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“How is that corny?” Josh pouted. “You are beautiful.”

Rosa blushed and cleared her throat. “Are you really sure you’re okay to go to school? You’re not going to pass out or anything? Seriously, I can’t handle that again.”

Josh squeezed her hand as he pulled out of her driveway, feeling grateful for her concern. “I’m fine. Besides, I have some investigative work to do. I plan on finding out who slipped me that rat poison.”

“It sounds like you already know,” Rosa observed.

Josh was quiet for a minute. He watched as houses and a few stores zipped past his windshield. Fall leaves fluttered to the ground, and a few landed on the hood of the car while they were stopped at a red light. He felt his fingers grip the steering wheel aggressively as his angry thoughts inched their way to the surface.

“I have my suspicions,” Josh replied, making an effort to keep his voice calm and steady.

“Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.”

“I think it was Bryan Grant,” Josh announced, deadpan. “I know for sure that he hates me enough to do it. He trashed my Mustang. I’m sure of that. Why wouldn’t he take things a step further?”

“There’s more than one step between vandalism and attempted murder,” Rosa reminded him. “If Bryan did do this, he’s really dangerous.”

“Tell me about it,” Josh said. “That’s why I need to take care of it now, before he takes another shot at me.”

Rosa shivered and zipped up her jacket, but it wasn’t because of the cool autumn morning. “But how could he have done it? When would he have had access to your medication?”

Josh thought about it for a minute. He had only considered the motive, not the means or the opportunity, but the answer seemed obvious. “He must have done it while we were at wrestling practice. I usually don’t bother locking my stuff up in the locker room.”

“If that’s the case, anyone could have done it. How can you be sure it was Bryan?”

“Who else would want to hurt me?” Josh asked her.

“What about Elena? Or that new girl, Nadine?  Even the girl from the arcade could have snuck in while you were at practice.” Rosa reached out her hand, and touched the still tender scratch on Josh’s cheek where Jasmine had clawed him. “They were all angry with you. And to be honest, poison sounds more like a woman scorned than a brother defending his sister’s honor.”

“I just can’t believe any of them would be capable of something like this,” Josh said as he pulled the silver Mercedes into the student parking lot. “I know they have their moments, especially Elena, but I can’t imagine them physically hurting anyone. And Nadine, well, she would never be able to come up with such a complex plan.”

Rosa frowned. “I don’t think you give Nadine enough credit. She’s in some of the honors classes with me, and she does pretty well. I overheard her telling someone she got a 1400 on her SATs and from what I hear, she’s already been accepted to a few really good colleges. I think the airhead thing is just an act because she thinks the guys like it.”

“I had no idea,” Josh said thoughtfully. “Still, I don’t think she would hurt me. And Elena looked really surprised when she saw me in the hospital the other day.”

“Maybe she was just surprised you were alive,” Rosa suggested.

Josh shook his head. “No, it had to be Bryan,” he said with conviction. “He’s the only person I know who’s capable of it. And when I find him today, I’m going to straighten him out.”

Josh slammed the door of his father’s car so hard that the vehicle shuddered against the black concrete. Rosa looked more than a little nervous as she flung her school bag over her shoulder and followed him. “Josh, you just got out of the hospital,” she reprimanded. “Please avoid getting in any fights for a least another day or two.”

“I can’t make any promises.”

Despite his protests, Josh knew she was right. He didn’t feel like he was going to throw up anymore, but he still felt weak and tired. He would be lucky if he made it through wrestling practice let alone a full-fledged parking lot brawl. He knew if he saw Bryan he might not be able to control himself.

“Well, don’t expect me to play nurse if you get hurt,” Rosa said, annoyed. “If you’re stupid enough to get in a fight, you deserve what you get.”

“I’m sorry,” Josh said in exaggerated remorse. He slipped his arm around her waist as they walked toward the entrance of the school. “I’ll try to be good. I don’t want my girlfriend mad at me.”

