Praying for Grace (4 page)

He didn’t answer.

“Answer me. You owe me that much,” I groaned. “I can’t hear any of them, or you.”

“I can still hear you, Zoe.” He stroked my hair back from my face. “It’s how I found you. I can feel you both.”

He leaned forward and kissed me passionately. I didn’t want to, but couldn’t keep myself from kissing him back. Even though he was no longer inside my head, he was still a part of my soul.

He ended the kiss slowly. “Where are the others?” he asked quietly.

“They went ashore for supplies,” I said. “Emmett’s here with me.”

“The dead are coming. We have to go. We’ll talk later, but right now we have to go.”

“Go where?”

“Back to Neah Bay.”

“How?” I asked.

“Just trust me.”

“I can’t just leave. The others are coming back.”

“We can leave a note. I’ll leave instructions on where to meet us. We don’t have much time, darlin’. Get the baby, ok?”

While I couldn’t feel him inside of my head anymore, his eyes held desperation and deep love for me. I leaned forward and allowed my forehead to rest against his chest. I inhaled his familiar scent, which I had thought I’d never get to experience again.

“I know, baby. I know,” he soothed as he kissed the top of my head. “Let’s get the baby and get out of here. They’re not far behind.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“There’s no time to discuss it now. Well talk about it after we leave.”

He took hold of one of my hands and began to run to the little stone house with me. Once we entered the kitchen, he stared at the blood on the floor.

“How’d they die?” he asked. “Susan and Nathan?”

I looked at him and he nodded, apparently picking up my basic thoughts on who had died.

“She got attacked by a Roamer and bled out during the night. Nate decided to end his own life.”

“Fucking A,” said Gus as he stroked his chin with one hand. “I know Boggs is still alive. What about Abs and Dan?”

“Alive.”

“Ok, let’s pack what we can in the next five minutes.”

I let go of his hand, reluctantly. “I have to leave a note."

“I’ll do it. Just pack what you need. Be quick.”

I reluctantly left the room to pack a bag with supplies for Emmett. I left any food and water behind for the others. Within minutes we were ready to leave.

I read Gus’ note on my way out.

B, D, and A - We’ll be at the Dollar Tree north of the Tribal Center every day at noon waiting for you.

He had written it in pen on an old piece of newspaper. It wasn’t pretty but would do the trick. He had set it on the stove and I weighted it down using a stone from just outside the door.

Gus escorted me down the cliff face. I allowed him to carry Emmett. The air was still heavy with fog and the air around us stunk like feces. It was high tide and Gus’ rowboat was beached very near the bottom of the rickety steps. I climbed in first and took Emmett as he was handed to me. The waves were unusually calm as Gus shoved off and jumped into the small craft to join us. He took a seat and took hold of the oars.

“I can help row,” I said as Emmett began fussing.

“I’m fine. We don’t have far to go,” he said.

I settled the baby and watched as Gus’ strong arms paddled us out to sea. My head was reeling as I began to understand that he was still alive.

I assumed that Gus intended to row all the way to shore. Our canoe was designed for use on the ocean, but I doubted the small row boat had been. The smallness of our current vessel in the vastness of the ocean set me on edge.

“How’d you find me?” I asked, breaking the eerie silence.

“Can we talk about that later?” he asked, somewhat out of breath from rowing.

The baby fell back to sleep with the rocking motion of the boat on the waves.  I forced myself to not look overboard, as the darkness of the water reminded me that it would be unmercifully cold and deep here. I looked up from the baby to Gus.

“No,” I said flatly. “You owe me answers.”

“Darlin’, it’s hard to talk and row.”

“Then stop rowing.”

“Can’t,” he huffed. “We have to get back.”

“Back where?”

“Let me row,” he said flatly, as if irritated with me.

“You didn’t just break my heart, Gus. You broke my soul when you left.”

“We’ll talk about it tonight,” he grumbled.

“Take me back to the island,” I said without thinking.

“No fucking way,” he said, almost laughing.

“If you won’t tell me what’s going on, I want to go back and wait for Boggs.”

“Are you guys back together?” he asked.

“We’re friends. You know that.”

He just looked at me, not saying anything.

“That hurts, Gus.”

“What does?”

“Suggesting I’d get over you that fast. It’s only been a few days, for God’s sake.”

“You and he and the baby would be a good match.”

I forced myself to not cry. He had hurt me so badly when he walked away, and he was still hurting me.

“Where’d you go?” I asked. “When you walked away?”

“North.”

“Just…
north
? That’s all you have to say,
north
?”

I had raised my voice and Emmett stirred.

“I walked off to die.”

“I heard you shoot yourself.”

“No.”

“I heard the shot, and then you were gone. I couldn’t feel you anymore.”

