Authors: Billy Chitwood
Chapter Thirteen
Like all good doctors, Dr. Paige could not and would not divulge patient information, could not and would not disclose the nature and scope of his Grandma Wimsley's health. Given the fact that the doctor had known Jason most of his life, the formal nature of their phone visit only agitated him more.
Jason had vented some of his irritation. “For Christ's sake, Nelson, I've known you a lifetime, and I overheard Grandma Myrena discussing the cancer with you over the phone on Thursday night. So come off your Hippocratic high horse and talk to me. How long does she have and what can I do to make her life that's left more comfortable?”
“Jason, you must allow your grandmother some time to come to grips with her mortality. She's a strong lady and it won't take her any time at all. I may be her doctor but I love that woman and I will honor her wishes not to discuss her health with you or Carlton or anyone for that matter, unless it is another physician. Now, she will tell you in her own time and way, just what she wants you to know. She loves you more than life itself, Jason, so just give her the love you've always given her. Just don't make a big fuss that you know something. It will only make it tougher for her.”
That was the gist of the conversation with Dr. Nelson Paige. The good doctor and friend had in his own way confirmed what Jason already knew to be true. His Grandma Wimsley was in the terminal stages of her cancer. What was not known was the time she had left.
The conversation had only deepened Jason's sadness. He found it difficult to concentrate on the business laid out before him: some newly resubmitted cost estimates from contractors on 'Apple Brown Betty' and a new, lengthy report on the petitioning citizens group.
He suddenly felt the need to talk to Carlton. He could not rationalize the urge but he trusted it.
They were blood and family. As children they had shared some good moments and some bad. The image came to Jason now of Carlton as a child and he could see the little boy crying. Tears came in great heaves of bereavement as he unconsciously tugged at a button on his shirt until it snapped and went flying off into space. In his own no less urgent tears, Jason had reached out to Carlton, had tried to hug him, had tried to share the immutable sadness of the moment. Their loving parents had died and it seemed that their own lives were now close to some sort of terminus or an awful new beginning. Jason was more quietly, yet no less devastatingly, in grief, and he somehow sought the assurance of his older brother's love. Jason had wanted to hold Carlton, to blend their sorrows and find a way to go on. But Jason was pushed roughly away by his brother and he found new depths of grief and loneliness. Grandma Myrena had pulled him from those depths and had given him needed nourishment with her love and tenderness.
Jason loved his brother and was sorry that the bond between them was not as close as it once was. Now, the need was there to call Carlton, to share the sadness he was feeling, to try again for a closer sibling bond. He needed for his brother to share in his misery, to know the awful news of Grandma Myrena's terminal cancer.
Jason picked up the telephone and dialed Heritage Tool and Manufacturing.
“Hello, Jason. To what do I owe this honor?” Carlton was Carlton, after all, and Jason was already sorry that he had called.
“Just felt the need to talk to you, Carlton. No ulterior motives. It's just that … Actually, you need to know something. Are you busy?”
“Nothing that can't wait. You got a problem?” Carlton seldom, if ever, got calls from Jason.
Jason was having second thoughts about telling Carlton about their grandmother's cancer over the phone. Perhaps they should be face to face when this news was given. Some seconds elapsed.
“No, not a problem. It can wait. I was just thinking about you, me, Grandma Myrena, family stuff. There are times when I feel we don't talk enough and often enough. Call it a temporary case of familial regret, a need, I suppose, to get closer if we can. Am I making any sense?”
Carlton knitted his brow, suspecting the real reason for his call. “Not much, I'm afraid. You want to get closer to me? Is that what you said?”
“Well, yeah. Does that sound so stupid?”
“Not so stupid as fatuous. What has brought you to this touching moment, Jason? Have you had a talk with Jenny? Is that what this is all about?”
Jason suddenly felt anger building, perplexed and unamused by Carlton's playful queries. “What the hell does Jenny have to do with this or with anything that you and I talk about?” Jason was struck with a premonition, a feeling that he really did not want to know what his brother's retort would be.
“Then you haven't talked to Jenny?”
“Christ, Carlton, I call to have a friendly chat, a family-connected conversation, and you want to play mind games. You talk about 'fatuous.' If you've got something to say to me, will you just please say it?” Jason sighed heavily into the phone.
“Jason, you're much too tense, too uptight. You really need to visit a massage parlor and have some of those knots in your muscles loosened up. We don't want you breaking down on us, now do we?” There was an audible snicker on the line.
“You're a real ass, Carlton. There is just no reaching you. I'm sorry I called. You are a ...”
Jason was interrupted. “Jenny didn't tell you about our luncheon date? I thought perhaps she had and that you might be calling to do damage assessment. It was all quite innocent, I assure you. No need to get your jealous hackles up.” Carlton was thoroughly enjoying his little performance.
“I won't indulge you and I won't slam the phone down to give you some weird anal-minded satisfaction. I'll just say, goodbye. Goodbye, Carlton, I won't be bothering you again.” Jason quietly put the phone back in its cradle.
Jason sat unmoving at his desk for long moments, his mind in some sort of static numbness. Slowly he began to mentally unwind. Carlton could always create a mental stasis for Jason. Why did he let his brother get to him that way? Rather simple answer, really. 'Because I ask for it,' he thought. 'Never, never, Stupid, do you try to warm up to Carlton. It is a fool's errand. Accept the fact that you can never ever really have a meaningful sibling relationship. It is impossible. Get yourself beamed up to reality, Jason. Carlton is truly a 'mission impossible.' Childhood closeness would apparently not duplicate in the adult world.
Why had Carlton inserted Jenny into his mind games? Had he said they were together for a lunch date? A date? Jenny and Carlton? It did not seem at all plausible to Jason that Jenny would accept any kind of date with Carlton.
