Fear locked up my body, distracting me from watching where I was walking. So much money littered the catwalk that I barely had warning before my foot slipped and the ground rushed up to meet me. Pain exploded along my shoulder, and I cried out, gripping it as a throbbing sensation spread throughout my whole arm, making it tingle with numbness. Men crowded the edge of the platform, stroking me in places they had no business touching, caressing my bare body while they filled my sparse clothing with money. Panicked, I struggled to get up, but they only whooped louder and shoved me back down.
“Stop it,” I said, fighting to stand. “Please, stop!”
Everything blurred as my heart rate sped up, the sounds of their shouts drowned out by the music. I felt trapped, cornered in a life I didn’t want. It became hard to breathe.
“Stop it!” I screamed, swatting and punching as I clawed my way to freedom.
That’s when it happened. An avenging angel knocked back the crowd and swooped
onto the platform to save me. Strong arms scooped me up, and I clung to my savior as he took us far away from the stage, where a handful of men with broken noses and bruised jaws law strewn about the floor. I pressed my head to his shoulder, willing my surroundings to stop spinning. He kicked the back door open and cold air spilled onto my skin. I inhaled a deep breath, swaying as he sat me down.
“Hey, look at me,” the deep, gentle voice said. Fingers grasped my chin, turning my head toward the dark blur. “Just breathe.”
I did as he said, gulping in one icy breath after another until my throat burned, it was so dry. Little by little, my head stopped spinning and the nausea abated. I opened my eyes as the blur focused into a pair of dark brown eyes, sculpted features, and a pair of muscular arms wrapped around my torso.
“Devin,” I rasped.
He gazed at me grimly. His hand lingered in my hair, brushing it away from my damp face, before he let it fall in his lap. “Are you okay?”
I choked down spit, wetting my throat. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve been okay for a long time.” My hands shook as I said it. The experience of falling on the stage, of drowning in the smell of beer and sweat, stayed with me, replaying in my mind.
Devin’s eyes shifted to my hands. Tentatively, he reached out and grasped them in his own, steadying them. “What happened up there?”
No. Ask me anything but that.
Everything in me screamed to back away. I tried pulling my hands out of his, but he held firm. “Angel, what’s going on?”
“Nothin
g.” I looked over his shoulder, out into the dank, cold alley, watching the strangers walk down the sidewalk about fifty feet away. They looked so happy, so normal. Envy twisted my heart, making my chest tight and the air that much thinner. The concrete of the alleyway dug into my butt, reminding me where I was and what had happened, but I couldn’t make myself move. All I could do was stare at those people, so unaware of how damn lucky they were. That was never going to be me. No matter how much time passed or where I went, the scar on my leg would be there to remind me of what happened when you loved someone too much.
“Hey, did you hear me?”
I blinked, realizing Devin was staring at me, his thick eyebrows stooped in concern. I both wanted to caress that enticingly sharp jawline of his and run away from him at the same time. It was infuriating.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,” I mumbled.
“Does the scar on your leg and the bruises on your wrist have anything to do with what happened tonight?”
There it was again, my fight-or-
flight instinct firing to life.
Run, run, run, run, before you get hurt
, my brain yelled.
Devin was too close. His question was too close to the ugly, bitter truth. That I was ruined for life, a broken doll for the world to play with.
The silence between us was too much. I needed to get back inside where the music was hot, and there was plenty of noise to drown out the dark thoughts begging for my attention.
“I should get back inside,” I said, getting up.
Devin let me go this time, fisting his now empty hands as he stood too. “Angel-”
“What happened to your ex-girlfriend?” I asked, whirling. If he wanted to know my secrets, then he had to be straight with me about his. And maybe, just maybe, it was the one thing that would get him to leave me alone.
He froze, the color washing from his face.
“Well?” I asked, raising my hands. “Is it true or not?”
“What?” he said quietly.
“That you hurt her.”
It was a long time before he spoke. “Who told you that?”
“Does it matter?”
He put one hand on his hip and ran the other over his face. “I guess not.”
“So are you going to answer me or not?”
His eyes flashed in anger. “Why are you pushing this?”
“Why did you push me to tell you my secrets, Devin, when you’re not willing to open up to me about yours?” I said louder, walking toward him. “It’s not fair.”
“You know what? Life’s not fair, but I make the best of it anyway,” he shouted back. “If I could take back what happened, what I did, I would, but I can’t. It’s always going to be here with me.” He slapped a hand over his heart. “Haunting me, tearing me apart every single day, and reminding me that I can snap at any time and hurt the ones I love.”
I blinked at the passion in his voice. My shoulders slackened as some of the fight drained out of me. He looked so tortured, so alone.
Like me.
“Tell me,” I said suddenly, surprising even myself. I wanted to take away some of the burden his pain brought, to share it and comfort him.
His sorrowful eyes met mine. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because then you’ll see the worst of me, and I can’t bear you knowing that.”
I stared at him, my heart stuttering at that proclamation. “Then I guess we’re at a stalemate.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking at his feet as he shuffled them.
Seeing the conversation had soured, I turned to leave, then paused with my hand on the door handle. “Tonight you saved me,” I said over my shoulder. I didn’t ask him why he’d come at all because I was terrified of hearing his answer. It couldn’t be for me. We couldn’t ever get that close, for his own sanity. But I could be there for him as a friend, a kindred spirit who knew what he was going through. “And I’d say you stepping in, when no one else would, pr
oves I’ve seen the best of you. That’s the guy you are at your core.”
I couldn’t hear him breathing, so I knew he was listening.
