Authors: Faith Bleasdale
“
No, but you can kiss me.” Clara never felt this good with any other man.
Josh wanted her to stop playing games and admit that she felt the way he did. He knew she would and he would wait. She was worth it.
Virginia woke the next morning and did what she had been putting off. She wrote a letter to her parents and another to Susie, her pen friend, explaining what had happened. In Susie
’s letter she kept the details brief. She told her that the e-mails would have to stop for now, but she promised to be in touch when she sorted herself out. She didn’t want Susie to respond, partly because she knew that for the first time in their relationship Susie wouldn’t understand, and also because Susie’s life was normal and hers was anything but. Her parents’ letter was more difficult. For once, she told them everything, Isabelle, the fateful order, the new job, and she tried to convey the unfairness of the situation. She knew what their response would be, but she hoped deep down that they might be just a tiny bit sympathetic. She vowed that if she were ever a parent, she would always be proud of her children.
She hadn
’t arranged to meet the others that day – they were all having a day off— and she was unsure of how to fill the hours. She felt the emptiness of losing her job even more. Although she felt closer to Ella, she was almost glad of a break from Clara. Her sniping hurt, and she knew she should fight back like Ella did, but she didn’t know how. Virginia just took everything thrown at her.
***
Ella woke up and went for a run. She found that now she didn’t go to the gym she missed the exercise. She ran along the river and back, picking up a copy of the
Financial
Times
. As she read, she felt pangs of regret and sadness. After her shower, she settled down with a cup of tea and her latest romantic novel.
***
Clara woke at midday to find another note from Josh on the pillow next to hers. She smiled at the memory of last night then tried to put it out of her mind. She took a shower, dressed and made some coffee. She sat thinking about Josh for most of the afternoon. At four the telephone rang and interrupted her daydreams.
“
Hello.”
“
Clara, it’s me.”
Clara
’s heart fell a million miles. “Tim?” she whispered.
“
Yes, of course. Clara, I need to talk to you.”
“
So talk.”
“
I need to see you,” Tim said.
Clara took a deep breath.
“Need all you want. Either talk to me over the phone or fuck off.”
“
OK, I didn’t expect you to welcome me with open arms but, Clara, remember what we had together. I miss you.”
“
Really? What a shame.”
“
I need to see you. Look, we can start over. If you don’t want me to leave my wife I won’t, but I want to be with you. Remember how good it was.”
Clara was fuming. She did not remember how good it was at all, she remembered how awful, degrading and humiliating it had been. As she clutched the telephone to her ear, she thought back to the last time they
’d had sex, how Tim had forced it, and she felt sick at the memory. “It can’t start up again, Tim. I don’t want you. You got me sacked, you ruined my life, you can’t walk back in and expect me to forgive you.” She tried to sound calm but she wasn’t.
“
Can’t I? No, of course I can’t. But can we meet? Just to talk?” Clara wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but she thought about the plan and she didn’t know what she should do. She needed help. The only people she could ask were Virginia and Ella.
“
Tim, I need time to think. I’ll call you.” She hung up before he could say any more.
Clara was furious.
“How dare the little fucker call me?” she asked herself repeatedly. She had no answers. She picked up the telephone.
“
Ella? It’s Clara. I need you to come over, please. I don’t know what to do.” She burst into tears.
“
Clara, what’s happened?” She was answered in sobs. “Is it Josh?”
“
No.” Clara gulped. “It’s Tim.”
“
Tim
?
”
Ella almost shouted.
“
He called me. Please come. Bring Virginia.” She put the telephone down, still sobbing.
Ella called Virginia and went over to pick her up. Then she drove as fast as the London traffic would allow to Clara
’s flat. Clara opened the door with red eyes and tissue stuck to her face.
“
Shit, Clara, sit down. Tell me what happened,” Ella commanded. Virginia hesitated by the door of the sitting room.
“
He called. He told me he missed me and he said we could start again.”
“
What a wanker. What did you say?”
“
That he ruined my life and we couldn’t start again. Then he asked if we could meet and I said I’d think about it.”
Virginia sat down.
“Why didn’t you tell him to piss off?” she asked.
“
Because although I wanted to, I thought the plan for him might be easier if we were in contact. Although I never, ever want to see him again. I don’t have to, do I?” She looked at Ella.
“
No, you don’t. Christ what a prick. Clara, don’t let him upset you.”
“
He didn’t,” Clara said.
“
You seem upset to me.”
“
I am, but it just hit me. Talking to him made me finally realise what’s happened. I lost my job, I screwed around and I screwed up. I miss it – I miss the City, I really do.” She started crying again.
“
So do we, Clara. Virginia and I were saying last night how much we missed it.”
“
It was amazing. Walking across the trading floor, hearing the buzz, almost feeling the money being made. I loved it,” Clara said.
“
So did we,” Virginia said, and she started crying too. For a while they all sat there in silence, apart from the odd sob from Virginia and Clara.
After a while, Ella spoke.
“Well, I guess now we
all
have something in common.”
They sat together for ages until Ella could stand it no more.
“Look, as we have no more planning to do today, why don’t we get drunk?”
“
I’ll drink to that.” Clara giggled.
