Each time the front door to Jeremy’s beach house opened, my body stiffened. I thought it was Tweet. The party had been going on for a while and they still weren’t here. The knot in my stomach twisted tighter as I considered the fact that the Smurffucker may have taken her somewhere else.
Shit! I should have followed them.
While I was mentally kicking myself for being so careless, a pair of wet lips crash into my upper arm. I looked down to find Beth propped against me. She looked up with a drunken smile plastered across her face.
“Hey, baby,” she giggled. “You want to go upstairs?”
“Beth, you’re drunk.”
“Sooo what.”
“You know it’s not going to happen between us.”
Since the night I had told Beth we were done, she tried to hook up with me at every party. She got drunk, made a pass, and then got pissed when I turned her down. Beth deserved better than someone who loved and dreamed about another girl. But she never got the message, no matter how blunt I delivered it.
“Why not?!” she said angrily as she straightened and stood directly in front of me.
My eyes focused back on the front door. Beth’s hands slowly slid underneath my shirt and over my stomach at the exact time I spotted Tweet and Brad walk in. I grabbed Beth’s wrists, tugging her hands out from under my shirt.
“Beth, knock it off.”
I took a step to the side, trying to get away from her, but she mimicked my movement, blocking me in.
“You’re such an idiot, Noah. You could have me any time you want, but because your precious fucking Tweet says no, you won’t even give us a chance.” She looked over her shoulder, following my gaze. “She obviously doesn’t want you. When we were still talking I asked her a million times if she liked you more than a friend and she always said no. When are you going to wise up? I know Brad. He’s a fast worker. I bet before the night is over, he’ll have his dick in her.”
I pushed Beth back slightly, got right up in her face, and growled, “Don’t you ever fucking talk about her like that again.
I don’t give a shit if you’re drunk or that your feelings are hurt. You and I are never going to happen.”
Tears streamed down her face as her bottom lip quivered. “You won’t even try because of her,” she whined.
Tweet and Brad walked toward the double French doors leading out to the back deck. My already fisted hand pounded into to the wall behind me as Brad’s fingers, which had been touching the small of Tweet’s back, slipped underneath her shirt. I walked away from Beth without uttering another word and headed to the kitchen.
On the back wall of the kitchen was a sliding glass door. This allowed me to keep an eye on the Smurffucker, but stay out of Tweet’s sight. She was staring out at the ocean, the breeze pushing her chocolate brown hair away from her gorgeous face. She wasn’t looking at Brad, but he was staring intensely at her. I could tell it made her uncomfortable. She was lightly drumming her fingers on the railing. The movement was so small no one else would even notice.
Tweet had no clue that she was hot. She always made a joke of it, never believing that a guy would think of her in that way. By the look in his beady eyes, I could tell Brad thought of her that way. I hated that cocky asshole.
He thought all he had to do was snap his fingers and girls would do whatever he wanted. The stupid
girls did, but Tweet wasn’t stupid. She was just naïve.
After a few minutes, she turned to face him. Whatever she said made him laugh. The look on his face got serious as he slowly moved in closer to her. Brad’s head tilted to the side, Tweet’s head tilted up slightly, and their lips touched.
She let the Smurffucker kiss her.
A constant rush of breath caused my throat to dry up. My muscles and veins strained against my skin as if trying to break free. I had tunnel vision as I elbowed my way through the crowd.
I grabbed the handle of the glass door and slid it open so hard it bounced off of the frame. I ignored the muffled voices yelling at me. My actions were pure instinct. The only thought in my head was I had to get that Smurffucker off of my
girl.
It took only three strides to reach them. In one fluid movement, I grabbed the back of Brad’s shirt, jerked him away from Tweet’s lips, and dragged him down the steps onto the beach. The second my feet hit the sand my fist hit his pretty face.
“I fucking warned you about touching her!” I screamed, slamming my fist into his face again.
He shoved me, followed by his fist connecting to my jaw. I stumbled back, shook off his punch, and barreled straight into his chest, tackling him to the ground. Sweat poured from my face and bounced off Brad with every punch to his head.
