Protect Me: Oakville Series:Book Three (17 page)

“Sorry. I thought maybe you needed to cool down some,” I tell him and haul ass out of there before he has a chance to retaliate.

“Well played, doll face,” he yells to me while chuckling.

We ride to the spot Paul is taking me for our picnic without speaking much. It’s a comfortable silence. The windows are down and a warm breeze is flowing through the truck. The radio is cranked up just right and set on a really good classic rock station.
Carry on my Wayward Son
comes through the speakers and I smile. I love this song. Obviously, so does Paul. He turns the volume even louder while tapping his hand on the steering wheel to the beat. At the same time, we both start singing along. I can’t help it. There’s just something about this song. Paul smiles at me when he notices he’s not the only one singing along. It’s hard for me to believe how comfortable I feel around him. This would never have happened with Ray. For the first time in a long time, I feel alive. I feel happy.

Before long, we’re turning onto a dirt road. When we reach the end, I see a small lake. It’s beautiful. There are cattails and majestic Oak trees surrounding the lake, making it very secluded. There are wild flowers growing along the grassy banks. I’m in awe of this spot. It’s like something you’d see in a movie. I wonder how Paul knows about it. That thought makes my stomach turn. What if he brings all his women here to seduce them? Am I just going to end up as one of many notches on his bedpost? As soon as the truck is stopped, I grab for the door handle. I need some fresh air before my thoughts choke me. Before I can make my escape, Paul takes a hold of my arm.

“Stop it, doll face,” he says sternly. I can feel him looking at me, but I keep my face turned away. I’m afraid I’ll lose it if I have to look into his eyes.

“Stop what?” I ask, confused. There’s no way he knows what I’m thinking.

“I’ve never been here before, let alone brought another woman here.” How the hell did he know what I was thinking? I turn to look at him. His green eyes plead with me to believe him. To trust him. Haven’t I learned by now that he’s one of the good ones? He’s not just trying to get in my pants then kick me to the curb. When I don’t say anything, he continues. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen this place. Kyle told me about it.” He releases me. “Kyle thought you’d like it and I wanted to take you somewhere quiet.” I feel terrible for jumping to conclusions. I’m such a bitch. I wouldn’t blame him if he dumped my ass off here and left. If I were him, I’d make my sorry ass hoof it back home.

“I’m sorry. I know I need to work on the whole trusting thing. I promise I’ll try harder.” A sly smirk crosses his face and makes me think he’s up to something. “You didn’t bring me here to dump my body did you?” I joke, hoping to lighten the mood and take the spotlight off my massive bout of idiocy.

“Hardly,” he says in almost a whisper as he inches closer to me. He places his hand on the nape of my neck, causing goose bumps to spread all over my flesh. Gently and ever so slowly, he guides my head closer to his and before I know it, his lips are on mine. I’m instantly on fire from the connection, but when I feel his tongue slip through my lips, I think I might combust on the spot. The kiss is the most intense kiss I’ve ever had. So intense, I’m getting light headed. Abruptly, he pulls away with a chuckle. What the hell?

“This is your punishment for jumping to conclusions.” Punishment? If kissing me like that is punishment, I’m going to be jumping to a whole lotta conclusions. “Leaving you all hot and bothered. If you’re nice, I might do it longer next time,” he laughs and hops out of the truck, leaving me a hot puddle of desire. If his kisses bring on sparks like that, I wonder what sex with him would be like. Just the thought has me all tingly. I follow him out of the truck, hoping next time happens before I have to tell him my story.

F
OR THE
last hour, I have not been able to get that kiss out of my head. Not only was it just plain fucking hot, I felt this connection to her. I’ve never felt that before with anyone. It was amazing and frightening at the same time. I most definitely have to do that again. I’m not sure why but the longer we sit here, the more nervous and fidgety she gets. Is it because I kissed her? Maybe she didn’t like it as much as I did. Or maybe she’s not ready to be intimate with me. Those thoughts never crossed my mind until now. She always seems to get as worked up as I do when I’m around her.

“Paul, before we take whatever is going on between us any further, I need to tell you about my past,” she says, nervously. Her eyes are everywhere but on me. What is she so afraid to tell me? I’ve told her my demons. Could she have been through worse? Just the idea of someone hurting or mistreating her makes me want to find them and kick their ass.

“As long as you’re ready. I don’t want you to think you have to.”

“I do need to, but it’s more because I need you to know everything. If there is going to be anything between us, I won’t have secrets.” She’s still looking down, avoiding my eyes. I can see the fear all over her beautiful face. What has her so worried? What can be worse than the things I’ve confessed to her? My past is beyond fucked up. I put the fucked in fucked up.

“Then, I’m all ears, as long as it’s what you want.” She nods and smiles nervously. Twisting a strand of hair around her finger, she begins. I sit quietly, holding her hand and listen. My heart aches at the shit she had to endure while being tossed around from one foster home to another. I will never understand how anyone can deliberately hurt a child. It’s just impossible for me to fathom. The more she discloses, the more uncomfortable she looks. Honestly, there’s nothing for her to be so nervous about. There isn’t anything that could make me not want her. Well, that’s not true exactly. Cheating on me and hurting children would cause me to walk away. I’d most likely still want her, but I would walk away.

