Pieces (Riverdale #1) (17 page)

     
“Give. Me. All. You. Got.” He spoke
through gritted teeth. He thrust hard into her feeling her come around him,
with his dick buried deep within her he growled her name and joined her in the
combustion. His back sank into the plush cushions of the couch and he ran his
hand down her back. She was draped around him, careful not to lean on his raw
skin. Still buried inside her, he brought her torso into the crook of his arm
and laid his head on top of hers. They laid like that catching their breath,
completely tuned out to the world. Jake was in a state of bliss, yeah the glass
was definitely full. How could anything be wrong when everything was so right?

As
far as Jake was concerned, he was the ideal patient this week. He had done
everything as Dr. Brooks ordered. He had made appointments for all the tests,
and he even showed up for all of them. He was convinced it was all a huge waste
of time, but he did it anyway. Nothing was going to bring him down and he
laughed at doom in the face.

He
stared at Dr. Brooks, he watched as his lips moved, but he couldn’t hear
anything he said. Not one single word. Actually, that was a lie, he had heard
one word, and after it was spoken everything else faded. He felt the air leave
his lungs and his body go numb. He jumped as Dr. Brooks placed his hand on his
shoulder, and he thought he jumped out of his own skin. He saw the look of
empathy cross his face, as if Dr. Brooks was reading his thoughts and feeling
his emotions. He shrugged his hand off his shoulder, and opened the door.
Desperate to escape, he stormed out of the exam room, forgetting all about his
brother who sat nervously in the waiting room. It didn’t matter that he was
there for him, he needed to be alone. He needed to process one word that would
change his life forever. One word that could, ultimately, take his life.

The
fresh air smacked him in the face and bruised his lungs as his sneakers skidded
to a halt on the pavement of the parking lot. He took deep breathes, his body
trembled as he went through the motions. He needed to release the anger that
was boiling inside him, the anger that forced him to question why him? His fist
clenched beside him and he searched the parking lot frantically, he needed to
inflict pain, the same pain that was flowing through him.

He
turned around abruptly and raised his fist when he heard his name. Face to face
with his brother, Luke grabbed Jake’s wrist before his knuckles collided with
his jaw. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks and hated himself. He hated
that he was weak enough to let the tears fall, weak enough to feel sorry for
himself.

“You
need to calm down.” Luke said, breathless. “You need to tell me what just
happened in there.” His eyes pleading, and for the first time Jake saw fear and
uncertainty reflect from his brother’s eyes. “Please. I want to help you, but I
don’t know what just happened.”

He
didn’t know why, but that moment looking at his brother who always had held it
together, who had all the answers, looked back at him so lost, it broke his
heart, shattered it into a million little pieces. It was Luke’s nature to fix
things, he found the good in every bad situation, but there was no good to be
found here.
 
He raked his hands roughly
down his face, wishing his brother wouldn’t look at him, wishing he could just
disappear.

“Jake.”
His voice was breaking, so he stopped and tried to hold it together. “What did
Dr. Brooks tell you?”

Jake
watched his brother, brace himself for the blow he was about to receive. “It’s
cancer.”
 
He bit the inside of his cheek
and looked at his big brother through blurred eyes. “I have cancer.”

Luke
stepped back, flinching as if Jake’s fist had really collided with his jaw,
instead the impact of one word hurt him more than any fist could. He shook his
head incredulously. “No.” He cleared his head. “You misunderstood. You heard
him wrong. Let’s go back in there, I’ll talk to him. I’ll read the test results
myself.”

A
million little pieces, he repeated back to himself as he watched him. Jake
shook his head.

“Non-Hodgkin’s
Lymphoma. I didn’t misunderstand anything.” His own voice was unrecognizable.

     
He didn’t remember the last time he saw
his brother’s eyes fill with tears, or look so scared. Worst of all he never
saw his brother look helpless. “Well we’ll just get a second opinion, I mean
there are specialists and we’ll go to Manhattan. We’ll go to one of those
Cancer treatment centers.” The tears began to fall and Jake couldn’t stop his
body from shaking, watching him fall apart in front of him tore through him.

