Poseidia (26 page)

Someone shook me and slapped my face. My eyes opened, but I
remained disoriented.

“There you are. Don’t die on me, Anna,” Roman
ordered, fear etched in his voice.

“Roman?” Softness cradled me, as if I was lying on a couch.

“Are you expecting someone else? Should I be jealous?” he joked as he inspected my body. “You’ve lost too much blood. We need to get you home and in a healing tank.”

“Roman?”

“I’m taking you home. I’ve done as much as I can. All I could do was stop the blood loss, but you’re too weak. Injuries aside, you’ve been out of the water too long.”

“Wait,” I
shouted to interrupt him. “Where is Bobby? And… and… the Mercedes is at Stanford. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll deal with it later.
A security team can clean up the mess. We need to get you home. Now.”

“Wait,” I
repeated.

“What is it?” he
demanded, not hiding the irritation and impatience in his voice.

“Give Bobby some money. And I want to talk with him in private.”

“This isn’t the time to have a heart to heart.”

“I’m ok
ay—give me a couple of minutes.”

“You have two,”
Roman conceded and then walked out of the living room.

Bobby
entered. “I think you need to listen to the man. You need a hospital.”

“
What I need is to know you will keep my secret.”

“I don’t know anything about secrets,” he wink
ed. “No, I don’t know what you are, so how can I tell anyone? No one would believe me anyway. They would think I was crazier than I am already. You don’t have to worry about me.” Bobby smiled. “Meeting you is enough.”

“I doubt that,” I said.

“You have no idea.”

“You’ll delete any
pictures you have?”

“I can’t promise that. But I will promise no one else besides me will ever
know what happened today. As I said, no one would ever believe me. Now you get going, and maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll see you again someday.”

Roman
returned then and ordered, “Time’s up. Let’s go, no arguing.”

He
handed Bobby a full black duffle bag. Then Bobby left in one of the cars, which Roman told him to keep.

Roman picked me up in his arms
, touched his ear clip, and the portal opened.

“Wait. My purse, my portal key
, your knife… and David’s briefcase?”

“I got it all,” he
assured, pulling the purse around from his back, and giving the briefcase a swing from the hand under my knees. “The bag’s not my color, but seeing how you can’t carry it, I guess I have to.”

“I’m so sorry about everything.”

As we entered the swirling tar, I gave in to the darkness and escaped the pain, feeling safe in Roman’s arms.

Chapter 2
6

W
hen I opened my eyes, a blurry lime-green haze floated in front of them. Water, thick as corn syrup, surrounded me. I lifted my arms and a barrier of glass enclosed me.
Where am I?

It all came back to me in waves. I reached out with my senses and
recognized the Connective and Lily was very close. Realizing I floated in a healing tank, I relaxed.

The glass tube hinged open,
and Lily’s face appeared. She gave me her hand and I rose up out of the liquid.

“What happened?” The last
thing I remembered was being in Roman’s arms after killing David, and burning down my dream house.

“You gave us all a scare. How are you feeling?” Lily
inquired while I stepped out of the tank.

“Good
, I think. How long have I been in there?”

“Two weeks.
”

“Two weeks? You’re kidding me!”

“No, I don’t kid. It took time for your leg to heal from all the damage. The bullet mangled it and you lost a lot of blood. Not to mention all the abrasions. What happened?”

“You don’t want to know,” I
muttered.

“I do want to know,
it’s why I asked. We weren’t sure you would make it. We are glad you did, though.”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now
—I’ll tell you later. I can’t believe it’s been two weeks. How’s my baby?”

“The baby’s fine, developing more every day. One day soon you will hold her, or him, in your arms.”

“I can’t wait,” I chimed. David’s face flashed before my eyes. Awake two minutes and he was already haunting me. Would it ever end?

“It’ll be soon, so until then, try not to go on any more dangerous missions.”
Lily wrapped me in a towel and an embrace.

“I could use
some safe routine. Where is… Roman?” I didn’t see him anywhere. Disappointment filled my heart.

“I don’t know where he went
, but I’m sure he’ll be back, don’t worry.”

Feeling weak, I leaned against her as she helped me walk.
The strength of the Connective seeped through her and I soaked energy in.

“You’re waking from an induced coma,
so like before, you’ll be slow until you readjust and get some fresh food. Lucas wants to scan you and then you’ll be free to go back to your quarters, if you’d like. You’re completely healed.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”
I closed my eyes as images of David’s death hit me—a sucker punch in the gut.

