Authors: Mimi Renee
Staying prayed up, Rosette relied on God in her time of need and prayed night and day, hoping that her daughter would snap out of the pit of hell that she had been dwelling in.
**********
At school, hiding in the girls’ restroom, Ramon cried. He hated that everybody picked on him all the time. He wished he wouldn't have tried to kiss his fifth grade classmate Jake when they were playing hide and seek on the playground a few months back. Now every time he came to school he was getting teased, hit, chased and called a faggot. He had grown so tired of it that he attempted to bring his brother's gun to school and shoot anybody who had ever called him a name or bothered him. But when he looked under his brother's mattress that morning, it wasn't there. So instead, he grabbed the blade he found in his sister, Bright’s drawer before leaving out to school. At ten years old, he held so much hurt, pain, anger and resentment inside that murder would have been his only resolution. And his mind was made up that if anybody came inside the stall and bothered him, he was gonna cut their throats.
Bright was living her life by the moment. One minute she was trying to get her life back on track, and the next she would be soaking in her own misery. On this day in particular, she was fighting hard to make progress. Sitting on the living room couch with Lori lying across her lap, Bright changed Lari's wet Pamper while she watched the morning news. On her way out the door for work, Rosette smiled because her daughter was showing signs of improvement.
After everything was said and done, Vince had up and
disappeared. Rosette didn't worry herself crazy thinking about it; she had learned to put the things she was unable to carry in God's hands. With prayer and faith, Rosette believed that life was full of great possibilities. At work, she was offered a much higher paying position that for once only required eight hours of her time a day. Gale and Lyn stuck by her side like the true friends they had always been to her, and with all of her heart, she appreciated them dearly. Rosette even agreed to have a private lunch with her distant cousin Shanna to try and reconcile and bury the hatchet. She no longer wanted to carry a grudge over people and things that were no longer of importance to her, and she also wanted to thank her for looking after Ramon when she had the stroke. Shanna was thrilled to have the opportunity to reunite with her cousin; she wanted to make up for all the lost time and the heartache she had caused Rosette many years ago
After clocking out from work, Rosette called home to check on Bright, when Bright told her that everything was alright, and she didn't hear the babies crying in the background, she smiled to herself and thanked the Lord for working in her favor. “I'll be home after I make a quick run to the bank... and when Ramon and Ryonna step through the door, tell them to get ready for Bible study,” she said in an uplifting spirit.
Punch after punch Ramon endured as the kids stood around kicking and hitting him for being something that even he didn't understand. He didn't ask to be the way that he was, and he didn't understand how God was supposed to love him as much as they told him he did in Sunday school, then turn around and allow these horrible things to happen to him. Unable to grab the blade in time, Ramon tried to defend himself as he swung, kicked, and cried out for help. Seeing what was taking place, a group of parents ran over to break the fight up. Once they pulled him off the ground, the kids continued to call him, punk, pussy and faggot. Angry Ramon sprinted home. He was gonna kill them all and he didn't care about going to jail either. He figured going to jail would be a much safer and better place than school. Now all he had to do was go home get the gun.
On her way out the door for school this morning, Treasure received a dreadful call from Bright; she told her to stop by after school to see the babies and catch up with her. Itching to knock Bright's lights out, Treasure called her cousins from Compton and told them to meet her at her house after school so that they could pack her out as they had planned to. Riding the bus home, Treasure thought,
Once I get this bitch outside it’s on and popping!
Thinking about everything that Bright had done to her made her run hot; her nostrils started flaring and her fists begin to clench. Stepping off the bus Treasure said to herself, “Won't be any more Pretty Bright when I get down wit ya ass, boo.”
********** “This bitch about to make me kill her ass!” Terrence said to himself. He was smashing on the highway, on his way to Bright's house. She had ignored him long enough, and he wasn't gonna take it anymore; he wanted his engagement ring back and he wanted it back TODAY. He had played her little games long enough, and to ensure he got his ring back and to find out what was going on, he brought his cold piece of steel for anybody that stood in his way, including her little brother, Cordell, that ran with the young Northside Crips. With the mindset that he was in...anybody could get it. But one thing for sure, and two for certain, Ice was getting up in that house today, and he wanted answers!
