Pretend Mom (20 page)

Emily paused on the steps of the church
to hug her children.

"Be happy, Mother," Dixie cried, and to
Bernie she added, "Take care of each other."

Dixie spotted Mrs. Butie in the
background and approached her apprehensively. Mending fences
wouldn't be easy, but Dixie hated leaving with anyone angry with
her.

"Hello, Mrs. Butie." She couldn't help
but notice the far-away look in the old woman's eye. "I'm so glad
you could come."

"I hate to admit it, Dixie, but that
was one heck of a nice wedding. So discreet. So simple and elegant.
Emily deserves to be happy. I've seen the change in her and envied
it. I was wrong. I'll admit it. Please tell her for me, will you,
Dixie? I don't know why, but I always get a little emotional during
weddings. I guess you'll be going home now."

Home? Somehow New York no longer seemed
like home. Dixie agreed to stay over a night or two so that her
mother could have a short honeymoon with Bernie. Then she would
leave.

"Yes, shortly, I'm afraid. I've enjoyed
my vacation. But now it's time to get back to work. And thank you,
Mrs. Butie. I'm glad you feel that way about mother. She needs
friends. She'll be glad, too." Dixie touched the woman's
arm.

Dixie stood on the church steps with
her brothers, tears welling in her eyes. Mike had disappeared
without a word, and there was no sign of Mandy anywhere. Dixie had
probably seen the last of them. Her heart sank at the
thought.

"Dixie, it was great seeing you again.
I hope the next time you're here, you'll come visit longer." Kevin
and June approached her. Dixie watched them together, noticing how
in tune they both seemed to each other's moves. Soul mates, she
decided with a smile. Kevin really was happy, and she was happy for
him.

"Thank you, I'll try. I'm going to miss
everyone so much. It's hard leaving, knowing you'll be gone a long
time."

"Then perhaps you should stay?" June
suggested.

"I wish I could. I…tell Mike goodbye
for me, will you?"

"Of course, but won't you be seeing
him?"

"I doubt it."

"We'll tell him," Kevin assured
her.

"Are you leaving when Mom gets back?"
Will asked, not leaving her side for a minute.

"Yes, honey, I am." She saw his face
fall and the disappointment she caused. "I don't want to, but I
have to." Dixie blinked hard, and wiped at the single tear that
escaped. How could she say goodbye to them again? They'd be grown
by the next time she came back. Now that she was home, how could
she leave?

"Will you come back and visit?" Tom
asked as they walked slowly down the road to the car.

"Sure, and maybe I can send for you two
next summer. Would you come to New York and spend the
summer?"

"Sure we would." Will scuffed his shoe
into the dirt as though he didn't believe it.

They didn't belong in New York, Dixie
reasoned. They belonged right here, in Wylie, where life was still
good—still country. Even though the small town had begun to grow
and the countryside was disappearing fast, it still managed to
maintain its wonderful small town atmosphere and
friendliness.

She missed them already. Somehow this
parting seemed harder than the first. "You know I love you both
very much, don't you?"

"Yeah," they chorused, neither smiling.
"You won't wait another seven years, will you?

"No, I promise I won't wait that long
ever again." Dixie hugged them to her.

"Are you gonna marry that Ed
character?" Will asked a long time later.

"No, I'm not. I don't love him.
Although I respect him, and think of him as a close friend, I don't
think marriage would work with Ed."

How could she say yes, when her heart
belonged to someone else? Someone she couldn't have. Someone who'd
given up on her!

The next day Dixie got a call from a
frantic Ms. Ferris.

"Is Emily home yet, Dixie?" Ms. Ferris
asked, sounding rather desperate.

"Why no, she's still on her honeymoon.
Is something wrong?"

The older woman stammered a moment then
hastened to explain her predicament. "I'm trying to find someone to
watch Amanda for a while. I've not been feeling well, and I need to
go to the doctor. I've put it off as long as I dare. I wouldn't
inconvenience Emily otherwise. Sorry to have bothered
you."