     
“It’s going to be okay, alright? We’re
going to get through this.”

     
Who, was he trying to convince me or
himself, Jake wondered.

     
They stared at one another, their eyes
red, the silence deafening and as if he was dying in front of him right then
and there, Luke grabbed him and held onto him. Jake dropped his head to his
shoulder and stained his brother’s shirt with his tears.

     
His whole existence his brother had always
been there for him, the perfect role model, and the man he strived to be more
like. He clutched to him, and wondered if he knew how much he meant to him. How
much he’d miss him. He couldn’t help thinking he was going to die. He couldn’t
be optimistic not when his entire world was just turned upside down by one
word. Luke pulled away from him, and wiped at his cheeks roughly. He lifted his
chin and forced Jake to look at him.

     
“You listen to me, and you listen to me
good. I’m not going to pretend I know what to do right now, or how to ease what
you’re feeling.” He took a deep breath. “We’ll get you the best care there is.
We’ll pray. We’ll do whatever it takes. But you have to fight. You have to
fight hard.” He looked up at the sky, begging the man upstairs for help. “God,
I wish I could take your place.”

     
“Don’t say that.” Jake pleaded through his
sobs.

     
“Promise me you’re going to fight? Please
promise me.” His voice was barely audible and strained with emotion.

     
“I promise you.” He said automated. The
truth was, he had no idea how to fight, not this. He didn’t know if he would be
capable.

     
“Cara.” Luke whispered.

     
He stopped crying, he wasn’t sure if he
was even breathing when he heard her name. He envisioned her face, her smile,
and subconsciously his hand fell to his chest, covering the piece of her he
would always have. “No, we can’t tell her. Luke you cannot say a word to Cara,
do you hear me?”

     
Luke’s eyes widened and then he tried to
rationalize. “Jake you can’t hide this from her.”

     
“I have too.” He grabbed fistfuls of
Luke’s shirt in his hands and dragged him forcefully towards him. “You keep
your mouth shut, you hear me? If, I mean anything to you and if you really want
to help me, you do not say a word to Cara.” He looked at his hands and how they
seemed to strangle the cotton of his brother’s shirt and released. He took a
step back, appalled at how he manhandled him. “I’m sorry.”
 
He rubbed his face angrily, frustrated beyond
measure, confused to the point of no return. “This is going to destroy her.
It’ll break her.” He croaked.

     
The vision of her face danced in front of
him and he threw his head back and tried to shake it. He tried to shake all the
emotions running wild within him. “I’m all she has. It’s not fair.” He cried.

     
“That’s not true. She has all of us. She
always did and always will.” He was struggling to make things right for him.

 
It didn’t matter; he knew how Cara perceived
things better than anyone. She was finally happy, they both were, and he had
promised to always make her happy, always be there for her, to never leave her
alone, he would be going back on his word. The one person, who was never
supposed to dishonor his word to her, was the one that would end up hurting her
the most, and the sickest part of it, was that he had no control over it. He’d
crush her when all he ever wanted to do was love her for the rest of their
lives.

What
was he supposed to do? He couldn’t hide cancer. He had no idea what he was in
store for, what treatment he would need or where he’d need to go to get it. He
could break up with her; tell her she never meant anything to him. Push her
away and break both of their hearts, it was inevitable anyway. If he died,
she’d be broken. He would just give her an out. She was young and vibrant and
didn’t need to be saddled down with a dying man. She deserved to enjoy her life
and fulfill her dreams.

She
deserved to be loved and to be worshipped, and he couldn’t do that from a
hospital bed. Or could he? She would hate him if he lied to her. If he pushed
her away and never told her, she’d never forgive him. He wasn’t God, and didn’t
like the choice of living or dying being taken from him, and he wasn’t going to
take her choice away to love him or leave him. No he’d tell her. He’d let her
decide what she wanted, but not now. He couldn’t face her right now.
 

“I’ll
tell her, but not until we know more. Not until I see the oncologist and know
all the facts.” He cemented his decision by verbally committing to the words.

“Okay,
if that’s what you want.”

“It’s
what’s best. She’s going to lose it Luke, and if it’s not as bad as I’m
thinking I don’t want to put her through that.”

