Praying for Grace (6 page)

“I never meant to get you pregnant, I swear. It was just the one time we weren’t careful. But I swear I’ll do everything I can to always protect you and our baby. I swear I’ll never walk away again.”

I turned without saying anymore and left the room, returning to where Emmett still slept soundly. I walked to the baby’s side, knelt down, and kissed his forehead. After making sure his blanket was still wrapped snugly around him, I kicked off my shoes and climbed into the bed on the other side of the room. I pulled the covers up to my neck and curled around myself. I allowed myself to cry, remembering Molly. Soon I felt Gus climb into the bed and lay beside me. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled himself close to me.

“Talk to me, love. What’s got you so sad?”

“You’ve never lied to me before.” I wiped away a tear and looked into his eyes. “I can’t lose another one, Gus. I can’t bear it.”

He kissed my forehead and whispered very quietly. “They’ve seen her birth. They’ve seen her grow. She won’t die, Zoe. They say she might even save us all.”

I closed my eyes and nestled my face into his chest. “She?”

“She.”

I let Gus hold me, finally allowing myself to take comfort in his touch. The touch that less than half a day before I had thought I would never know again.

The baby’s cries woke me sometime during the night. Still wrapped in Gus’ arms, I found him smiling at me.

“I’ll get him,” he said softly.

“I need to use the bathroom,” I said quickly.

“It’s just across the hall. It’s not fancy, just a small room with a port-a-potty. I left a pregnancy test in there for you.”

“I don’t want to take it,” I said.

“I think you should. You’ll believe it more coming from a stick than Gretchen.”

“Maybe. Can you change Emmett’s diaper while I’m gone?”

“Sure. We have formula here, if you want me to give him a bottle?”

“You can try.”

Gus rolled out of the bed first and began tending to Emmett. I admired how such a rugged man could be so gentle with such a tiny baby.

I left the room in search of the port-a-potty closet. It was across the hall and down one door on the left. The hallway was lit with dim bulbs over each door, so I left the bathroom door open to help me see in the small dark room. The restroom had been set up with an old-style portable toilet that you might use out camping, and a small cabinet that held supplies like toilet paper, wet wipes, blue toilet tank solution, and hand sanitizer. A roll of toilet paper and an EPT test sat on top of the cabinet. It looked like the same kind I had used only months before. I didn’t want to use the test, but knew that I needed to. I had to see it for myself. I quickly opened it and peed on it. While I finished emptying my bladder, I watched as my urine traveled up the pregnancy test. One bright purple line appeared, followed by a second. A part of me deep inside was crushed. I wasn’t ready to carry another baby, or to give birth again. I still wanted to hold onto memories of Molly, and I didn’t want another clouding those memories. I tossed the positive test into the small trashcan beside me and pulled my pants up. A quick wet wipe to the hands and a dose of hand sanitizer, and I walked back to the small bedroom in a trance.

Gus was sitting on the couch cradling Emmett in one arm, feeding him from a bottle. The baby was eating eagerly.

“Where’d all the supplies come from?” I asked.

“Scavenging. A group goes out at least once a week. We know it won’t last forever but for now we have almost anything we could need right here. Food, clothes, medical supplies. Seeds. Even a well with a hand pump.”

“Will we go out to meet Boggs today?”

“I’d rather you stay here. It’s safer.”

“I want to go.”

“I can’t force you to stay behind.”

“Did you take the test?” he asked casually.

“Yeah.”

“You’re pregnant.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Are you happy?”

I shook my head side to side. “I just want my Molly back.”

“I know, darlin’ and I wish I could give her back to you. You have no idea how much I wish I could do that.”

I sat on the couch beside Gus and looked down at Emmett. He was falling asleep again. Gus was good with him, and watching him hold the little one reminded me that he still had children out there somewhere.

“You’ve done this before,” I said quietly as Gus set the bottle down and began to burp Emmett over his shoulder.

“Ayup. It’s been a while though.”

“You miss them, don’t you?”

He glanced at me. “My kids?”

I nodded.

“Very much. But there’s no looking back. Just memories and I have to try to cling to the good ones. We all do.”

“I suppose so.”