I was so in the zone I didn’t realize anyone else was around until I heard Tweet’s voice scream, “Noah stop it! You’re going to kill him!”
Two sets of hands latched on to my arms and pulled me off of Brad. Tweet immediately went to his side, knelt down, and draped her arm around his shoulder. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, pleading for me to calm down.
What the fuck was she doing?
I thought she would come with me and we would leave together. When she didn’t make a move, but instead stayed by Brad’s side, comforting him, I got lightheaded and my stomach hardened.
She’s actually choosing him?
As I shook my head in disbelief I saw Spencer and Travis standing on either side of me, their hands still attached to my upper arms.
Shrugging out of their grasp, blue eyes pierced teal ones, and I snarled, “Is this what you want? Some mother fucking son-of-a-bitch who just wants to get into your pants?”
I waited like I always did for her answer, for her to make the next move. Tweet did what she always did and turned away. I should have been used to it by now, it wasn’t the first time she had chipped away at my heart. But when you love a person so completely, there was that part of you that constantly held out hope that this time they’d be more careful with your heart.
I spun around and bulldozed my way up the steps and into the house.
Why wouldn’t she listen to me?
She knew I would never lie to her. I warned her and she still chose him over me. I couldn’t get the image out of my head of his lips and hands on her. She was mine and those were my lips the Smurffucker was kissing. I had never felt this much rage in my life. I had to calm down and get numb. Passing through the house, I grabbed the two things that I knew would do the trick.
Forty minutes and two and a half beers later, I was upstairs in a bedroom, relatively buzzed and about to ram into Brittani. We had been hooking up on a regular basis over the past few weeks. I realized during the second time we had sex I was able to block everything out and get lost in the unconscious physicality. All I wanted was to get to that moment I craved the most. When I closed my eyes and pretended that the girl I was inside of looked at me with love in her teal-colored eyes as I ran my fingers through soft dark brown hair. That moment when the hands touching me and the legs wrapped around me belonged to Tweet.
After pushing Brittani’s skirt up, I grabbed her hips, buried my face in her neck, and shoved her against the bedroom door with a loud thud. A deep groan rumbled from my chest as I lowered her onto me.
“Oh baby. Yes. Fuck me hard,” she moaned.
Shit! The picture of Tweet I had in my head, lying naked across my bed was just erased by that fucking high-pitched drawl.
I pressed against her with more force, thrusting faster. Brittani’s legs clamped around my hips, pushing me deeper. Her fingers twisted and tangled in my hair.
With one hard tug, she yanked my head up, and demanded, “Kiss me.” I kept thrusting. “Why won’t you kiss me on the lips?”
She was ruining everything. I couldn’t pretend if she kept talking.
“Shut the fuck up,” I grunted.
“I can’t talk now either? Fine, then finish fucking me.”
I tore my face away from hers and thrust two more times. My body stiffened, her body shook, and I was done.
I eased out of Brittani as she uncoiled her legs from around me and placed them on the floor. I stepped back, removed the condom, tossed it in the trashcan, and zipped up my jeans. Brittani readjusted her clothes and fluffed her hair. Our movements were a silent routine. Void of emotion or connection. And when I didn’t get the moment I was chasing, the one in which I could pretend I was with my girl, the emptiness overwhelmed me.
I walked to the door, placed my hand on the doorknob, and inhaled a couple of deep breaths before cracking it open. I peered out, making sure the hallway was clear. Rumors were already flying about me and Brittani hooking up. I didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire.
With my head down, I stepped out of the room and left Brittani applying another coat of gloss to her lips. An immediate prickling sensation covered my body. The hallway wasn’t empty like I thought. I had this reaction around only one person. Out of everyone at this party, why did she have to be the one standing outside the door? I looked up and felt the blood drain from my face as my heart and stomach took a nosedive. I stood motionless, having lost the ability to speak or think clearly. Panic flashed through my mind as Tweet’s shocked expression stared back at me.
I hurt her.
I disappointed her.
I disrespected her.
I loved her.
