“Can you drive me to the airport?” I asked Kevin when I got home.
“You going to see Ann?”
I nodded.
“I want to come with. I’m off until Saturday.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “Really?”
Kevin wasn’t a big fan of my mother either.
“Yes. You’re going to need emotional support. And I can go visit my family; I haven’t seen them since Christmas.”
“Well, okay. I’ll see if there are any flights available this afternoon.”
I felt nauseated the entire flight. I wasn’t a nervous flyer, so I knew my uneasiness was unrelated to being 30,000 feet in the air. It took everything in me not to flag down a flight attendant for a drink.
“It’s going to be okay,” Kevin said, patting my bouncing leg.
“Thanks.”
“I’m sorry I was insensitive. I just didn’t want you to not see her. Seeing her and having it end badly will haunt you less than never seeing her at all.”
I stared at my knotted fingers and nodded. My Kevin was back.
“I know,” I whispered. “And I’m sorry for snapping at you; I just have a lot going on right now.”
“No worries, babe.”
In so many ways, he was right. I hadn’t seen my mother since the incident with Wes, and we’d only spoken a handful of times- when necessary. No matter how angry I was at her, no matter how much I resented her because of the childhood she gave me, she was my mother. I just had to see her.
“Does she know you’re coming?” Kevin asked me once we got in a cab heading to the house.
I shook my head. “I thought I’d lose my nerve if I spoke to her first.”
I scrunched up my face when the cab pulled in front of the house. The fence was missing its door, the lawn was wrangled, and there were at least two weeks’ worth of newspapers in the yard that hadn’t been collected.
“Wow,” Kevin said. “This may be worse than we thought.”
I kicked the soggy, rolled up newspapers to the side as we walked the path to the front door. I lifted my fist to knock, but paused. Kevin rubbed my back as I took a few slow breaths. The light nausea I felt on the plane was now a loud rumble about to erupt.
I gulped back a hard lump and quickly knocked. After a few minutes of silence, Kevin twisted the knob.
“Open,” he said.
He stepped aside and waited for my move. I pushed the door open, the bile in my throat almost coming out as a hot gust of sour odor smacked us in the face.
“Ann?” I called out, to no answer.
Leaving our suitcases at the door, I forced my way inside, and the interior of the house was even more decayed than the outside. Nearly empty take-out containers sat on the coffee table, drinking cups wedged between the couch cushions. I quickly looked away- the couch was the last thing I wanted to see.
As we passed the kitchen, I called for her again. Almost every cabinet in the kitchen was open- and empty. Most of the dishes were piled in and around the sink. I held my breath as the smell intensified.
I didn’t know how long she was sick, but it had been a long time since she’d taken care of the house- not that she ever did much of that anyway. Cleaning was my job. The carpet felt crunchy as I walked; I could almost hear it.
Even with all the dirt, my childhood was still visible in the house. The old cuckoo clock was still on the wall. It didn’t work. She’d thrown it at me one night and broke it. She came home drunk with some man and wanted me to go to my room to leave them in peace.
When I didn’t move fast enough, she chucked it at me. I replaced it back on the wall the next morning.
I walked past my bedroom, tearing a bit when I saw it was untouched. My plastic Barbie drinking cup was even still there. I often got thirsty in the middle of the night. I used to go into my attached bathroom and drink the nasty tap water instead of risking leaving the room and running into my intoxicated mother in the kitchen.
“Who’s there?” Her voice jolted me out of my reminiscing.
Kevin placed his hand on the small of my back and pushed me towards her bedroom. He peered at me, opening the bedroom door when I gave him the signal.
She looked so small under the covers. Ann always looked so young and vibrant, despite the way she treated her body. In fact, people always used to get us confused for sisters. It seemed like the years finally started catching up to her, though.
After I refused to move, Kevin stepped ahead and walked to her bedside.
“Hi, Ann,” he said in a quiet voice.
“Hi, Kevin. You still taking care of my little girl?” I winced at her weak voice.
Kevin nodded, and I walked to them. I put my hands in my pockets and shifted all of my weight to one foot.
“Hi,” I said.