Wallowing back into depression, Bright grew angry as tears of pain flowed down her face. She had not only lost her shot at the good life again, but her looks had failed her. She remembered when she was a little girl, maybe no older than five, when she ran into her white grandmother room and told her that her grandfather Simon was doing nasty things to her. Frantic, Bright climbed in her grandmother’s big comfortable bed that was fit for nothing less than a queen and held on to her grandmother tight. Her grandmother had that type of beauty and glamour that even her late age couldn't devour: eyes blue as the deep sea and rich golden hair that hung healthy and full around her thin beautiful face. She grabbed Bright’s face then looked her in her eyes.
“With your kind of beauty, sweet darling, no man will be able to resist you, and will have desires to touch you...Even a grandfather,” she explained, with the lift of the eyebrow. “So get your practice now, beautiful one, because you’re destined to win over the hearts of many men, and will get whatever you want because of it, just as I have,” she smiled. “What you have in between your legs is called a gold mine, and it controls men, and makes the world go round,” she told her with such seriousness that Bright could feel every word down to her bones. “With looks as dangerously beautiful as yours you will never have to work, or even pursue school and it will guarantee your place at the top. That is,” she paused to wipe Bright's tears away, “If you use what you have right.”
Bright’s heart sank right into the pit of her belly as she adjusted to her grandmother’s words. Her revealing this information about her grandfather didn't enrage her or get her upset the way she thought it would. Instead she encouraged it and spoke as if she was giving her valuable information before her time. Scared, Bright didn't want to disappoint her grandmother by not following her instructions and she did want to live a fabulous and glamorous life like her grandmother did...her mind was so crowded and confused. Trying to absorb everything into her young mind, Bright sucked her tears back. This was only the beginning of her hell.
“Now run along and go get your practice, sweet darling.” Her grandmother smiled as she helped Bright off the bed. “This will be our little secret,” she pressed her index finger up against her lips, “Yours, mine, and Grandpa’s,” she smiled. Giving Bright that extra push in her step, her grandmother gently nudged her on the back. Bright walked out of her bedroom, looking back at her the whole time, afraid but willing at the same time, until she ended up back down the hallway with her grandfather. She had carried on in that manner countless times until her grandfather died and it never got easier for her. To make matters worst she was never mentioned in his will like he had promised her so many times, and neither did her grandmother. Her father and both her grandparents had gotten over on her. She felt cheated, raped and robbed.
“Bright!” Ramon yelled, trying to gain her attention. He hadn’t waited for Ryonna, Deja, and Cordell like he normally did; he was so mad and angry that he had run all the way home plotting to kill, and he needed Bright to help change his mind. “Bright!” he yelled again. “They calling me faggot and pussy at school again! I thought you said that I wasn't a faggot and that people would stop calling me names!?!” Standing there with a big busted lip, a bloody nose and a ripped up shirt, Ramon felt alone in the world. “Bright, are you listening to me?” Ramon cried out he was in desperate need of her help.
Stuck in a trance, Ramon's words fell onto deaf ears. Bright was so caught up in the zone that she didn't even hear her own crying babies. Crying, Ramon stormed inside of his room and closed the door. “I’ma kill 'em then!” He yelled, looking under his brother's mattress for his gun. Happy that it was there, Ramon picked it up.
Inside the living room, Rosette found her daughter staring at her crying twins. It was still a mystery to Bright how Larry had found out about her relationship with Ice, but how could he not believe that the babies - his spitting images - weren't his? How could he just walk away from his own blood? No longer able to sit by and watch Bright grieve over Larry, Rosette made her voice be heard loud and clear.
“Bright! Do something, don't just sit there and stare at your children cry! Pick them up, feed them, nurse them, and be a mother and do something!” She said, grabbing Lori. Bright didn't budge; she just sat there zoned out, lost in deep thought.