Luke
just nodded and he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Take
me home.” Jake whispered.

“I
don’t think you should be alone.”

He
turned and strode to Luke’s car, once he reached the passenger seat door, he
looked over his shoulder at his brother and shook his head slightly. “Take me
home, to mom and dad.”

They
looked at one another, and Luke nodded sadly, knowing very well that they were
about to shatter their parent’s world and break their hearts.

“Call
Sam and tell her to meet us there. That we only have to do it once.” He said
with absolutely no emotion in his voice whatsoever. He climbed into the car and
sank into the seat. He was drained physically and emotionally. One word, one
word could change a person’s entire life.

 
Cara couldn’t help but keep staring at her
phone as if she was willing it to ring. She hadn’t heard from Jake in hours,
and not for lack of trying. The last time she checked she had called him
fifteen times and the last couple of those calls had gone straight to
voicemail. She tried the tattoo parlor, but Pete told her he never came in
today. She had a sickening feeling deep within, that something was wrong. In
between re-stocking the bar and tending to the few stragglers that had come
into the bar, she had called the Lanza’s. No answer from any of them. She
glanced at the clock. She had told herself an hour ago, that if she didn’t hear
from any of them she was leaving work to go in search of them.

The
front door opened and she turned, praying it was Jake, but her shoulder slumped
when she saw Nick. As he made his way towards her, she couldn’t help the dread
that lurked inside her. Had someone sent him to break some sort of bad news to
her? She stared at him, trying to read his expression. He must’ve been at Lanza
Automotive all day, he had grease stains on his shirt and his jeans. His hair
was mussed from his fingers, and she watched him drag them through, what she
could only imagine was the umpteenth time. He leaned against the bar and gave
her the same assessing look, she had given him.

“What’s
the matter?” She choked out, her hands braced on the bar, waiting.

Nick
shook his head let out a deep breath. “So you haven’t heard from them either?
Great.” He said sullenly. “Let’s go.”

Startled
and confused she looked up at him. “Go where?”

“Where
else? Deb and Joe’s. We’ll start there.”

She
nodded quickly. “Alright let me just tell Rudy I’m leaving.” She had never been
so relieved to see Nick in her life. Not sure if relief was what she should be
feeling, especially knowing he was just as concerned as she. She grabbed her
pocketbook and quickly told Rudy she had an emergency. When she made her way
back towards the bar, Nick was half way out the door. They got into his car,
and he peeled out of the lot.

“What
do you think is the matter?” Cara said, and realized she was afraid to hear the
answer. A thousand dark thoughts ran in her head. Had something happened to one
of them? Was it Jake?

“I
don’t know. Luke never came to work. Sam left work early and signed Ava out of
school.”

“How
do you know?”

“No
one’s answering their phones, so I called the school.” He said as he drove, his
knuckles were white as he gripped the wheel.

“Jake
didn’t go to work either.” She said with no emotion in her voice, she was
beginning to realize that whatever was going on at the Lanza’s screamed
disaster.

     
“I know.” He said and then glanced at her
briefly before directing his eyes back to the road in front of him.

     
“Why wouldn’t they have called us?” She
wondered aloud. When anything had ever gone on with the family, whether good or
bad, Cara had always been included and when Nick had been around, so had he.

     
“I have no idea.” He said as he pulled
into the driveway. Cara took notice that everyone’s car except for Jake’s was
there. She felt the bile begin to rise and she thought she threw up in her
mouth.

     
“It’s Jake.” She whispered, feeling her
heart beating frantically. Nick was out of the car before she even had her
seatbelt off, and didn’t hear her. She slammed the door and watched Nick bang
on the front door with his fist. When she finally caught up to Nick, the door
swung open and Luke stood in front of them.

     
Cara began to tremble once she caught
Luke’s gaze. His eyes were bloodshot, and she knew he had been crying. He tore
his gaze from her and sighed heavily, as if she was the last person he wanted
to see right now. She felt like crying, just by the look he gave her.

     
“Luke, what’s going on?” Nick asked, worry
and dread in his voice.