lips into her hair.
"I love you," she whispers the words against my chest and they are the best sort of pain relief possible. I carefully let out a long breath, swallowing hard as I nod, my lips still in her hair.
"I know, Pixie. I heard you the first time," I say. She looks up at me and I'm more careful this time as I reach my hand around to hold her chin. "I love you, too. I always have."
She stretches, bringing her face closer to mine and I feel only relief as I bend to meet her. Just as my lips brush hers, there is a knock at the door. I groan but it turns into a chuckle at the aggravated huff from Lili.
"Come in," I say, leaning back and holding Lili close.
Two police officers enter, their eyes widening as they notice Lili in the bed with me. After a moment, I recognize them as the two who came to talk to Lili when she was attacked by Adam. There is another woman with them that I don't recognize.
"Mr. Tishler
,
I'm Detective Sanders. We just wanted to see if you were up for answering a few questions. We've already taken Ms. Cortez and Mr. Miller's statements.”
I make a face, the mention of Jackson confusing me for a moment before the memory of his voice after I was shot filters in. He
had
been there.
I nod my agreement to answer their questions when I feel Lili try to pull herself free
.
I refuse to release her. I
finally
have her, really have her, and I'm not about to let her go. The second officer shifts uncomfortably, obviously getting ready to ask for privacy.
"I'll answer any questions you have but she stays." To make my point, I slowly wrap my arm over her shoulders, holding her tightly against me. "You'll have to pry her from me and then cuff me to this bed to keep me from following her. I almost lost her and I'm not ready to let go. Not yet. Probably not ever."
Detective Sanders chuckles and shrugs at the other officers when they look over at her in shock. They proceed to ask their questions and I give them my account of the events. From visiting the twins at the hospital with Jackson that day and having Sydney give in and tell me Lili was at their place, planning to run away again, to the last moments I can remember.
They fill in the details of what happened after while Lili stays silent, her face impassive as she stares out the open window to my left, her cheek pressed against my shoulder.
They tell me that Jackson arrived at the house and heard the first gunshot. He rushed to the apartment and burst in just as Adam fired the second, which struck me in the back. Lili and I fell and Jackson tackled Adam, fighting him for the gun. During the struggle, the gun fired again, the bullet striking Adam, who escaped from the scene while Jackson and Lili tended to me. I try to feel anger, to feel anything, but shock has my body locked down.
I start to wonder as I speak about what could have caused Adam to snap this way. We have our problems
,
but they were in the past. I never thought of him as a violent person. It still doesn't make any sense to me.
When they open the door, Paige, Tish, and a tearful Kas are standing on the other side, waiting to enter. I hold up my hand, two fingers lifted. "Two minutes. Please?" Tish shakes his head but grins as he tugs a reluctant Paige back into the hall, closing the door just as I catch Kas' smug expression.
I use my hand to tilt Lili's chin up again, meeting her eyes. Her impassive expression melts away and her eyes gloss again. "There's so much about me you don't know." She tries to pull away but
,
again, I refuse to let her go.
"There's things about me you don't know," I say, lifting my shoulder in a half shrug. "The past is the past, Pixie. I know you have one. We all do. You can tell me when you're ready or you can choose to never say a word about it. It won't matter to me. I love you, Lili. Nothing will change that."
She leans up this time, not giving anyone a chance to interrupt as she presses her lips to mine. The pain in my chest is still there but the overwhelming feeling of Lili's love for me is enough to make me push it aside, wrapping both arms around her and holding tight. Now that I have her, I have everything.
EPILOGUE
Unhappy Family
LILI
Six weeks later
“Careful!” Paige barks at me as Zane hisses when he takes the last step over the threshold into the house. I clench my jaw to keep from snapping something shitty back to her while I keep myself tight beside Zane, letting him use me for balance.
The relief I thought I would feel at Zane’s release from the hospital is being harshly stomped away by his younger sister. Paige has done everything in her power to make sure I know just how unwelcome I am in her family.
“Enough, Paige
,
” Tish states, his voice coming out tired. His warning to me when we found out Zane was being released today is still fresh in my mind.
No fighting with Paige. It will upset Zane.
This unbelievably impossible request was punctuated by the threat of removing one of us from the house if we couldn’t manage to get along.
I avoid his eyes as he steps up to Zane’s other side, helping me settle him on the couch. I know exactly who will be out if I fight with Paige. She elbows me out of her way the second I relinquish my hold on Zane, moving in to fluff pillows or do anything in her power to make me genuinely feel unnecessary.
I worry my teeth over the metal hoop in my lip. This is why I never wear a hoop in this piercing. I hate having nervous habits and toying with this hoop is just that. I put it in for Zane. He made a comment a few days ago, while we were looking through old pictures on my phone and he was doped up on the pain meds, that most girls couldn’t pull off a hoop in their lip but he’d always liked it on me.
I release my lip, letting out a slow, quiet breath before I speak. “I’ll just go get the bags.” I turn to the front door, making a quick escape. I need to settle myself. Allowing someone to treat me this way without getting defensive goes against everything inside of me. I keep trying to remind myself that she is Zane’s sister and she is important to him.
I stop at the back end of the car, both hands on the trunk as I realize I need Tish to pop it with the key fob. “Fuck.” I tap the sides of my clenched fists against the metal lightly, debating over going back in for the keys. I groan at the thought of Paige making some comment about how ignorant I am or something equally cutting.
I lower myself to the concrete behind the car to sit on the driveway
,
leaning my neck and shoulders against the back bumper as I stare up at the cloudless, blue desert sky. I can’t face her. I can’t face any of them yet.
