Perfectly Flawed (7 page)

“I’m working on a new project, and you won’t believe this. Who shows up today to do the graphics?
Adrianna
. I couldn’t believe my luck.” Sean gazed at her. Adrianna glanced in his direction and then away, focused on the girlfriend across the table from her, waving her arms expressively as she talked.

“Better watch it, buddy,” Tomas said. “You’re in deep water there.”

“Too late,” Sean said.
I’m in over my head and sinking fast
.

Chapter 9

Nic and Tomas gulped their drinks while Sean fidgeted. With Adrianna so close he couldn’t settle down. It didn’t seem right to just watch her with some other guy, especially
that
guy. The longer Sean sat, and the more he thought about it, the more annoyed he got. A feeling of foreboding came over him, like Adrianna was in a bad situation, but he couldn’t put his finger on why exactly.

At the bottom of his disgruntlement was that he wanted her for himself, and he knew it. But there was no way he was going to allow her to ruin her life either. If he knew one thing, he knew Adrianna was different, in a good way. A life with a boring, conservative jerk was unthinkable. It would never happen—he hoped.

His friends joked and talked, noticing girls and catching their breath, preparing for another stint on the dance floor. But Sean was tuned out, lost in his dilemma. Everything came into focus when he saw Adrianna making her way toward the strobes—with Kevin following—from the second she started walking toward the crowd, her body moved in time to the music.

Sean was mesmerized by the poetry of her form, starting from the high heels, going up her long, trim legs and over the soft curve of her hip; he watched her undulate to the music. Adrianna swirled her arms overhead, letting her long blond hair sweep over her shoulders. The fitted bodice of her dress cupped her bosom, reminding Sean once again of how much he wanted to feel her firm breasts underneath.

His body tensed as he witnessed Adrianna dance, lost to the vibration of “Sing” from the Danger Days album. Every movement of her body caused a reaction in Sean’s, and the lust he felt for her stirred. If she danced
with
a partner Adrianna seemed unaware of it, nor was Sean. All he could see was the woman he wanted moving sensually, enticing him. Yet she seemed oblivious to the effect she had, totally involved with her love of dance and of the music.

Finally, he’d had enough. A guy could only take so much, and Sean’s fuse tended to be short. He stood, hesitating just a moment.

“Where are you going?” Tomas said, leaning back in his chair.

“I’m going to dance,” Sean said, and walked purposefully toward the floor.

Standing next to Adrianna, he took in her beauty. Swaying to the beat with her eyes closed, she looked altogether too tempting. Her lovely skin radiated under the spotlights and her blond hair shimmered. Ignoring her date, Sean stared.

Adrianna opened her eyes and spotted Sean, who turned to Kevin, and disregarding the challenging look, said, “May I cut in?” Without waiting for a reply, Sean stepped between Adrianna and her partner then began dancing.

Never missing a step, Adrianna kept moving, but the look on her face changed. Sean couldn’t read the emotion he saw there. Was she glad he was with her? Startled? He just couldn’t tell.

“Hey, buddy. I’m with her.” Kevin’s voice was loud, partly to be heard over the loud music.

“Not anymore,” Sean said without turning around.

“You can’t just cut in.” He turned up his voice volume a little more.

“I just did.” That guy was starting to become annoying, and he wouldn’t like it when Sean got really riled.

But Preppy Boy didn’t press the issue. That wasn’t his style. Instead, he did the smartest thing—he left.

“He’s my date, you know,” Adrianna said in a half shout, but didn’t reveal much in her expression—no annoyance, disappointment, or upset of any kind. Like always, it was difficult to tell what she thought.

Sean just smiled and kept dancing. Now this was more like it. He enjoyed seeing Adrianna in a setting where she was relaxed, and the club was it. Dancing and smiling, she looked happy, and Sean realized that was different. It struck him that maybe she wasn’t usually happy.

Moving to the beat, but mostly watching Adrianna, he felt his pulse race. And it wasn’t from the rock beat. The sparkles on her dress changed color as the lights rotated, and her blond hair gleamed. Up as close as he was, Sean could see the soft swell of her breasts peeking out the top of her dress. They moved with her, and he imagined what it would feel like to cup them in the palms of his hands. They must be so soft.

