Postcards From the Edge (8 page)

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beautifully until … Well, fuck them. I’m in Brentwood and it’s their fault. They pushed me to this. If they would just let me grow up, maybe I would. Forget it, I’m gonna do what I want to do now, or what they think I want to do. I’ll just do what they think I want to do now. I hope that guy’s here. He’s always here. They think I’m such a loser junkie, I’ll be a

“Hi, man. No, I’m fine. No, I know you had to call my parents. Yeah, yeah, it’s cool. I was in a hospital, they detoxed me. I’m fine. I left today, I’m a little upset. They just … You know parents, they don’t get off your back. They can’t just blend into another relationship where they leave you alone. I can’t even go back to my house now. They’re there, probably going through my stuff.

“Do you have parents? They bug you? Yeah. You’re lucky you don’t have my parents. If you had my parents, they’d be here now. So, what kind of blow are we talking about? You know, I haven’t done any in a while, I’ve been clean and … Fuck it, you know? Everybody thinks I’m a junkie. Hey, I’ll bet you have this same problem. Yeah? Yeah, they think you have a problem ‘cause you do drugs. Not everybody who does drugs has problems. There are a lot of people giving those of us who just do drugs socially a bad name, but I think …

“Aaah, it doesn’t matter what I think. Let’s get some blow. I stopped at my cash machine, I’ve got five hundred dollars here, and I’ve got this Rolex. Not that I need more than a couple of grams but, you know, I was thinking … I got this great idea. I can trust you, right? I’ve got this great idea for a movie. It’s about a rehab. A guy who’s … Maybe I could cut you in on a piece of the action as kind of a technical advisor if I … Well, anyway, I want to research this idea. I’m just talking off the top of my head now, but what I was thinking is I’ll just go and write this thing. I’d just like to knock it off and get it done, and I want to research the part and maybe see what it really feels like to get strung out on cocaine.

“I don’t know, maybe half an ounce? I’m good for the money, you know that. I’ve been coming here for years, right? I mean, we’re fuckin’ mates in this thing. Or maybe you could take my watch. It’s

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POSTCARDS from the EDGE

worth a couple of thou, you could easily get eight or nine hundred for it. My parents gave it to me. Obviously you can take the inscription off. I don’t know how they do that, but I think they just melt it off or something. What do you think? Great.

“Maybe you can act in the thing. Can you act at all? You look like you could. I mean, in all the time I’ve known you, I’ve always thought you had an interesting face. You could play the dealer, maybe. The guy who sells him the cocaine. Well, I don’t know. I’m just thinking out loud again. You know, the creative process …

“I need some blow. Let’s do some now, let’s just do a hit so I can test the stuff. Yeah, I know half an ounce sounds like a lot but I’m not gonna do it all at once. I’ve got to write a script, and when you write a script that means you have to rewrite it …

“(sniff) Ooooh! (sniff) Oh, man! Now they’re playing my song. Oooh, you know what I like! Oh, man. Whew. Wow, it’s been a while, you know? And I have had a stressful couple of weeks. You can’t imagine. I mean, you guys give me a little smack, you know, to take the edges off, and I end up in this fucking clinic with Suzanne Vale. Can you imagine? Yeah, I think she had quite a drug problem, which is amazing for someone that cute. And she’s little, too, which is probably why it caught up with her so fast. Yeah, there were a lot of interesting people there. Actually there were not a lot of interesting people, she was the only interesting one, but it was an interesting experience. I think it would make a great TV movie about how this writer guy … Give me another hit.

“(sniff) Aahhh. Oooh. (sniff) Oh, I’ll tell you, this reminds me of so many nights … God, I’m getting such deja vu, I feel like … I was gonna say I feel like I’ve done this before. I mean, obviously I’ve done this before, but it just reminds me of something so great, you know?

“Fuck her? No, you don’t fuck in the rehab, but I’m gonna be seeing her again. She’ll probably star in this thing. So, can I have the blow? Oh, right. Here’s the cash, and here’s my watch. I really appreciate this. I’m sorry I was so nuts when I came in. Can I have one more … Here, let me give you a hit. I’m feeling very generous tonight. “(sniff) Ooh, this is good. This is better than what you usually get,

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isn’t it? (sniff) Oh, ooohhh! Maybe I could have a beer to take with me for the drive? I’m gonna drive out to the desert, unwind there, and just get away from everybody and write this thing. Thanks, man. Okay, great:’

This beer is really good. A little beer, a little drive, I’m feeling fine. Glad to be away from that guy, though. He gives me the creeps. Where’s my knife? There we go, there we go.

