Poser (2 page)

“No.” My voice was final.

“So you aren’t going to?”

I blew out a breath and stood, pacing a little. Talking about him always made me edgy and frustrated. “I don’t know.”

I didn’t want to. I could have lived my entire life without seeing him ever again. But I did. And he was dying. It changed things. I might not want to talk to him now, but what about in five years? What if I felt different then? My mom talked to me about closure, about dealing with it all once and for all.

Deep down, I knew closure would probably do a lot for me.

But sometimes closure was hard to accept. It was hard to grasp. How did you wrap up something so ugly all neat and tidy and put it away? How did you forgive someone for not being the man they should have been? How did I not feel the effects of his abuse?

I didn’t have five years. I might not even have two. If I thought I would ever want closure from my father, it was something I had to act upon now, before he died.

“If you decide to call him, if you want me there, I’ll be there.”

“Thanks,” I said, feeling a little relieved he wasn’t going to push what he thought I should do onto me. This was something I had to figure out on my own.

He stood and stepped up to me. His eyes met mine. “I mean it. Just call. I’ll come home. Football means a lot to me, but family means more.”

I let his words sink in. I felt them for a few seconds. I didn’t think he’d ever know what they meant to me, and I wasn’t ever going to try and explain. I made a sniffing sound. “You got a tissue, man? I think I’m gonna cry.”

He shoved me and laughed. “Asshole.”

I caught him off guard with a hug. His laughter died in his throat, and he returned the embrace. We both pulled away and glanced around like we wanted to make sure no one witnessed our moment.

“I’m parking the Hellcat in the garage,” he said and palmed the keys that I now knew were to my new place.

“Wouldn’t want it to get dust on it,” I cracked. “Or are you just hiding it from Rim? Hoping she won’t get any ideas about driving it while you’re in training?”

Romeo groaned. “Much as I worry about her ripping the transmission out, I’d almost be relieved if she drove it and not that damn bucket of bolts her dad bought her.”

Since all the drama went down with Rimmel and her family, her dad sold almost everything he owned to go into treatment and satisfy the courts for his part in her mom’s death and the extortion of Romeo. And with what little he had left, he bought her a car. It was an old Honda Civic SI model. A white two-door with a hatchback. It looked like a weird bubble on the road.

Like I said, Rome wasn’t eaten up about money. But he didn’t like his girl driving around in a car that was well over ten years old. If he had it his way, she’d be driving a Mercedes or some shit.

But she wouldn’t have it. My sis was stubborn as hell when she wanted to be. So she drove the Honda, and Rome hated it.

“I’ve been over that car with a fine-tooth comb. It’s safe for her to drive.” I assured him.

When she drove it home and we stepped out of the house, Rome about shit his pants. I thought I was gonna have to give him CPR to keep him going. I admit I didn’t care for the car either, but one of us had to keep chill, and since he was wheezing on his feet, it had to be me.

So I kept my trap shut about it and got under the hood. I replaced all the shit that needed replacing, and Rome took it for a “test drive,” and while he was out, he put new tires on it. We didn’t tell Rim and she didn’t notice.

“Women,” Romeo muttered.

“I hear ya, bro.” I sympathized.

We both laughed, and Romeo turned away from the field. “C’mon, I need help moving my gym out of my place and into the new one.”

“My own private gym? Da-yum,” I sang. “I could get used to this.”

“I plan on being around a lot. Every second I have off, I’m coming home. You’re gonna have to share.”

Turns out it didn’t matter I sucked at good-byes.

This wasn’t even close to a good-bye.

This was a whole new beginning.

Ivy

Summer wasn’t long enough.

It never was. I thought maybe as I got older, summer would hold less appeal, but here I was entering my junior year of college—almost a full-blown adult—and I was still suffering from the end of summer blues.

Just before finals last semester, summer was a blissful promise. Long, sunny days without the stress of schoolwork, without the burden of getting up far too early in the morning and having to go to bed before it was too late. But most of all, summer had been the promise of long stretches of time absent of all the people who made it hard to breathe.

Not the literal type of breathing. I mean, really, pulling air into my lungs was automatic, except of course when I was in Braeden’s arms. Then I had to remind myself to breathe.

I mean all the people who whispered, the people who talked. The people who were liars posing as friends. I beat myself up for weeks, hell,
months
, for things I’d done, when all along, people were doing worse right behind my back.

But summer broke its promise. Those long sunny days went by way too fast. Summer hadn’t given me enough time. I still wasn’t completely over everything that happened.

It was starting to scare me. Why did some places deep down inside me still feel shaky? What if I never fully got over what happened?