Intoxicated by her perfume, Sean tried to stay grounded, but she was making it difficult. The jerking of her hips was like a sexual act to him, and when she kicked, showing her shapely legs, it sent a pulse through his body. Resistance crumbled and he began bumping against her, gently, seductively.

Adrianna didn’t object; it was all part of the dance—the swaying of her hips and Sean grazing against her. Each contact sent electricity sparking through him, and he drank in the sight of her, unable to tell if she felt the same or not. At one point in the song, Sean put his hand at her waist, guiding her to the beat, their bodies moving in harmony.

Dancing with her, moving with her, letting her femininity engulf him, was as good as sex. As good as any he’d known. And he liked sex; he liked it a lot—which was evidence Adrianna’s grip on him ran deep. His desire to have her swamped his senses and roused his body to an uncomfortable level.

The song shifted to something quieter, slower, and without hesitation Sean put his hands on her waist to lead. Delicately, Adrianna put her hands on his shoulders, her eyes wide, looking into his.

Sean’s hormones raged, blotting out rationality, and he said what was on his mind before thinking it through.

“So, is that the guy you are ‘not exactly’ with?”

Adrianna tried to suppress a smile, but Sean watched it break free. “Yes.”

“Why are you seeing him? He’s not right for you.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Do you want the list?”

Adrianna smirked. “He’s a nice guy.”

“Well, that’s the
first thing
on the list. Nice in that he’s boring, and don’t tell me otherwise. I can see for myself.”

“He’s good to me.”

“Uh huh.” Sean waited to see if she had anything further with which to counter.

Adrianna just looked at him, and he let one hand drift to her lower spine, pressing her closer. “I want to see you, Adrianna. Get rid of the guy.”

“I can’t,” she said, but her eyes betrayed her, showing desire to do just that. “I came with him, and besides, I’m dating him, you know.”

“I don’t care,” Sean said, his face so close to hers, he could feel her sweet breath on his lips. Stopping for a moment, he boldly ran his hand up her spine and into her long hair. “I want you, Adrianna.” His lips touched hers briefly as he spoke, teasing her, with the kiss he didn’t give.

Even in the low lights, Sean could see her flush. Just at that moment, she was yanked away from him. Kevin had his arm through hers. “The dance is over,” he said curtly, and pulled Adrianna away. She followed but glanced back, her eyes locking with Sean’s. He nearly went after her, but wasn’t sure what she wanted.

During the dance, she’d been his and the world had dropped away. He’d been so close, near enough to breathe her in, near enough to feel her, and intimate enough to whisper in her ear. Lingering on that moment, Sean felt warmth radiate through his body and settle between his thighs.
Adrianna.
He needed her, and it was making him crazy.

Winding through dancers on his way back to the table, he took the liberty of looking Adrianna’s way. Now the guy she was with had his arm around her possessively, and Sean couldn’t see her face so had no way to observe her reaction. The two talked intimately, and he tried to imagine what they were saying. The other couple wasn’t there; possibly they were outside, or lost on the crowded dance floor.

Seeing her alone with Not Exactly made his blood boil in his veins. How easy it would be to make him shove off. But he didn’t want to make a scene—not because he was reluctant to confront her deadbeat date, but because he didn’t want to turn Adrianna against him. And until he knew more about how she felt, Sean decided to cool it.

Less than five minutes later Sean saw Adrianna standing at the table with her date’s arm still around her. The look on Kevin’s face was as unpleasant as it had been when he’d ripped her away from the dance floor. The other couple had returned, and Adrianna was talking to them.

Then she left. Without even a glance toward Sean, Adrianna let her date guide her out of the club. Sean watched her go, seething that Kevin had his arm around her, and despondent that she was walking away from him. Yet again. Each elegant step she took toward the door carried her away, and Sean watched her lovely form disappear into the dark crowd, gone from sight.

His pals came back to the table, with girls this time. And Sean couldn’t have been more uninterested. He wanted a woman he wasn’t sure he would ever get, though he wasn’t going to give up easily. Why he had to have her—when others, including Nell, would fall into bed with him at the least provocation—he couldn’t say.