Gus stood, carefully adjusting Emmett in his arms. He set the little one down on the couch and wrapped him snugly.

“We’ll set up a crib for him tomorrow,” he whispered.

“We’ll stay here?” I asked.

“It’s the most secure place we’ve found. I think staying makes sense. I can keep you safe here a lot better than out there.”

“I’m tired. It’d be nice to not have to run for a while.”

Gus remained standing while I sat next to the sleepy baby. I ran my hand over his black silky hair. I looked at my feet in thought. Gone were the days of pedicures. My toenails were either too long or broken short. Dirt stained my soles and scratches in all stages of healing had become the norm.

I finally looked up. “Gus? Is your heart beating again?”

“It’s still on the slow side, but it’s been beating regularly since I was given Gretchen’s blood.”

“Can I listen to it?”

He chuckled. “Of course you can.”

He held a hand out and I took it. His hand was warm and comforting, wrapped around my own. I stood and let him lead me to the bed, where we both climbed under the covers. 

“We only have a few hours till the others get back. It’ll be a big day. I’m anxious to show you around the place,” he said softly.

I nestled in next to him and put my head against his chest, where I expected to hear the rhythm of his heart. True to his word, it was again beating, albeit slower than normal. He put a hand on my back and kissed my forehead.

“Never leave me again,” I mumbled as I began to fall asleep.

“Never,” he whispered.

***

“Where is she?” I heard a familiar deep voice ask.

“She’s fine, Boggs. She’s asleep with the baby in one of the bunk rooms.”

“Gus, we all thought you were dead!” squealed Abbey.

“Hey, sweetie. The people here saved me. Danny, good to see you, brother.”

“Likewise man. We didn’t think we’d be seeing you again.”

“Can I see Zoe?” asked Abbey. “And is Emmett ok?”

I had already jumped out of bed and was busy pulling my pants on. Emmett was nestled in the center of the bed, and I assumed Gus had put him there with me. He was sound asleep with his thumb halfway in his mouth, so I bundled blankets around him to keep him warm. I rushed from the small room and made my way to the entry area of the bunker, where the voices were coming from.

“Boggs!” I called out happily when I saw him standing next to Gus. “How’d you get here?”

I rushed forward and hugged him hard.

“We hunkered down for the night because the fog got so bad. We were out doing one last scavenging run when we ran into Ike and Mason here. They offered to help us come get you. We had no idea you were already here, or that Gus was alive.”

I kept an arm wrapped around Boggs’ waist and smiled at Abbey.

“It’s good to see you in one piece, Abs,” I said, still grinning at her.

“Gus, it feels safe here? You think we can trust these people?” asked Boggs.

“I know we can.”

Light was streaming in from the open hatch above and I noticed a figure at the top.

“Gretchen’s waiting for us up top,” said Gus. “Let’s head out and take a tour.”

It didn’t take long for us to ascend the stairs and leave the stone building. The fog had lifted overnight and the sun was shining. This was my first good look at our new home. The air smelled fresh compared to most of the areas we had been. Either that or I was becoming far too accustomed to the stench of death. Gus had preceded us out through the hatch and I directly followed him. Boggs, Danny, and Abbey trailed behind. Gus wrapped his arms around Gretchen, making me uncomfortable. Their embrace lingered but as I grew angry I realized they were silently communicating someway. I made great effort to push my jealousy back and be grateful that she had saved him from certain death.

Finally, the two separated. Gus had a grave look of worry on his face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked quickly.

“They want you to go below.”

I looked at him questioningly.

“They’re bringing a Runner in,” said Gretchen.

Boggs stepped toward me, likely out of instinct. “What the fuck do you mean?” he asked with his voice full of concern.

“It’s ok. I’ll explain more later, but they have to have a couple of each kind of zombie on hand to test cures. They keep them all locked up tight,” said Gus.

“I can take Abbey below,” offered Danny.

“No,” she said firmly while wrinkling her nose at him. “I’m tired of hiding.”

“If it’s so safe, I’m fine staying out here,” I insisted, like Abbey not wanting to hide below ground.

Gretchen gave Gus a look that was not so friendly.

