Pride's Prejudice (26 page)

"No,
I didn't.  I was just a little overwhelmed by the fact that the
inspiration for this poem was standing next to me."  All the hot air
seemed to go out of Beth.  "I can't do it, Jenna.  I wish you
would all stop shoving us together.  Let's just get you married so I can
go back home and be miserable again, okay?"

"Beth
-"

"I'm
not doing it Jenna.  Not.  Doing.  It."  She let her
eyes burn into Jenna's for emphasis.

Jenna
looked afraid for a moment, then hugged Beth timidly.  "I'm sorry,
Beth.  I should've talked to you first.  I just -"

"I
know, Jenna.  Just let it be, okay?"

"Okay. 
But it's too late to change the song, Beth - and Fritz has already put so much
time into it."

Beth
waived her hand dismissively.  "Fritz can still do the song - by
himself."

She
gave Jenna a stern look, and Jenna nodded mutely.

"You
better get back inside," Beth suggested.  "I'll see you in a
while."

Beth
meandered a bit on her way back to Fritz's studio, trying to look unruffled as
she opened the door.

"Hey,
gorgeous!  There you are.  Will and I were worried there for a
minute.  Everything okay?"

Beth
was relieved to see Fritz, alone, at the piano.  She looked around her
surreptitiously, somewhat surprised that William was gone.

"Yeah,"
she lied, trying to shake everything off.  "I just had to ask Jenna
something about my dress.  Did William leave?"

Fritz
sat down at the piano, positioning sheets of music in front of him. 
"Oh, he took off right after you did.  He's probably searching the
streets frantically for you right now or something.  So…..you ready to
hear the song?"

Beth
tried not to be rude.  "Actually……I'm not going to be singing with
you, Fritz.  There was a…..misunderstanding with Jenna."

Fritz
cast his eyes down, like a kid who'd just dropped his triple scoop ice cream in
the dirt.  "That sucks.  I was really looking forward to
it."

An
awkward silence passed.

"Can
I at least play it for you?  I'd like to get your opinion."

How
could she say no to that?  Was she imagining things, or did his bejeweled
lower lip tremble slightly?

"Okay. 
I'll listen.  But make it quick."

Fritz
brightened straight away, and when he shook the sandy hair out of his eyes, the
act went with it.  "You got it, honey."

SYNERGY

"My
affections and wishes are unchanged……"

~Mr.
Darcy, Pride & Prejudice

Beth
yawned as William opened the door to his apartment, letting her in first.

"Where's
Gianna again?"

"She
went to a movie with some girlfriends," William responded, the
overprotective brother peeking suspiciously from behind his words.  He
tossed the keys on the counter on his way to the fridge.  "Do you
want anything to drink?  Are you hungry?"

"A
little thirsty.  I need to change first though."

"Go
change.  I'll get you a drink."  He winked, and Beth forgot she
was supposed to be walking away.

She
dressed down, into a pair of lounge pants and faded t-shirt, resisting the
impulse to pull her hair back.  Maybe it would compensate for the
unflattering clothes.  She hummed absently as she tidied the bathroom
counter where she'd gotten ready earlier, stopping when she realized it was
Fritz's song.  It had been stuck in her head all day.  She had underestimated
Fritz - his music was breathtaking.  He had arranged the verses so that
the chorus made a happy ending.  Anyone who could pull happy out of that
had to be a musical mastermind.  Fritz was also, as it turned out, a
master manipulator.  No sooner had she agreed to listen to the song than
she found herself singing and harmonizing with him.  Once they'd sung it
together, there was no going back.  It was quite simply meant to be a
duet.  It just didn't work any other way.

To
Beth, it was still a strange choice for a wedding song.  She knew that
Jenna had engineered the whole duet scenario so that William would hear her
lyrics.  But she was too tired to be angry at Jenna anymore, and besides,
tomorrow was the wedding. 
I'll just tell her it's her wedding gift
,
Beth thought disparagingly.  Since William didn't know who'd written the
words, no harm had been done.

That
being said, something was obviously bothering him.

He had
returned to the studio just in time to collect Beth and walk with her to the bistro,
silent and withdrawn.  During lunch he'd nodded distractedly in an effort
to show that he followed the conversation, hardly looking at Beth but for a few
pensive glances.  Had he been dissecting each of their interactions the
way she had?  Could he possibly feel as confused as she did?  Her
thoughts began to blur in a haze of fatigue.

With
one last tired glance in the mirror, she took a deep breath and left the
bathroom.