Even as I thought it, I shook my head. That wasn’t an option. I was being ridiculous. Sure, things last semester got pretty shitty but nothing so terrible it would leave permanent marks.

Man up, Nancy.
That’s what my brother always said. He’d say it to my other brother when they acted like crybabies and he’d say it to his friends. He even said it to me, even though I was a girl and calling me Nancy wasn’t much of an insult.

A small smile curled my lips just hearing his words echo in my head. It made me feel stronger. A little less scared. I hated feeling afraid; it made me weak and vulnerable. I hadn’t told anyone lately, but I felt that way a lot.

Scared.

Vulnerable.

Weak.

I couldn’t understand. I wished I could just know why. How could my own feelings be a mystery to me? Wasn’t it like some unspoken rule that a girl know what was going on inside her own mind?

Things had been going so great. I was happier than I’d ever been.

So what was with me?

The bell above the door in front jingled, and I blew out a breath. I stuffed my disturbed thoughts down deep and mentally stomped on them with the heels I was wearing. I left the boxes in the back and moved around the corner out into the shop and painted a smile on my face.

Figures someone would come in this close to closing
. I really didn’t want to stay late tonight, I wanted to go home and shower and get ready for Braeden to get back from training camp.
God, I miss him.
These last two weeks had felt like an eternity.

My irritation was short lived and the “work” smile on my lips turned genuine when I saw a familiar set of jean-clad legs step around a rack of long maxi dresses. My heart lurched as his hips swiveled in the most enticing way, but it was the intensity of his stare that drew my eye.

It had been a couple months since Braeden turned my dorm room into the beach and made our relationship official, but even the passing of many weeks couldn’t dull the effect he had on me.

It was just as strong right here, in the center of a clothing boutique, than it had been that first night we went up in flames on the beach.

“You look hot as hell, Blondie,” he growled as his espresso-colored eyes raked over me from head to toe. I shivered a little because the way he looked at me made me feel delicious. His white teeth flashed knowingly as he reached for me. I melted against him with a drawn-out sigh. I wrapped one arm around his tight waist but tucked my other hand between us, pushing my palm flat against his chest.

Both his arms locked around me, molding my body even closer against his. My eyes fluttered closed as a feeling of relief washed over me.

Have you ever dropped a book in the center of a dusty table? The second it hits, the dust scatters out into the air surrounding the book. Like a big cloud, it puffs out and then disperses, disappearing like there was never any dust at all.

That’s how Braeden made me feel. He was the book. I was the table. And the dust… that was the fear coating my insides. He made it disappear. It was one of the things I loved so much about him. He made me feel safe. Safer than anyone had ever made me feel before. I belonged in his arms, and that would never change.

It didn’t matter how uncertain anything else became; of him I would always be sure.

Braeden pulled back slightly, enough so he could look down and I could look up. He grunted softly and lowered his head to capture my lips. He kissed me tenderly but thoroughly. He coaxed me open with his tongue and swept inside to explore every inch.

That’s how it always was when I kissed Braeden. Like every time was the first time, like every time his lips captured mine, he worked to gain even more access, as if he didn’t know he would get it automatically.

His kisses took nothing for granted. His tongue never rushed. He owned me with every single touch, but the ownership was earned, never forced.

He used the pad of his thumb to softly stroke the underside of my jaw as he kissed me continuously. It was a gentle onslaught of emotion, and soon everything fell away. Soon there was nothing in this entire world but him.

When at last he pulled back, it took me a moment to find my way back to reality and open my eyes. When I did, he was watching me. Braeden’s intensity was something I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to. I sort of hoped I didn’t. I loved the slightly tilted feeling it gave me when he stared at me like I was all he saw.

“You totally missed me,” he surmised arrogantly, the corner of his mouth curved up into a sexy smirk.

I rolled my eyes but didn’t pull away. I didn’t want to. “Eh, I thought about you once in a while.”

His eyes narrowed into dark slits. “Care to rephrase your answer?”

I pretended to consider.

Braeden growled and caught me around the waist, lifting me off the ground. I squealed and clutched his shirt. He dumped me over his shoulder like I was a sack of lumpy potatoes, and I screeched again.

“What are you doing?” I yelled and gripped his waist.

“Punishing you.”

One strong arm clamped around my thighs and held me in place while he smacked my butt with his free hand.

“Well, that really isn’t a punishment,” I suggested.

He chuckled as his fingers slid up beneath my skirt and his palm stroked over my butt.

