Read Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy With Multiple Partners Online
Authors: Deborah Anapol
Tags: #Non-Fiction
sexuality, sacred; Tantra
Radical Honesty
(Blanton), 62–63
Robinson, Jeanne, 226
Ramey, James, 56–57
Robinson, Marnia, 11–12
Reich, Wilhelm, 198
Rogers, Carl, 75
relational identity.
See
polyamory;
Rossman, Michael, 34–36
relationship orientation
Roy, Della, 54, 55, 71
relationship anarchy, 5, 17, 48–49, 185, Roy, Rustum, 54, 55–56, 71
205–7
Rudhyar, Dane, xiv, 227
relationship longevity: as old-paradigm
Russell, Bertrand, 75
value, 68; sexual exclusivity and, 71
relationship orientation as continuum,
Sacred Land, Sacred Sex
163–64
(LaChapelle), 236
relationships: as dynamic by nature,
Sacred Secrets: The Sanctity of Sex in
37–38; ecology of intimate, 16–18;
Jewish Law and Lore
(Winkler), 72
old-paradigm
vs.
new-paradigm, 6;
safe sex, xii
talent for intimate relating, 99–100.
same-gender marriage, 181
See also
specific topics
Sandstone Retreat, 55–56
religions: Baha’i, 73; Buddhism, 73–74, Sanford, Mark, 77
189, 217; Chisti Order (Sufi), 73;
Sappho, 184
Church of All Worlds, 50–51;
Scandinavian affinity for polyamory, 205
contemporary Judaism, 71–72;
science fiction, 50–51
Eastern, 72–75; Mormon polygamy,
science used to defend harmful
46–47, 179–80; paganism, 50–51,
beliefs, 112
147; Unitarian Universalist Church,
Secret Dalliance, 217–19
52
“secret therapy affair,” 171
religious beliefs, 47; aggressive gods
self-acceptance and “coming out” to
and punitive sexual mores, 236;
oneself, 160–61
and ethics of polyamory, 70–75;
self-actualizing polyamorists, 21–26
Muslim, 67, 73, 178, 192; in Oneida
self-awareness, 65–66, 99; “coming
Community, 46.
See also
Christian
out” and, 174–75; jealousy and, 123
2 6 7
self-disclosure: by Europeans, 203–4;
sexuality, sacred, 55, 236.
See also
old-
vs.
new-paradigm values
ritual, erotic; Tantra
concerning, 69
sexual morality.
See
morality
self-esteem, 100
sexual orientation: on continuum, 163–
self-knowledge and agreements, 78–79
64.
See also
bisexuality; gay, lesbian,
serial monogamy, 5, 7, 12, 140, 163,
bisexual, transgendered, and queer
240, 242
(GLBTQ) people
“serial polygamy,” 12, 163
sexualove/sexualoving: defined,
serotonin, 11
xii; diversity in, 167; in intimate
The Seven Natural Laws of Love
networks, 17; multiple partners
(Anapol), xii, 70, 237–40
and, 14; and polyamory as spiritual
sex and love addiction, 26–33
practice, 22; polyamory-monogamy
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
continuum and, 163, 164;
(SLAA), 31
polytheistic cultures and the power
sex drives, unequal, 40–42
of, 220–21; seen as scarce under old
sex positivity, 102
paradigm, 175; sexual orientation
sex role stereotypes, changing, 243–44
continuum and, 163, 164; and
sexual addiction.
See
sex and love
sharing of resources, 242; and
addiction
transformation, 227; in triads, 18
sexual arousal and jealousy, 107–8,
sexual revolution: first wave of, 48–50;
112
second American, 53–56; Sheff,
sexual ethic, new, 76–82
Elisabeth, 128–32
sexual exclusivity: case material, 38–40; “Shine the Light of Television into equated with commitment and
Your Closet” (exercise), 176–77
fidelity, 67; forbidden in Oneida
Sky Walking Woman, 221
community, 46; freely embraced,
Smith, Joseph, 47
4; genetic programming and, 7–8;
Smith, Robert, 224
jealousy and, 108, 117; in primates,
social monogamy and lack of sexual
223; Robert Francoeur on, 71; as
exclusivity, 7–8
socially learned expectation, 113,
social sanctions, 231
232.
See also
jealousy; monogamy
Song, Sonia, 24, 186, 190–91
sexual fluidity, x, 165–67
sperm competition, 40; and sperm
sexual freedom, 5, 48, 54, 55, 191, 193,
competition avoidance, 223–24
196, 222
Spider Robinson, 226
Sexual Freedom League Defense
spirituality, 92–94, 96–98; nature-based,
Fund, 147–48
233; nondenominational, 75.
See also
Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and
mythology; religions; religious beliefs;
Education Fund, 181
sexuality, sacred; Tantra
sexual friendship, 62, 168
“Spiritual Partnership” (Nancy), 22
sexual identity.
