Private Sins (Three Rivers Series: Book 1) (9 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“I have a counseling session in fifteen minutes,” Theo said to Kelly. He was leaning on the doorjamb to the back verandah.

“Huh?” Kelly's mind had been far away, most precisely at yesterday's music day. She was combing Thealyn's hair and was barely listening to her prattle. Her mother-in-law had been giving her funny looks all day and had disappeared somewhere in the house with Matthew and the baby.

“You seem as if you were far away,” Theo gave her a half smile, “want to talk about it.”

“No,” Kelly shook her head, “I was just thinking about yesterday.”

Theo nodded. “Music day was very spiritual this year, was it not? I'm happy Sister Fawcett carried her mini orchestra. That violin music was really soothing.”

Kelly nodded and smiled. “I knew you would like the violins.”

“Want to do something when I get back?” Theo asked looking at his watch. “This is supposed to be a routine counseling session.”

Kelly nodded. “Sure.”

“Can we go to the Dolphin Park, Daddy?” Thea asked under the cloud of hair that her mother was combing.

“I am not sure,” Theo said glancing at his watch again, “might be by the time I get back it will be too near to closing hours. I'll think of something. Alright then. In a few.”

“Bye daddy,” Thealyn said sweetly.

“Bye honey,” he kissed Kelly on the cheek and then headed to the garage. His mind was gnawing at him all the way to his church office. Since yesterday there was a certain tension in the air at his house—his mother was decidedly colder toward Kelly and Kelly was unusually silent.

Kelly was acting especially subdued too, as if she was constantly thinking. Her smiles were forced and responses slow in coming, as if she wasn't really aware of what was going on.

Maybe he should have tried to resolve the matter from this morning but he had been intervening in a brewing domestic dispute with a newly baptized couple. The back and forth between the two had kept him out longer than he had anticipated. His parting shot to them—after prayer—had been to remind them that it was only because of the hardness of their heart that they didn't want to forgive each other. That had sunk in a bit and he had seen a distinct semi-frosting of attitudes after.

Sometimes he loved his job dearly but these last few days he was getting a strong impression that he needed to give his family more attention than he was. He wondered if his mother had said something to Kelly about the baby and that was the root of the tension; it was a topic that had made him upset as well. Probably Kelly was searching for a way to tell him that she resented what his mother said.

He pulled into the church parking lot, mulling over his current situation. Usually before a counseling a session he was not so caught up in his own situation. He made a valiant effort to push it to the back of his mind and said a word of prayer before heading into his office.

Two church deaconesses waved to him as he headed around to his office and he waved back. There had been a wedding at the church earlier that morning and they were cleaning it to get it back to its spic and span shape.

Estella was leaning upon the wall waiting for him at the corner of his office. She was in an all black assemble
with
her hair parted in two and slicked back in a fierce bun.

Theo smiled at her. “You look like you mean business Sister Estella.” He glanced at his watch. “You are a woman of time, it is exactly three o'clock.”

Estella cleared her throat. “The truth is, Pastor Theo, I have been having second thoughts about meeting with you. I've been mulling it over and I was thinking that maybe I am wrong about the whole thing and I should leave well enough alone.”

Theo opened his office door and indicated for her to follow him, he opened up the windows, which overlooked the sea and let the cool breeze circulate inside the office. The office was quite spacious with a wide desk, a few comfortable chairs and a mini fridge which was stocked with his favorite cranberry flavored water.

“Would you like a glass of water?” Theo asked Estella, smiling. “Might as well have a drink since you are here already.”

“No thanks,” Estella said nervously, he was looking at her as if she was slightly senile and he had to handle her with care.

She hated when people did that. She clenched her jaw and sat up stiffly in the seat.

He was pouring the water in a glass and he came around to the desk and sat in the chair, it squeaked a little as he sat—Estella sniffed. “The truth is…”

Theo nodded encouragingly, giving her time to articulate her thoughts. She seemed extremely nervous, which wasn’t unusual for persons who were coming to him for the first time.

