Picturing Perfect (12 page)

"Nice touch, letting Bryce help with the DJ responsibilities."

"He's very excited."

"Jason seems nice."

"He is," I said with a nod.

"You've known each other for a long time, right? Since you were kids?"

"That's right. Did he tell you that?" I asked, confused. I'm certain I never told Pamela anything about our past.

"Yeah, we talked for a bit in the break room this morning. He's a very nice young man." She winked at me. Pamela really didn't know anything about my personal life. She didn't even know I'd had a boyfriend. I kinda liked having a clean slate there. But, obviously she'd picked up on something.

"What was that about?" I narrowed my eyes at her, referring to the wink.

"I'm just saying he seems nice. I'll be back in a bit."

Right when the room looked perfect for the dance, Jason knocked on the door. He was holding a small plastic container and my heart skipped a beat.

"Hey there," he said softly. "You look very pretty."

"Thanks," I said, trying really hard not to blush as he walked toward me. "What's that?"

"Just a little something I got for you," he said as he opened the container, revealing a sweet white calla lily corsage.

"You didn't have to do that," I said, holding out my wrist. Gently, he slid the elegant corsage over my hand. Goose bumps ran up my arms as his hand touched my skin.

"It's a dance, isn't it? You need a corsage." His green eyes locked with mine. I could hear my shallow breathing as I stared at him.

"It's gorgeous," I said, looking down at the flower. Calla lilies are so elegant. I'd always been fascinated by them. They almost look fake—that's how beautiful and elegant they are at first glance. But, when you touch one and feel its delicate spathe, you know you're holding something so real, something so unique and lovely. I ran my fingers across the flower, taking in its smooth texture. It was breathtaking.

"Then it's perfect," Jason said, looking into my eyes and taking my hand in his. The walls felt like they were closing in on me. I had to get out of here. Right away.

"I—I'll be right back. I left something in my office." Quickly, I pulled my hand from his and Jason's smile disappeared.

"Sure," he said, as I offered him the best uncomfortable smile I could muster. Quickly, I walked out of the rec room and down the hall to one of the side doors. Pushing open the door, I stepped into the bitter February air, gasping for breath. Tears were threatening to spill, but I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't have red, blotchy skin. He would know.

This can't be happening. I can't be with Jason. I just can't.

But, as I looked down at the corsage on my wrist, I knew that what I'd wanted for fourteen years was finally in my grasp. It felt like a cruel joke, one that I couldn't escape.

What in the hell am I going to do?

The clients were arriving one by one. I needed to pull myself together and get back to the rec room. By the time I took a few breaths and walked back inside, the disco lights were on and music was playing. Jason took charge in my absence.

I'm so lucky he's here.

One thing I'd learned during my time at Sunnyside—our clients loved to dance. They danced whenever they had the chance: at their work stations, when they finished eating lunch…anywhere, anytime. It didn't surprise me to see a large group already on the dance floor, swaying to the music pumping out of the speakers.

Jason had his headphones on and was busy talking to Bryce, his assistant DJ. When our eyes met, he smiled warmly at me. Guilt filled me from head to toe. There was nothing I'd rather do than be near him, to talk to him and learn more about him and his writing. His hopes and desires. I wanted to know if this gravitational pull I felt towards him was the real thing. I wanted to know if the right guy really did get the girl. But I couldn't.

Lucy, Sam and Riley were standing in the center of the dance floor, swaying as they held one another's hands. They made my heart melt. I walked to them as the song switched to one of their all-time favorites, 'Greased Lightning' from the Grease soundtrack.

Warren and Brian jumped up and down. They ran to the girls, showing off their T-Birds leather jackets. Bryce left Jason behind to join his friends on the dance floor with his matching black jacket. They immediately started lip-syncing to the song, doing the T-bird arm movements right along with John Travolta's, Danny Zuko. The girls were swooning—they were literally standing off to the side, watching their friends serenade them. They were in heaven and so was I. It had to be one of the most adorable things I had ever seen in my life.

Without even thinking about it, I walked to Jason who was also watching them in awe.

"They are too cool," he said, shaking his head.

"I know," I replied, taking in the scene straight out of a musical.

"I'm glad I brought this," he said, raising his eyebrows, holding up the empty case for the Grease soundtrack. "There's more where that came from."

"You will have quite a few fans by the end of the night, Mr. Kelly."

"Will I?" His eyes brightened as he looked at me. And even though the look on his handsome face was genuine and sweet, I just couldn't handle it. If he knew my secret, he wouldn't look at me that way. I knew it. I felt it in my bones.

Casually, I nodded before heading back to the dance floor to stand with Nick, Ellie and a few other employees. Jason went back to his DJ duties.

"There's something there," Ellie whispered into my ear.

"I know."

"Just making sure you knew," she said, rubbing my arm.

"Yep, I know. And I have absolutely no idea what to do."

"Give it time. You'll figure it out."

"Thanks," I said, biting my lower lip, trying to keep the tears from leaving my eyes. Luckily the darkness of the room was the only camouflage I needed.

Several songs later, Jason handed off the headphones to Bryce, who smiled wide before placing them on his head. The two men talked briefly before Bryce grabbed the microphone.

"This one goes out to Hadley from Jason," Bryce said in a perfect DJ voice.

The notes of a familiar song spilled from the speakers and my breath was taken from my lungs. The song.
Our song
. The only song we ever danced to. My fingers went numb as Jason walked around the DJ booth and stood in front of me.