See
identity
“spiritual wifery,” 47
2 6 8
spontaneity, 102–3
team spirit, 102
stability: advantages of monogamy and
Teilhard de Chardin, Pierre, 226
polyamory in promoting, 36–38; as
television programs, 47, 56, 156–57
old-paradigm value, 68
Ten Canoes
(film), 208
Stardance
(Robinson and Robinson),
territorial instinct, 113–14
226
testosterone, 10, 11
Starhawk, 51
therapist(s): assistance with “coming
status quo as old-paradigm value, 68
out” issues, 174, 176; assistance with
stepfamilies, 127
managing jealousy, 123; attitudes
Stone, Merlin, 218–19
towards polyamory, 63, 170–71;
Strange Bedfellows
(Barash and
“coming out” to one’s, 170–71
Lipton), 8
Thich Nhat Hanh, 74
Stranger in a Strange Land
(Heinlein), Thomas, Peter, 41–42
50–51
Three in Love
(Foster, Foster, and
submission.
See
dominance
Hadady), 217
“Summer Camp” (Network for a New
Thursday My Love
(Rimmer), 52
Culture), 199
Thurston, Leslie Temple, 219
support for all involved in a
time management and coordination
relationship, as new-paradigm
challenges, 232–33
value, 68
Transcendentalist movement, 47–48
sustainability, family structures and, xiv
transgendered people.
See
gay, lesbian,
Sweden, 206–7
bisexual, transgendered, and queer
Swiftdeer, Harley, 221
(GLBTQ) people
swinging, 21–22, 95, 196–97;
trauma, managing, 41–42
polyamory and, 13–16.
See also
triads, 18; happy, in Hindu and
nonmonogamy
Buddhist mythology, 217.
See also
Swingtown
(television program), 56,
group marriage; “V” relationship
156–57
structure
Switzerland, 201–2
triangle, parental: healthy dyadic
symbiotic reason, 234
dynamics and, 216–17; jealousy
systematic desensitization and jealousy,
and, 119–21
125–26
trinity(ies), 214–17; Christian and
Hindu religious beliefs on, 215;
Takahashi, Hidehiko, 106
three as the number of synthesis,
Talese, Gay, 56
214–17
Tamera, 200
trust, 76–77
Tantra, 55, 134, 192, 202–3, 218; John
Tseng, Muna, 218
Humphrey Noyes and, 46, 48;
Robert Rimmer and, 52–53.
See
unconditional love: as new-paradigm
also
Khajuraho
value, 68; polyamory as training
Taoist texts on lovemaking, 218
ground for, 237–40
2 6 9
Understanding NonMonogamies
White, Valerie, 181
(Barker), 204
Widmer, Samuel, 130, 201–2
“The Union of Sex and Spirit”
Wik, Stephan, 201
(conference), 54, 55
Wilber, Ken, 225–26
Unitarian Universalist Church, 52
Williamson, Barbara, 55
United Kingdom, political and
Williamson, John, 55
anarchistic flavor of polyamory in,
Winkler, Gershon, 72
204–7
women, 204; competition among, 120;
unity, law of, 238–39
independence and, 48, 49, 94; in
upaya
(skillful means), 74
India, 191–92, 196; neural response
to jealousy, 106; quintessential
values: form
vs.
values in relationships,
polyamorous, 89–94; sexual identity
3–5; old-and new-paradigm, 67–70.
as fluid in, 165–67.
See also
case
See also
ethics; morality; religious
histories; gender differences
beliefs; sexual ethic
women scientists’ observations of
vasopressin, 10, 11
animals, contrasted with men
violence: case material, 28; domestic,
scientists’ observations, 8
28, 111–12; jealousy and, 111–12,
women’s rights, 48–50
114, 117, 224; neurobiology of
Woodhull, Victoria, 49–50
pleasure and, 235–37
“V” relationship structure, 17, 182,
Xanthyros community, 37
209.
See also
group marriage; triads
Young, Brigham, 47
Walston, Jasmine, 43–44
Walum, Hasse, 11
ZEGG community, 150–52, 184,
Waskow, Arthur, 71–72
198–200
Weitzman, Geri, 170
ZEGG forum, 199
West, Celeste, 61
Zell, Morning Glory, 1, 50–51
When God Was a Woman
(Stone),
Zell, Oberon, 1, 50–51
218–19
zero population growth (ZPG), xiv
Deborah Anapol
attended Barnard College, graduated Phi Beta Kappa from the University of California at Berkeley, and received her PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Washington in 1981.
Dr. Anapol is a relationship coach who has specialized in working with people exploring polyamory and conscious relating for nearly three decades. She leads seminars internationally and is an entertaining and controversial speaker who has appeared on radio and television programs all across the United States and Canada. She has raised two daughters and has two grandchildren. Visit her in cyberspace at www.lovewithoutlimits.com.
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