My life has never been easy
,
but the past few months have made the years before seem like a pleasant dream. If trying to separate myself willingly from Zane wasn’t enough, I then had to watch him nearly bleed to death on the floor of that apartment. I had to sit and listen to Tish’s retelling of the doctor’s explanations of the surgery to repair his lung and remove the bullet. I had to hear how his heart stopped twice during the surgery, how they almost lost him.
How I almost lost him.
I drop my face to my hands, scrubbing at my eyes as if I can somehow remove the memories. It was several days before he finally came around enough to ask for me. For days after that
,
it took a lot of coaxing from the doctors and nursing staff to get us to separate for any length of time. I would run home to shower and change only while they did shift changes or kept us all from the room for whatever reason
.
It was in the second week, when I returned from one of my longer trips to the house with Kas, that my terror from the shooting itself was revived. I had known something was wrong the second I saw Tish pacing the hallway outside Zane’s door. Over my pounding heart, I’d caught only brief snippets of his words, but only one that mattered. Infection. It was the thing that could still take him from us at that point and it very nearly did.
I don’t look up at the sound of the approaching car, not even when it pulls into the driveway beside Tish’s. I’m sure it’s Kas. She was letting us get Zane settled while she stopped to pick up take-out from Zane’s favorite Chinese place across town.
“Everything okay, baby girl?” Her voice comes with the heavy scent of garlic and sesame.
I nod but find myself sniffling like a child as I lift my head, unaware that I was crying yet again. I sigh and wipe at my eyes as I look up, blinking at the sun behind her. “I just came out to get the bags from the trunk and needed a breather. You mind asking Tish to pop it when you go in?”
Kas watches me for a moment, understanding in her expression but something close to pity in her eyes. I bristle automatically at the pity. She nods and walks toward the house. A few moments later, I hear the click of the latch unlocking and the lid of the trunk swings upward several inches. I let out a breath as I stand and grab the bags, slamming it back and heading to the door.
I glance toward the living room where Paige is sitting in the recliner normally occupied by Tish
.
Zane is spread on the couch, his eyes closed and his breathing even. Just coming home has taken all the energy he had. He’s healing well but the infection really took a lot out of him. But, he’s home. He’s going to be okay. I smile, finding that peace I’d been looking for.
It’s not until I walk down the hall that Paige takes notice of my reappearance. “I hope you’re planning to get your shit out of my room now.”
I freeze with my back to the living room, squeezing my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay as the implication of her words sinks in. Paige’s room. I hadn’t even taken the time to consider that once we were all in the house I would lose my room.
“I’m planning to be around for a while. At least until he recovers. So
,
maybe it’s best if you find somewhere else to stay. That way you’re not as likely to drag my family into your problems,” Paige says softly, her voice full of acid
.
I drop my head, tasting blood as my tongue runs along the tender, broken skin inside my lip. I have to keep my cool.
“It’s not a problem, Paige. Lili is moving into my room with me.” Zane’s voice is loud but doesn’t even hint at emotion as it floats in from the living room.
I turn at the same time Paige does, finding Zane’s eyes on us from a half-sitting position. Paige rushes over to help him sit up but he brushes her away, his eyes staying on me
.
I see the small smile on his lips reflected there.
“Oh
,
I am?” I challenge him playfully, unable to help the smirk tugging at the corner of my mouth. This is how things have been between us every time he’s feeling better
.
The teasing side of Zane that comes with that look and that fucking dimple is something that’s made me fall impossibly harder for him.
He lets out an airy chuckle that is more of a small shake of his shoulders than any real sound. I feel a little guilty knowing that making him laugh causes him pain
,
but he’s learning how to get around it so much better every day.
“I fought those doctors to let you stay in my hospital room. You really think I’m going to let you sleep anywhere other than right beside me now that we’re home?” His breaths are shorter, nearly pants
,
as he tries to maneuver himself into a comfortable position.
I step forward, about to drop the bags and go to him
,
but I’m stopped by the lethal look Paige throws over her shoulder at me. She moves in to help and I turn, resigned to my fate as an onlooker while Paige hovers. I drop the bags in Zane’s room, smiling to myself at his request that I stay in here with him. It’s good to know someone here is on my side. At least, part of the time.
“Dinner, Lee,” Tish says from the hallway as he carries the small card table from the garage, still folded, in one hand and a stack of plates in the other. Kas winks as she follows him with the food.
My family is back together and even though Paige is hell bent on excluding me, the rest of them truly want me here.
As we all get settled with our plates of food, the sound of the doorbell rings through the house. I look toward the door from my spot on the floor beside Zane’s legs, a little bubble of apprehension forming in my stomach.
“Who could that be?” Kas asks as she starts to stand.
The nervous look on her face brings the bubble to my chest.
“I’ll get it. Maybe Tom and Marna decided they couldn’t wait to bring Conner by to visit.” Paige jumps up from her spot on the other side of Zane.
The uncertainty in her voice brings the bubble to my throat.
Our family has been through too much to take any sense of peace lightly and I can feel something off in the air just as much as everyone else. The sound of the door opening echoes in the silence that has settled over us
.
There is a murmur of voices and then Paige reappears, her eyes wide, hard, and locked on mine.
“It’s for you,” she says the words with a deadly calm. I drop my plate from my trembling hands to the carpet as the small figure steps out from behind her.
Her face is almost a perfect mirror image of mine. Yet, hers remains unblemished. The years between our last meeting have added scars and a hardness to mine that will forever be imprinted. Her deep blue eyes scan the room slowly as she twists a light brown and perfectly highlighted lock of her long hair between two fingers out of habit. A habit I know well.