Planning on Forever (9 page)

– COLLIN –

I
just
stand and stare at the seat where Alexa sat before she said
goodbye. I’m back to feeling numb. Amanda sits there for a minute, not saying a
word, but then her phone chimes with what I assume is a text from Alexa, and
then gets up to leave.

Matt
walks over to my side soon after. “Come on, buddy, I took care of the bill.
Let's get outta here.”

We
go to the school as we originally planned and throw around the football for a
while. One of the things I respect most about Matt is that he doesn't push me.
Not once has he asked me what happened or what she said, or what am I going to
do. He is just there for me, and ready to talk if I need him to.

It
feels good throwing the ball around for a little bit. We practice throwing long
and run through a couple of our plays. There's something about holding the
football, being on the field, and having complete control over the ball. It's
my escape. An escape I’m going to need if I’m going to be able to get over
Alexa. This is what my summer is going to consist of…football. I’m going to
work hard and train hard, and I’m going to be in the best damn shape for
football this fall. Alexa is my love and football is my passion, but from now
on, football is going to be both.

“You
alright, buddy? You have a weird grin on your face.” Matt asks, looking at me
confused.

“You
know what...Yeah, I’m alright. I think I'm good, bro,” I reply with a smile on
my face. A smile that I never thought I’d be able to make again after Alexa
said goodbye. I still love Alexa and always will. Someday I will get her back–that’s
not a question. I’m going to give her time, though. Amanda told me the night of
the graduation party that if I loved Alexa in the tiniest bit, then I would let
her leave. At that time, I thought it was just about right then, but it wasn't.
I love that girl with all my heart, but right now, I’m going to let her go. I’m
going to move on and focus on my passion, and when the time is right, I will
get my girl back
.

– ALEXA –

The
last three weeks consist of depressing, pitiful, heartbroken, Alexa. If I’m not
working, I’m moping around my house. Since I refuse to go anywhere, Amanda and
Nicole come to me. Even though I should hate Nicole for what she did with
Collin, I can’t. Honestly, I really like her and she had no clue that Collin
had a girlfriend; especially one she’d be working with the next day.

Both
girls take turns checking in on me. We sit by the pool, read magazines, and
talk about how much guys suck. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done my
hair, and make-up; it just seems pointless. Maybe I should just suck it up and
pretend that Collin never cheated on me. Maybe we can just go back to normal,
and act like this never even happened. Life without Collin pretty much sucks,
so how much worse could being together with trust issues be? At least I’d have
him, and we’d be together. There are couples that work through this kind of
stuff every day that end up happy in the end. Who says that can’t be us?

“Okay,
enough is enough! You’re starting to make me depressed, and well, that’s just
not okay,” Amanda says, taking the remote out my hand to turn off the
television.

“You
do realize this was all your idea, right?” I respond, pointing out how excited
she was to be at my grieving party.

“Yeah
well, I didn’t think it’d last this long. The parties over. Tomorrow is your
birthday, and we’re going out,” she demands.

“Yeah,
no thanks.”

“Oh,
I forgot to mention…you don’t have a choice.”

Ignoring
my “Oh really” look, she continues.

“Tonight
your parents are taking you out to dinner after work. Then tomorrow we’re going
shopping, getting our hair and make-up done, then we are finally hitting up the
new club downtown. Remember that ‘summer of fun’ attitude you had? Well that starts
today.”

Wow.
When did she get so bossy?

“Do
I get a say in this?” I ask even though I’m pretty sure I know the answer.

“No.”

My
parents pick me up at work before we go to dinner. We’re going to my favorite
restaurant downtown in the heart of the city. I love it down there. There are
so many cute little shops and restaurants mixed in with a few bars. Before
going to dinner, we walk around for a little while. I’m surprised when my mom
insists on going into this jewelry store on the corner, and my dad doesn’t
issue a complaint; he usually hates shopping.

Walking
to the end of the counter, I notice a beautiful infinity pendant necklace
spread out on the glass. My father picks it up and puts it around my neck.

“Happy
birthday, honey. The Infinity symbol symbolizes eternity, unity, empowerment
and love. Some also believe it symbolizes the birth, and rebirth of an
individual.”

“Wow,
it’s beautiful. Thank you.” I respond, giving them both a hug and kiss.

It’s
not only beautiful, but holds so much meaning, and I get it. My parents want me
to accept this change in life, and be empowered by it; to become my own person;
to essentially be reborn, and start my own life…without Collin.

Dinner
is amazing. I eat enough for two people, and I am absolutely exhausted when I
get home, therefore calling it an early night. When I wake up, I have a zillion
text messages wishing me a “Happy Birthday” on my cellphone. My first one is at
twelve o’clock exactly, from Collin.

Reading
this brings tears to my eyes. We haven’t spoken to each other since the day at
the diner. I imagined our first contact with one another after that day would
be awful, but even though I have tears in my eyes, I have a smile on my face.
For the first time in a while I think that maybe, just maybe, there is a life
out there that doesn’t involve Collin. And to know that he still loves me,
cares about me, and is willing to give me the space I need to find myself,
makes me smile. Thankful for his text, I reply.

Closing
my cellphone, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and
that I can finally breathe again. I think I’m ready to move on; to live a
little, and find out what single Alexa is all about.

– COLLIN –

Wanting
to be the first person to text Alexa on her birthday, I stay up until midnight
and text her at exactly twelve o’clock saying “Happy Birthday.”

The
last three weeks have been the worst of my life. I’ve been focusing on football
and training, but not having Alexa to come home to, to goof around with, to
snuggle and hold, rips my insides apart. Sometimes I think that I’m going to
wake up at any moment and realize that this has all been just a really bad
dream. But I know that it will never happen; I screwed up and these are the
repercussions. I’ve opened my phone and started to dial her number a zillion
times, to just hear her voice again, but quickly shut it. This is my fault that
we’re in this mess in the first place, and calling her wouldn’t be right. She
calls all the shots from this point on.

Matt
and I get up early every morning; we try to get to the field just as the sun is
coming up to beat the summer heat while we do our outside workout. Then we hit
the gym when the sun goes down for our evening workout. It’s becoming clock
work.

When
I get back from our workout this morning, I’m elated to see that Alexa
responded to my text. It is short and sweet, and says that she needs time away,
but it also says she loves me and always will. That to me is enough hope, that
maybe one day we can put this all behind us.