Playing for Keeps (Honky Tonk Angels Book 5) (10 page)

*****

Cade felt a bit shell-shocked. “You’re what?”

“Married.” Roxie met his gaze, then looked away.

“No you’re not.”

“Yes. I am.”

“No. You were born Roxanne Marie Ellis and—”

“I never took his name.”

Cade let go of her hand. For a few moments they just stared at one another. Finally, he shook his head and walked past her to take a seat on the bed. “I had you investigated, Roxie. Nothing came up about a husband. Just a rigged card game and millions of dollars that vanished.”

This couldn’t be real. She wasn’t being honest. But why? A sinking feel took hold in his gut. Was this her way of brushing him off? But why say she had feelings for him if she was going to drop a bomb like this?

“It didn’t vanish,” she replied. “And the game wasn’t rigged.”

“That’s not what I hear.”

“You’re getting the tale of the losers, Cade. Men who’d cheat their own mothers to win. You think they’re going to admit that I cleaned them out fair and square?”

He hadn’t considered that. He should have. Particularly considering the men she’d bested. He’d played with them and not a one of them was above a little dirty dealing.

“Okay, so you beat them. What happened to the money?”

He saw the tears well in her eyes and the way her throat worked convulsively as she fought emotion. “It’s being used to take care of my husband.”

There was that word again.
Husband.
He hated the sound of it. Jealousy wasn’t an emotion with which he was familiar or knew how to cope with. He’d not really experienced it in force until now, and he wished he could make it go away because his gut was starting to burn and his fists long to pound something.

Part of him wanted to get up a leave. Escape the torment. But he had to know the truth. “What do you mean?”

Roxie blew out her breath and took a seat on the bed, curling her legs up Indian style beneath her.

“When I was thirteen, my dad died. We struggled along for a couple of years and then my mom remarried. Charlie Rose.” The derision in her voice clearly spelled her dislike of the man. “What a piece of work. Mean and crooked as a snake. He promised her the moon and all he did was steal what little she had. By the time I was sixteen, he’d mortgaged the farm so deep we couldn’t pay it off. We lost it and my mother couldn’t handle it.”

Roxie paused, twirling the hair hanging over her shoulder in what Cade read as a nervous action. The pause was so long he started to wonder if she was going to say more.

Her voice was soft and filled with sadness when she spoke again. “The day the farm foreclosed, she walked into the barn, stuck my dad’s gun in her mouth, and blew her brains out.”

He wanted to reach out to her in that moment. Take her into his arms and comfort her, or at least the traumatized child inside her. But he couldn’t. Couldn’t make a move toward her until he knew it all.

“I left that day,” she continued, looking toward the window instead of at him. “Me and Danny Morris. He’d been my best friend since we were five, and he loved me. I told him I had to leave so he went with me.” A ghost of a smile flitted across her face. “As corny and cliché as it sounds, we survived for three years by the kindness of people who ran a traveling carnival. They took us in with no questions asked and made us part of their family.”

Roxie closed her eyes for a moment then turned her head to look at him. He could see the toll the confession was having on her. Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them away.

“That’s where I learned to play cards. And to cheat. I was good at it, even without cheating. Danny wasn’t, but he wanted to be. By the time I was nineteen, he was addicted and spent damn near everything we earned gambling. And that’s the year we arrived in Vegas.”

Roxie paused, trying not to let emotions tied to the past stop her from telling Cade the truth. But how was she supposed to sum up all the fears, frustrations, love and desperation she experienced in a few short sentences? She didn’t know how to make Cade understand what it had been like, having only Danny in her life. A boy she’d known almost her entire life and someone she felt responsible for, who wanted so badly to please her yet couldn’t defeat the demons he battled.

She couldn’t tell him of the days she went without food or a roof over her head. Or the number of times Danny had stolen what little they’d managed to earn, gambled it away, then cried in her arms over having disappointed her.

“And?” he prompted.

Roxie blew out a breath. “To make a long story short, I found work, and over the years managed to claw my way up from waitressing to dealing. I took classes to get my high school diploma and enrolled in college classes. And Danny kept gambling. Spending everything we had.”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

How could she possibly make him understand the love she had for Danny when she’d never fully figured it out herself?

“He was my best friend. He left his family and his home for me, Cade. And he stood by me, no matter what. I couldn’t abandon him.”

Cade didn’t want to acknowledge the respect he had for her, for standing by Danny. Hell, he didn’t even want the man to exist. But that was jealousy working on him and he had to shove it aside. Everyone had a past. What mattered was the now.

“So what happened?”

Roxie climbed off the bed and walked to the window to stare out. “Danny begged me to get him into a high stakes game. He’d had a run of luck and scored fifty thousand. I tried to talk him out of it, but you know how it is with gamblers. A little luck and they’re playing the rush. That’s how it was with him. I begged him to stop while he was ahead but he just kept at me. He said it would be his last game. He wanted to change. He was going to give up gambling, get an education, and make something of himself. Make me proud.”

She leaned her forehead against the glass, her voice almost too soft to be audible. “So I did it. And Danny won. He walked away with a quarter of a million dollars.”

Roxie straightened and turned to face Cade, tears streaming down her face. “Because he cheated. Of course, two others at that table were cheating as well. I saw them. It was a crooked game all around. I should have stopped it, but I didn’t.

“One of the players was a mean piece of work. He couldn’t stand losing, and he couldn’t let it go that Danny had won. And maybe he figured out Danny had cheated. I don’t know, but less than a week after the game, Danny was attacked coming out of a casino.”

