Priceless Inspirations (17 page)
The worse thing of all the things that have ever been written or said about us by far was the awful rumor that Reginae had been killed in a car accident. The story started on one of those celebrity blog sites and then spread all over. It was all over
Myspace.com
and it even got picked up by MTV. It got so much play that finally Dream had to make a statement to let everyone know that it was a lie and that Reginae was fine.
I know the people at the site that originally posted this mess knew it was a lie. I know that. They did it to drive traffic to their website and to be the “first” to have some kind of celebrity information. They know that celebrities are easy targets for this stuff. They also know that once these kinds of rumors get started and spread and spread, people forget where they came from. They are protected in the same way as girls who start rumors at school are--they just deny being the ones who started it and point the finger somewhere else.
Doing something like that to me or to Dream is one thing, but I have to wonder what kind of person would say such terrible things about a child. Our daughter isn’t a celebrity. When she heard that the Internet was saying that she was dead, she was really, really upset. I don’t think anyone would want to read that the whole world thought they were dead, when they’re not. I wouldn’t like it, and reading that awful mess about my daughter just made me really, really mad.
I don’t know the person by name who started that lie, but I know one very important thing about them--they are lonely, sad and miserable. You know the saying “misery loves company?” It describes people who spread gossip and lies perfectly. They are miserable souls who can only find friends when they are talking trash about someone else.
I feel sorry for them.
How I Handle It
People ask me questions about things they’ve read on those blog sites all the time, and sometimes it seems like they really believe the things they’ve read. I don’t get mad at them, but it does annoy me that these bloggers are out there writing things that aren’t true. Not only does it mess up your image and your reputation, but if you get involved with it, it also steals your energy. If you’ve ever had someone start a story about you, and spread it around your work or school or even your church, you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes people can start a story that can ruin your whole life. It can take years to recover what was lost because of a malicious lie.
As angry as these liars make you, you can’t let them get to you. People can say what they want, but whatever they say, you know that’s not
you
. They can say you are a freak, but if you know you aren’t, then you are NOT a freak. They can say you’ve done anything they want to, but if you know you haven’t, then you know the truth.
Tune it out. Pray for them. Brush it off. I know it’s hard, but you can’t let them know they are winning. If they know they’re getting to you, they are going to keep doing it. If they see they aren’t getting to you, then they’ll stop.
Don’t entertain it by fighting, either. Unless someone puts their hands on you, keep your fists down. Like I said about fighting over boys, it’s just not worth it, and in the end it makes it worse. Nine times out of ten, the best thing to do to defeat haters is to keep smiling, keep striving and never let ‘em see you sweat!
Toya’s Priceless Gem: Don’t spread gossip and rumors. Chances are good you’re spreading a lie that could really mess up someone’s life. If you’re the one being talked about, hold your head up. Don't entertain it, and don't let it get you down. That's how liars win
.
They say that nobody’s perfect, though sometimes when I look at the video girls, I’m not sure that’s really true. Looking at some of them makes me want to take any surgery there is, just to get a little bit closer to an ideal body! There are some really pretty girls in the world, but I guess that even they have something about themselves that they don’t like. I know there are plenty of things I don’t like about my looks, and sometimes, those flaws have made me pretty unhappy.
I’ll admit it, my appearance is important to me. I pay attention to all of it--nails, skin, hair, makeup, figure, and clothes. I learned most of it from friends and watching other people, and I learned a few other things just by being embarrassed. There are a lot of things I wasn’t taught growing up, like shaving and waxing. I can remember hanging out with my friends at school, and they would be talking about shaving, and I would be like “How come I didn’t know I was supposed to do that?” It’s definitely not cute for girls to have hair under their arms, but no one had taught me how to take care of myself when my body started changing. I learned most of what I know about taking care of my body and looking good from friends, and the rest from trying different looks and styles and seeing what worked for me.
All of us should try to be physically healthy, to have healthy habits and a good attitude. I think we should try to stay mentally and spiritually healthy, too. I’m not always the best about these things, but I do make efforts to take care of my body, to keep positive people around me, and to pray.
If it helps inspire you to take better care of
you
, here’s what I do to try to take good care of myself.
Body
Like I said, I think every girl and woman in America, and probably the whole world, has something she doesn’t like about her body. For me, it’s my stomach. I really hate it and I have to work hard to keep it as flat as it is. Being “thick” runs in my family. My aunts are all big women and it seems like their extra weight goes right around their stomachs. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. I’ve known lots of bigger women who always look good and who take really good care of themselves, but I’m not very tall and I don’t think that’s the best look for me. I’m actually really scared of getting too big. I’m not completely sure why. My best guess is that to me, getting big and getting old go together. I’m not looking forward to getting older either because I’m really scared of dying. I don’t know why exactly. I believe in God. I’m just not quite ready to meet Him yet!