“I was quite alright till I met Chris Donahue,” Estella said. “He came to Great Pond church for a few Sabbaths and I got to know him a bit better at a social—we had one at our church Saturday night. Before that I thought him aloof and a bit
,
I don’t know—proud?”

Theo nodded sipping his water.

“So we actually hit it off that night, we played dominoes as a team and I realized that he was a down to earth, very nice guy.”

“I could tell you that,” Theo said smiling.

“It's just that.” Estella looked at Theo and then all around the office. “I know for a fact that after we saw you and your wife in that restaurant its like he changed again.”

Theo sat up stiffly, his jaw clenching.

“Every time, I asked him why he left this church to suddenly visit other churches I was hit by a blank stare and he'd just clam up.”

Estella was looking at a stony-faced Theo, who was finding it quite difficult to swallow.

“The other day when I came here, I must admit I got jealous,” Estella laughed awkwardly. “They saw each other and again they acted like they were strangers, with her avoiding him, and him giving her intense stares, you know the kind of possessive stare a cat would give a rat before it pounced on it.”

Theo could hardly breath he wanted to say something to Estella, anything, but he felt as if his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth. His fingers were pulsing and shaky.

“Then I saw the baby and I knew what you all are hiding,” Estella cleared her throat. “I don’t know what kind of cover up business is going on over here, but where I go to church the pastor's wife is above reproach and they don’t sleep with the first elder. Much less to have his baby. That is wacky. The whole thing is corrupt and sinful and I am not getting mixed up in Chris' sick life, even if he begged me to.”

And there it is, laid out bare like fish guts in the sun, Kelly's secret.

Theo could feel all the pressure points on his body pulsing. He had sensed the very things that Estella said, but he hadn’t for one moment countenanced those thoughts about his wife. Not one moment. Whenever those thoughts had crossed his mind he had shut them down. Not his Kelly, she'd never do that to him.

He inhaled noisily, his draft of breath the only sound in the room.

Estella was looking at him a startled look in her eye as if she suddenly realized that what she had said to him was something new and devastating.

“Ahm, Pastor Theo, I am sorry,” she said hurriedly, “I'm known to vent. I know this is none of my business.”

“Sit back down Estella,” Theo indicated to the chair his voice hoarse.

Estella reluctantly sat down. He looked through the window, thoughts running through his head, one upon the other.

In the last year and a half: Kelly ecstatic after working with Chris; Kelly downhearted when pregnant; Kelly fearful when she found out Chris dropped him at the hospital; Kelly and all the world seeing what he should have seen at first―her baby was not his.

His mind listed each point one at a time; he wiped his clammy hands on his jeans and put his head in his h
ands. He was a cuckolded husband, a fool for not seeing it. He laughed a harsh sound devoid of humor.

Estella jumped when he first erupted in laughter, a guilty voice whispering to her that she should not have said a word.

Theo looked at Estella his eyes slightly wet. “This is not the counseling session I expected,” he smiled slightly. “Now I feel as if I need counseling. Have you ever been sucker punched before.”

“No,” Estella shook her head, her eyes wide.

“It's not a nice feeling,” Theo said and then cleared his throat. “I am going to assume that you came here today to get your revenge on Chris for not loving you as how he loves my wife…Kelly?”

Estella hung her head sadly, “I am so sorry.”

“Well, how can I help you now that you have accomplished your mission, the big secret is out. How do you feel?”

“Huh?” Estella stared at him puzzled.

“You exposed them, what's next?”

“I guess…I don’t know,” Estella was confused.

Theo sighed. “I would say mission accomplished. You punished Chris and with him a whole slew of people, all in one go.”

Estella clutched her keys, “I should go.”

Theo nodded, he didn’t end counseling sessions without prayer but he sat in his office numb. He didn’t even watch her walk away; he stared through the window unseeing until dusk. His thoughts and his body had shut down.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“Theo,” Valda whispered. At first his still figure in the chair had alarmed her to the point that she had been afraid to go around to check to see if he was still alive.

