Poseidia (12 page)

“Can I ask yo
u why there is no scar from my wound?” I inquired. “The healing you did, it didn’t leave a mark at all.”

“It doesn’t leave scars,” he
uttered.

“Then why do you have so many
?”

Roman
pulled me in closer, my cheek less than an inch from his chest and I now heard the beating of his heart, thudding strength close to my ears. His breath fanned out over the top of my hair, heating my scalp. The stubble from his scruff scratched my head and then my temples as he moved.

The
hairs on my arm stood on end as electrical pulses zinged up and down my limbs. Heat burned through my body, increasing the more I thought about how close he was. My hot dog mantra was pointless.

“What, you
’re not fond of my scars?” He sounded more perplexed than mad.

My face flushed.
“I didn’t say that. I’m simply curious.”

“
The marks serve a purpose. It is possible to remove them, but they make me… remember.” He twirled me around, extended his arm out, and then brought me back close to him, pressing his hand confidently into my lower back.

“I’m sorry for asking
, I didn’t mean to offend you.” I briefly rubbed the front of my throat, trying to distract myself from his closeness.

“You didn’t.
”

“Can I ask, what happened to you?” Another slow song came on and we continued to dance.

“No,” he snapped, his mood abruptly changing. “Go ahead and make judgments about me. They all do. They use me to do their dirty work. The stuff they can’t live with, or have tarnishing their precious
Connective
.”

“I’m
not judging you. I’m trying to get to know you. You could be more forthcoming. That’s how normal people behave.”

He shrugged his shoulders
slightly, and unexpectedly twirled me around so fast it made me dizzy.

Regain
ing my equilibrium, I persisted, “Don’t they… like you?” I glanced around the room, pointedly.

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”
The sudden onslaught of visible tension in his muscles belied him.

“Wouldn’t you know with
the Connective?”

“If I wanted to. I don’t.”
Gently he placed his hand on the top of my shoulder, studying it for a moment. With his fingertips barely touching my skin, he traced the receptors on my arm down to my elbow.

My heart raced in response
, I shivered, and unconsciously forced my body tighter against his. I closed my eyes, lost in the sensations. Energy sizzled where his fingertips met my skin. Heat crept up my neck into my cheeks. It was almost as if the heat emanating from him scorched my skin. My mouth went dry and I lost the ability to speak lucidly.

“
What is that… feeling?” my voice rasped, barely getting the words out.

“It is…
a gift,” he whispered.

Electricity fired throughout my body. I quivered all over, roll
ed my eyes back into my head, and gasped in response before I could stop myself.

What is he doing to me?

I laid my head on his chest and rubbed my thumb across his bicep as it bunched and moved.

He slowed
until it was almost as if we simply stood, pressed together. Bending his head, he buried his face in my hair, near my ear, and whispered to me, “I know—what you truly desire.”

The music changed again and a faster beat came on.

Flushed and shivering, I pulled away. Slowly I backed up, hyper-aware everyone had stopped to stare at us. Roman wore a satisfied smirk on his face. I whirled in embarrassment, ran off the dance floor, and out of the Social Center.

He knows.

I
quickly strode through building after building, the problem being they all looked the same, and I couldn’t read the signs. The buildings housing private quarters weren’t marked with numbers, or any indicator of how to find my way back. Up until now, I had always simply followed Lily and though I’d tried to learn my way around, I still got lost.

W
ith the wine still pumping through my system, I was intent on avoiding the gardens. I didn’t need the inebriating aroma to make my intoxication worse. But without knowing how to find my way back, I eventually wandered to the dome’s edge.

This garden
was new to me. Statues littered it and two long stone benches sat in front of the dome. I sat down under one of the garden’s many fruit trees, facing the ocean, but hidden from view, wanting the effects of the wine to wear off, and time to think.

He knows. So
can he hear my thoughts? Or am I just being paranoid? What exactly does he know? Does he know I fantasize about killing David, or does he know I’ve imagined being with him sexually?

More than ever,
I needed to erect a brick wall around myself so no one could hear any of my confusing thoughts. Determined, I closed my eyes and did what Roman suggested.
Imagine it.
In my mind’s eye, I tried to see a thick wall made of brick going up in front of me and eventually surrounding my mind. But it faded when my thoughts fluttered to something else. Patiently, I imagined the construction process again.

This
will take practice. Think about what you learned in meditation class about energy
.

With my eyes closed, my hands on my knees, I practiced some meditation. Lily said I needed t
o learn to control my emotions.

