Pig City (14 page)

In another dream, she was chased by a horrible monster who wore big red glasses just like Kristin's. At first she thought the monster was cute, but then realized that the glasses
were
Kristin's. The monster had eaten her!

But the dream that scared her the most was the one where she saw her Declaration of Love printed on the front page of the morning newspaper. That wasn't the scary part. When she read it, it didn't say she was in
love with Mr. Doyle. It said she loved Gabriel!

She awoke in horror. It must have been the raw egg, she decided. I'll never eat a raw egg before going to bed again.

She went to school, sneaked into Mr. Doyle's room, and wrote PIGS WEAR SHOES! on the blackboard. She laughed as she imagined pigs walking around wearing shoes and socks. She thought it was her funniest message yet.

“Got you!” said Mr. Doyle. He was sitting at his desk, pointing a camera at her. He snapped her picture. “I warned you I'd have proof today,” he said. “Yet you persisted in being punctilious. Now you'll have to copy sixteen, no, seventeen pages out of
this
dictionary.” He held up the large hard-cover dictionary. It had twice as many words per page as the paperback ones.

“But that's the good dictionary,” said Laura.

“We're almost through with it,” said Mr. Doyle. “Just don't tear out any of the x, y, or z pages. We haven't studied those yet.” He took a drink from his cup of coffee.

Laura tried to think of some way out. Wait a second, she realized. We haven't been studying the dictionary.

“It's the raw egg!” she exclaimed.

“What?” asked Mr. Doyle.

“I ate a raw egg last night,” she told him. “This must
be another dream. That's why I didn't see you when I entered the room. I hadn't dreamed you yet!”

“Are you sure about that, Laura?” asked Mr. Doyle.

She nodded. Uh-oh! she worried. She looked down, afraid she was naked again, but glad to see that this time at least she had clothes on. Then she noticed what she was wearing. It was her sister's purple and pink muumuu.

She woke up laughing.

She sat up in bed and looked around her room. Her clock radio said 5:29. I tore up that dress, she remembered.

She got out of bed. It was almost time to get up, anyway, and she was afraid to go back to sleep.

As she washed her hair, the clouds left her head and her real worries returned. Could she trust Gabriel? Would Mr. Doyle have proof?

Her answers were yes and no, and she hoped she had them in the right order.

She brushed her hair a hundred times. She got dressed, putting on her cap last. She skipped breakfast. She was too nervous to sit and eat. She walked to school, brave and confident, or at least pretending to be.

She entered the school building through the side door and made her way to Mr. Doyle's room. There
was no reason not to continue writing her messages. She refused to let Mr. Doyle intimidate her.

She stopped before the yellow curtain. If he was in there, waiting for her with a camera, she'd tell him she'd come in to get a book.

She stepped inside. He wasn't there.

She had to get a book, anyway. Otherwise, it would have been a lie if she had said what she was going to say, even though she never said it. She didn't have time to figure out whether that made sense or not.

Book in hand, she went to the blackboard and tried to think of something clever to write. Since it might be her last message, she wanted it to be the best one she'd ever written. She remembered she wrote something hilarious in her dream, but couldn't remember what it was.

It came to her: PIGS WEAR SHOES! She started to write it, then stopped. She made a face. That's not funny, she thought.

It was the raw egg!

She wrote PIG POWER on the board, then hurried out of the room, safe.

Gabriel was absent.

Good, thought Laura. She hoped he was putting the treasures back in the Dog House. He better be!

Mr. Doyle waited for everyone to settle into their seats. Without saying a word he got up from behind his desk and walked to the blackboard. He erased PIG POWER, then moved to the side of the board where DICTIONARY was written. He erased the number 16 and wrote 17 in its place. Then, as everyone watched in hushed silence, he began to write something inside the rectangle.

He wrote the letter L, then stepped away.

All of the members of Pig City and former members of Monkey Town turned and looked at Laura.

She held her head high and tried to look brave. He can't prove it, she tried to tell herself.

Mr. Doyle finished writing the name inside the rectangle. The name was LINZY.