She sighed with relief when he swiveled around, though she could see the blank expression in his eyes and confused look on his face.

“We've been calling you,” Valda said whispering, her heart twisting at the pain she saw on his face. “What's wrong? Kelly had one of the deaconesses check that your car was still here. I came over to make sure you are alright, its seven o' clock you know.”

“You were right.” Theo's voice was flat. “Kelly's child is not mine.”

Valda gasped, “how'd you find out?”

“A jealous girlfriend of Chris' came here today under the guise of a counseling session and laid it on thick. I feel punch-drunk.”

Valda placed her arms around her son and hugged him tight.

“I am not going home,” Theo said forlornly, “I can't face Kelly right now.”

Valda's eyes were teary and she rummaged in her purse for a tissue. She dabbed her eye then blew her nose.

“Maybe you could stay with a friend tonight until this blows over and you are more able to deal with this.”

“I don’t want to deal with this,” Theo said throwing up his hand in the air, “any friend of mine would want to know what's wrong? I'm thinking that enough people already know about this, don’t you think?”

Valda sighed. “Maybe you could check into a hotel.”

Theo shook his head. “Maybe I should just stay right here.”

“Oh Theo,” Valda pulled up a chair and sat right beside him, he leaned his head on her shoulders. “I have been talking to God about this and asking him for the right way to break it to you, I also asked him to help you through this.”

Theo nodded but was staring fixatedly at the wall.

“Oh my baby,” Valda said, rubbing his head. “If the devil can mess with families he knows he has a foothold in the church. If he can mess with the spiritual head of the church and his family, he rejoices. Its ironic,” she rubbed Theo's head soothingly, “I used to pray that the Lord protect you from sins of the flesh and so on. I was hearing too many stories of pastors being caught in all kinds of sexual sins, so I placed you before God everyday. I completely overlooked the possibility of your wife being the one at fault. With a false sense of security in your family unity I forgot to pray earnestly for your little family. Maybe if I had done so earnestly enough Kelly would have resisted temptation.”

Theo grunted, “I don't want to talk about Kelly, or Chris, or adultery, or paternity tests.”

“Okay,” Valda sat quietly. Occasionally Theo would get up and pace the room running is hand over his face and sighing heavily. Then he would sit down moving his legs rapidly in a nervous gesture.

After an hour he looked at Valda, his eyes red. “I am going to have to go home.”

Valda nodded. “How did you get here?”

“I took Kelly's car.”

He nodded and grabbed his key. “Let’s go. I need to sleep. I need a clear head.”

“Are you sure you want to drive?” Valda asked doubtfully.

Theo nodded. “I am fine. I'll get through this.”

Kelly was ironing when they got in.

“Hey,” she called out when he poked his head around the laundry room.

“You stopped for service didn’t you?”

“Not really,” Theo said, trying to avoid looking at her, “I am tired, going to bed.”

“Okay,” Kelly said, and went back to her ironing.

He realized in a split second that with his erratic hours these past couple of years and his constant promise breaking, his wife had not even thought it remarkable that he was coming in at that time. To Kelly it was the norm and he found himself going up the stairs heart sore and wondering how much had his attitude contributed to her relationship with Chris?

He slammed down the thoughts about her and Chris, and concentrated on his coping text, Philippians 4:8.
Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

He had been in bad situations before, nothing as shattering as this, but he knew that if he had any type of knee jerk reaction to this news it would have resounding consequences for the future. This whole situation wasn’t only about Kelly's infidelity, children were involved.

He stared at the ceiling, listing things that were true, honest and lovely. It suddenly hit him that he had always repeated the text and thought of Kelly. But now she was the antithesis of all these things, especially honest.

He tossed and turned all night long after Kelly had come to bed. He wondered spitefully how she could sleep beside him with that big dishonesty weighing on her head and then found that he could not lie down beside her anymore.

He got up at three, went into his study, locked the door and played softly on his piano, 'Burdens Are Lifted at Calvary.' The poignant words reminded him that he was not alone in his heartache and he spent the rest of the night on his knees.