As
I reopened my eyes, my anxiety had lessened. Tired now, I gazed out into the ocean, drawing peaceful feelings from nature’s ebb and flow. A strong longing to be out there, swimming with all the fish, settled over me.

“It’s beautiful
, isn’t it?” asked a soft male voice from behind.

Roman.
Crap.

S
tartled out of my meditation, and still tipsy, I quietly acknowledged, “It’s beautiful… and peaceful.” Self-conscious, I fidgeted. “How long have you been standing there?” Irritation was warring with desire.

“After all these centuries, I could stand here and stare forever. Beauty is like that
—it entrances you,” he muttered, neatly avoiding my question.

S
lowly, he tore his gaze from the ocean, his eyes meeting mine. His demeanor seemed so different from before; his presence now tender.
It has to be the wine. I’m more drunk than I thought.

“Centuries?” I asked,
focusing my attention back to the ocean, willing my body to calm.

“Yes, centuries.”
Footsteps swished in the grass as he inched closer to me.

Centurie
s? He can’t mean real centuries.

“I don’t need a babysitter so you can leave. I’m sure Lily will find me with her keen homing sense.”

“I’m sure she would. But then I would be negligent in my duties.”

“Well, I’m un… obligating you. Go away.”

H
e didn’t move.

Resigned,
I huffed and got up from the ground, twirling around to face him. “You said you would help me find my locket. The longer we wait the greater chance it will be gone forever.”

“Indeed, I did.”
Roman glanced to the right and I followed where his eyes wandered.

Lily
was crossing the garden. Before he could leave, I grabbed his hand. “You promised,” I whispered.

“I have to go now. I’ll find you and we’ll talk,” he
assured, pulling out of my grasp and walking away.

Wrapping
my arms around myself, I turned my attention back to the dome. Lily stood beside me.

“Was Roman cordial?” she asked.

“I guess.” Feeling vulnerable, I wanted to hide my over-projected thoughts from her.
Think of a wall going up. Wall made of brick, layer by layer with that white goopy stuff between.

“Do you
care for Roman? Your energy suggests you have feelings for him.” Her head tilted as she looked at me as though she was trying to tune into something.

Is the wall working?

“What suggests what?” I asked, distracted with my mental masonry.

“Your energy suggests you
care for him. It would be a… change for Roman.”

“Is he that
abrasive?”

“S
ome of our people are… afraid of him. He’s not so bad, once you get to know him. The ones who make the effort, respect him.”

“I
haven’t decided if I hate him or loathe him,” I lied.

“I disagree.”

“Roman… just infuriates me.” Tightening my arms around myself, I looked down, confused. He made me angry but I couldn’t help being drawn to him any more than I could set aside my curiosity regarding who he was really, under the rough shell. Something about him resonated within me. Something I understood about him, and his abrasive defensiveness. Roman pushed my buttons, but I couldn’t stay mad at him. Behind his eyes, he kept a tenderness hidden.
Why?

“Did something happen?” she asked
, raising her eyebrows.

“T
hought you could hear it all,” I accused.

“I can only hear the thoughts you project, and they are
generally quite jumbled and confusing,” she admitted. “But now… you’re hiding.”

“Confusing, that’s me. I’m not comfortable with the idea of everyone hearing
what I think and feel.” I paused. “I haven’t had many people I’m close to. The thought of near-strangers knowing my private thoughts freaks me out.”

“You haven’t spoken about what happened to you the night we found you. I’ve wondered, bu
t I gave you space to do it in your own time.”

“You didn’t
just pick it out of my brain?”

“
That’s not the way of the Connective. As I told you before, you loudly projected your thoughts, and they’re very disorganized, so…”

“
Yeah, thought projector, that’s me. I wish I knew what everyone else was thinking. It’s not fair they can hear mine and not the other way around.”
A lot like being the only naked person at a formal party.

“When you’re integrated
—” Lily started.

“Yeah. How did the meeting go?”

“They’re ready to see you,” she informed. “Tomorrow morning.”

My stomach did a flip.
So soon? Well, I guess it’s better to get it over with. Deep breaths.

“Oh boy.
I… uh… I feel thirsty all of a sudden. Can I get some water from the common area?”

“I think what you’re feeling is the pull of the ocean. You haven’t been out swimming today. Maybe we should take a quick
dip in the netted dome before I take you to your quarters.” She held out her hand for mine.

Placing my hand in hers,
“Okay, how do we do that?”

“We can access the netted dome here,” she said, pointing at the wall.

“Will I have to remove my sensory dampener?”