“Why is that? Are you not feeling well?” She propped me up
, led me to a nearby patient room, and helped me onto the bed.

“No, it’s not physical.”

“Oh, I see. You’ll have to find a way to deal with whatever happened. The Connective will lift you up.” Lily retrieved a few hot washcloths and lovingly cleaned the green goo from my body.

“If not, then what’ll happen?” Shivering, I sucked in my breath, afraid now of the consequences of my actions.
Will I have to see the High Council again?
Would I be punished? Put back under lock and key?

“You’d be disconnec
ted until you can. And no, the High Council doesn’t want to see you, but the king does. As soon as you’re up for it.”

“Oh,” I
mulled, realizing she’d picked the question out of my mind. I checked on my mirrored bubble but it was in shreds after I burst it to connect with Roman. I’d have to work on getting it back up and strengthened—I didn’t want to share what happened—not yet. “I hope I’m not disconnected. What will the king say to me? Is it worse than seeing the High Council?” I tried to reestablish the bubble, but couldn’t. Instead, I focused my thoughts on less horrid things.
Back to hot dogs I guess…

“I’m unsure of his intentions, since he is no longer in
the Connective.” Lily finished the sponge bath and tucked me under the blankets. They were warm and I snuggled down deep, wanting to drift off.

Shortly after my bath,
Lucas examined and scanned me, giving the green light to return to my quarters. And an order to spend one hour in a healing tank every day for two more weeks.

Trudging back my quarters, I questioned every single detail of what happened in San Francisco.

I killed him. How am I going to live with that?

It was self-defense
.

W
as it?

Had I wanted to kill him?
Hadn’t I thought about it in detail? Fantasized about how it would feel to put an end to his torment.

But that didn’t end it, did it?

No.

Now he was messing with my head from the grave.

Images of the burning house, from the car’s side mirror, were seared into my mind—the dream house he’d bought with insurance money from my death.

How could he?

Hopefully, my body samples had been in the house. And the daggers. They’d be burnt to a crisp, at the very least sterilized, leaving no evidence behind. I hoped.

The pain in my heart twisted.
David had efficiently trashed my self-worth, but I would find it again.
I’m more than an insurance policy.

Back in my quarters,
waiting on my pillow, was my locket. Roman had recovered it from David’s briefcase. Solemnly I opened the golden oval, viewing the picture of me as a child with my mother. I brought it to my lips and kissed it, softly crying. This is what had started it all—my refusal to let go. My folly, now in my hands, heavy with the cost I’d paid.

My heart shattered, needing my mother now more than ever, but knowing I’d have to find my way without her. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to wear
the necklace; it seemed tarnished now, so I placed it gently under my pillow.

Reclining on the bed,
I placed my head on the pillow, watching the beauty of the ocean. My friend, Ruby, swam up and hovered beyond the wall, beckoning me to join her. Basking in her sweet companionship, my heart lifted, until the door beeped.

Glancing toward the front room, I swore under my breath. Ruby swam away and
, deflated, I went to answer the summons.

As I opened the
door, my breath caught in my throat. Roman. Joy was quickly suppressed by a thick black cloud of guilt. I glanced down, ashamed.

“Glad to see you’re awake and feeling better.” He
drew me tightly into his arms.

I resisted at first
—I didn’t deserve his love. But the warmth of him enveloped me as I experienced not only his love, but also the Connective through him. Euphoria pushed against my dark feelings.

“I thought I’d lost you,” he
murmured into the nape of my neck.

“
I’m not that easy to get rid of.” Then the tears broke through.

Patiently, he held me until I’d gotten it all out, and then gently scolded,
“Don’t ever do something so stupid again. I told you I would take care of it.”

“I don’t ever do what I’m told—it’s a flaw of mine. I make stupid decisions and stupid
er mistakes. I’m hardheaded, and stubborn. You, of all people, ought to understand.” I blinked up at him through bleary eyes.

Roman
guided me to the couch and sat down with me in his lap. Drawing me in close, he kissed my head and uttered, “I don’t understand your death wish. Look at what happened to you. Bobby told me some of what David did.”

“What did he tell you?” I
quizzed, allowing him to cradle me.

“Enough.”