She walked over and took a seat on the bed. “He survived, in a manner of speaking. He’s in a permanent care facility in Tennessee. I took what was left of his win and had him put there. What was left of his brain is enough to keep him conscious, but not functional. He’s like a newborn. He feels pain and hunger, knows the comfort of a full belly and but not much else.”

“So that’s what happened to the money you won?”

She nodded. “I didn’t cheat, Cade. I just did the only thing I could do to get the money I needed to make sure he’d be taken care of. No matter what you were told, I won fair and square. I never told Dini or anyone. I met her later—after all that. You’re the only one who knows. Dini just thinks I don’t gamble because I have a problem with it, you know like being an alcoholic.”

She fell silent. Cade’s mind was in a whirl. Part of him wanted to pull her into his arms and erase the haunted look in her eyes. Another part wanted to smash something. She belonged to another man.

Then light split through the dark thoughts. “You said you have feelings for me.”

“Yes, but I’m married.”

“Only on paper.”

“Cade, I’m responsible for Danny. There’s no one else. I have to—”

As much as he hated himself for it, he couldn’t stop the words that poured out of his mouth. “You’ve already made sure he’ll be taken care of, Roxie. What more is there for you to do? You think you should spend your life alone because of it?”

She was quiet for a long time. “I should’ve stopped him. Should have made him quit gambling. Not gotten him in that game. It’s my fault, Cade. I don’t deserve to be happy when I’ve destroyed his life.”

That confession compelled him to act without thought. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. “Oh, honey, that’s not true. You were a scared kid who did everything you could. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But he loved me,” she whispered brokenly. “He depended on me and I let him down.”

Cade felt her body shake with the force of her sobs and held her as she cried. He’d been so caught up in his own desires that he wasn’t really taking Roxie’s feelings into consideration. Thinking about what she’d been through and what she’d sacrificed certainly spoke to the kind of woman she was, her loyalty and dedication.

It also spoke to the depth of her love.

That clawed at him, twisted him up in knots. He didn’t want her to love Danny, didn’t want her to feel that depth of emotion for anyone but him. He wanted her all for himself.

What kind of self-centered jerk did that make him? Or did it make him a jerk? Was it wrong to want the woman he loved to be all his? To give as much of herself as he was willing to give?

Which raised a question. Just how much was he willing to give to have her? For the first in a long time, Cade was faced with proving what kind of man he really was. He thought about it long and hard as she cried, searching himself.

When the sobs became sniffles, he pushed her back gently to look into her red-rimmed and swollen eyes. What he was about to say could lose him the one woman he’d ever loved, but he knew he had to be honest and tell her what he felt.

“He let himself down, Roxie. No one can be responsible for the actions of another. We all own our conduct. And if he really loved you, would he want you to carry around this guilt? To give up being happy?”

“No. I don’t know. I don’t know, Cade.”

“Well, I do. You said you have feelings for me. Is that true?” She nodded and he smiled at her. “I’m pretty sure I love you, Roxie. I can’t say I know for sure because to be honest, I’ve never really loved anyone. But what I feel for you is strong and real and I really hope you’ll give us a chance to see if it’s the kind of feelings that are meant to last. Can you do that? Can you take a gamble on us?”

“I don’t know. I want to but…”

“But what?”

“I’m scared.”

“Me too,” he said with a smile. “But maybe between the two of us we can muster up enough courage to see our way through.”

Roxie shook her head, a reluctant smile on her face. “You’re a real piece of work, Beckett.”

“Beckett? We’re back to Beckett after I bare my heart and soul? Woman, you wound me.”

The slight laugh let him know the worst of the pain was past. At least for the moment. He longed to kiss her, make love to her and heal the wounds but knew now was not the time.

So instead, he lay back, pulling her to his side. “Sleep, honey. I’ve got you.”

The sigh that preceded her words sounded like relief to his ears. The words, however, sounded like resignation. “Yeah, I guess you do.”

*****

Cooper spotted Liz and Kyle sitting at a table on the other side of the bar and waved. Cody was working the bar on the end closest to the door. On the other end was Hannah, chatting with Pressley.

Hannah looked exceptionally pretty. She had on a green dress that was fitted and reminded him of something from old movies of the forties. It was feminine and modest and yet very sexy all at the same time.

Her hair was worn loose tonight, a tumble of blonde waves that made his fingers itch to run through those silken strands.

Cooper waved as Cody yelled out a greeting and he noticed that Hannah and Pressley both looked his way. Cooper made his way to them.

“Didn’t expect to see you,” he said to Pressley.

She shrugged. “A girl’s gotta eat. Oh! I’ll bring that folder from the realtor back to you in the morning.”

“Find anything interesting?”

Pressley looked at Hannah and they both grinned before Pressley returned her attention to him. “We rented a house.”

Cooper looked from her to Hannah. “Together?”

“Yes.” She smiled. “We’re going to be roommates.”

“Well, congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Hannah responded and smiled. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“A beer.”

“Coming right up.”

As she moved away to get his beer, Cooper looked at Pressley. “Roommates?”

“Yeah. Is that a problem?”

“No. Of course not. I just didn’t know you and Hannah were such good friends.”

“Getting there. I’m excited about it. More than ready to be out of Uncle Herbert’s house.”

“I can understand that.”

“Here’s your beer.” Hannah returned. “Are you having anything to eat?”

“Yeah, meeting Liz and Kyle.”

“Okay, just give a wave when you’re ready and I’ll take your order.”

“Will do. Thanks.”

Cooper headed for Liz’s table.

“Hey,” she said and smiled when he took a seat.