But, wait! Why would he think it implausible that Jenny would accept a date with Carlton? After all, he did not serve as her gatekeeper. She was free to do what she wanted. They certainly had made no commitments to each other.
No. She would not. Jenny simply would not. Surely he could not have misread their relationship up to this point. They had developed rather nicely. They were becoming … Becoming what? Close. Very close. They were becoming very close. She would not accept a date with his brother. In fact, he had let her know that Carlton and he were not very compatible. The final word: she would not date him.
Yet, it was not the final word. He found his mind coming back to Carlton and Jenny all through the afternoon. Jason did not like it, the mind thing, did not like thinking this way. It made him feel weak, out of control, less than what he was.
Was he jealous? He did not believe so, yet this mind behavior could be deduced as such. The thought itself was upsetting, that Jenny would date his brother. The fact of her dating him could destroy his image of her, and he trusted his image. Did he not? Yes, resoundingly. It was not a fact. It was only a mind game invented to taunt, to sneer, to frustrate and upset.
There was an easy way to close the book on Carlton's mind game. Jason could call Jenny. But, wait. That only dignifies and gives credence to his brother's mind game. Jason did not wish to do that.
He was getting irritated with himself. It was crazy to let these thoughts get into his head. These thoughts were only keeping him from his important work. He had dignity. He had the ability to reason. Why was he dwelling on Carlton's words? This was not Jason's way.
The office music system was playing a lovely classical guitar piece which Jason loved, but, today, it only added to his frustrations. He was troubled by the fact he could not let go of Carlton's remarks. It infuriated him all the more to acknowledge that this would be the behavior Carlton had intended.
“Dammit! Get off it, Jason,” he yelled at himself.
The larger truth was more likely that Jason had fallen in love with Jenny Mason. The thought that she might have had a lunch date with Carlton brought him pain. What hurt as well was knowing that his brother would have known precisely these reactions would come. Jason could picture Carlton with a smile of immense satisfaction.
Jason could not be wrong about Jenny and the relationship that was building between them. There was a special quality to their being together. Jenny had indicated as much in so many ways. Jason was convinced that they were in love. Two people did not act and react the way they had and not be in love. So, why was he going through all these stupid mind mazes?
He could not be wrong about Carlton, either. Carlton was a cynical, uncaring jerk, simply trying to muddy the waters, trying to cause friction. That was who he was, a man who could only function on a subterranean level when it came to interacting with people. There was something fundamentally missing from Carlton's character. Yet, Jason found it difficult to believe that Carlton would have mentioned 'lunch' specifically if there was no lunch. Usually, at least, Carlton's mind games did have some basis in fact.
Finally, Jason felt a surge of impatience and a deeper ire rise within him. He slammed his open right palm hard against the top of his desk. The loud sound reverberated along the walls and within his mind, and he stood at his desk, mildly shocked by his outburst.
The door opened to Jason's office: “Are you okay, Jason?” Nora wore a worried expression on her face.
Jason looked at Nora for a second before replying, feeling awkward and silly. “Yes, yes, I'm fine, Nora. Just a little accident. No harm done.”
They stood, staring at each other, until each felt the discomfort of the moment. Nora was like family, having been with Jason for so long, and she felt that something was bothering her boss. She knew him well enough that she should not be nosy so she smiled weakly, softly retreated and closed the door. She returned to her own desk in the empty reception area.
Nora sat, mildly perplexed by the behavior of her boss. He had seemed embarrassed and confused, totally out of character. “With a shrug she went back to work. Jason would let her know if he felt it was information she should have.
The telephone rang.
“Good afternoon, Prince, Limited,” Nora cheerfully announced.
“Hi, Nora, this is Myrena. Is my grandson busy at the moment?”
“I'm sure he has time for you, Mrs. Wimsley. Please hold for just a moment.” Nora tapped a couple of buttons on her phone, spoke to Jason, and made the connection.
“Hi, Grandma, what's up?” Jason tried to sound more pleasant than he was actually feeling. As an afterthought, he quickly added, “And you're not interrupting any meetings. I'm all yours.”
“You anticipate my question before I ask it. Am I all that predictable, Jay-boy?” She used the pet name for him that she had coined more than twenty years ago.
“You? Predictable? Grandma, you are surely the most delightfully unpredictable woman I've ever known. I just wanted to put you at ease. You at times act as though my time is so precious.”
“So, then, I am predictable, after all.?” She chuckled.
“No, just sweetly cautious. Are you okay?” He tried for nonchalance.
“Oh, sure, I'm fine. I just wanted to see if you could stop by after work one day soon and visit with me. There are some things I would like to discuss with you in private. Nothing terribly important, really, just some things you might help me with.”
“Is today too soon?”
“Why, no, of course not, but I don't want you altering any plans on my behalf.”
“I'm not, Grandma. There are no plans on my social calendar for this evening. I'll be by in roughly an hour. Is that too soon?”
“No, it's good. I'll have Wardley set another place for dinner.”
When the call from Grandma Wimsley ended Jason started to dial Jenny. Before he touched the last digit of her number, he decided against it.
He felt unsettled, a result of the telephone byplay with Carlton. His brother had gotten to him again.
*****
Carlton was at his desk, feeling not as good as he had expected to feel.
Normally, Carlton's gibes at Jason's expense gave him some sort of idiotic pleasure, a nebulous feeling of victory. Today, however, after they had disconnected, Carlton felt more uneasy than he felt victorious. He must be getting old, mellowing to some degree, for he was feeling something akin to sympathy for Jason. This was not in keeping with his character. He liked Jason on the defensive, liked to see him squirm and become angry. After all, what were brothers for? That was Carlton's way for so many years now. He couldn't change his modus operandi at this stage in his life. Hell, it was too much fun to get Jason's goat.