But he felt it. Sean felt it in every pore of his body, in every nerve ending; his skin tingled from the close brush with Adrianna and his heart wrenched at the thought of her with another guy. He had it bad and he knew it. But there was no way around it. Sean had to have her, and though he’d received little encouragement thus far, he was determined to win out.

He leaned back in his chair and guzzled his beer, wishing it were alcoholic. In one day, he’d lost Adrianna twice and it was getting to him. Before the night was over he needed something stronger than the soda pop called non-alcoholic beer he was drinking. It was going to take much more to mute the pain he was in.

Maybe he would call Nell after all. Probably his ego talking. Sean wasn’t used to being turned down, and he didn’t like it. Watching his buddies laugh and drink with their new conquests, he felt worse. He used to be like that: carefree and high on the admiration from women. That night, he couldn’t even recall what it felt like; the evening hadn’t turned out at all like he’d hoped. In fact, it really sucked.

Chapter 10

Adrianna had been glad she wore the sparkly dress, though once again Kevin had criticized her choice. A little cleavage showing wasn’t the end of the world; quite the opposite, it showed her figure to advantage. The constant ragging on her was wearing her down. Was her whole life to consist of eroding her morale, one carping remark at a time?

But even his demeaning attitude couldn’t ruin her mood. Meeting Sean so unexpectedly that very morning had enlivened her from head to toe. Sure, she knew there was no way she could be
with
him, not really. Yet the sheer joy of working in close proximity shined light in a dark corner of soul.

She’d thought she might faint when Sean had stepped into the room. Even under his blazer, she’d noticed his broad chest and muscled arms. His sculpted thighs, giving shape to his fitted jeans, had caught her attention. Drooling, Adrianna had tried to regain focus by looking away—away from his charming smile, the smile that melted her.

Utterly relieved at his suggestion to go someplace, Adrianna had jumped at the chance. In that tiny conference room, the walls were closing in, pushing them together. The magnetic pull was too much to fight, and had he made a move for her, Adrianna knew her resistance would have been weak, if there at all.

All during lunch, she’d stared at those caramel eyes, aware that despite his roughness and impressive musculature, Sean was friendly and open. It wasn’t something she was used to, and she couldn’t let it get to her. But that was going to be hard.
Very hard.

What she dreaded had happened: Sean had asked to see her again. If only she could have escaped to the subway, but no, she’d had to accept a ride home. The entire time she’d smelled his musky cologne and had felt the nearness of his amazing body. His presence had engulfed her, weakened her.

But it wouldn’t work; it would never work. He didn’t know her, only believed what he saw. To think of the crushing blow it would be to find out the truth, find out about her and not just what she appeared to be, was unthinkable. Even if she was willing to withstand such a blow, she couldn’t do that to Sean. It wasn’t fair.

Thus, Adrianna had refused a date with him—only to run into him again at her favorite club before the day was over. It didn’t even make sense. She’d gone to that club for months, and had never seen him there. It was a cruel trick that Sean had just happened to pick that particular club. Without warning, he had been right next to her, his distinctive cologne assaulting her senses and making her turn to see him standing behind her.

The effect he’d had on her was immediate and complete; she’d been flustered, barely able to make the introductions to her friends. Kevin must have noticed, but she tried to brush it off as soon as Sean went back to his table. Dancing was the only way to lose her inhibitions, so she had unwisely dragged Kevin out to the floor.

The innocent action had given Sean the opportunity he’d looked for. Boldly, he’d cut in and started dancing with her. Those few minutes remained vividly in her mind. His strong body had been so close, moving to the music, sexy and irresistible. The crowd of dancers had seemed in another universe; only Sean existed. Every smell, sight, and touch had been only of Sean.

Then he had started bumping seductively against her, making her body flush with heat. If he’d grabbed her, Adrianna would have folded into him, casting aside all good sense. All thought of consequences had evaporated in the fire of his presence. And in one blinding moment, Sean had brushed his mouth against hers, searing her with his hot lips. Yet he had withdrawn without giving the kiss she wanted so badly.

And that had been her only reprieve, because if he’d kissed her, really kissed her, Adrianna would have kissed back. The reserve she had clung to desperately would not have protected her, or him. At that moment there would have been no hope of pulling away. Her body would have overpowered any voice of reason.

