Place to Belong, a (10 page)

Cassie checked. The last thing she wanted to do was make anyone unhappy.

D
id I do the right thing
?

The thought bedeviled Cassie all that night, making her sleep full of nightmares and restless turning.

When she staggered out of bed in the morning to start the fire, the idea of marriage to Lucas seemed impossible. But as she started the coffee she blew out a deep breath
. Cassie Marie Lockwood, you have agreed to this marriage and you do not go back on your word. Not ever. You know better. If this isn't God's will, He would have closed the door like Mavis said. So give yourself a chance. Lucas will be a loving, charming, and generous husband. He wants you to succeed in shooting as well as in being his wife. You will make a good home, and the two of you will be very happy.

Now she just had to say those things often enough that she could begin to believe them. Believing that God loved her and wanted the best for her worked, most of the time. Well, maybe not most but a good part of the time. As she read more in her Bible, she had to believe it was true, and if it was true and God never lied, then He loved her, even her. Last night she'd read
the verses about loving one another. God surely wouldn't tell her to do something if He wouldn't make it possible to happen.

That's not the problem
took up the other part of her mind. Of course she loved Lucas. She loved Gretchen and Mavis too. But surely love that led to marriage was far different than loving one's brother or sister or friend or even mother or father.

She stiffened her elbows and, planting both hands on the edge of the sink, peered out the kitchen window. All she could see was the light from the window forming a square pattern on the back porch, a snow-covered back porch. It must have snowed again during the night.

Lucas and Ransom had stayed up at the mine as they'd planned, reminding their mother that the deeper they went into the mine, the less the temperature changed. Only in the mouth of the mine did they feel the weather.

I need to go up to the mine
, she thought. But she never had been good in dark, closed places. However, her father had been there. Might there be something left up there to remind her of him? She heard getting-dressed noises coming from the bedrooms. Mavis and Gretchen were up. When she scraped enough frost off the pantry window to look out, she saw a man with a lantern heading for the barn. Arnett was living up to his word to do the ranch chores.

Surely this would have been a good time for her to learn to milk the cow. She'd fed the chickens and gathered the eggs a few times but had yet to feed the hogs or milk the cow. Or drive the team, let alone harness and hitch up the team. Always there had been men around to do those chores. She'd never even had to fill the woodbox.

As a rancher's wife, she'd have a whole world of things to learn. Like the gardening, putting up all those jars and crocks she saw in the cellar. If she allowed herself to think on it, she might just go running for her life.

“Good morning.” Mavis's smile lit the room. “Oh, it is so nice to come in here to a hot stove. Lots of times, Ransom or Lucas start it if they get up before I do, but they don't start the breakfast or the coffee.”

“Coffee should be ready in a couple of minutes.”

“I thought today we would make doughnuts.”

“Doughnuts?”

Gretchen wandered into the room, stretching and yawning. “Doughnuts. We haven't made doughnuts in forever. I want to help.” She turned back and went to get dressed.

Cassie poured two cups of coffee and set them on the table. “I have some questions.”

“Sure. Since we don't have to make breakfast for the boys, we can take a coffee break. I'll make French toast for Gretchen and us. Oh, and for Arnett. I almost forgot him.”

Cassie sat down. “I saw him head for the barn with a lighted lantern.”

“So what is bothering you?”

“Lots, but I've been thinking of the members of the show troupe I left behind. I wish there were some way we could find them, and if they are not working, maybe we could hire them for the show next summer. They would at least know what to do.”

“What a great idea. You ought to suggest that to Lucas. He's the one working with Mr. Porter.”

“But how do we go about finding them?” Cassie asked.

“Well, the Indians might have returned to the reservation, most likely did.”

“Unless they went with another show.”

“But you said most shows laid everyone off over the winter. We can write to the man in charge of the reservation or the Indian agent and ask him. I know Revered Brandenburg has some contacts there. We can ask him on Sunday.”

“Thank you.” Cassie sipped her coffee, enjoying the feeling
of warmth radiating from her middle. “Do you want me to slice the bread for the French toast? I'll get the eggs and milk first.”

“Good. You take care of the eggs and milk and I'll slice the bread. And by the end of the morning, you'll know how to make doughnuts too. We need to get my recipes written down for you.” The two stood, and by the time Gretchen returned to the kitchen and Arnett set the milk pail in the sink, the platter of toast in the oven let them all eat at the same time.

Mavis drained the syrup pitcher. “That's another recipe you'll need—syrup. I better start making a list.”

“What about the cookbook in the pantry?” Gretchen turned to Cassie. “I read it sometimes. It tells all about keeping a house too and even making a garden. I'll get it for you.” She darted off to the pantry and, on her flying return, handed Cassie the thick book and headed down the hall.

Mavis got up to fetch the coffeepot and lifted a lid on the stove to check the fire.

Arnett watched her and said, “Don't you worry none. I'll fill up that woodbox. I brought my book here with me. No sense keeping a fire going in the bunkhouse too. Waste of good wood.”

“That's so kind of you, Arnett.” Mavis sniffed, managing to make it just a small sniff. “Thank you.”

Cassie felt like hugging them both. It seemed to her that she was watching Jesus in action.

Gretchen returned, radiant. “Do you realize yesterday was my last day of school this year! Christmas holiday! Are we going to have a Christmas party this year?”

“I'm thinking not. After the wedding, we'll have a big party here.” She looked to Cassie. “What day would you like the wedding?”

Cassie shrugged. “I was thinking around the first of the year. Maybe we can let Lucas decide on the date.”
A big party. How
can we plan a big party so quickly? Do I want a big party all churning around with people I don't even know?