“She’s ok. She’ll be safe with all of us around her,” said Gus as he put an arm around my shoulders.

I shrugged his arm off.

“I can talk for myself,” I said.

His feelings looked hurt so I managed a small smile to pacify him.

“I can handle seeing a Runner,” I explained.

Gus and Gretchen looked at each other for a moment. The intensity in his gaze was like a dagger though my gut.

“They’re only a few minutes out. Let’s start the tour,” said Gus.

Gretchen’s facial expression was far from happy.

“Abbey?” I said looking at the teen. “Can you grab Emmett real quick? I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“I’ll get him,” said Danny. “I’ll catch up to you guys.”

“Thanks, Danny. He’s in the 2nd bedroom on the left,” said Gus. “We’ll head to the gardens first.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

As Danny returned into the depths of the bunker, the rest of us proceeded forward. The stone building that covered the bunker was left behind. A few people were walking about. I recognized Ivar and Moe but no one else. We walked into a courtyard of gardens. Several raised beds had been constructed for growing various plants. I recognized lettuce and cabbage beginning to grow, as well as carrot tops. A metal swing-set sat to one end of the courtyard and a little boy was being pushed by a girl who was about Abbey’s age. The boy was smiling, which was a welcome sight. Two men were kneeling by a small plot of land that was bordered in river rocks. They glanced at us briefly as we walked toward them.

Gus introduced us briefly and explained to the men that they were needed by the front gate for the arrival of the captive Runner. The two men set down their gardening tools and immediately walked to the front gate.

Our next steps led us to a large pond. There was a pipe coming from the ground and water poured from it, landing with a splash onto an arrangement of rocks. A net had been fashioned to cover the entire surface.

“This is our fish pond,” said Gretchen with a smile. “We have bass and trout growing. Instant source of protein.”

“Very nice,” said Boggs.

“Wait till you see the chicken house,” said Gus.

“Don’t the chickens attract the dead? We had that problem back home,” said Danny, who had just returned with Emmett in his arms.

“We only let the hens outside during the day. We keep a couple of roosters in a separate area inside, and just for breeding and eating,” said a man who walked up behind us. Like Gretchen, he was tall.

“Hoot, good to see you, brother,” said Gus. “This is Hoot.  Hoot… Boggs, Zoe, Danny, and Abbey. Oh and baby Emmett.”

The man called ‘Hoot’ held a hand out to each of us. “Good to meet you. Even better to have you here.”

Hoot looked to be about Boggs’ age and had a soft smile with bright brown eyes. His hair was cropped close to his head and his skin was weathered as if he had been working outside for too long.

“Hoot heads up security,” said Gretchen.

“Is that your real name?” asked Abbey as she was taking Emmett from Danny.

Hoot chuckled. “My mom and dad named me Clancy, but everyone’s always just called me Hoot. Ever since I was about his age,” said the man as he peeked at Emmett. “He’s cute.”

“Thanks,” said Boggs.

“Is he yours?” asked Hoot.

Boggs thought for a moment. “I guess he’s all of ours. He belonged to some people in Danny’s group and we found him all alone.”

“Zoe’s taken over as his mom,” said Gus.

“Did you find the baby supplies?” asked Hoot. “We’ve been stockpiling for when my little sister delivers her baby.”

“When’s she due?” I asked. It reminded me of my own new pregnancy.

“Not for a while. The end of fall,” he said. “How about you?”

“Winter,” said Gus quickly.

No one spoke for a moment, but Boggs turned to face me and put his hands on his hips. If looks could kill, I likely would have dropped where I stood.

“What does that mean?” asked Abbey, innocently. “Zo’s having another baby?”

I took a deep breath. “Ya, it seems so.”

“Fuck,” grumbled Boggs. “How could you two be so irresponsible?”

“Calm down, Boggs,” said Gus harshly. “You don’t exactly have a stellar track record yourself.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize they didn’t know,” said Hoot quietly.

“It’s ok. They’d find out soon enough,” I said. “Boggs, it happened before my birth control patch was effective. It was just one time.”

“You don’t have to explain anything,” said Gus. “C’mon, let’s finish this tour.”

Emmett began to fuss. I looked over at Abbey, who was still holding him.