His thoughts returned to Sadie. The immediate connection she’d made with Tyler, the conversations she and Kade had shared, the way she felt in his arms, the smell of her. Yes, it was best that she go. If she didn’t go now, Kade might say something to try and convince her to stay, or worse, tempt her away from a faith and place that she belonged. And even Kade didn’t have the heart to do that.
After Tyler’s bath, Kade tucked him into bed and said prayers with him, something they had started doing a few days ago. Tyler repeated each prayer along with Kade. This was a special time for Kade, but he had to admit, he was still waiting for another message. He wasn’t willing to write it off as a coincidence, nor was he willing to accept it as divine intervention from God. Either way, he always waited anxiously, just in case.
Tyler had been tucked into bed for about an hour when Kade heard a pounding on the front door. He closed the book he was reading and edged off the couch in his socks and sweat pants. He pulled the door open to find Sadie standing on the porch, her cheeks red and her teeth chattering.
“What are you doing here? It’s freezing! Get in here.” Kade grabbed her by the arm to drag her inside.
“Not until you dress properly,” she said, freeing herself of his grip. Sadie lifted her chin and looked away from him.
“This is ridiculous.” But Kade walked into the bedroom and threw on a sweatshirt. He’d barely gotten it pulled over his head when he returned to the door. “Better?” he asked. He motioned her inside.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked once he’d closed the door behind her.
“Would you like to take your coat off and stay awhile?” It was sarcastic, and she didn’t find it amusing.
Sadie walked up to him with a fire in her that Kade hadn’t seen before. “You cannot boss me about my life, Kade Saunders.”
“I didn’t realize I was
bossing you
, Sadie Fisher.” He smirked, amused at her angry display and choice of words, then crossed his arms. “You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Don’t play with me, Kade.” Sadie actually stomped her foot.
“Couldn’t you tell that I didn’t want to go to Texas right now? I was trying not to hurt Milo’s feelings. Now I have to go, because you made it so very convenient for me to do so.”
“I thought I was doing you a favor. You said you’ve been corresponding with Milo for over two years. I thought my staying here to watch the place would give you an opportunity to get to know this man. I thought you’d be happy.”
“No, you didn’t.” There was a lethal calmness in her blue eyes. “You were just trying to be powerful, because that’s the way you do things in your world.”
“Sadie, who am I to tell you what to do? If you don’t want to go, don’t go.” Kade shrugged. “I don’t know what the big deal is.” “Evidently, you do not.” She turned to walk away, but Kade gently grabbed her arm.
“Hey, hey. Come back here. Talk to me, Sadie.”
She shook free of his hold. Kade watched her backing away, tears in her eyes. It was breaking his heart. Now was his chance.
She was feeling something for him too. If he was ever going to tell her how much he cared for her, now was the time—and he would probably screw up her life in the process. Kade took a deep breath.
“What do you want me to say?” she asked.
Kade walked toward her, but she backed up a safe distance. “Come here, Sadie.” He held his arms out to her. He couldn’t help it. God forgive him, he couldn’t stand to see her like this. So torn. She looked shattered, as shattered as he felt. “Come here,” he repeated, stretching his arms out further.
“I can’t,” she said.
“Then why did you come here?” Kade took a step forward. She didn’t back up.
“To see . . . to know if . . .” A tear spilled over, and Sadie let it run the length of her cheek without taking her eyes from Kade’s.
I love you, Sadie
. He wanted to tell her so much that it physically hurt. But he said nothing.
It’s the right thing to do.
But couldn’t he at least hold her, comfort her, one last time? Soon she would grow close to Milo, as it should be, and Kade would lose her forever. He moved toward her again.
“To know if what?” he asked. “Why are you crying?”
She looked embarrassed all of a sudden and turned her eyes away from him. He grasped both of her arms and pulled her toward him, and then he lifted her chin and forced her to look into his eyes, eyes longing for the same thing hers did. Then Kade did the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.
He readied himself, stood tall, and firmly said, “Go be with Milo. Go to Texas, Sadie.”
She jerked free of his hold, turned, and ran for the door. And she never looked back. If she had, she would have seen the tears filling Kade’s eyes.
What have I done?