He adjusted in his seat and looked deep in thought. 

“I got a few blocks away and the next thing I remember was waking up in a rickety bed with people staring at me.”

“What people?”

“Good people.”

“Would you fucking
talk to me
?”

“It’s complicated.”

“What the hell?” I stared at him angrily for a moment. “I’m sure I can manage to follow along.”

“I can’t stop rowing, darlin’. If I do, currents will take us too far. I need to focus on getting us to a motorboat where other survivors are waiting. There’s a group of people in an old secret Air Force Base not far from Neah Bay. That’s where we’re headed. Tonight, Zoe, ok? We’ll talk tonight.”

I sighed, giving in. We continued on in silence, other than the lapping of the oars. Before long, Gus slowed.

“We’re here,” he said.

I looked around, seeing only the thick fog. “We’re where?”

“The boat.”

“Gus! We’re over here!” I heard a woman’s voice followed by a deep-toned bell clanging.

“Ahoy!” he yelled back.

He gave one more strong pull of the oars and soon the small boat came into view. Two men were leaning over the edge, just far enough to grab onto the side of our much smaller raft.

“Hand me the baby,” said one of the men. He was young and had a British accent. I simply stared at him, and made no effort to move. Handing the baby over to a stranger was just simply not going to happen.

“It’s ok, Ivar. I’ll get them.”

“Very well,” said the other man.

“I’ll go on board first and then you can hand him to me,” offered Gus.

“No. He doesn’t leave my arms,” I said firmly.

Gus sighed, clearly annoyed with me. I didn’t care. For the first time, I didn’t trust him.

A tall blonde woman walked up. “Gus! I’m so glad you’re back!”

She flashed him a big toothy smile as he transferred from the rowboat to the larger motorboat. He embraced her.

“I told you I’d come back,” he said.

I stared at them in disbelief. They looked a bit too familiar with each other.

“Zoe, this is Gretchen. And Ivar and Fred,” he added, gesturing toward the two men with a tilt of his head.

I clutched Emmett closer to my chest. I was too pissed off to say anything. Gus finally unwrapped an arm from around Gretchen, and reached out to help me transfer to the bigger boat. Ivar and Fred were busing tying a tow line to the row boat. Not daring to risk me or the baby falling into the water, I decided to hand Emmett to Gus. He took him gently and began to hold him out to Gretchen.

“No,” I said harshly.

“It’s ok. Gretchen won’t hurt him. You can trust her.”

“It’s ok, Gus,” said Gretchen in a soothing voice. “You hang onto him and I’ll help your friend.”

I ignored the blonde and clambered from one vessel to the other on my own. I hit my left shin on the side of the motorboat, but refused to show that I was in pain.

“You have to be more careful,” cautioned Gus.

I reached for Emmett, and was relieved when he was nestled back in my arms.

“We need to go,” said Fred. His face was creased with lines that made him look weathered.      He had a gruff voice and reminded me of a lonely old hound dog. “No sense in going ashore after dark. Too dangerous with the dead around.”

“How far is it?” I asked.         

“Not far,” answered Gretchen.

“Less than a mile,” Gus said quietly. “Sit up front with the baby. You’ll be better protected from the wind there.”

I didn’t respond, but rather just walked with the baby to the empty passenger seat behind the windshield. After I sat, I glanced up just in time to see Gus and Gretchen slowly letting go of each other’s hand. They had an obvious connection of some sort and my feelings were very hurt. I needed him to hold my hand. Not hers. 

The ride back to Neah Bay took longer than I had hoped. The motion of the speed boat and the waves had made my stomach grow sour. Fred slowed the boat and eventually killed the motor. Ivar began lowering an anchor.   

“We need to row to shore,” explained the Englishman when I looked at him in confusion. “Or else the dead might swamp the motorboat.”

I looked at Gus questioningly.     

“They’ve been coming out of the water. Sometimes just a few, sometimes a whole fucking horde. Most of them are like the dead assholes we came across on the first of the San Juan Islands. Freaky fuckers. They climbed into the boat when it was docked and the boat nearly sank, so now they anchor offshore and take the rowboat in instead,” he said quietly. “It won’t take long, but we need to hurry so we can get there before dark.”

Emmett was beginning to wake in my arms, so I moved him over my shoulder and patted his back to soothe him. Gus was keeping something from me and I wished desperately that I was able to hear him within my mind again. I wondered what had changed within him to block me out.

Gus helped me and the baby back into the row boat for our trip ashore. After he got us seated near the bow, he hoisted Gretchen down, lifting her at the waist. Irritated, I looked away. I focused my attention onto baby Emmett. I used my free hand to dig through my backpack, eventually producing a clean diaper and receiving blanket. Supplies for the little one were already dwindling. As if sensing my thought, Gus sat next to me and placed a hand on my back.