I sighed because I really had missed his touch. And even though all the blood was draining to my head and making me feel woozy, I didn’t complain. I’d hang here for an hour if he was gonna keep touching me.

With one last pat to my cheeks, he quickly pulled me around. But instead of standing me on my feet, he sat me on the nearby counter and fit himself between my spread thighs. His hands caressed up the top of my legs and slipped beneath the skirt once more so he could cup my hips.

“I didn’t like being away from you, Blondie.”

My stomach did a little somersault at his words. I dragged my fingers through the short strands of his dark hair and let my palm slide around the back of his head.

“Me either.”

Our lips were like magnets being pulled together. There was no way to stop it. The need was just too strong. One of my legs wound around his waist and pulled him as close as he could get, and we went at each other’s lips like we’d never kissed before.

It had been a long couple weeks. I knew I’d miss him when he was away at training camp, but I honestly didn’t realize how much of an emptiness his absence would leave in my life.

Behind the counter, the phone started ringing, and I jumped back, startled. Crap! I was at work! Anyone could walk in the boutique, and the first thing they’d see was me on the checkout counter, making out with my boyfriend.

Good Lord, my boss could have walked in!

“I’m at work,” I hissed.

Braeden swiped at my lower lip with his thumb and then stuck it in his mouth to suck. “You taste good, baby.”

Well, damn.

That was worth getting fired for.

I sighed. I was such a sucker every time he called me baby.

He laughed beneath his breath because he knew the effect he had on me and then leaned over the counter to snatch the ringing phone off its base and press it to my ear.

“Say hello, baby,” he instructed.

I cleared my throat and spoke into the line. “AU Boutique, how can I help you?”

As I listened to the person on the other end of the line, Braeden’s fingers started exploring beneath my skirt again.

My breath caught and I smacked his hand away because this wasn’t good for my focus.

“Let me just check on that for you,” I stuttered when the customer was done speaking. I pulled the phone down at gave Braeden a hard look. “Stop it.”

He wagged his eyebrows, a promise he hadn’t even started.

It made me want to kiss him again.

Since I knew he wasn’t going to step back, I spun on the counter and hopped down on the opposite side to check the outfits on hold on the nearby rack. When I found the one I was looking for, I spoke back into the line. “Yep, it’s here! We close in about ten minutes, but you can stop in tomorrow morning.”

After a few other brief exchanges, I hung up.

“Have you been home yet?” I asked, reaching under the counter for the keys to lock the front door. I didn’t expect him home ‘til later.

“Came straight here,” he replied, then gruffly added, “You know how I feel about you locking up here alone at night.”

I groaned. Oh, I knew. I didn’t want to get into that now with him. I just wanted to be with him for a while without wanting to throw something at his head. When I straightened, there was a small box with a white bow between us on the counter. I looked between Braeden and the gift, a slow smile pulling at his mouth.

“I got ya something,” he drawled.

“You got me a present?”

“You’re a present kinda girl.”

I totally was.

Excited, I scooped up the box and hugged it against my chest. “I love it!”

He laughed. “You wanna see what it is first?”

I shook my head vehemently. It didn’t matter what it was because it was from him. “It could be empty and I’d still love it.”

His eyes softened. “Come here.”

I hurried around the counter to his side. He lifted me once again so I was sitting on the counter in front of him. “Open it.”

“It’s so pretty.” I sighed, staring at it. It was from Tiffany and Company. The square box was the signature Tiffany blue and the white hand-tied ribbon was satin. There was a small white envelope on top, so I lifted it and set the box in my lap.

The card only said three words.

They were my favorite three words ever.

I lifted my eyes to his. “I love you too.”

Carefully, I set aside the card and picked up the box. The ribbon gave way easily, and I lifted the lid. Inside was a suede Tiffany-blue pouch with their name printed neatly across the front in black.

I loosened the drawstring and Braeden took the pouch and dumped out the contents in my palm.

It was a silver necklace. The pendant was shaped like a star and had the words
I love you
engraved in script over the front. Tears filled the backs of my eyes, turning my vision a little blurry as I stared down at it.

“It’s beautiful.” I glanced up, blinking back the tears. “It’s too much,” I whispered.

“It definitely isn’t.” He shifted closer. “If I had known it would put that look on your face, I’d have bought it sooner.”

“But we have the house,” I objected. The rent was paid, but the rest of us were taking on the utilities and everything else. Even still, it wasn’t a very convincing objection. The thought of giving this up was actually painful.

“It wasn’t that much, baby,” he said and reached for the pendant lying against my palm. “Besides,” he said as he flipped it over, “I can’t take it back. It’s engraved.”