Rosa stopped dead in her tracks, and looked up at him with wide, doe brown eyes. “Your girlfriend?”

“Well, yeah,” Josh said, a little flustered himself. After she had been glued to his side all weekend, he had just assumed they were a couple. “I mean, only if you want to be.”

“I’m Joshua Hanover’s girlfriend,” Rosa said with a light laugh. “The chess club is never going to believe it. That was a joke,” she added when Josh gave her a baffled look. “I’m not that much of a nerd.”

Josh beamed as he walked hand in hand with his new girlfriend. He had forgotten all about Bryan for a few minutes. In fact, his arch nemesis was the furthest thing from his mind. That is, until he noticed him stumbling through the parking lot with a bottle of Vodka in one hand.  Rosa noticed him too, and she visibly stiffened.

Josh had every intention of keeping his word to Rosa. He tried to side-step his obviously drunken classmate, but it was too late. Bryan had already seen him, and he was heading in their direction. He somehow managed to place himself between Josh and the door, blocking the entrance with his bulky frame. Josh knew there was no avoiding a confrontation no matter how many promises he made. Bryan was dead drunk and he wasn’t going to be rational.

When Bryan opened his mouth, Josh expected a multitude of insults and vulgar words. He expected to be cursed and threatened. What he didn’t expect was for the larger boy to fall to his knees and begin to sob.  He looked up at Josh with eyes that were red-rimmed from crying, and glazed from too much alcohol.

“You’re a murderer,” Bryan cried, pointing an accusing finger at Josh. “You killed Lily!”

“She’s dead!” Bryan sobbed. “She’s dead because of you!”

Josh’s mind whirled. He staggered backward, and probably would have fallen if a black pickup truck hadn’t been there to steady him. He wasn’t sure how long it was before he was able to take another breath, but his lungs were aching when he finally felt himself inhale. Rosa’s grip on his arm tightened protectively, and he knew he must have looked as pale as he felt. His stomach was churning for reasons that had nothing to do with rat poison.

“Wh . . . what are you talking about?” Josh managed to stutter. “What happened to Lily?”

Bryan threw the empty Vodka bottle to the ground and it shattered into pieces. “She’s dead! My little sister is dead!” He cried, his words slurred. “Oh, Lily! Lily, how could you?”

Bryan slumped back against the brick wall of the school, and Josh thought for a minute that he might have passed out. He fought back his own surprise and grief to reach out a hand to try to help his classmate up from the ground, all past arguments forgotten in the light of apparent tragedy, but Bryan wouldn’t be consoled. With a snarl of rage, he opened his eyes and flung himself at Josh with pure animal fury. Even though the attack had taken him by surprise, Josh easily stepped aside. Being overcome with grief and drunkenness, Bryan flew past Josh and landed face first on the cold cement parking lot.

“It’s your fault,” Bryan accused. “She killed herself! She killed herself because of you!”

He tried to tackle Josh again, but he was so off balance, he didn’t even make it to where Josh stood before he simply fell to the ground with an audible thump. That small effort seemed to be all Bryan was able to muster. He rolled himself into a ball, rocked back and forth, and seemed to forget that Josh was even there at all as he lost himself in his grief.

“Lily. Oh, Lily,” Bryan chanted in an eerie monotone.

Josh didn’t want to leave Bryan alone in the condition he was in. Not that he was truly alone. Dozens of students had gathered around them. Each one heard every word Bryan had said, but none of them seemed very concerned with helping him. They were too busy gawking and whispering back and forth. Only when the school principal appeared and helped Bryan to his feet, did Josh finally feel comfortable leaving him. He moved through the entranceway with Rosa beside him, and realized that now he had no choice but to deal with his own feelings.

At first, when Bryan had started screaming at him, Josh only felt numb. Now that the truth was starting to sink in, he had to come to terms with his own grief and guilt. He had heard Lily crying when he broke up with her. He knew she was upset. But he never dreamed that she was this upset. He never thought she would take her own life. It didn’t seem possible that she could really be dead. He could picture her sweet heart-shaped face so vividly. He could visualize her skipping down her driveway in her plaid skirt, filled with never-ending optimism. How could she be gone?

