Promise to Cherish (11 page)

This was different. Jack kissed more like the men she read about in the trashy novels she wasn’t supposed to read. Not like a nine-year-old or a seventeen-year-old. His mouth was hot, hotter than hers. He rushed at her and his hands pulled her neck closer to him. Christine could feel strength in his touch and passion in the way his mouth moved. She gave in to her desire for him and pushed away any memory of being told what a girl should or shouldn’t let a boy do. Jack’s hands went from her neck to her back. Still he kissed her. Her eyes opened for a moment and saw that Jack’s eyes were tightly shut. She closed hers again and kept kissing him.

Christine was sad when he stopped kissing her but in the
next moment his warm, soft lips found her earlobe and then traveled down the side of her neck to her collarbone. His hand was on her shoulder and gently pulled at her dress. He kissed the newly revealed skin.

“Okay, okay,” she said, and pulled her dress back up.

He smiled at her. His dreamy eyes finding hers. He was so handsome. His hand caressed her cheekbone and their eyes locked. His fingers traveled down the side of her neck he’d kissed, the warmth still lingering, and down her arm and locked their fingers together.

He was falling for her, wasn’t he? She was falling for him. The attraction didn’t require much more than his eyes on her. His other hand tugged at the back of her neck, drawing her closer. If she leaned any farther her dress would reveal the soft curve of her bosom. But if she resisted she would spoil the night with Jack . . .
Jack Delano
, she reminded herself.

“Christine,” he whispered. “Come here.”

The huskiness in his voice was soft like butter melting on toast, steamy like a summer rain against hot pavement. She leaned toward him and his arms wrapped around her. She let him kiss her collarbone and her neck and giggled when he nibbled her earlobe.

Without realizing it, she found that he’d leaned into her and he was on top of her in the long front seat of his car. As much as she liked him she wasn’t ready for this. She pulled her mouth from his. Jack’s breath was hungry and deep.

“Jack,” she said, “I can’t do this.”

“But, don’t you like me?”

“Oh, I do, I promise. But . . .” Her voice faded. “I’m not that kind of girl.”

Christine said it and as she did she wished she hadn’t. Jack pulled himself back into a seated position in front of the steering wheel and without a word started the car. She was embarrassed
with herself as he drove out of the beautiful clearing. After a few minutes, she could see that they were heading toward the hospital.

“I’m sorry, Jack, I didn’t mean to ruin the night.”

“It doesn’t have to end right now. I really like you, Christine.” He peeked over from the road. His smile was shier than before, like he couldn’t stand to be turned down.

Considering fickle Sandy, she leaned toward him and squeezed his hand. He smiled and kept her hand in his. Her head tilted and a quiet smile formed on her lips. She wondered if they were still as red as before. Christine wanted to spend more time with him.

“I have until one,” she said.

He suddenly turned against the gravel and ice onto the road ahead of the long drive up to the Kirkbride building. Her grip tightened around the door handle as they slid and swerved before he righted the automobile again. Finally he pulled over to the side of the road.

“Sorry,” he said, looking at her pale-knuckled hand on the door handle. “I didn’t mean to drive like that. It’s icy.”

“It’s okay.” She let go of the handle and shrugged off her fear.

He looked at her. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable being alone with me.”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” she lied. Of course, she was uncomfortable. A man had never touched, kissed, or desired her like that. But she didn’t want him to think she wasn’t interested. Her head swam in the too-warm air of the car. She blinked hard to clear her wooziness.

“Can I have some more?” She pointed to his flask.

Jack smiled as he handed it to her.

Christine took several tastes, more than before. It was starting to taste palatable to her. She handed him the flask as she dropped her head into her hands. It was heavy and light all at once.

“Are you okay?”

Christine nodded and would have shrugged her shoulders if only they weren’t so heavy. “Light-headed,” was all she could say.

She wasn’t used to alcohol. Is this how she should feel after only one beer? She’d only had a few swallows of the whiskey. Oh, she did not want this feeling to ruin her night.

“Do you want me to take you back to your apartment?”

“No,” she said suddenly. “I want to stay—with you.”