Mavis brought the calendar from the wall and laid it on the table. Her finger moved down the weeks. “Let's see . . . the party at the church is here, and Christmas is here . . . Do you think the last Saturday in December would be too soon? That's the thirty-first.”

“It's fine with me. If it's all right with Lucas.” Cassie paused. “We don't have to invite a whole lot of people, do we?” She fought to keep her voice firm, even though her middle was doing its best to spin out of control.

“That's up to you and Lucas. We can do whatever you want.”

“But what do people usually do around here? What do they expect?” Cassie strangled her coffee cup. “I thought maybe we could just have a ceremony here, like we did for Micah and Runs Like a Deer.” Panic tried to close her throat. Why had she never thought about all those details of a wedding? She'd heard most girls—er, women—dreamed of their wedding day and their groom and . . . Maybe something was wrong with her.

“We'll have to ask Lucas. Maybe he's always wanted to be married at our church. That is what I expected, but Cassie dear, we can do whatever you want. Traditionally, it is ultimately the bride's choice.”

“I reckon we need to get my house cleaned out before then,” Arnett said. “Why don't we go over there after you make the doughnuts, and we can decide what needs doing. In the meantime, I need to go open the fence to the hay pile that Ransom said we'd start feeding with.”

“Oh, I'm sure he has done that already,” Mavis put in.

“Well, I better check. I looked out there at first light, and them buffalo was throwing up snow like they was surrounded, like a cloud was sittin' right down on 'em. They don't let a snowfall stop their grazing.”

Cassie nodded and smiled. “I saw them do that when we were coming down here. The cattle followed right behind them. Are they wearing a blanket of white?”

“Sure 'nough are. That is some sight.” Arnett hustled out the door.

Over the next several hours, Cassie learned what went into making doughnuts. Nothing simple about doughnuts. The ingredients were important, of course. Mavis said only buttermilk should be used. She explained how hot the lard in the kettle needed to be—a bit of bread dropped in it should brown quickly at the right temperature. And then there was how to roll out the dough, cut the doughnuts with a cookie cutter, use a thimble to cut out the center, drop the tender dough into the lard, turn them, and finally lift the golden brown circles out to drain on the slotted rack. Gretchen tossed a few of them in a bag of sugar to frost them, so to speak.

Arnett came in and backed up to the stove, thawing out. Cassie handed him a mug of coffee without being asked.

“Now what are you doing?” Cassie asked when she saw Mavis dropping in the round bits of leftover dough.

“Frying the holes.” Mavis kept watch over the bobbing rounds of dough.

“My favorite part.” Arnett shook the first batch in the sugar bag and popped one into his mouth. “Ow!”

“Hot?” Mavis asked with a chuckle. “Serves you right.”

Boots thumping on the back porch announced the arrival of the boys. Lucas opened the door with a shout. “Doughnuts! I could smell them clear up the hill. Told you so, Ransom.” He snatched up one of the sugared ones and ate half in one bite.

Ransom shook his head with a smile. “He nearly drove the horse into the ground, he was in such a hurry.”

Cassie watched his face to make sure he was teasing. “Did the smell really go that far?”

“Out to the barn anyway. We did good up there during the night. But after breakfast we decided we had too much to do to spend the day up there. But we could if we had to. We proved that point.” A doughnut lasted four bites for him. Lucas devoured his third and then hit the holes.

“You could leave some for the others.” Mavis carefully eased the lard kettle over to the top of the reservoir to cool off.

“I'll get the coffee.” Cassie had been nibbling on the same doughnut, savoring every morsel. This woman had to be magic the way everything tasted better here than she'd ever before experienced in her life.

“You want to go with us over to my place, look over the house to get it ready for you two young'uns?” Arnett asked as he made two more holes disappear.

“When?”

“Right away.”

“Before dinner?” Lucas gave his mother a horrified look.

Mavis rolled her eyes. “Good heavens, can't the doughnuts hold you?” When he shook his head, she pointed to the oven. “The baked beans and ham are ready.”

Cassie wanted to go hide somewhere. How would she manage to cook the kind of food Lucas was used to? Her stomach rolled first one way and then the other. What kind of crazy was she to agree to such a hurry-up affair? Why not wait a little longer, take a deep breath, get everything organized? What was the rush? Why, oh why had she said such a thing?

But when she tried to say something about it, her tongue refused to move. She promised herself she would talk to Mavis later.

After dinner Lucas leaned back in his chair. “You still want to go over there?” He glanced around the table to receive nods from all but Ransom, who paused, then shrugged and agreed. He sat up straight. “Although I don't know what you need me along for.”

“Your strong back, of course.” Mavis clapped him on the shoulder. “We'll leave the dishes. Hitch up the sleigh and let's go.”

“Oh my! Everybody hide! The world is coming to an end.” Lucas waved his arms wildly in warning. “Mor is leaving dirty dishes in the sink!”

Mavis rolled her eyes and smiled at Cassie's look of confusion. “He's teasing me because I always tell them never to leave unwashed dishes.” She smacked him on the shoulder. “Smart aleck.”

“There are bells on the harness,” Cassie exclaimed a few minutes later as the horses trotted out, the sleigh runners swishing over the snow.

“Ransom always puts the bells on the harness when he brings out the sleigh,” Gretchen told her.

“Sleigh bells signify Christmas to me.” Mavis raised her voice. “By the way, when are we going to look for a Christmas tree?”

“When do you want to go?” Lucas turned to ask over his shoulder.

Arnett was seated in the back on the other side of Mavis. “I ain't cut a Christmas tree in years.”