“You’re not a monster, Devin. You’re a protector, a knight. Thank you for being there for me.”
Then I opened the door and stepped inside, forcing myself not to look back so he couldn’t see how hard it was for me to walk away.
CHAPTER 21
Devin
I DON’T KNOW HOW
long I stood in the alley before I finally moved. All I could do was think, my mind locked in an endless argument of whether to go after her and confess everything, or just walk away. In the end, my fear won out in the form of sweaty palms and a lot of cursing.
“Dammit!”
I slammed my fist against the side of a Dumpster, making it rattle. Some people from the street looked my way as they walked by, but nobody stopped to stare.
I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t rip my heart open like that and let the past bleed out for her to judge. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
Frustrated and angry at myself for reasons I couldn’t pinpoint, I stalked down the alley, opting to take the long way around to the parking lot rather than going inside and risk seeing her.
I shouldn’t have even come tonight. I don’t know what possessed me to. Seeing those bruises on her the other day did something funny to me. I couldn’t get the image out of my head. And the longer it stayed there, the hotter my anger became until I decided to fucking do something about it. That something had resulted in several bloodied noses and broken jaws tonight. When I saw her go down and watched as those assholes put their paws all over her while she screamed and writhed, I saw red. The anger never really left as I stomped to my car. It sizzled under the surface, just hot enough to remind me I was getting too involved with this girl, and that was some dangerous shit. Because when I got close to people, bad things happened. They always did.
I peeled out of the parking lot, squealing my tires, and blew down the main drag back toward my apartment. It was a miracle I didn’t get pulled over, the way I wove in and out of traffic. I took the corner into my complex so fast that I nearly plowed into a black Nissan Titan coming around the bend. The driver honked, and I started to flip him the bird when the window rolled down and Erik poked his head out. I rolled my window down as he said, “Hey, I was just at your place. I hadn’t seen ya in a while, so I thought I’d stop by and catch up.”
And
whose fault is that?
Not wanting to be an asshole, I kept that comment to myself. “Uh, sure. Just follow me in.”
“Cool.”
I rolled my window back up and drove toward my place. For some reason, my heart picked up at talking to Erik, not in a good way like it did with Angel, but with a sense of impending dread. Why the hell was I nervous to talk to him? He was my best friend. We’d known each other since high school.
Erik pulled in behind me, and he slapped a hand on my shoulder as we walked to the building entrance. “Have anywhere to be soon?” Erik asked.
I thought of Angel. “Nope.”
“Good. Me neither.”
The hall was unusually silent as we walked up the stairs to the top floor, and I unlocked the door to my apartment. Conversation came easy to Erik and me most of the time, but everything that came to mind sounded lame. We’d spent time apart before, but things had never been this awkward between us.
“You want something to drink?” I asked him as we walked inside my living room.
He plopped down on the couch, his token spot when he visited. “Uh, yeah. A beer would be good.”
“Exactly what I was thinking.” I went to the fridge and retrieved two ice-cold Bud Lights. I handed one to him.
“Thanks, man,” he said, twisting the cap off and taking a long swig.
I sat down on my recliner, sinking into the soft cushions as I took in a big mouthful of foam before finding the beer.
Erik stared at his bottle, running his thumb along the condensation on the side. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately.”
I smirked. Leave it to Erik to cut to the chase and address the elephant in the room. “It’s okay. I’ve been busy too. You still seeing Sapphire?”
“Oh, yes.” He wiggled his brows, his token “trying to play it cool” move, but it did nothing to hide the blush on his cheeks.
I smiled softly. “I’ve never seen you date anyone this long. You guys must have really hit it off.”
Erik sighed and tilted his head back. “She’s incredible, man. So smart and funny. And, well, it helps when they don’t know about your money, or at least, she hasn’t said anything. I mean, I’m not as loaded as you, but I’m not exactly hurting either.”
I nodded, smirking. “Non-gold diggers are always a plus.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. I haven’t meant to be so absent, but… ah, I don’t know. It’s nice to be around someone for a change who doesn’t care about any of the shit the others did. Tammara’s got substance, you know? She’s so passionate about medicine and helping people. She’s real. It’s like she actually wants to be around me for
me
, and not because of what I could provide for her. It’s intoxicating.”
I studied the starstruck look in my friend’s eyes and smiled. “I’m happy for you.” This time, I actually meant it. Erik was a good guy, and he deserved a good woman. After all the crazy, selfish bitches he’d put up with, he needed someone to appreciate him. He’d treat her like a queen, too.
“You still taking pictures of Angel?” Erik asked, tilting his head to look at me.
I took another swig of my beer. “Uh, yeah. She’s something else on the camera. Mr. Stark loves my pictures. I mean, they haven’t all been of her. I’ve done some nature pieces and some other stuff in my spare time.”
“Tam says you guys are getting close.”
“She’s been talking to you about me?” That didn’t excite me in the least. What did was if Tammara had said something, then Angel must have said som
ething to her first. Which meant they’d been discussing me. It made my stomach do that weird butterfly tingle shit, like a kid getting a love note in middle school.
“Yeah. I mean, she doesn’t know anything concrete. Angel’s never really brought you up.”
My chest deflated. “Oh.”
Erik watched me carefully. “But Tam’s been her friend long enough to notice when she’s attracted to a guy. She thinks Angel’s crazy for you.”
“Really?” It sounded too good to be true, which meant it probably was.
Erik shrugged. “Tam’s her best friend, so I’d say she would know. Angel doesn’t open up to many people, from what I gather. Much like someone else I know,” he added wryly.