LIZZIE WAS AS NERVOUS AS ANY A PERSON COULD BE. She fumbled with her
kapp
as if she hadn’t been wearing the prayer covering for the past sixty-plus years, poking at loose strands of gray hair that kept falling forward. She had known Samuel Stoltzfus since he was a baby, and she’d taken a liking to his wife, Lillian, right away. And Jonas’s daughter, Sarah Jane, had always been mighty good to Lizzie. There was no need for all this fuss just because she was going to supper at Jonas’s house.
She was honored when Jonas invited her on behalf of them all. It was a big step for Jonas, and Lizzie suspected it might mean that Jonas was ready to take their friendship to the next level. She wanted to make a good impression.
So silly
, she thought. These were all fine people whom she’d known for years.
The sound of a buggy approaching gave her the push she needed to tame her unruly tresses. A final poke beneath her prayer covering, and she was ready. She bundled up in her heaviest coat and pulled on her boots, glad she’d worn two pairs of thick, black tights beneath her best blue dress. She molded her black gloves around her tired old hands and pretended for a moment that she was a young woman. Lizzie closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like to live the next fifty years with Jonas—that she was a woman in her youth, vital and strong.
She sighed, smiled, and realized she would be happy to take what she could get where Jonas was concerned. A week, a month, a year, or twenty years, she wanted to live out her days with Jonas by her side, caring for him, doting on him, playing chess with him, and loving him. She waited on the front porch for him to halt the buggy and come help her down the porch steps, which he insisted on. Her kind, chivalrous huggy bear.
“Sarah Jane’s got a mighty fine meal planned for you,” Jonas said, his shoulders squared and his chin held high. He met Lizzie at the top of the porch and offered her his arm, which she gladly latched onto. “She’s lookin’ forward to having the
kinner
and you all over for supper. Lillian said to apologize to you that we’re eatin’ so late. She had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon in the city, and it ran a bit late.”
“Is everything all right?” They took the porch steps slow and steady, each holding a handrail, and each other.
“
Ya, ya
. One of those regular checkups ’bout the baby. Everything is
gut
.”
Jonas helped Lizzie into the buggy and handed her a thick, brown blanket.
“
Danki
, Jonas,” she said.
A short ride later, they rounded the corner at Jonas and Sarah Jane’s house.
“I reckon the whole bunch is already here,” Jonas said. He parked the buggy and helped Lizzie down. “Now, don’t you be nervous, Lizzie. They all love you.” He winked.
But do you love me, Jonas?
She nodded.
Samuel and his son, David, were already sitting at the table when Lizzie and Jonas entered the kitchen from the porch. Anna was snacking on crackers in a high chair while Sarah Jane and Lillian scurried around the kitchen.
After the greetings, Lizzie asked, “Can I help with anything?”
“No, Lizzie,
danki
. You sit down and visit while we finish up here,” Sarah Jane said. She stirred a pot on top of the stove.
“David, how are you feeling?” Lizzie asked. Samuel’s son had undergone a kidney transplant this past year, and the boy looked like he was doing well, a healthy color in his cheeks.
“I feel
gut
.” The fifteen-year-old smiled.
“And I see little Anna is growing like a weed.” Lizzie reached over and tenderly touched the child’s cheek. “So precious.” What a lovely family. Lizzie wanted to be a part of it.
Jonas sat at the head of the table and instructed Lizzie to sit at the other end. It felt strange to sit in Irma Rose’s spot, but she was honored to do so. Samuel and his wife sat on one side, and Sarah Jane took a seat beside David after she placed the stew in the middle of the table.
“Let us pray,” Sarah Jane said. They all bowed their heads. Lizzie had so much to be thankful for.
“Now, let’s eat,” Jonas said when he felt they’d prayed for long enough. He smiled at Lizzie and winked, and she knew everything was going to be fine.
“This stew is
wunderbaar
, Sarah Jane,” Lizzie told Jonas’s daughter. “I’d be honored to have this recipe.”
“Remind me after supper, and I’ll be happy to jot it down for you,” Sarah Jane said. “There’s a secret ingredient in it.”
Lillian laughed. “There’s no secret about it,
Mamm
. I know what’s in it, it’s—”
“
Ach!
Don’t say,” Sarah Jane interupted. “These boys will tell everyone.”