She reached out a hand to me. If Kevin hadn’t shoved me, I probably wouldn’t have taken it. Her hand was fragile, and cold. With the initial shock worn off, I looked up at Kevin.
“Can you give us a minute?”
He nodded and left us the room. I pulled up a chair and sat next to her, hand still in hers.
“So, how are you feeling?”
“Like I’m dying,” she said with a light chuckle.
I frowned. Ann was known to be a tad dramatic, but for once, I didn’t think she was overreacting. The frail woman before me was not the woman I ran from a few years before.
I peeked at her nightstand and saw a few prescription bottles. I teared up- it was real. My mother was dying. I scooted my chair closer, my foot kicking something under the bed. I looked down and saw an empty liquor bottle.
There was no way to tell how recent it was with her cleaning habits, but I had no doubt it was relatively new.
“You’ve got to take care of yourself, Mom.”
“Too late now. I’m just glad you came to see me.”
“Yeah.”
My eyes darted away from her, staring at a hole in the carpet as we sat in silence.
“I haven’t always been the best mother.”
I looked back at her, waiting for her to finish what sounded like an incomplete thought. She didn’t say any more. Was that her version of an apology?
I rolled my eyes, but pushed back my irritation, remembering why I came there in the first place. “There’s one thing you can do to help make it up to me.”
“Anything, baby.”
I licked my lips, my heart racing. “I need to know what happened… that day. And please don’t pretend to not know what I'm talking about.”
That was the real reason I wanted to see her before she died. But I didn’t want to tell her that and risk upsetting her. I needed to know what happened between her and Wes. That was what would eat away at me. That was what my regret would be if I didn’t see her before she died- I had to know.
She shook her head into the pillow. “You were there. You saw it.”
“I… don’t know what I saw.”
I spent most of the time trying to forget about the images of that day, but it was time to face them.
Once I left for college, I usually came home every week or two- mainly to make sure Ann wasn’t dead amidst a pile of empty bottles.
It was a Tuesday morning and Kevin called me for a favor. He’d left his textbook at my house from our time there the night before and didn’t have time to get it in between classes. I was free, and Wes had class until five on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I figured I’d grab the book and get back to campus to meet him after his classes. But he wasn’t in school that day.
My heart dropped when I walked up to the house and saw his car in the driveway. I mean, I trusted him, but I didn’t trust her. But he had no reason to skip class and go see her without telling me unless he was doing something I wasn’t going to like.
With a shaky hand, I quietly entered the house. The pile of clothes on the couch was the beginning of the end. They were my mother’s, but the shoes on the floor were his. As I walked past the empty kitchen, I accepted they were in the last room they needed to be in- her bedroom.
I’d seen enough. I could’ve left without them even noticing I was there. But I just had to confirm my suspicions. I headed towards her bedroom. My eyes involuntarily closed when I pushed open the door, but I forced them back open, a painful pinch in my chest as I held my breath for too long.
The bedroom was empty, and my pulse began slowing down. But once the ringing in my ears faded, I realized the shower in the master bathroom was running. I took a step in, tripping over a pair of jeans- men’s jeans.
Seeing it was worse than I imagined it would be. Seeing their naked bodies together in the shower cut through me like a knife. I couldn’t breathe as I watched his hands run all over her and listened to her moans and giggles.
I wanted to sneak away, but I tripped over the trash can on the way out and they spotted me.
“Key!”
His high-pitched call for me was the last time I heard his voice until Ashley’s wedding. After chucking my engagement ring towards the shower, I ran out of the house to a bus stop on a different street so he wouldn’t be able to come after me.
I stumbled onto the first bus that came to the stop, unsure of where it was going. I didn’t care; I just needed to be as far away from the house as possible.
I never made it back to campus. I called Kevin a few hours later, and he told me to head to his parent’s, where I stayed until we left for the east coast. Kevin transferred to a college at our new home to finish his degree, and I graduated from an online program.
I gulped back the rising bile and focused on my mother. “Just tell me what happened.”
“Oh, I can't remember things from so long ago. It was nothing. Men will always disappoint you.”
“So, he came on to you?”
“Does it matter? It happened. It’s over. Why are you bringing this up? I thought you came here to be with me.”