*****

Then Kevin yanked her away, forcing her back to reality.
Her reality. The reality of who she really was, reminding her of the man she dated because it was the smarter choice. He’d been polite and understanding since she’d started seeing him, more than she could have asked for. The fact that she was often cool towards him hadn’t seemed to bother him.

However, his patient demeanor fell away when he got her back to the table. Kevin looked different, harsher, but Adrianna thought maybe she was overplaying it. Yet the green in his eyes went flat. The pastiness of his skin was threatening, and she wondered if it was the club lights playing tricks on her.

At first he didn’t say much, just glared at her. His blondish hair looked unattractive; his was jaw set, his lips pursed. Adrianna had always thought of Kevin as handsome, but at that moment he looked ugly. And she didn’t like being glared at. It was intimidating.

“You think you can just go off and dance with any man you want to?” he said sharply.

“That wasn’t it, Kevin. My friend just cut in. That’s something which is done, you know.”

“Oh, now he’s your friend.”

Adrianna thought she heard his teeth grind even over the sound of the music booming behind them. She was freaking out and making too much of his reaction; that was all. Kevin was upset but he would calm down.

“I met him at work. I don’t know what your problem is.” Even as she said it, Adrianna felt a little guilty. She’d really enjoyed the dance with Sean, and it was more than a dance with a friend. The sensual charge of the encounter still radiated through her, though if Kevin kept it up he’d kill any pleasure Adrianna felt.

Then Cari and Samuel came back to the table, chatting and smiling. Before they even sat down, Kevin barked, “We’re leaving.”

Adrianna tried to stay casual, not wanting to ruin her friend’s night too. “I’m a little tired,” she said.

“Okay, well, call me tomorrow. Shelby’s in for shopping so we just need to pick a day,” Cari said.

“We’ll stick around for a bit. Probably do some more dancing,” Samuel said.

With that, Kevin guided her away. Without looking, Adrianna felt Sean’s eyes on her, but she dared not look. The last thing she wanted was for him to see that she was upset. Nor did she want to involve him in the bickering with Kevin. Best to leave things as they were. It had been remarkable dancing with Sean, but being with him was not in her future. She knew that.

Looking at Sean right then, connecting with him, would only make it worse. It might give him the impression that she was available, and Adrianna had to be sure not to let that happen. Stiffly, she let Kevin walk her out, and was relieved when the cold air hit her. The car was close by, so she’d left her coat in the backseat, not wanting to lug it around in the club.

Adrianna stepped quickly toward the car, and nearly fell when Kevin grabbed her left arm and yanked hard. “Hey, don’t walk off from me,” he shouted.

“What are you doing? You hurt me.” Adrianna faced him.

“It’s less than you deserve. Don’t you realize you embarrassed me in there? I saw how you danced with Sean. That wasn’t two friends dancing together. You’re just a slut. That’s what you are. Coming on to any guy that will have you.”

The shock to Adrianna was more from Kevin’s words than the sharp pain in her left shoulder from his assault. Fear turned to anger. How dare he call her that?

“You are out of control, Kevin. You have no right to call me that. Even if you are mad, it doesn’t give you the right to say things like that.” Adrianna challenged him.

The blow was so sudden, she didn’t see it coming. Kevin lashed his arm out, swinging it to the left across the front of his body and then back toward her with momentum. His knuckles impacted her right cheekbone just below her eye, knocking her into the car behind her.

Tears flowed down her cheeks and Adrianna heard her own sobs, coming convulsively as if they belonged to another. Nothing seemed real, not Kevin or the physical pain she felt or her life. It was a nightmare. It had to be. She’d escaped her father’s abuse, and now this. The world came crashing down, bending her in half.

As Adrianna held one palm to her cheek, unable to subdue the pounding in her head, she collapsed in grief. So destroyed was her confidence at that moment, she didn’t recoil when Kevin stepped closer. Deep inside, a voice told her she deserved this. Hadn’t her father said as much, over and over?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you.” Kevin put his arm over her shoulders, his voice gentler. “You just made me so mad. I care about you so much. Don’t you see that? You pushed me into it. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

Adrianna shirked out of his embrace. Her sobbing transformed into tears of rage in an instant. “You think that makes it better? Don’t touch me. Please.”