“We’ll have more things for him soon, darlin’. The place we’re going is well stocked with all kinds of stuff.”

I looked at him only briefly, not answering. I focused on the baby, doing my best to change his soiled diaper while holding him in my lap.

“Let me help?” asked Gus.

“No. I’m fine”

I heard him sigh beside me. He was clearly frustrated. I bundled the dirty diaper, fastening it closed with its own Velcro tabs, and tucked it behind my feet. I draped the receiving blanket over my shoulder and helped Emmett latch on, quickly covering myself. Modesty wasn’t something I had worried about in a long time, but with strangers surrounding me I wasn’t ready to share such a private moment.

The Englishman, Ivar, began rowing us to shore. Fog still wrapped itself around us in a heavy blanket. The waves were growing larger and a strong breeze was beginning to blow. With the dark of night falling, the trip was unnerving.

“Ivar, a little farther to your left,” said Gretchen.

“Thanks,” he said as he stopped rowing with one oar and focused instead on the other, making a course correction.

“How do you know where you are?” I asked the man. “In the fog?”

Ivar looked at Gus, instead of answering me.

“Gretchen’s like us, Zoe,” said Gus. “She can feel the others in her head. Both the living and the dead. It’s how I knew how to get to you on the island.”

“It’s only those of us who have the infection,” said Gretchen in her flawless feminine voice. “For some the abilities are stronger. I can feel the dead, but also other people who are infected. It’s how I help navigate.”

“I’ll talk to her about it later tonight, Gretch,” said Gus quietly.

We continued on in relative silence for several more minutes.

“Gretchen, do I need to radio them or are they waiting?” asked Fred.

“They’re there. Better keep the walkies quiet. I can sense that Abe feels the dead not too far off.”

“Got it,” said Fred. 

“Zoe, once we hit land it’ll be about a ten minute drive. We have to stay quiet till we’re in the car.”

“Ok.”

“Do you think you can keep the baby quiet?” asked Gretchen.

I looked up at her and glared. “He’ll be fine.”

Emmett had fallen asleep at the breast, so I gently wrapped him in the receiving blanket that had covered us during the brief rowboat ride and slung my backpack over my free shoulder.

Gus leaned close enough that I could feel his breath against my neck. My stomach did a flip-flop of familiar longing. “Zo, we’re about to dock. No questions, and no attitude. It’s really important that you just follow me, ok?” he whispered.

I looked into his eyes. What I saw in the depth of those eyes was sincerity and warning. As I nodded my understanding, the rowboat lurched as it bumped against the dock. Gus took me by my elbow, signaling me to stand. I did so, nestling Emmett into the crook of my arm. A black man, Abe I presumed, was standing on the rickety dock, already assisting the others out. Ivar and Fred had an obvious routine down and as Gus helped me up onto the dock, the two men were already pulling the small craft forward toward shore. Keeping hold of my arm, Gus led me quietly down the dock. Gretchen and the black man flanked us while the other two secured the boat on dry land. I noted that the two people now in a protective stance around us each held a machete, as did Gus.

Emmett sneezed twice in my arms, causing Gus to tighten his grip upon my arm. We continued on and the baby fell back asleep. In the distance I heard the tell-tale moan of the dead. The heavy cover of fog distorted the sound, making it difficult to determine from which direction it had originated. Gus’ steps seemed to hold urgency. Just as suddenly as he had begun pulling me forward, he stopped.

“Hurry, get her in,” came a hushed and unfamiliar voice.

An older woman emerged from the fog and ushered us toward a black station wagon. She had long brown hair streaked with gray that was tied loosely back away from her angular face. As I reached the side of the car, she set a bony hand on my back and guided me to the open back passenger door. I slid in quickly and scooted over to the far side of the bench seat. Gus and Gretchen were quick behind me and the woman who had greeted us followed suit, slipping into the front passenger seat. Another woman sat behind the wheel, ready to drive. She was about the same age as the first woman with similar features. I wondered if they might be sisters.

“We’re almost ready,” said our driver.

The back hatch of the station wagon opened and Abe jumped in, followed quickly by Fred and Ivar. In short order the hatch was pulled closed. The three men were obviously cramped, as were the four of us in the back seat.

“Better go, Kandy,” said the woman in the passenger seat.

With a turn of the key, the engine roared to life and the woman named Kandy began driving forward.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“It’s an old air base that was turned over to the Makah’s when the government vacated,” said Gus. “It’s probably the safest place we’ve been. You’ll like it.”

“Zoe, this is Moe and Kandy,” said Gretchen. “And Old Man Abe in the back. They’re all good people.”

Moe, the woman in the front passenger seat, turned around to face me.

“Welcome, Zoe. We’re glad to have you.”