“
Oh, God, I feel another hangover coming on,” Virginia said, and they all started laughing.
“
I’ve got just the thing,” Clara said, getting up and walking to what looked like a cupboard but was really her drinks stash. She came back with a bottle of tequila and three shot glasses.
“
I have never known anyone to keep so much alcohol in their flat,” Ella said.
“
I’m not sure I can drink tequila,” Virginia said.
“
You’ll be fine. If you pass out you can use one of my spare rooms.” Clara poured the first shot. “I should really get lemon and salt, but I can’t be bothered.” They all downed it.
Virginia nearly choked.
“That’s strong,” she said.
“
It gets easier, just like sex.” Clara refilled their glasses. “I know. We’ll ask each other questions and we have to give honest answers. Like truth or dare, without the option of dares.”
“
I’m not sure.” Ella felt hesitant.
“
Ella, I know you have secrets and I intend to find them out.” Clara waggled her finger at Ella. “First, I need the bathroom.” She made one of her routine trips. When she returned, she said, “OK, boyfriends. Each of us has to talk about our most serious boyfriend.”
“
You start, Clara, it’s your game,” Ella said, downing the second drink. The others followed suit.
“
I don’t think I’ve ever had one. When I was at school I was with a number of boys, but always more than one at a time. Then I went to finishing-school and graduated to ski instructors. When I came back I was with Josh, and then I went back to seeing a number of men, none of whom can count as boyfriends. Then Tim.”
“
So you’ve never had a boyfriend,” Ella said.
“
Wow, I guess I haven’t. Even now Josh isn’t really my boyfriend because I’ve only seen him twice and I’m making him sleep with Isabelle. That doesn’t really count as a boyfriend, does it?”
“
No,” Ella said. “Virginia, you next.”
“
You know about mine. Noel the Bible basher, as Clara calls him. He was my first boyfriend and my last. We were together for one year and I worshipped the ground he walked on.”
“
Did you?” Clara asked. “Why?”
“
I don’t know. Because he kissed me, I suppose. No one had wanted to kiss me before – or since.” Virginia looked sad.
“
They will,” Ella said.
“
Sure they will. You’re not bad-looking even if you should be arrested by the fashion police.”
“
Clara ...” Ella said, sternly.
“
No, really. She’s pretty. You have great eyes, you’re tall and slim. With a bit of makeup, your hair restyled and a new wardrobe you could look stunning.”
“
Do you really think so?” Virginia asked.
“
Yes, I do. Now, Ella, what about you?”
“
I was engaged.”
“
Wow,” Virginia said.
“
Yeah, I was. In Manchester where I grew up. I dated this man when I was seventeen, we were engaged when I was twenty and I left when I was twenty-two. That’s when I moved to London.”
“
When did you start working at SFH?” Virginia asked.
“
When I was twenty-three. I’d been there for years.”
“
But what about the guy? Why did you leave him?” Clara asked.
“
That’s not the question. Another drink?” Ella poured the third drink and refused to say any more.
“
OK, another question. Virginia, ask a question.” Clara said.
Virginia
’s mind went blank. She wished she could think of a great question, but she couldn’t. “Um. I don’t know. Did you go out with anyone at SFH?” It was the best she could do.
“
Well, you know I went out with Tim, but I also slept with this guy called Toby on my desk. It was my sex addiction, you know.”
“
Well, I didn’t,” Ella said.
“
Me neither,” Virginia blushed.
“
Oh, great question, Virginia. Ella, your turn.” Clara poured more drinks.
“
Let me think. Has anyone here slept with a woman?” Ella giggled.
“
I have,” Clara said.
“
Who?” Virginia’s eyes were wide.
“
At boarding-school. Everyone was experimenting. Have you, Virginia?” Clara smiled at her, knowing the answer.
“
No.”
“
I did, someone in London, but that’s all you’re getting out of me,” Ella said.
“
Fuck, Ella, you are full of surprises. Engaged, then a lesbian tryst. Wow.” Clara went to the bathroom again. Ella didn’t know why she had told them that. She had slept with another waitress from Jackie’s restaurant, only once and that was out of loneliness. She had found out that she definitely preferred men.
When Clara returned she brought a wrap with her.
“Now, you know I take cocaine, so I don’t need to keep going to the bathroom. Would anyone else care for some?” Ella shook her head, much to Virginia’s relief.
“
This drink is really strong,” Virginia said, after their next shot.
“
You already said that,” Clara pointed out.
“
Sorry. I don’t drink much usually.”
“
Virginia, do you have any friends in London?” Clara asked.
“
No.”
“
Me neither. I mean, I have James, my brother, who is the person I love most in the world, and I have a number of men I can call on to take me out, but I don’t really have any friends. Not one good girlfriend anyway.”
“
I’ve got a friend called Jackie who’s brilliant,” Ella said.
“
Is she the one you slept with?” Clara asked.
“
No, she’s someone I talk to, laugh with, shop with, you know.”
“
No,” Clara said, and they laughed.
“
You all have more people than me. I have no one,” Virginia said.
“
Oh, Virginia, there must be someone,” Clara said, and Ella added that if she had a friend, then Virginia was bound to have someone.