Laura had to look at it three times before she
realized it wasn't her name. She felt dizzy with joy.

The citizens of Pig City all turned and smiled at her, fists at noses. She happily returned the salutes.

The rest of the class was going crazy. Everyone was talking – either about how they never would have thought it was Linzy, or how they knew it all the time, or that there was no possible way she could copy seventeen dictionary pages in just eight days.

“I didn't do it!” Linzy wailed. “It wasn't me!”

“Quiet, or I'll make it eighteen!” said Mr. Doyle.

Linzy wiped her eyes.

“You thought I would think it was Laura, didn't you?” asked Mr. Doyle. “Because of her hat. But I knew Laura wouldn't be foolish enough to write those messages when she's wearing a cap that says ‘Pig City.'”

Laura smiled. That was just what she thought Mr. Doyle would think.

“You've got to believe me!” Linzy pleaded.

“I told you I'd have proof, and I have it,” Mr. Doyle said sternly. He turned to face the class. “My first clue came two weeks ago, when a teacher reported seeing Linzy in the building before school started.”

“But I told you, Mr. Doyle,” Linzy pleaded. “I just came in to get a book so I could finish my homework.”

“Yes, I know what you
told
me, Linzy,” said Mr. Doyle.
“At that time, I couldn't prove anything. But that was when I began to suspect you. Still waters run deep, don't they?”

He turned back to the class. “Yesterday the message on the board was ‘Pigs Are Punctilious.' You might remember that Linzy asked me what punctilious meant. She thought she was being so clever. Odd, isn't it, Linzy, that you didn't know what it meant, yet you pronounced it perfectly!” He smiled smugly.

Laura could hardly keep from laughing.

“That was when I was sure it was Linzy,” Mr. Doyle continued, “but I still needed proof. I got that this morning from the librarian.” He reached into the inside pocket of his sports jacket and pulled out a card like the kind found inside library books. “This is the card from
Charlotte's Web
,” he said. “Linzy checked out the book a month ago. It is two weeks overdue.”

“I thought I returned that book!” sobbed Linzy. “Besides, that doesn't mean anything.”

“As most of you know, the main character of
Charlotte's Web
is a pig,” Mr. Doyle said. “In the book, Charlotte the spider writes messages on her web telling the world how great the pig is. Sound familiar?”

Linzy covered her face with her hands. “It wasn't me,” she whimpered.

Laura no longer thought it was funny. She felt awful.

“You better stop crying and start writing,” Mr. Doyle said coldly. “That is, if you want to graduate.”

Linzy dropped her head into her arms, which were folded on her desk.

Laura stood up. “Linzy didn't write on the board,” she stated. She took off her cap, shook her hair back off her face, and pulled the cap back on. “I did!”

Mr. Doyle smiled. “Thank you, Laura,” he said. “That's the proof I wanted. And thank you, Linzy, for your fine performance.”

“It was hard to keep from laughing,” said Linzy. She turned around and said, “Sorry, Laura. I didn't know it would be you.” Her face was free of tears.

Laura remained standing, too stunned to move.

Mr. Doyle erased Linzy's name and put LAURA inside the box.

For the rest of the morning, Laura sat like a zombie, staring off into space. She was oblivious to all that went on around her. Mr. Doyle had tricked her! How could I have been so stupid? she asked herself again and again. I should have known he never suspected Linzy – his pet!

Worst of all, it happened in front of everybody. She wondered what the members of Pig City thought of her now. She never felt more ashamed in her life.

Seventeen dictionary pages! It might as well have been a million. Today was Thursday. Next Friday was the last day of school. There was no way she'd be able to copy seventeen dictionary pages in just eight days!

She was the last one out of the room for recess. Numbly, she walked outside. The rest of Pig City was waiting for her, fists at noses. Listlessly, she returned the salute.

“I couldn't believe what you did!” said Nathan.

Laura looked sadly down at the ground.

“It was so … noble,” finished Nathan.

Laura looked up, surprised.

“I was feeling sorry for Linzy,” said Debbie, “but I never would have the courage to do what you did. It made me proud to be a member of Pig City.”