“Josh, are you all right?”

Rosa placed a timid hand on his shoulder, and Josh was brought back to awareness. He found that he was trying in vain to work the combination on his locker. He couldn’t even remember how he had gotten there.

“Not really,” Josh told her honestly.

“Can I do anything?”

Josh shook his head. No amount of soft touches or sweet words would fix this. He didn’t deserve to have her comfort. When the warning bell rang signaling they only had five minutes to get to their homerooms, Josh brushed her check absently, and went to his classroom in silence. He went through his courses in a daze. Somehow, it didn’t seem right for everything to go on as usual when Lily was dead.

At lunch, Josh sat quietly, only picking at his food. His friends didn’t ask any questions. News of his ex-girlfriend’s suicide had spread quickly by those who had witnessed the scene in the parking lot. Josh didn’t pay attention to the stares of his fellow classmates, whether they were sympathetic or condemning. Later that afternoon, Josh went to wrestling practice, but he got thrown for the first time in two years. Coach Kubiak assumed it was because of his illness, but he was just distracted. Josh was too busy thinking about his missing teammate, wondering where Bryan was and how he was doing. 

Josh skipped the showers and avoided Kevin and Jim when practice was over. When he got home, he was relieved to find that his father wasn’t around. He noticed the local newspaper was sitting on the kitchen counter. On a whim, he flipped it open to the obituaries. He had to skim through the names of several senior citizens before he found the small blurb about Lily. It was brief and to the point. It had her name, age, and stated that she had passed suddenly on Friday afternoon. Josh felt his heart drop. He had harbored some small hope that Bryan hallucinated the whole thing in his drunken stupor. Now that he was looking at proof in black and white, there was no way to deny it any longer. Lily really was gone. Josh put his head in his hands, and fought back the waves of nausea that were caused just as much by self-disgust as the lingering effects of his illness.

“Josh?”

Josh forced himself to look up and found Andrea standing beside him. He had been so involved in his own morbid thoughts he hadn’t even heard her come in. She instantly reached out to wrap him in a comforting hug that he knew he didn’t deserve. He accepted the embrace, and returned it with an almost desperate vigor.

“You always know when I need you,” Josh whispered.

“I know this must be hard for you,” Andrea said sympathetically as they pulled up the stools by the kitchen nook.

“I feel like a murderer,” Josh told her despondently. “Like I might as well have put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger myself. It’s my fault, Andy!”

“You can’t blame yourself for this,” Andrea told him. “You’re not responsible for what Lily did.”

“Her brother sure seems to think so.”

“You can’t listen to Bryan. He was out of his head with grief,” Andrea reminded him.

“She killed herself because of me!” Josh cried. In a sudden burst of anger, he swiped his hand across the counter top. Andrea flinched as a bowl of mixed fruit crashed to the ground, sending shards of broken ceramic flying in every direction, and apples and oranges rolling across the kitchen floor. “How can I not blame myself?”

“You don’t know if it was really because of you,” Andrea continued, unfazed. “She probably had a lot of problems and just snapped. Bryan just needed someone to blame.”

“You know, I have trouble believing she would kill herself at all,” Josh admitted once had calmed down. Destroying his mom’s ugly fruit bowl had actually made him feel a little bit better. “She was always so happy.”

She paused, unsure of what to say. Finally, she cleared her throat and changed the subject. “Are you going to go to the funeral tomorrow?”

Josh nodded. “I have to.”

Even though she had been popular in life, there weren’t many people at Lily’s funeral. There were only a few girls in uniforms. The adults that lingered around them were undoubtedly the teachers from the Catholic school Lily had attended. A few of them were nuns in black and white habits. There were no more than twenty people in all. It was sad. Lily deserved better.