Maybe it’s because I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant with Reginae. And I mean
a lot
. Dream wasn’t attracted to me at all while I was pregnant and while I still had my baby weight. I’m sure feeling unattractive while I was heavier is a part of the reason why I’m so uncomfortable when I gain weight. Take a look at the pictures of me from that time and you’ll understand. I was really big after Reginae was born, and it wasn’t like I just snapped back to being as small as I was before she was born. If you have had a baby, you know. It’s crazy trying to get your body back to the way it was before you were pregnant. I cut back on my eating and I got more exercise, but it still took a long time.
Even then, I was never the same.
Since I had a Caesarian section, there was a pouch of skin on my stomach that never went away no matter what I did. That pouch of fat and skin on my stomach bugged me so much, that finally, I had liposuction. I guess it helped, but in hindsight, I wish I hadn’t done it because of the marks, the scars, it left on my body. My stomach is flatter, but now I have scars
and
stretch marks.
Oh well.
Just because you have lipo doesn’t mean you get to stop exercising. I don’t work out every day, but I do work out as often as I can. I do cardio and squats to keep my legs strong and get my heart rate up. I’ve been working on my arms (because I think they’re kind of flabby) by using weight machines to get more definition. Reginae and I try to stay active by going on walks or bike rides together, fun things like that. I want to set a good example of fitness for her by doing things that are so much fun they don’t feel like exercise, such as skating, dancing and bowling.
What I
don’t
do is water. I’m afraid of water. Well, it’s not really water that I’m afraid of, it’s
drowning
. Although I’m working on overcoming that fear, I haven’t completely beat it yet. I recently started taking swimming lessons, and while they’ve helped some, I’m still pretty scared. I think it may have started when I was kid, when my uncle used to throw me in the water. He meant it as fun, but it scared me. I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of swimming and I don’t see it as something I’ll ever really like to do, but I don’t want to be afraid of the water anymore and I don’t want my daughter to be afraid of it. I’d like to be able to keep myself from drowning if it came to that. I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I need some more lessons, but I hope I’ll get there.
As important as exercise is, it’s only part of taking care of your body. You have to try to eat right, too.
I’ll be honest--eating healthy is hard for me. I like junk food of all kinds, and I grew up eating really heavy Southern foods, like macaroni and cheese and fried chicken. There weren’t many vegetables on the plates I remember from my childhood, and the ones I do remember, I didn’t like. It’s only now that I’m older that I’ve begun to really like vegetables and make more of an effort to eat them every day. Even though I’m really trying hard to eat better, my favorite things are still ice cream, brownies and other sweets. I don’t have much willpower. If they are around me, I’m probably going to eat them!
That’s why I’m starting to buy different things and to think about what I’m eating differently. I’d rather have ice cream and brownies but I try to substitute fruit. I’d rather have bread, potatoes and butter, but I’m making room for more vegetables. Reginae hates them, but I know that fruits and vegetables are better for both us. I want to be around a long time, and I want her to have healthy habits as she gets older. She gives me a hard time about it, but whatever. She’s a kid.
Even kids are struggling with obesity these days. When my daughter was around seven or eight years old, she started to get really chunky. Her friends were teasing her and saying things like “You need to diet” and other stuff. She was really upset by it. She didn’t want to eat and her self-esteem was really suffering. It reminded me of when the kids at school used to tease me because I had a gap between my two front teeth. It wasn’t until after I got braces and the gap was gone that I felt better about my smile.
Years
went by with me feeling like I had a messed up mouth, and kids picking on me and teasing me, first about the gap and then about the metal in my mouth.
Reginae was going through the same kind of thing, but instead of her teeth, it was her weight. Finally, I just sat her down and told her, “You’re a growing girl. You are not fat. You don’t need to diet. Don’t let these kids get to you.”
As she got older, Reginae’s body changed and she outgrew that chunkiness. Unfortunately, like I did at that age, she’s going to need some braces soon, so there might be some new teasing. As she gets older, Reginae gets better about ignoring the mean things some kids say. I tell her she’s beautiful every day, and we work together to take care of ourselves.
I learned about make-up from watching people put it on. As I’ve said, I used to hang out with older friends and I’d watch what they did when they wanted to look really good. Though I like make-up, I don’t wear much of it. I didn’t wear it at all until two or three years ago. I’m not really a product junkie, and I don’t buy a whole lot of different things for my hair or my skin, so there’s no “miracle cream” that I swear by. In my daily life, I might just put on a little lip gloss and run out the door. Sometimes, I don’t even do the lip gloss! When I’m doing TV interviews, though, I have to wear a lot of makeup. One of the only products I use faithfully is a makeup remover to make sure I get all of that stuff off!
It amazes me that the girls at Reginae’s middle school are already wearing blush and mascara and lipstick. I think that’s unnecessary. These girls are twelve years old! Some of them are so “grown” they even wear high heeled shoes! What are their mothers thinking? Poor Reginae--her mother won’t even let her get the boots with the wedge heel. And makeup? No. You have a few more years, buddy. Sorry!
The thing that I do to take care of my skin is drink plenty of water. I drink water all day long, and not much else most days. I know it helps because my skin rarely breaks out.