Jack smiled at her then took a quick drink from his flask. He scooted toward her and spun her golden hair between his fingers.

“Do you mind if I kiss you again?”

He asked so politely, how could she turn him down? Her chest rose and fell deeply. Was she supposed to answer him? In the small moments that she considered all of this her mouth found his and she let all of the loneliness and anguish fall away. His kisses were unrestricted and her hunger matched his. Her mind emptied of all reservations.

It was only a few minutes, but time seemed to move slower. Her hands moved slower, like she was moving through water. But she liked kissing him. His hands cupped her face. She’d seen this in the pictures before and imagined her and Jack getting married. When he took her glasses off and put them on the dashboard his touch grew more eager, and her entire body grew softer and almost pliable.

Her body grew hot but she was confused when a chill danced against her skin. Christine opened her eyes and realized that not only was she lying back on the front seat but her dress had been pulled from her shoulders. Her arms didn’t move quickly. She wanted to right her dress but when she tried her hand was like lead.

“Jack.” She pushed him away from her collarbone. The clumsy move didn’t work. “Jack, I can’t.”

“Christine, just kiss me. Don’t worry about it.” His hand slowly slid down her leg and up under her dress.

This was going too far. Christine hadn’t wanted this to happen. This was not what she expected.

“Jack, stop.” She pushed him harder.

“Christine, I’ve wanted you ever since that night we danced,” he whispered in her ear. “Don’t you want me to hold you? Don’t you want us to be—close.”

What exactly did he mean? The weight of Jack’s body alerted her senses. Christine pulled her face away and pushed against his chest, forcing him to sit up. She sat up and looked down. Her top three buttons were undone. She pulled at the dress to cover herself.

“What time is it?” Her voice was raspy.

Jack sighed deeply and looked at his watch and told her the time. It was only a quarter after twelve.

“See, nothing to worry about.” He smiled at her as he moved closer and put an arm around her shoulders.

Christine leaned away from him, her chin dipping against her chest. He was getting the wrong impression of her.

“Don’t do that,” Jack said it sweetly, enticing her. “Just one more kiss—it’s New Year’s.”

He was right, it
was
New Year’s; just one more kiss.

She leaned forward and his warm lips melded into hers. Once the passion of the kiss abated she began pulling away and he leaned forward.

“Jack,” she said, giggling. “We agreed, one more.”

“I can’t have just one. Surely you can see that.”

He pushed her down and he was heavy on top of her. His mouth was at her neck, her collarbone, then he went lower. She pushed at him.

“Jack, stop it,” she scolded seriously but was afraid of embarrassing him. Christine knew she’d led him to this point. She
heard her mother reprimanding her in her mind—she should never have flirted so seductively with him.

“Christine, come on.” He was breathless now and was fiddling with his belt.

Any trace of lightheartedness she had remaining left. She couldn’t catch his eyes—they were wild. Jack pulled the skirt of her dress up again. She pushed it down. He pulled it back up, more roughly the second time. She was losing the battle.

“Jack, stop it right now,” she said with a growl. “This is not happening!”

He didn’t respond. His weight was getting heavier on her. Kicking didn’t help, it only nestled him even closer to her. Her lungs tightened. She only had use of one hand; her other arm was pinned between the seat and Jack. Should she slap him, pull his hair? Scratch him?

Christine hit the side of his head with the heel of her hand. His eyes flashed anger as she looked up at him in terror.

“Jack, stop it!”

“What is wrong with you, Christine?” he barked at her. There were several moments of silence where only their breathlessness could be heard. “You can’t tell me that you don’t want this. You’ve been flirting like a floozy all night. This is what you’ve been asking for since we danced at the club.”

“Get off me!” Her voice worked against her throat like clothing against a washboard. She tried to knee him.

“Oh no you don’t.” A sadistic smile crossed his lips. “You’re not just going to be a big flirt and lead me on and get away with it.”

Christine wiggled her other arm free and she began clawing at him. He grabbed one of her wrists and with the other hand she brought a fist to his ear.

Jack cursed at her.