“(sniff) Ahh. (sniff) Aaahh:” What the hell, one more. “(sniff) Mmmmhh! (sniff) Ahh! (sniff) (sniff)”

I’m glad no one can see me. They’d think I was quite the pig. Okay, the idea’s forming in my mind. There’s this guy who doesn’t normally take that much drugs, and he’s spending the evening with some friends from school or something and he gets in this really good mood and they tell him to try some Ecstasy and he does and he gets in this great mood and they talk him into trying heroin and he ends up in a rehab where he does not belong. But when he gets there he meets all these incredible people, like Carl-he’d make a good character for a movie. He was a bad one for real life, but a lot of those people I hated in the clinic were great movie characters. Oooh, this is the thing to write with. Hell, a lot of people write with drugs. I heard Lewis Carroll wrote all of Through the Looking Glass on mushrooms, and Edgar Allan Poe was a laudanum freak. Freud, Sherlock Holmes … It’s so good to be out of the hospital, out of the movies, just out. I’m out.

“(sniff) (sniff)”

My ear squeaked. I wonder if … There’s that drip in the back of my throat. Great … I’m feeling real edgy, though, I don’t think it’s the blow, this is good blow, but I don’t want to drive anymore. 1 feel cooped up in this car. I should … I know. Why go to the desert? Fuck it. I’ll check into the Ramada Inn. They probably have some writing paper and a pen, and I’ll start to outline this idea. Ramada Inn. I pass this place a lot, and I’ve always wondered … Let me just do a couple of hits to get me to the room.

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POSTCARDS from the EDGE

“(sniff) (sniff) (sniff) (sniff) Ooooww!”

Shit, I’ve gotta chop this when I get upstairs, it’s really chunky. “(sniff)”

Okay, I think I’m cool. All right. Go in …

“Yeah, uh, hi. I’d like a room for two or three nights. No, I … No luggage, just this … Some groceries. Yeah, I eat special foods:” None of your fuckin’ business, man.

“Is there a pool here? Oh, great. Great:”

That’ll be nice, I’ll get some color. This is perfect, this is ,perfect. I’ll do some writing, I’ll do some swimming, I’ll lose some weight … I’m sweating. God, it’s hot in this lobby.

“No, I don’t need the bellboy. Just … What floor? Eight? Great:” Jesus, they do look at you weird if you don’t have luggage. But I do have luggage. I have my beautiful blushing white bride here. Oooh, my hand is shaking, I wonder what that … I must be starved. I’m not hungry, but … I’ll order something from room service when I get upstairs. Christ, where’s the fucking elevator? Jesus …

“No, I’m fine. Here, let me sign for this. Let’s see, six Long Island iced teas, two Smirnoffs, hamburger, French fries, and cake. Yeah, great. Thanks. No, don’t come back. I’ll put the tray in the hall. No, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m just … I have a little flu. Thanks:”

Who did that guy think he was, prying into my life? Get him off of me. Yeccch, look at that burger, it’s alive. And that soggy bun, those greasy fries. This is an American hotel, you’d think they’d at least be able to …

I’m getting very jumpy. Very, very jumpy. This food made me very tense. I should write. I should chop a couple of lines and then really get down to work. Why can’t there be a dimmer in this room? I feel like I’m in the dentist’s office. Let me have some of this drink … That’s what I needed. Obviously I needed to have a little drink. And now a nice fat line, and then down to work.

“(sniff) Ouch! (sniff) Owww!”

Fucking fuck! There’s cut in this, I know it! I’ll put some under my tongue. I wish someone was here to blow it into the back of my

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throat, but then I’d have to talk to them. Okay, where’s that paper? Okay, here we go.

I wonder if they have … They do, they have cable. Let’s just see what’s on MTV It’s that blond bimbo so it must be pretty late. What time … Oh, right, I gave him my watch …

So, what’s my idea? What’s my idea? Let me just do one more line …

“(sniff) Oowwww! (sniff) Ooohh!”

I wonder if they have a pharmacy open. I could use some Vaseline for my right nostril … All right, all right. So, a guy has an allergic reaction to drugs, but they think he overdosed so they put him in a clinic. Such a great concept. I mean, it’s practically written. Whew, we’re rolling now.

“(sniff) (sniff)”

Oooh, my heart is racing … One of those vodkas. Okay, we’re totally rolling now. The guy feels haunted by his parents, like in Frances, his parents are … Why would they put him in the clinic against his … They’re crazy. They’re drug addicts. No, they’re not drug addicts, but they don’t want to take care of him anymore. He’s old, though … Have another hit.