Stumbling away, Adrianna staggered in her heels, crying and unsure where she was headed. Behind her Kevin called out, “Adrianna, where are you going? I’ll take you home. Let’s get some ice for your face.”

But she didn’t stop or look back, and she hoped he wouldn’t follow. At that moment he was apologetic, but who knew what he was capable of if provoked? Spotting a coffee shop that was still open, she walked over and went inside, only then realizing how cold she was.

Shivering, she said to the cashier, trying to sound as normal as possible, “Can you call a cab for me?”

The cashier was a thin male about her age. His hair was greased back and a stubbly beard showed, but he looked friendly enough. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Adrianna touched the tender spot on her cheekbone. “I think so. I just…I fell.”

Thankfully, the cab came quickly and Adrianna slid into the back seat, grateful for the warmth of the heater. Leaning back in the seat as the cabbie pulled away, the impact of the evening’s incident began to sink in. As she teetered on the verge of losing self-control most of the time, the disturbing experience pushed her toward the depression she sought to avoid.

Closing her eyes, Adrianna attempted to block out the emotional pain threatening to drown her. Somewhere in the midst of the horror of what Kevin had done, the image of Sean brushing next to her during their dance soothed her. The touch of his lips, the smell of his cologne, and his warm smile were a balm to her torment.

If only she’d met him sooner. If only—but she hadn’t. At least the vision of Sean, the memory of being near him, was hers. No one could take that. And not even Kevin’s anger and subsequent attack could make her regret it. Possibly, that was all she would have, that one dance, that one touch.

Maybe Kevin was right that the punch he gave her was less than she deserved. In the end, a man like Kevin was probably who she’d be with. Thus far, life had put her in such situations, and she couldn’t explain why. Between her mother’s constant criticizing and her father’s outright abuse, it could be that Adrianna sought out the exact type of relationship she hated. Because it was all she knew.

Even knowing that, she’d been unable to avoid it. And it had happened again with Kevin. He’d been so nice, doing all the right things, and being the perfect guy. For once, Adrianna had hoped for better. And she’d stuck with it, trying. But the pattern refused to be broken, and once again, she was the target of rage and resentment.

It must be her fault. How else could she explain it? Cari and Shelby dated and didn’t have such issues. But then, they both had parents that really seemed to love them. That had to make a difference. Yet it was foreign to Adrianna. She’d never been blessed with such love, and had learned not to expect it.

*****

After paying the cab fare, Adrianna went inside, blinded at first by the bright living room lights. Her aunt looked up from her book, smiling, but then noticed Adrianna’s condition.

She rose from her chair in alarm. “What happened to your face, Adrianna? Are you okay?”

Adrianna collapsed into Krista’s arms, not even able to cry any more, but welcoming the hug. For a couple of minutes, they stood like that. Adrianna wasn’t sure how to explain, or even if she should dare talk for fear of breaking down.

“Let’s go in the kitchen, honey. You need to get some ice on that before it swells more.”

Aunt Krista led her to a chair and went to get an ice pack. Adrianna just sat, willing to let her aunt care for her injury, but emotionally dead. Placing the ice bag on her cheekbone, Krista put Adrianna’s hand on the plastic top to hold it in place.

She sat next to her niece and sighed. “Oh, honey. Who did this to you? Weren’t you with Kevin tonight?”

Adrianna nodded.

“Kevin? He did this?”

“Yes, I made him mad.”

“There is no excuse.
None at all. I can’t believe he did this.”

I can’t either
. But then, she knew she did believe it. Her dad was that way too. He’d explode, hit her or shove her, and then he was so sorry. He loved her so much. She just made him mad. It was her fault, always Adrianna was to blame.

“I’ll be okay. I’m sure it won’t happen again.” But she said it to reassure her aunt, not because she believed it. It always happened again.
That
she knew.

Krista gave her something for the pain and helped her upstairs. “We need to get you to a doctor, just to be sure.”

“Okay—next week, then. If it still looks swollen. But I don’t think anything broke.”