How she longed for a syringe filled with a double dose of insulin. She imagined plunging the sedative into his neck. She
cocked her fist back for another blow. He blocked it and grabbed her second wrist, trapping both with one hand. The strength in his grip made her lose hope. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to violate her? Hurt her? She should’ve made him take her home right away. Why hadn’t she?

Jack’s other hand hurriedly finished undoing his pants and she had to look away as she screamed his name again and pleaded for him to stop. Christine screamed louder when he continued. Part physical pain and part complete horror over what was happening overcame her.

She sobbed in the fetal position when he was done. She wasn’t sure what hurt worse, the pain of his violation or the ache in her heart for having lost her innocence—or the fact that she was to blame. That was what had happened. She’d given away her innocence.

Christine gathered the top of her dress together and with shaky hands tried to button it. By the time she looked over at him she couldn’t believe what she saw. Jack had already buttoned up his pants and tucked in his shirt. He’d even tried to smooth his hair back in place. Looking straight ahead through the steamy windows, Jack took a swig from a flask from under his seat.

“Don’t cry, darling. You’ll see that everything’s fine. If you didn’t want it, you shouldn’t have tempted me like you did. You wanted this to happen and now you’re just pretending it’s entirely my fault so you don’t have to take any of the blame. You’re the one who ran after me, remember?”

“Not so you could take advantage of me.” She pushed her glasses back on her face.

“Don’t make it a big deal. No one needs to know. I’m only sorry you didn’t enjoy it as much as I did. We’ll go slower next time. I couldn’t stop myself. You were—” As Christine grabbed for the door handle and tried to open it he stopped talking.

The door was locked and she fumbled to unlock it. When she finally did, she grabbed her purse and stood outside the car.

“Hey, hey, hey. Christine, what are you doing?” He appeared genuinely surprised by her reaction.

“Whatever this was, it’s never going to happen again. Do you hear me? We are over!”

Jack shook his head and laughed weakly. “We? There’s never been a
we
. Listen, are you going to get back in so I can drive you home or what?” Jack’s breath turned white as he spoke.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

Jack rolled his eyes. When he got out of the car and walked toward her, Christine started backing away. Her legs were shaking, she couldn’t move fast enough. “Christine, stop talking like this,” he said with lightheartedness in his voice. He pulled her close to him and his gentle touch broke Christine’s reserve strength to fight and she wept. He put the coat on her like a gentleman would. When he bent to kiss her cheek she slapped him.

Jack pursed his lips and set his jaw.

“Now that was uncalled for.” His voice was stern. “Listen, it wasn’t like I’m the only one who got a little out of control in there. But it’s happened now and we don’t have to go about it like that again.”

“It’ll never happen again, Jack,” Christine screamed at him. “Don’t you get it? You raped me. I told you no.”

“The girls always say no, Christine. It doesn’t really mean no.”

“The girls?” Was she just another one of his conquests?

He tilted his head at her. “It’s different for men,” he appealed to her.

“Was Sandy telling—” She couldn’t put a complete thought together. Maybe Sandy was actually telling the truth. Maybe he had raped her as well. The alcohol she’d consumed surfaced and she swallowed down the sour taste rising in her throat. The road looked long, then wide, and spun.

“Let’s just forget that it happened. Maybe we can take a step back and go on a real date, soon.” He patted her shoulder like a pet dog and gave her one of his winning smiles. “Now, pull yourself together and get back in the car. I’ll drive you up to the hospital. At least try to act civilized.”

Some of Jack’s words made sense to her. Christine guessed they were at least a half-mile away from the hospital. She didn’t want to walk the rest of the way in the icy cold.

Pulling her coat closer, she took a step on wobbly legs toward his car. Her ankles turned in and Jack grabbed her arm to help right her. As soon as he touched her she had the urge to vomit. How could she have let him kiss her like that and touch her? She’d told him to stop—right?

When she got in the car, she leaned hard against the closed door. She wanted to be as far away from Jack as possible. When they got to the parking lot there were several other nurses arriving home. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to find out what had just happened to her. That would be the ultimate humiliation.