In the
massive bonus room, William leaned over his DVD collection (which seemed large
enough to include every movie known to man).  Two glasses of murky liquid
stood on the coffee table; one packed to the brim with ice.

When
William turned and found Beth staring at the table he said, "Hey.  I
didn't have any caffeine - I hope lemonade is okay."

Beth
blinked and smiled quickly.  "It's perfect.  Thank
you."  She seized the glass clearly meant for her and drank deeply.

William
watched her for a moment, and then turned back to his movies.  "You
up for a movie, or are you too tired?"

"I'm
okay.  I can't promise I won't pass out in the middle of it though."

"I'll
take my chances," he said, smiling at her from over his shoulder. 
"So, what are you in the mood for?  'Sexual content,' 'violence,'
'partial nudity,' 'drug references,' or 'crude humor?'"

Beth
laughed tiredly as she slid down to the floor between the table and couch, her
hands cold from holding the frosty glass.  "Surprise me."

William
chose
Music and Lyrics
and joined Beth on the floor, picking up his own
glass and drinking.  Had his movie choice been a coincidence?  They
watched in silence for a few minutes, an awkward lull blanketing them both and
doing a poor job of hiding the elephant in the room.

"Are
you worried about Gianna?" Beth asked, finally breaking the quiet.

William
looked back at her in silence.  She took that as a yes.  Of course,
it could also mean 'none of your business.'

She
plowed on bravely.  "She'll be fine.  She's smarter than you
give her credit for.  And she has to get out there again if she's ever
going to heal."

William
looked thoughtfully down into Beth's eyes, familiarity and gentleness reflected
in their depths.  Then he turned away, nodding slowly.  "I
know.  Doesn't make it any easier, though."

Beth
set her lemonade back on the table, rubbing her hands together to warm
them.  Wordlessly, William stood and left the room.  He returned
shortly with the flannel from his bed, draping it around her back.  Then
he sandwiched both of her hands in his, chaffing his warm skin against hers.

Hot
and cold chills coursed though Beth at his touch, and she found it impossible
to retain any of the movie.  After a few absent-minded minutes had passed
for Beth, William asked quietly, "Are you warm enough?"

How to
answer? 
No.  How about losing that shirt and giving me some body
heat?…….Yes, but don't let go.
  If she dared to open her mouth to
answer, she was likely to blurt something like
'take me to bed or lose me
forever!'
and that just wouldn't do.  She looked away quickly, stress
gathering behind her eyes and forming into anguished tears.  What was she
doing here?  She had no right to be watching a movie and holding hands
with William like nothing had happened.  And neither did he.

William
sighed and turned to face her, pulling his hands back from hers. 
"What can I do, Beth?  I don't know how to make this
better."  He gestured to the space between them, agony in his
voice.  "I'm trying."

Beth
extricated herself from the blanket, tears spilling onto her cheeks in
mutiny.  She worked to steady her voice, but failed.  "We have
an early day tomorrow.  I think I'll call it a night."

William
caught her arm as she started to walk away, pulling her back and sitting her on
the couch.  He knelt in front of her, caging her with his brawny arms and
setting his jaw.

"Don't
do that.  Talk to me.  Tell me how to make it right. 
Please?" he begged.

When
she didn't respond, his expression became tortured.  He bowed his head,
resting it on her knees.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Gianna
and why I had to leave.  You don't know how sorry I am for all the things
I said that night."  He took an agonized breath, and continued. 
"I'm sorry I didn't just tell you how much I liked you at the
beginning.  I'm sorry I made you cut off your finger because I thought I
knew how to flirt."  He lifted his head and brushed the tears, now
coursing freely, off her cheeks with his hands.  "I understand why
you can't forgive me.  I understand if you hate me.  I just need to
know, one way or another."

Beth
looked at him with bleary eyes.  "You think I hate you?"

"I
honestly don't know," he answered.

Beth
paused, unsure of what to say.  Then she decided that, once again, the
time for words had passed.  Before she could talk herself out of it, she
leaned in and planted her mouth on his.

William
reacted instantly, cuffing his hands behind her knees and pulling her to the
floor on his lap.  His kisses were hard enough that they may have hurt if
she hadn't been so hungry for them.  Liquid fire saturated her body,
incinerating any trace of coherent thought.  She covered every surface of
his exposed skin with kisses: his cheeks, his lips, his neck.  Time seemed
to ebb, as if the earth had slowed its rotation.  As if they were in
another dimension now.  William's mouth softened, lingering as he slowly
pulled at her lips, drawing back and crashing into her again.  It reminded
Beth of the ocean tide, methodically rising and falling.  Where moments
ago his kiss had been urgent and uncontrolled, now it was tender and
purposeful.  His hands were in her hair and his shirt was balled up in her
fists.  When her fingertips grazed the skin of his waist at the sides, he
pulled her in tighter for an instant, pressing his palms into the small of her
back.  Then he froze.  Somewhere, perhaps in that other dimension, an
invisible switch had been thrown.