"Wait, Ms. Ferris, there's no problem.
Bring Mandy over. I'll be glad to watch her while you go to the
doctor," Dixie said.

"Oh, I couldn't impose. I know you're
on vacation."

"Nonsense, I'd enjoy it. Bring her
over, Ms. Ferris," Dixie insisted with a chuckle in her voice.
"Mandy and I get along very well. I'm sure we'd both enjoy
it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, I'll be looking for
you."

Tom and Will strolled through the
kitchen and looked at the breakfast facing them. "Boy, even Mom
isn't this fast."

"Probably because she's never in that
big a hurry. I always am. Everything is rush, rush, rush in New
York. I usually grab something out of the refrigerator before I go
to work, but there is no telling what it might be. Better eat up,"
Dixie instructed, "the bus will be around soon."

"We wish you wouldn't go. We worry
about you. Who's going to take care of you?"

"I can take care of myself, honey. And
there's nothing to worry about. Write to me often though. That
would be nice."

"Who was that on the phone?" Tom asked
curiously.

"Ms. Ferris. She's sick and needs
someone to watch Amanda for a while," Dixie replied serving their
oatmeal and toast with a smile.

"And you volunteered?" Tom
asked.

"Sure."

Will glanced up. "What's wrong with Ms.
Ferris?"

"I don't know. She said she'd been
feeling ill lately and needed to go to the doctor. She'd put it off
as long as possible. She thought Mom was home, and was going to ask
her to baby-sit."

"Ms. Ferris is rarely ever sick. And
she doesn't trust many people to watch Amanda. Mike probably told
her it was okay if you took Amanda, otherwise Ms. Ferris wouldn't
do it. She never leaves her without Mike's permission. You should
have heard her the other day after church. She was so upset about
Mrs. Butie watching her during the Bazaar."

"Oh? What did she say?" Dixie asked as
she washed the oatmeal pot.

"That Mrs. Butie wouldn't let Amanda
have any fun. She said she would have taken her around if she could
have stayed out there long enough. Guess she hasn't been feeling
well for a while. But we saw to it that Mandy had fun. She rode
everything out there at least twice."

"I'm glad. Poor Ms. Ferris, poor little
Mandy," Dixie said. "I'll see that she has some fun,
today."

"What are you going to do?" Tom asked,
watching his sister intently.

"I don't know yet, but it won't be
dull." Dixie chuckled.

An hour later, the boys were gone, and
Dixie finished cleaning the kitchen when Ms. Ferris knocked on the
door.

"I certainly appreciate this, Dixie. I
wouldn't leave Amanda with just anyone, but she talks about you
nonstop, and I'm sure Mike would approve." Ms. Ferris sat Amanda
down on the couch beside her.

"I'm glad to do it. In fact, I think I
have an idea, Mandy."

The little girl walked over to Dixie
and smiled. "What?"

"I know most little girls and boys like
cookies. And we don't have any. So, I thought you and I could make
cookies together this morning. How does that sound?"

Mandy's eyes got big, and round. "You
mean I can help?"

"Sure you can. I'm counting on
you."

"Oh, that sounds like fun, Amanda," Ms.
Ferris said with a smile. "I see I'm leaving you in very smart
hands. Well, I'll be off. Here's the doctor's number in case you
need to reach me. Mike is out of town at a cattle buying auction so
it's impossible to reach him."

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Ms.
Ferris. Please don't worry about her. And take care of yourself."
Dixie smiled, pulling Mandy into her arms and snuggling her.
Suddenly Dixie's eyes misted; it felt so right being with Mandy.
Who would take care of her when she left? Who would mother her,
love her, and kiss her boo-boos?

Mike was a wonderful father, though and
he'd fill the gaps.

How Amanda managed to steal her heart
so quickly, Dixie didn't know. She only knew it would be terribly
hard leaving her.