"Shall we?" he asked, holding out his hand. I placed my hand in his and followed him onto the dance floor, just as the sound of the keyboard subsided and Susanna Hoff's distinctive voice filled the air.

Close your eyes

Give me your hand,

Darlin…

Jason's lips formed a shy smile as he placed one hand on my waist and the other in my hand. We swayed together on the dance floor. Neither of us said a word. And as I listened to the lyrics, I was transported back to the first time we danced to this song.

It was my freshman year of high school and my very first high school dance. Auden and I didn't want to go stag. Girls who did that were usually ridiculed pretty badly. We'd agreed to go with two of our friends, Jay and Ryan. They were both awkward, skinny freshman who played for the water polo team. But, we'd known them for years and thought we'd all have fun together.

My mom helped me pick the prettiest dress at Macy's. She curled my hair and applied my makeup. I felt so grown up. When Jay forgot to bring me a corsage, I didn't even care. I just wanted to go to the dance.

I knew Jason was going with his girlfriend of about a month and I was terrified to have to see them together. Her name was Brooke and I loathed her. I mean, I really despised the girl. She was all wrong for him. She was a junior and a member of the football cheerleading squad. She didn't study and didn't like to read. Jason didn't belong with someone like that. He needed someone who understood him. Who liked to read and to learn and who was fascinated by all of the things he was fascinated by. Why couldn't he see that girl was me?

We hadn't spoken in a long time. His parents had bought him an old Honda CRV and he was usually out with friends whenever I slept at Auden's. He was too cool for me. He was seventeen and driving, going on dates and staying out until curfew. I was just a loser freshman with a crush that wouldn't go away.

When Auden told me that his car was so old it didn't even have a CD player, I saw this as an opportunity to try one last time. I knew it was sad and pathetic. But I was a melodramatic adolescent and felt I needed to express myself through song. I used my parents' old stereo and created three mix tapes for him, full of my favorite eighties love songs. Some fast, some slow. Some sappy, some new age. I'd written out the names of the songs on the cassette memo paper. I had no idea if he'd know my handwriting, so I left a note inside the cases.

"For Jason: Happy Driving. Love, Haddie"

Just like the t-shirt I'd given him two years before, I left the cassettes in a small gift bag in front of his bedroom door during a sleepover with Auden. When she returned from the bathroom, my best friend rolled her eyes at me, but said nothing. She knew there was nothing she could say or do to stop the way I felt. I guess she thought if she gave me enough rope, I'd simply hang myself.

Jason never thanked me for those tapes. And it broke my heart. That was three months ago and I'd avoided him ever since. But I knew I'd see him at the dance. Luckily, our gymnasium was large enough that I could dodge him whenever necessary.

The dance was okay. Auden and I joked about how similar it was to middle school dances. For some reason, we thought it'd be different somehow…more grown up, more refined, more mature. But, it wasn't. Just a bunch of kids standing around in dresses and shirts and ties. About an hour into the evening, Jay and Ryan disappeared to joke around with a few of their water polo buddies. And Auden was gossiping with Leah, a girl from our history class. I stared off into space, watching the upperclassmen dance. When the song came to an end, the familiar sound of the Bangles filled the air and I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Would you like to dance?" Jason asked. He was standing in front of me, his hand reached out to mine.

"Sure," I said, barely able to choke the word out. He placed his hands on my waist and I put my hands up on his shoulders and we swayed. Back and forth. Back and forth.

"You don't have a corsage," he finally said, looking down at my hand.

"My date forgot," I said, shrugging.

"That sucks. You should have one."

"That's okay."

"Thanks for the tapes, Haddie."

"What?"

"The mix tapes."

"Oh…right."

"They're really good. I've been listening to them…a lot, actually." His eyes widened as he said that. And my heart skipped a beat.

"Thanks," I said. He stared into my eyes as if he had more to say but couldn't find the words. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was convinced he could hear it. In fact, I was convinced everyone in that gymnasium could hear it.

We swayed in silence for another minute until the song came to an end. As soon as the final note played, Jason released his hands from my waist and took a step back.

"Thanks for the dance," he said softly.

"Sure," I said. He smiled and walked away.

Soon Auden was at my side.

"Did you just dance with my brother?"

"Yes," I said, in a daze.

"Are you okay?"

"Better than okay." I smiled, holding my hand against my chest like the dramatic fourteen-year-old that I was.

The rest of the night was a blur. I think I danced with Jay and I'm pretty sure I danced with a few other boys from my class. But, nothing else mattered. That simple dance with Jason was the best four minutes of my night.

"Do you remember this song?" Jason asked, looking into my eyes, drawing me back into the present.

"Of course I do," I said, swaying to the music with Jason. The lyrics of "Eternal Flame" bounced around and around inside my head. Tiny beads of sweat formed behind my neck. Electricity from his touch was shooting through my veins and I'd never felt so alive. Not even that night eight years ago at the Homecoming dance. This was more—so much more.

"We danced to it at Homecoming," I finally said.

"Yep, I requested it," Jason said with a smirk.

"You what?"

"I requested it that night."

"You did? Wait…why?"

"It was on one of the mix tapes."

Holy crap. It was on one of the tapes? I can't believe I didn't realize that all those years ago. I was so stunned that it was completely lost on me when he asked me to dance.

"
And I think you know why," Jason said, pulling me closer and pressing his head to mine. We swayed to the song, as I dreaded the familiar chords of the final verse.

"Jase, I—"

"I know you have a boyfriend," Jason said softly into my ear. "But, I'm not giving up."