William
drew back slightly, applying gentle pressure to her shoulders and pushing her
back.  Without an explanation, he set his back against the couch, pulling
her down to sit beside him on the floor.

Obviously,
he had something to say.  But Beth was feeling like a particularly
impatient child in the back seat, plaguing her parents with questions like,
How
much farther?  Are we there yet?
 
Can we get back to kissing
now?

Beth
must have looked as disgruntled as she felt, because William grinned like he
could hear her thoughts.

"What?"
Beth said, a little defensively.

"You're
cute when you pout."

"If
that were true, you'd still be kissing me."

William's
eyes smoldered like coal in a dying fire.  "Oh, it's
true
. 
But we need to talk.  You know - discuss, communicate."

"I
thought we
were
communicating," Beth said a bit icily.

"I
meant verbal communication.  I don't think we have a problem expressing
ourselves the other way."  He brushed the back of his hand against
Beth's cheek with admiration brimming in his eyes.

Beth
folded her arms.  "I still don't see the problem."

William
stroked Beth's fingers.  "The problem,
Sweetheart
, is that I
can't form a coherent sentence when you're straddling me."

Beth's
mouth fell open, and she flushed with anger.  She stood up, earning a
confused look from William.  "If you didn't want -"

William
bolted up after her, catching her arm and pulling her back.  He set his
hands on either side of her waist, drawing her close until she bumped into
him.  "I
do
want," he said in a low voice. 
"But I care about you too much to lose control while you're in my
arms.  Understand?"

When
she couldn't take the intensity in William's eyes any longer, Beth
nodded.  Much as she hated to admit it, He had a point.  It was too
difficult to think rationally when his body pressed up against the length of
hers - like now, for instance.

William
looked at her for emphasis, then dropped his hands from Beth's waist to tangle
with her fingers.  Towing her onto the couch with him, he settled her sideways
on his lap.  For Beth to straddle him in this position, she'd have to be
an Olympic gymnast.

"Did
I do something wrong?" she finally asked after a long stretch of silence.

"Absolutely
not," he declared, meeting her eyes.  "My self control was slipping,
that's all."

"And
that would be bad?"

William
smirked.  "I doubt it."  He paused thoughtfully. 
"Have you ever been in love before?"

"No….."

"So
you've never been with anyone like that, right?"

Beth
flushed momentarily, then folded her arms stubbornly.  "So? 
What's that got to do with anything?"

William
stroked her cheek in a placating sweep.  "It would be your first
time, then?"

"And?" 
Her irritation weakened under his touch.

William
cast his eyes down, frustration creasing his forehead as he struggled to
articulate.  "I don't really know how to explain it without sounding
old-fashioned," he began.  "Most people don't see that
relationship as something special anymore.  Something binding.  But I
do."

Beth's
brow furrowed for a moment.  "So….you're a virgin?"

William
smiled ruefully and shrugged.  "I can't imagine doing that with just
anybody.  It's so intimate.  I guess I never found anyone I wanted to
share it with…..until now."  He paused, brushing his thumb across
their twined hands.  "And then, after what happened with
Gianna….." he broke off, his words choked off by the hardening in his
eyes.  "I decided that I never wanted to take that away from someone
unless there was a commitment involved."  He traced her cheek again. 
"I want to be your first, Beth, but I also want to be your last."

William
leaned his head back against the couch, watching Beth with wary eyes. 
What in the world was she supposed to get out of that speech?  He didn't
believe in extramarital sex.  That was fine with Beth.  There were
too many risks anyway - like STDs and unplanned pregnancy.  The simple
fact was that the world was getting less and less accountable when it came to
that.  But he'd said something else, too.  He'd said he'd never found
anyone he'd wanted enough - until now.

"You're
awfully quiet," William commented after a moment.

"Sorry,"
Beth said.  "I'm just processing."

"If
I ask you something, will you answer me honestly?"

That
was never a good way to word a question.  "What do you want to
know?" she asked apprehensively.

"Tell
me about the song you're singing with Fritz."

Beth
narrowed her eyes.  Why would he be asking about that?  To buy
herself some time, she answered, "That's not exactly a question……"