Putting gloomy thoughts behind her,
Dixie took Mandy's hand and led her into the kitchen. She sat Mandy
on a kitchen tool, pulled it close to the counter and gathered all
the needed supplies for their cookies. Funny how she happened to
remember her first cooking experience with Emily at that moment.
Emily had the patience of Job.

Amanda sat watching, her eyes full of
curiosity. She got her hands in the flour, and noticed all the fun
designs she could make on the counter.

"Are we going to make chocolate
cookies?"

"Chocolate chip, yes. Do you like
them?"

"Uh-huh. Daddy likes cookies,
too."

"Well, we'll have to save him some
then. We'll pack a bag that you can take home with you. How's
that?"

When the dough got too stiff for Mandy
to beat, Dixie took over but gave Mandy the task of spooning it
onto the cookie sheets. Naturally they had to get their hands in
it, Dixie explained.

An hour later, Mandy was knee deep in
flour and laughing as she spooned the last sheet of cookie dough
for the oven. Her globs of dough were too big, and not evenly
spaced, but Dixie didn't care; they were having fun.

"My cookies are bigger than yours,"
Mandy laughed.

"I know. How did you do
that?"

"I don't know." Mandy giggled. "Can we
have one now?" she asked, eyeing the stack of cooling
cookies.

"Oh, yes, we have to taste them. We
can't let anybody else eat our cookies until we're sure they're
good, can we? Hmmm, I think we'll need at least two or three to be
sure. What do you think?"

Mandy laughed and clapped her hands
together.

After pouring her a big glass of milk,
Dixie set a small plate of cookies before the little
girl.

Mandy was covered in flour and dough,
and a big smile.

"I wish you were my mommy," she said
sadly, as Dixie began to clean her face and hands.

"You do?" Dixie looked down into her
troubled face.

"My friend Trisha has a mommy, and
she's nice. But I like you even better than her." Mandy's face
screwed up into a frown. "Will you be my mommy, Aunt
Dixie?"

"Well, Mandy, I'd love to, but it's a
little more complicated than that." Dixie hesitated. She wanted to
assure Mandy that someday she'd have the mother she always wanted,
but how could she?

"Why is it com-icated?"

Dixie smiled, smoothing Mandy's hair
away from her face. "First, your Daddy has to ask me, and love me
and—"

"But Daddy does love you. I know he
does. And he likes you a lot. Better than Janet. I don't like
Janet. I don't want him to marry her. He's says you're going away,
and I won't see you for a long time. Are you going away, Aunt
Dixie?"

"Yes, honey, I am. Amanda, you want
your father to be happy, don't you?"

Mandy frowned, and then
nodded.

"Well, then, if he decides to marry
Janet, you must try to be happy for him. For his sake. Give Janet a
chance, darling, I'm sure things will work out.

"But I love you …"

"I know, sweetheart, and I love you
very much, too. But, well, we don't always get what we
want."

"Then why can't you be my pretend
mommy?"

"I guess that would be all right for a
little while." Dixie wanted to cry, but knew better. It made
perfect sense to a child. Why couldn't a thirty-year-old man see
it? Why couldn't she be Mandy's for real mother?

"Tell you what, let's eat our cookies,
then we'll go in the living room and watch cartoons together, and
you can tell me all about why Bugs Bunny eats so many carrots,"
Dixie encouraged.

"Okay, but I don't know either." Amanda
shrugged.

"Then you should think about that a
while," Dixie instructed hoping she had put the idea of pretend
mommy away for a while.

They were in the middle of a wrestling
session when Ms. Ferris walked in.

"Thank you for watching her, Dixie. I
don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't." Ms. Ferris
smiled.

"Anytime, it was great fun. Are you
feeling any better?"

"Just a kidney flare up. I'll be fine
now that I have some medicine. I know Mike would appreciate knowing
you helped."

"W…will he be back soon?"