“Sarah Jane, you think you be havin’ a secret, but I know your special ingredient,” Jonas said with a wink. “Pickle juice.” He paused to chew a piece of meat in the stew. “You put a squirt of pickle juice in everything. Irma Rose, you taught her that, didn’t ya, now?”
The room went silent, and Lizzie could feel all eyes on her. Just for this one day, in front of his family, Lizzie had hoped Jonas could remember that she was Lizzie. She could feel her face reddening, and her hands began to tremble, making it difficult for her to hold on to her spoon. Then she dropped the utensil, full of stew, and made a mess on the floor, like a small child.
“I’m so sorry, I—” She choked back tears.
“Don’t you give it a second thought.” Lillian was on her feet right away and retrieved the spoon. She had a fresh one in Lizzie’s hand in no time. “Anna makes a mess all the time. We’re used to it.”
Lizzie forced a smile. She knew Lillian’s intentions were good and her words said in the spirit to make Lizzie feel better. But Lizzie wasn’t a baby, and she should be able to hold her own spoon and carry herself at supper, for goodness’ sakes.
“Lilly, how did Sadie fare out there during the storm with the
Englischer
renting that cottage of hers?” Jonas asked. “I don’t trust that fella.”
“Now, Grandpa, that
fella
helped us the night you were—the night we couldn’t find you,” Lillian said. “He seems nice enough.”
“A man like that might try to steal our Sadie away from here.” Jonas sat up a little taller. “You want your best friend to be leavin’ us?”
“Didn’t you hear?” Lillian’s eyes grew wide, and then she turned toward her mother. “Didn’t you tell Grandpa,
Mamm?
”
“Tell me what?” Jonas stopped chewing and eyed his daughter. Lizzie was glad the focus was not on her.
“
Ach
. I guess I forgot. Milo showed up.”
Even Lizzie had heard of Milo, and she thought Jonas might drop
his
spoon at the mention of this news. “The pen pal from Texas?” he asked.
“
Ya
. And if you’re going to worry about anyone stealing Sadie away, you better worry about him.”
Jonas grunted. “At least he’s Old Order. Sadie wouldn’t be veering from her faith and facing a shunning.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Lillian said. But something in Lillian’s tone made Lizzie suspect that maybe there was something to fear.
“Irma Rose, pass those rolls over here, can ya, please?”
Lizzie took a deep breath. Sarah Jane reached over and clutched Lizzie’s free hand as she looked at her father. “Pop, this is Lizzie,” she said in a firm voice.
Jonas looked up and seemed to realize what he’d done. “I’m sorry, Lizzie,” he said, regret in his voice. And then he kept staring at her.
Lizzie grasped her spoon extra tight and said, “It’s all right, Jonas.”
But Jonas didn’t look all right. His gaze lowered, as did his voice. “No, it’s not all right,” he said.
Everyone was quiet again for a few moments, and Lizzie knew she was trembling. It happened when her nerves got the best of her.
But then Lillian began to talk about her visit at the doctor’s office, the mood lightened, and they all finished supper without incident. When it was time for Jonas to take Lizzie home, each one of his family hugged her neck and thanked her for coming. Given the circumstances, she figured things had gone rather well.
Jonas was quiet on the drive home.
“
Danki
for having me to supper with your family, Jonas,” Lizzie said.
He nodded as he turned onto Lizzie’s driveway, but he said nothing. Something was terribly wrong. Maybe it was a bad idea to have supper where he’d dined with Irma Rose for most of his life. Or perhaps she was being her normal worrisome self. She sat up a little taller. “Will I be seeing you for chess tomorrow? I think we have a rematch to play.” She offered him a hopeful smile.
Jonas didn’t answer and pulled the buggy to a stop. “Whoa, Jessie.”
Lizzie fought the tears building in the corners of her eyes, and her heart was thumping madly.
Please, Jonas. No.
Jonas hung his head. “Lizzie . . .” He gazed in her direction, and even in the darkness, his eyes told the tale. “Let’s get you in out of this cold, and we’ll talk inside.”
He walked around to her side of the buggy and helped her down. And as she’d done before, she locked her arm in his and they headed up the porch steps. Lizzie held on extra tight.
“A game of chess before you go?” She tried to sound as cheerful as possible, even though her heart was breaking.
Jonas’s eyes narrowed as he walked Lizzie to the bench at her kitchen table and motioned for her to sit down. He took a seat beside her.