“No, you can keep it on. It
’s designed to change with you. When we remove it someday, you’ll have the full experience of knowing what it is to be a part of the ocean and all its creatures. You’ll belong, and the knowledge available to you is limitless.”

She
spun, dropped her dress to the ground, and walked into the dome. Within a second, she moved through it, and emerged on the other side already transformed into her Mer.

Oh my
god, it is real
. I blinked my eyes, pinched my skin, and slapped my face.

She
twisted and waved, floating right outside of the dome, and gestured for me to join her.

I averted my
eyes, irrationally embarrassed by her nudity.

Am I going to do this
, again?

Yes
—I can do this.

Taking
a deep breath, I dropped my dress to the floor. Vulnerability washed over me.
If she can do it, so can I. At least until the wine wears off.

Lily
held out her hand to me, pushing it into the dome. I pushed my hand through to hers. Slowly, she dragged me through.

My legs became numb and tingled as I moved through the dome, and into the water. Scared,
I held my breath at first, but I quickly let it go and breathed. Panic rose again as the same constriction took over my legs.

Lily
beamed. I tried to stifle the instant joy I experienced, but I couldn’t, and I smiled back as I viewed my tail, mesmerized. Lily motioned for me to follow her, and I did, starting out slow. As I found my balance and motion, I caught up with her in no time.

We went
for a short swim out of view of the comforting light of the interior dome. The netted outer barrier resembled monkey bars on playgrounds, and made of the transparent material. I reminded myself, regularly, that Mer-eating predators were absent inside the net.

Breathing underwater was the strangest sensation
and involved a lot of trust.
This is going to take some getting used to, but feels so freeing.

The further we went, the darker the ocean grew. But with my new eyes, seeing was no problem. It
resembled twilight.

Self-consciously
, I covered my breasts with my hands.
Let go and enjoy it
. For a brief moment, I relaxed. The current of the water over my body, as we swam, stimulated my electroreceptors in a gentle caress.

We stayed within sight and light of the dome. Hundreds of fish swam over us and around us. I lost count of the varieties. They dashed up to me and then darted away, as if they were playing a game.

Right outside the dome was a coral field, and she took me to a place where old ruins stood blanketed in ocean debris. She made motions with her arms, but I didn’t understand. Communication with her was difficult, and I had to rely on interpreting body language.

As we swam, exhaustion seeped into my body and my eyes grew heavy. I waved to her to go back to the dome.
On the way back to Poseidia, a pod of dolphins approached.
How did they get through?

Lily reached out with her hand and one of the dolphins came up to her. She
put her hand on its head, touching their noses together. The dolphin looked over at me, met my eyes, and then swam to me.

Hesitant,
I placed my hands on her head and touched my nose to hers as Lily had done.
Her.
This was the same dolphin I’d encountered my first time out. A connection to the gentle animal pulsed beneath my fingers, but it remained faint.

S
hocked by what I experienced, I started to pull away, but she determinedly put her head back in my hands.
This will take some getting used to. Will I be able to better communicate with her after they remove the dampener?

After the dolphins left, Lily took my hand and motioned for me to follow. We headed back to the city and reentered
the dome. Our clothes were still on the ground, and the passing through the dome left me completely dry, so I quickly dressed.
How do they ever get used to the nudity?

“That was the most unbelievabl
e experience I’ve ever had,” I chimed, catching my breath and steadying myself. Sadly, I had sobered up.

“You’re pleased?”

“The euphoria is so much stronger out there. My brain doesn’t know what to make of it. For the first time in my life I feel like I am a part of something bigger.” My mind flashed back to how alone I’d always been with David. How alone I often felt even when in a crowded room.

My hand went to my throat where my mother’s locket had
rested for years.
I hope Roman will keep his promise.

“Are you ok
ay?” Lily asked, bringing me out of my trance.

A sudde
n sadness punched me in the gut. “For some reason, I was thinking about my… baby and what it would be like to have had the opportunity to swim with her. Or him. But that will never be possible now. It’s not something I want to talk or think about, it hurts too much.”
Perhaps she was right about me being angry.
All the rage I carried around, hung heavy, and stifled my spirit. Rightfully, I blamed David for my baby’s death. The raw feelings were to tender to address, let alone release.

For a second,
I caught Lily’s eye before she looked away, and frowned. She hesitated as if she wanted to say something to me. I tilted my head, curious at what went through her mind then, but she didn’t share—only eavesdropped.

It’s not fair she can hear my thoughts, but not the other way around.