“It does matter.”
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I don’t want to talk about that stupid boy.”
My cheeks heated, but I remained calm. “He wasn’t just a stupid boy. We were getting married; you knew that. So, why did you do it?”
“He was a just dumb college boyfriend, LaKeisha! If he was so willing to get naked with me, why do you care? It doesn’t matter why he did it; either way he was no good! Now I’m not talking about this anymore!”
I shook my head. “That’s unfortunate, because that’s the only reason I came to see you. Goodbye, Ann.”
“No, come back!”
I pushed past Kevin at the door, who looked back and forth between us. Ann was just as unapologetic as Wes. She even tried to justify it, like it was in any way okay.
I kicked the front door open and pulled out my cell phone to call for a cab.
“Babe, what happened?” Kevin said, reaching me.
My tears stung so badly, they were giving me a headache.
“You were right; if I didn’t come and talk to her before she died, I would have regretted it. Now, there’s no doubt in my mind she’s a selfish piece of shit. She can rot in that filthy house; I’m going home.”
“Wha- you don’t want to stay here for a few days?”
“No, but I know you wanted to see your family, so you stay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’ll be okay. In fact, the alone time will be nice.”
Kevin handed me my suitcase and we hugged goodbye.
8
Although the time alone was nice, I was glad to have my friend back home a few days later.
“Amira is coming over for a bit,” I told him once I picked him up from the airport.
“Cool.”
“How was your trip?”
“Good. Everyone is doing well. They all said hi.”
“I wish I could’ve came. They’re like family to me.”
“You were too upset. Next time.”
Amira was waiting for me when we pulled up to the house. She smiled and greeted me with a hug.
“Missed you at work this week,” she said.
“It was a much-needed break. I had to get my head clear.”
“I understand. How have you been, Kevin?” she asked as I unlocked the front door.
“Doing really good. It’s been a long time.”
“I know; we need to do happy hour more often.”
He dropped his luggage as soon as we entered the house and headed to the kitchen. He came out with a liquor bottle and waved it in front of us.
“How about a happy hour right now?”
Amira smiled, and I shook my head. “You two enjoy. I’m going to get a Pepsi.”
“So, what’s been going on?” she asked me as Kevin prepared her a drink.
“I ended things with Steven.”
“What?” Kevin said.
I nodded. “He’s so nice, but I’m just not sure how I feel about him. It’s unfair to string him along.”
Amira took the shot glass Kevin handed her. “If it’s taking you a long time to figure out your feelings towards him, then you don’t have any. I say good move.”
I was glad I had someone on my side. I wished I was having a hard time with my feelings for Wes. But I wasn’t. I knew how I felt about him. I thought about him non-stop.
Between flashes of anger over him and my mother, my heart fluttered at the thought of his wide smile. My breath caught in my throat as I pictured his ice blue eyes sparkling as they devoured my form.
“So, what happens if I have feelings for a not so nice guy?” I asked, avoiding Kevin’s gaze. He knew exactly who I was talking about, and his opinion was not wanted.
“We all have our not so nice qualities. I guess it depends on if the bad outweighs the good.”
After an hour of venting to Amira, I yawned. They were halfway down the liquor bottle, so I decided to leave them to it.
“I’m going to bed. Enjoy, you two.”
“Alright; see you on Monday,” Amira said.
I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. The stress of my mother was no longer hovering over me, and I was no longer trying to force feelings for Steven.
I picked up a box of cereal from the pantry, the box slipping from my hands as I saw Amira walk into the kitchen wearing nothing but one of Kevin’s shirts.
“What the fuck?” I whispered as I ran to her, my eyes wide.
She smiled and shrugged, playing coy.
“Uh-uh, that’s not going to work; I need details!”
My head was spinning. Everything about the sight before me was illogical to my brain. It didn’t make sense at all.
“I have never,
ever
¸ seen him with a woman. How the hell did you end up in his bed?”
“Alcohol. But things certainly didn’t end up as planned.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing happened. He couldn’t get it up,” she whispered, glancing behind her to make sure we were still alone. “You two have been friends forever and you’ve never seen him with a woman. Is he…”
“Gay?” I whispered. “I think so. I mean, he
has
to be to not be attracted to you.”