I’d do anything to make this up to her.
I couldn’t lose her.
She’s my everything.
I hadn’t noticed that Brittani was behind me until her squeaky voice pierced my ears.
“Well, hello Amanda. What are you doing here?”
I remained silent and in the same position until I felt arms creeping around my waist. I quickly stepped to the side away from Brittani’s grasp while my gaze stayed glued to Tweet.
Brittani moved toward me. Hot breath mixed with the smell of beer and bubblegum lip gloss hit the side of my face. “Baby that was amazing as usual. No one fucks me like you. The way you suck my…”
“Shut up, Brittani,” I bit out.
From the corner of my eye I saw the shadow of Brittani’s hand approaching. Angling my head away from her, I cut off her attempt at weaving her fingers through my hair.
“What’s wrong?” she whined.
“Get out of here,” I spit out through clenched teeth.
Tweet’s gaze shifted to Brittani. Little by little her expression transformed from stunned blankness to devastation. There was a slight tremor taking over her body as her eyes glazed over with tears.
“Blah, blah, blah,”
Brittani said and then headed downstairs.
I wanted to start everything over—this night, this year, last year. I wanted to go back to the first time Tweet had a negative thought about herself and beat the shit out of that thought. That one thought led to the next, and the next, and the next, until she was buried under an avalanche.
Suddenly, Tweet’s hand slapped over her mouth and she ran toward the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Slowly and mindlessly, I headed in her direction. I was scared to death that our friendship was irrevocably shattered. I had no clue what to do or say. I just knew I had to go to her, explain, and pray that she’d forgive me.
As I got closer to the bathroom the sounds coming from behind the door ripped into me. Sobs broke in between bouts of gagging. Tweet was sick to her stomach because of me. The sobs got louder and faster. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to get to her.
I knocked softly on the door.
Silence.
I knocked again and asked in a low voice, “Tweet, are you alright? Can I come in, please?”
She gasped for air, trying to get control of her crying.
“No and no!” she screamed.
I quietly jiggled the doorknob and found it unlocked. I inched the door open, stuck my head in, looking for her, and then swung it wide enough to step in. Tweet scrambled to her feet, moving toward the sink as I closed the door.
Staring at me through blood red eyes, she choked out, “Stay the fuck away from me Noah!”
“I know you don’t want to hear this right now.” My throat felt thick, the words struggled to get out. “I am so,
so
sorry.”
“For what? I’m not anything to you,” she said in a cold flat tone.
Her words slapped me in the face. I knew it was the hurt and disappointment talking. She didn’t mean it. When she said shit like that, part of me wanted to shake some sense into her and the other part of me wanted to kiss her senselessly.
“It doesn’t mean anything. She’s just a fuck.”
“Wow! What a romantic you are.”
I’m not perfect like you think, Tweet.
I raked my hands up and down my face, considering whether or not I should admit to her that I’d failed at staying in the friend zone.
“I was angry with you for choosing him.”
“You’re not going to blame me for what you just did with her. How could you with
her
?”
Tweet stomped toward the door. As she brushed passt me, I reached out and grabbed her upper arm. She looked straight ahead, not wanting to make eye contact.
My gaze traveled up her blotchy tear-stained faced up to her lifeless eyes. “I don’t know. When I saw you kneeling by that Smurffucker, helping him… it tore me apart.”
“So you fucked Brittani to get back at me?”
“No! I wasn’t trying to get back at you. I just wanted to feel numb.”
I wanted to be with you.
She turned her head in my direction. Tears trickled down her face as we looked at each other for a brief moment.
Jerking out of my grip, she stepped back, and said, “Why with
her?
” She paused, choking back a sob. “You didn’t see the look on her face when she came out of that room and saw me standing there.” She drew in a shaky breath. “She looked so goddamn smug. She knew she had something that I never would.”
Tweet bit down on her bottom lip, her body jolted before the sob finally broke free. I couldn’t stand it any long. I wanted to touch her and wipe away the tears. I raised my hand slowly to her face. Her gaze fell and she shrugged away from me.