He don't care no more, then neither do I,
she said to herself.
Dropping the few bags of groceries she had grabbed after
leaving the bank, Rosette walked over to pick up her Lari, she had rolled off of the couch. Feeling her granddaughter's soaked and wet Pampers, Rosette shot Bright a disapproving look. “Bright, she's pissy wet!” She yelled, laying them both on the couch then picked up the bag of Pampers that sat next to their playpen. “Change them now, Bright,” her mother demanded, looking Bright in the eyes. She was no longer gonna enable Bright to sit on her butt and feel sorry for herself, she was going to see to it that Bright was going to be the mother that her babies needed her to be, if it was the last thing that she did.
Slowly coming out of the trance that she was in, Bright looked at her mother, and tried to figure out what she was saying to her.
Becoming fed up, Rosette said, “Look Bright...whatever you’re going through, you better hurry up and snap out of it! You are a mother now, and like me, they need you, and you have to take care of them, Queen Bee,” she stared into her daughter's tearstained eyes. “Larry is gone, baby, and he's not coming back,” she cried, hoping she was getting through to her daughter. “It's over now, and I think it's time you finally accept that...it is not the end of the world,” she said to her. Bright didn't want to accept the reality, so she ran into her bedroom, locked herself inside and cried.
In the meantime, Ramon held the gun in his hand pacing his bedroom floor, talking to himself. “I told them that I wasn't gon’ be a faggot no more and they still just wanna pick on me. And I'm not gon’ keep letting them beat me up... and I'm not gon’ let them keep calling me names, I'ma kill 'em!” He said, nodding his head then he grabbed his backpack to put the gun inside.
In the next room, Bright packed a duffel bag full of clothes and thought,
Fuck it, two can play this game Larry!
“If he doesn’t have to love his own kids, then neither do I...we can both say fuck everything!” She said, becoming more angry than sad. “I made this possible for him, and this is how he repays me? I’ve been played for the fourth damn time, and I promise there won't be a fifth time,” she put him on her mental list next to her grandparents and father. Bright smirked as she thought,
Fuck loving another nigga ever again, I'm about to get what’s owed to me,
with the duffel bag in hand Bright walked out of her bedroom.
Heading out of the room with his backpack on, Ramon caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Stopping to look at himself, he didn't like what he saw, or understand what he was. Hunching his shoulders, he thought,
how could I expect people to like and understand me when I don't even understand myself?
Ramon dropped his bag to the floor, then looked in the mirror and told his reflection that he hated himself. “I hate you, faggot, I hate you,” he continued to say to himself over and over again.
Sitting on the couch, speaking to Gale on the phone, Rosette asked her to come over to give her a hand. She had gotten the babies quiet and needed to get ready for Bible study; Lord knows she needed it. She had found a youth group at church that she thought would be helpful for Ramon, and since Ryonna wanted to join the church choir, she knew that would be enough satisfy and to keep her busy.
Walking down the hallway with a bag in her hand, Bright walked straight out of the apartment door without saying a word. Doubling back, Rosette thought she was seeing things, so she removed herself from the couch and ran over to the front door. Seeing Bright make her way out of the courtyard, she yelled out to her. “Bright, don't you walk out and leave your children like this, Bright! Don't do this to me, I can’t do this alone!” She cried. “These are your babies, and you’re dead wrong for doing this!” She cried out to her.
Reaching the courtyard entrance, Bright ignored her mother's cries. She knew nobody would understand her reason for leaving, so she didn't explain. She was more harm than good to her babies. She didn't love them, and she didn't understand why. Bright had always heard people say that what didn't kill a person would make them stronger...but she didn't feel so strong at all. She was at the edge; she couldn't breathe and was about to lose her mind. Without looking back, Bright walked out of the gate. She didn't want the life that she was living anymore, and she was going to leave it behind...forever.
Seeing Bright leave, Rosette kissed both her grandbabies. “She'll be back, she just needs a little time to clear her head,” she said, trying to convince herself.