Amira smiled. She had smooth, caramel skin and shiny, waist length hair. I’d always thought it was a weave, but later learned it was all natural. She had a tiny waist and hips for days; no man in his right mind would deny a stunner like her.
“It was still a nice night, though. We stayed up half the night talking. He’s such a sweetheart.”
I picked up the box of cereal from the kitchen floor. “Yeah, when he wants to be. Say, what are you doing this Friday night?”
“Nothing.”
“Remember that fundraiser my… friend invited me to? I was going to take Steven, but now I need a date.”
Wes texted me the details while I was in Texas visiting Ann. After breaking up with Steven, I was just going to take Kevin- he was my default. But I was feeling like a change. Besides, him and Wes in the same room was probably going to be a disaster, and I needed to be on my A-game for the donors.
“I’d love to go. Sounds fun.”
“Perfect.”
Wes contacted me once during the week. My heart raced as I opened the text message, disappointment washing over me as I saw it was just details for the fundraiser. That Friday, Amira and I left the center a couple of hours early to get ready for the event.
I put on the only nice dress I owned, a strapless black floor-length gown. It had a very high slit in the front, way above mid-thigh. I sewed the slit down to my knee.
“Whoa,” Amira gushed as she saw me when she arrived at my house.
“Whoa to you, too,” I said, but probably not in the same way as her.
She had on a tight and low cut dress that left nothing to the imagination. Maybe she was on a mission to get herself a man- I wasn’t going to knock her for it.
As I finished my makeup, the doorbell rang. A man in a black suit stood at the door.
“Good evening, Miss Crosby. I’m Vincent, and I’ll be your chauffeur for the evening. Are you ready to leave?”
“Uh… yeah?”
“Thank you. Follow me, please.”
I shot my eyes over to Amira as we left the house, as if she would know what was going on better than I did. We both gasped as the man walked up to a shiny black stretch limo and held the door open for us. We smiled at each other as we crawled in the backseat.
My mouth dropped when I saw Wes waiting for us.
“Hello, Key.”
“Hi.”
He looked incredible. He sat across from us, staring me down with a drink in his hand. His hair was slicked back, with a few loose strands flopping over his forehead. With the air conditioning on, his scent floated around the cabin.
“I wanted to get a chance to talk to you and your
girlfriend
before the function.” He turned to look at Amira with a smirk on his face. “Is this her?”
Amira snapped her head around to me with her mouth gaped open. Rolling my eyes, I spoke before she had a chance to blow my cover- even though it was way beyond blown.
“This is Amira; she’s my head assistant at the center. I figured it was better for her to be here.”
Wes lifted an eyebrow, my “girlfriend” lie becoming more entertaining to him as the days progressed. He stuck out his hand, and she offered hers. He kissed the back of her hand. “Wesley Hollis. Pleasure to meet you, Amira. I’m so impressed with what you all are doing at the center.”
“Pleasure’s all mine,” she said with a high-pitched giggle. “Keisha, is this your… friend?”
I nodded.
“Well, I’m sorry you couldn’t meet her… girlfriend as planned, Mr. Hollis. But that’s because she no longer has one.”
I shot over a death stare. “Amira!”
“Look, I’m helping you out. You can thank me later,” she said as she ogled Wes.
Wes looked down at his half empty glass, trying to suppress his smile. A few more strands of hair fell out of place. It took all of my willpower to not reach over and fix it for him.
“Amira, would you like a drink? Key, I have Pepsi for you.”
“Yes, I would. Thank you.”
I nodded. She leaned into me as he grabbed our drinks. “
Key
? Aw, that’s so cute! Are you sure he’s just a friend?”
“He used to be more.”
Her eyes lit up as she figured out who he was: the love of my life and my ultimate heartbreak all rolled into one. He handed us our drinks, his fingers lingering on me for far longer than with Amira. My cheeks flushed.
“So, what’s the purpose of tonight’s fundraiser? Just a bunch of rich men needing somewhere to donate their money?” I asked, ignoring Amira’s question.