“How do I live with what I’ve done? He would have killed me, had I not killed him first, but still…” I choked as the guilt washed over me again. The sights, sounds, and smells too clear in my memory. Nauseated, I brought my hand over my mouth and swallowed the rising bile back down.

“I didn’t want you to
carry this burden.” Lovingly, he brushed the locks of hair out of my face.

I needed to bathe and eat, but I could do neither. “
It was my mistake, and my problem to resolve. Now it’s my cross to carry.”

“It’s a heavy cross you shouldn’t have to carry alone. Give some of it to me, share the m
emory and I can lessen the pain,” he begged.

The thought of letting him in to share the memory scared me. I couldn’t stand feeling so vulnerable after visiting such a dark place
. Pushing his energy to the surface, I attempted to reconstruct the bubble. A glimmer of it appeared and then shattered, as if it had been cracked beyond repair. I didn’t have the energy to explore why.

Unsure of how I would regain composure
by sharing my dark side with him, I vowed to hide it deep within my psyche. Instead of hiding myself inside a mirrored bubble, I imagined a treasure chest within my mind and stuffed all of the memories inside… fearing if I revisited the memory of killing David, I would lose myself in the depths of madness. I turned the lock and heard it click, before tucking the imaginary key deep inside my heart. “No, I can’t. It’s all mine.”

“You’re not in this alone, we’re your family now, let us in. Let
me
in.”

“Are they going punish me?” My
pulse climbed, fearing banishment from Poseidia.
From my baby.

“No, I don’t think so. But, you deserve a good spanking,” he
kidded, kissing my forehead.

“Oh, I do, do I?” Glad he stopped pushing me for the
moment—I snuggled into his chest.

“Yes, you do,” he
affirmed, as he lifted me up into his arms, carried me to my bedroom, and laid me down on the soft bed. Roman snuggled in next to me, tucking his body next to mine. It reminded me of our first night, in the cave; it felt good to have him so close. “How did you do it?”

“Do what?”
Ashamed and thinking he meant to know more about how I killed David, I sucked in my breath.

“Make everyone think you were in your bed. I
sensed you here—I know I did. We all thought you were safely in your quarters.”

“I wanted everyone to think I was still in my room
, so I imagined a double of me here. Another impulse, and I’ve no clue where the idea came from.” His curiosity gently pushed aside my asphyxiating guilt.

“You left a projection of yourself in your bed. I haven’t seen anyone be able to do
that, except…”

“Except
who? I truly don’t understand how it worked.”

“The Ancestors
were the only ones so capable. You’re more powerful than anyone expected.”

“I doubt that.”
I remembered my encounter with Sarah, thinking of her and No Time. Strong desire to see her again rose up inside of me. If I could go back, maybe she could help me.

While lost in my thoughts, Roman had been kissing my forehead, cheeks, then neck, and had worked his way to my lips.
A tender foray into my defenses that I could not allow.

I struggled to maintain control of my emotions, pulling away from him. “I’m
not whole right now.”

“I know—I only want to hold you. You’re blocking what happened with David?”

“I can feel you pushing into my energy. Stop—I’m not ready to share. I know you want to ease my burden and I appreciate it, but I insist you stop. And don’t even think about dream-walking me.”

Roman
deflated and shrank back, projecting his inadequacy at failing to protect me. He wanted to make up for it, by taking away my pain and guilt.

Dejected, h
e released me and rolled over onto his back, saying, “You’re being overly stubborn.”

“Well,
I already admitted to that fault. But… I simply… can’t share. Not yet.”

He gently turned my head toward him, so I could look into his eyes
, so different from the Roman I first met. But I was different now, too.

“
It’s not only having killed a person. I’m questioning everything I did, every move I made.” I choked back the sobs, threatening to crumble my sanity.

“You’ll drive yourself crazy
with questions that have no good answers.”

“If I hadn’t wanted my locket, none of this would ever have happened. Heck, if I hadn’t wanted to escape in the first place, non
e of this would have happened.”

“Maybe if he hadn’t killed you in the first place, you wouldn’t be here. You don’t know what is good or bad—it just is.”

“My head knows all the logical reasons, but my heart still hurts.”

“What happened—happened. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. We all do it.”

“I don’t know how.” I wanted to berate myself—the way David would at every mistake I’d made.
Rein it in or you will go crazy
. Roman was right.

“One day at a time. One century at a time,” he
consoled.