“(sniff) (sniff) Aaah:”

I wish I had some cigarettes. I don’t smoke, though. So, the parents put him in because they’re drug addicts. No, because … An inheritance. An inheritance is always good. But they’re his parents, wouldn’t they leave him his inheritance? No, because he was his grandfather’s favorite grandson and he was left all the money, but the parents get to execute his estate if he’s somehow proven to be disabled. Perfect! That’s totally perfect! So, he’s an heir to a fortune. The muse is upon me.

“(sniff) (sniff)”

Oooh, I think I’m gonna be sick. That hamburger. Get it out of here, put it in the hallway … That’s better. Okay, he’s in the clinic and he meets this actress-maybe he’s a musician or a songwriter-and she falls in love with him and he helps nurse her back to health. Then they escape the clinic together, and there’s this

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POSTCARDS from the EDGE

whole chase sequence where people like Stan-lots of people like Stan-come after them and try and keep her loaded. Why? Why would they try and keep her loaded?

“(sniff) (sniff)”

So that she’ll do commercials about the clinic, and write articles about drug addiction and make them famous. I think I’m on to something … I gotta take off my clothes. Clothes are sticking to me … I … Really, I think this is great. How can they say drugs are bad? …

What if they don’t like it? I feel so frightened all of a sudden. What if it’s not a good idea? What if Suzanne won’t be in it? Oooh, I don’t feel good. Take a drink … Ice is melting … I wonder why they call this Long Island iced tea. Maybe I should call this movie Long Island Iced Tea.

“(sniff) (sniff)”

What’s on MTV? I hate this song, I hate this song. Look at this band. Fucking look at this band. I’m not goodlooking, am I? I never was goodlooking. No wonder my parents don’t like me. Maybe they do like me. Where are my parents? They’re probably at my house rifling my drawers looking for the cocaine. Well, I’m not a drug addict. I’ve checked into a hotel and I’m working. What time is it? I don’t want to know. I’ll just call …

“Operator. What time is it? Thanks:”

Fuck, it’s 4:30. Maybe I should sleep. If I slept a little bit I could get up tomorrow afternoon and get back to work, really flesh this whole thing out. Maybe even call Barry Diller. Oh, man. All right, I’m lying down. I’m not wearing anything. I’m feeling good. I’ve got a great script idea, my first one in a while … Try to sleep. Just empty your mind. Fucking AM radio in there. Shut up! Shut my brain down. Just relax and go to sleep, wake up fresh.

Oooh, my heart’s going so fast. I can’t even keep my eyes closed. I better drink something. Shit, only one vodka left. God, I’m really sweating. I smell so bad. I shouldn’t have done so much cocaine so fast. Maybe I should just stop, not do any for a while. I’ll just do a couple more lines and then not do any for a while.

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“(sniff) OOOWWWI”

What am I doing? This is fucking stupid. I’ve got to be able to sleep. No more cocaine. Please, God, let me go to sleep or I’ll never be able to write. I’ll never be able to do anything. I’m exhausted. My eyes burn. I’ll just lie here until it wears off a little bit, and then I’ll be able to get some shut-eye. Christ, it’s getting light out…

What is that noise? What is that? It can’t be the air conditioner, it’s boiling in here. Fuck it, I’ll just do another line. I might as well stay up all night. Hell, I used to do it when I was young. “Hey, man, let’s pull an all-nighter:” It can’t kill you. What am I getting so worked up about?

I should make myself eat something, absorb some of the alcohol. I wonder if that hamburger is still out in the hall … Here it is. All right, all right, just close your tastebuds and eat the hamburger. I should take a little blow to numb me to the taste.

“(sniff) (sniff) Aaah, oh yeah:”

All right, so it’s morning. I’ll watch the sunrise. Like John Denver or something. Ooow, it’s too bright. Never mind. I’ll turn the air conditioning up …

All right, all right. I shouldn’t beat myself up about this. So I did some blow. Anybody could … I think it’s good research for the script. Certainly there should be a character who does a lot of blow at some point. Maybe the dealer …

Okay, so I’m up. So what do I do? I’ll take a bath. I’ll take a bath and then I’ll do a little more writing in a couple of hours. Maybe I’ll watch an old movie and get some ideas from that. Look at this wallpaper. It’s yellow. Who could think people could relax in yellow rooms? They’re probably like this all over the country …