“It’s actually more of a ceremony. I was nominated from my peers to be the recipient of a national award for my work. It comes with a $50,000 prize to continue expansion.”
I gasped. “$50,000 to open more gyms?”
He shook his head. “No, my volunteer work.”
“Wow. Must be nice,” Amira said. “With money like that, we could get the A/C fixed. And get a few trailers to take a more kids!”
“Is your space too small now?” he asked.
“The demand is always going to be greater than our capability. But we’d love a bigger space; we’ve been talking about moving a few blocks over to a warehouse, but we’re waiting for funding,” I said.
“Maybe I need to start nominating you for awards!” Amira said to me.
The limo pulled up to a swanky hotel downtown. Vincent opened the door, and Wes waited for us to step out. He stepped in my line of vision and smiled. I gulped as he blocked my path. Maybe I should’ve brought Kevin; he would’ve helped me keep my mind off Wes.
“What?” I said.
“You look incredible, Key.”
“Thank you.”
I gasped when he dropped down and put his hand over the strap of my left shoe. It was twisted. He untied the shoe and fixed it for me. Amira squealed in the background as she watched.
I shot her another dirty look before thanking him. He led us into the grand ballroom hosting the event. He introduced us to a few people in the room before we were called to sit down.
It was amazing he had all of those people there just to honor him. At that point, I realized I didn’t know why; I’d never asked him.
I leaned over to him. “What are you being honored for? What kind of volunteer work do you do?”
He didn’t have a chance to answer. An elderly man approached the podium and began introducing the man of honor. As the host spoke of Wes’s accomplishments, I swelled with pride, clapping ferociously as he made his way to the stage to accept his prize.
“One day, I walked into a homeless shelter, looking for a missing loved one. I showed her picture to as many people as I could, but no one had seen her. On that particular day, one of the women in the shelter stood out to me. She was so tiny, so malnourished. I just had to know what happened to her; I had to know her story. I spoke with her and learned- among other things- she had a new baby. After learning of her struggles, I became curious about everyone else in similar positions: people who were down on their luck, people who were trying to get back on their feet. Curiosity turned to sympathy, sympathy turned into me wanting to do something about it.”
He said he looked for me, but I didn’t know to what extent. My heart broke as I thought about how worried he must’ve been.
“With the help of many, I’ve been able to start a twenty-four-hour soup kitchen in many heavily populated cities in Texas, and now we’re able to do so in this area as well. Along with that, the new Wesley Hollis center opening this year will provide temporary housing and job assistance for homeless mothers. And now I have a new goal: to help these single parents keep their jobs by ensuring they have proper childcare.”
“Wow, he’s incredible. Why didn’t you tell me he did all of this?” Amira whispered to me.
I shrugged, flabbergasted. I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t know.
He chuckled. “It’s funny how things work sometimes. While I never found my missing loved one in any of the shelters, we did eventually reconnect. And although we spent years apart, our shared commitment to help the less fortunate still binds us. She runs a daycare for low-income families- free of charge for them. I brought her here with me today.”
The spotlight shined on me and the audience gave me a round of applause. I smiled and waved in appreciation through my embarrassment.
“So, while I thank you so much for acknowledging my work, the end is nowhere in sight. The first thing I’m going to do is to match the $50,000 donation and contribute it to her daycare center. We have a long way to go to end homelessness in this nation. Thanks again.”
He left the stage to a thunderous round of applause. Amira was standing with the rest of the crowd clapping wildly, but I was in shock, still sitting in my seat. As soon as he sat down next to me, I burst out in tears.
“Are you serious?” I asked him.
“Absolutely. And after dinner, we’ll work the room to see if we can get more donations for you.”
I couldn’t believe it. One of the reasons I loved Wes so much was because of our desire to make a change in the world. The free daycare center idea was something we came up with together.
The plan was for me to run it, and he would handle the business side to it. He may have been late, but I was thankful for having him on board. I could put my pride and feelings for him aside if it meant more money to improve the center.
Amira and I were all smiles as we gushed over his generosity, Amira excitedly spewing out ideas for how to send the money. Wes gripped my chin and pulled my attention to him, his touch making my heart race even more.