“The way you stood up like that,” said Tiffany: “‘Linzy didn't write on the board, I did!' It gave me goose bumps.”

“It was the bravest thing I've ever seen,” said Allison.

Laura couldn't believe it. “I was stupid,” she said. “Mr. Doyle tricked me.”

“You had no way of knowing that,” said Kristin. “You sacrificed yourself so an innocent person wouldn't suffer.”

“It was noble,” said Nathan. “You deserve the Nobel prize!”

“It was like something Martin Luther King or George Washington would have done,” said Allison.

Laura felt her eyes swell with tears. She had never told Allison she wanted to be like George Washington.

“I think that was the worst thing a teacher could do,” said Debbie. “Mr. Doyle knew how good you are. He used your
goodness
and your
nobleness
to trap you!”

“Hey, that's right!” said Aaron. “He shouldn't be allowed to do that! It's not fair. It's like he's punishing you for being so good.”

The more they talked, the more they hated Mr. Doyle, and the more they admired Laura.

“Let me copy your dictionary pages for you,” said Tiffany.

“I'll help, too,” said Kristin.

“We all will!” said Aaron.

Everyone cheered. Nathan said, “Okee-dokee-do!”

“What Laura wrote on the board, she wrote for all of us!” said Kristin. “She did it for Pig City. And now Pig City won't let her down!”

They all cheered again.

Laura laughed and cried at the same time.

They tried to figure out the best way to divide seventeen by seven.

“Laura shouldn't have to do any,” said Debbie. “We'll each do three, and we'll still have one left over!”

“Laura can write on the board again tomorrow!” declared Kristin.

They all laughed.

Laura was proud to have such wonderful friends. She tried to tell them she'd copy her share, too, but she was too choked up to speak.

“Let's copy only pages with dirty words!” Tiffany suggested.

“Are there dirty words in the dictionary?” asked Allison. She was shocked.

“Haven't you ever read the sex page?” asked Tiffany. “It's full of words starting with s-e-x.”

“And the definitions are great,” Kristin added.

“I'll copy that page,” said Tiffany.

“I'll copy the page with ‘urine' on it,” said Debbie.

They all tried to think of good pages to copy.

“I get ‘excrement',” said Kristin. “And ‘dung'. And ‘feces', too. I'll do those three.”

“‘Ass,'” said Nathan. “I know ‘ass' is in the dictionary, even if they're just talking about the donkey!”

“‘Tinkle,'” said Debbie.

“‘Buttocks,'” said Aaron.

“Oh, I just thought of a great word,” said Allison, “but I can't say it.” She blushed.

“Is it a part of the body?” asked Tiffany.

“We should think of a way to get even with Linzy,” said Debbie. “She was in on it, too.”

“But she said she didn't know it was Laura,” said Aaron.

“So? Ignorance is no excuse,” said Nathan.

“We'll figure out a way to get Linzy into trouble, this time for real,” said Debbie. “No one should make it through the year without copying at least one page.”

“Hey!” said Kristin. “What's going on over there?”

There was a big commotion in the center of the playground.

It was Gabriel. He was marching around the blacktop. Music blared out of a huge portable stereo that he held in the air. There was some kind of white cloth hanging from the top of it, like a flag.

As he got closer, the music became clearer.

“
… pick my nose, pick my nose
,

I just love to pick my nose,

It is so much fun.”

Aaron turned pale.

“My underpants!” screamed Kristin.

Kristin's underpants were hanging from Gabriel's stick. That was his flag.

“
I'm in love with every girl,

Every girl, every girl
,

I'm in love with every girl
,

In Mr. Doyle's class.”

Aaron covered his ears with his hands and ran.

Kristin rushed toward Gabriel. Tiffany, Allison, Debbie, and Nathan hurried after her.

Laura took a couple of steps, then remained where she was.

Gabriel swung the stick around over his head until
Kristin's underpants flew off into the air. A group of boys jumped for them. Kristin screamed. Her underpants were passed from one boy to another as she helplessly chased after them.