“We were married right out of high school,” she says, her voice becoming shakier with every word. Suddenly, I’m a little scared of what she’s going to say. “Ray had me fooled. He had me thinking he was my Prince Charming, but he was more like a male masochist version of the evil queen.” She continues on about Ray, her ex-husband. The more she tells me, the angrier I get. My jaw clenches and my free hand is balled into a fist. I’m in no way angry at her, but at this asshole who used her as a punching bag for so long. Not only did he beat her down physically, he also beat her down mentally. I can hear the guilt in her voice. She still thinks she’s to blame for the way he treated her. That she deserved every put down. Every punch.

She looks up, her eyes widening when she notices the anger and disgust on my face. Swallowing hard, she continues warily. “I should’ve left him the first time he laid a hand on me. I need you to understand that I had no one and nowhere to go. I guess that’s what made me the perfect target for him. It didn’t take a whole lot of effort to isolate me from family and friends. Actually, it took no effort. I didn’t have either.” The sadness in her eyes makes me want to hold her and tell her it’s all over. I will destroy anyone or anything that ever hurts her again. However, I let her continue. She needs to get this out.

With tears building in her eyes, she eyes me cautiously. “It’s my fault. I stayed too long. The second I found out, I should’ve left and never looked back.” Burying her face in her hands, I hear her softly sobbing. The sound breaks me in two. Reaching out and taking her face in my hands, I lift it so she’s looking right at me.

“Do you need to stop? There’s nothing you could tell me that will make me love you any less.” The instant that four letter word leaves my mouth, I wish I could take it back. Not because I don’t mean it. I know with everything I am that I’m in love with this amazing woman. This just isn’t the right time to declare my love for her and besides, I’m not quite sure she’s ready to hear it. The gasp that slips from her lips tells me I’ve shocked her with my declaration.

Slowly shaking her head, she gathers her composure and continues. The pain and agony combined with regret and guilt that’s been plastered on her face intensifies. “I accidentally got pregnant. Ray didn’t want to share me. Not even with his own child.” She fidgets with the corner of the blanket we’re sitting on. I think I know where this is headed and it makes me sick. Five minutes. Five minutes alone with this guy is all I need to show him how it feels to be beat on. If I ever lay eyes on him, he’s going to wish he were dead.

“He said he couldn’t allow people to find out he sent me for an abortion, so he’d have to take care of it himself.” She’s full on sobbing now. I’m livid. I jump up from my sitting position next to her. I have the strong urge to hit something hard. Preferably this Ray guy’s fucking face. I’m pacing back and forth like a crazy man. I need to calm myself down. The last thing she needs is me scaring her. “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I killed my baby,” she cries out.
What the fuck!
She’s shouldering the blame for it all. When I turn around, she’s up and starting to walk away. It hits me. She thinks I’m angry at her. Damn it, I’m such an ass.

“Wait, doll face!” I yell out to her, panicked it’s too late to explain. She stops dead in her tracks, but doesn’t turn around. Slowly, I ease closer to her. “I’m angry, but not at you.” She turns around. When I see the tears steadily streaming from her face, I can’t stop the ones building in my eyes. The pain she’s feeling, I’m feeling for her. She has endured so much, but still, she goes on, smiling. She’s stronger than she realizes.

I reach my hand out to her. I can feel her body shaking when she places her hand cautiously into mine. Guiding her back to the blanket, I sit, pulling her down with me and placing her between my legs so her back is resting against my chest. I encircle my arms around her waist, trying to make her feel safe and loved. “You did nothing wrong. Ray is the monster. You did not kill your baby. He did.” Her shoulders begin to shake and I know she’s once again sobbing.

“But...if...if I would have been strong enough to leave him earlier, it never would’ve happened,” she says in between sobs. “I knew what he was capable of. I didn’t protect my baby. What the hell kind of mother wouldn’t do everything possible to protect her child?” The heartache in her voice rips me apart. It kills me to see her feel guilty for something she had no control over. She may have known what he was capable of, but even she probably never imagined he would go so far as to kill his own unborn child.

I lift her face so I can look into her beautiful green eyes. I need her to hear me and see that what I’m saying is the truth. “Not even you could have known he was capable of something so reprehensible. You are a good person. You would’ve been a great mother, and you will be someday. You need to stop blaming yourself.” She sniffles and I notice the corners of her mouth lift into a small smile.

“How would you know whether I’m a good person? How do you know I would be a good mother? We hardly know each other. Even my own mother didn’t want me,” she says. How do I make her see how amazing she is? The truth. That’s how. This is a something I never thought I’d be doing. Hearing the way she feels, I can see we are one in the same. I never felt I deserved anything good in my life either. That is, until she came along.

“I knew the instant we collided you were something special. I had this feeling you would somehow change my life. You already have even in the short amount of time we’ve known each other. I vowed never to fall in love with anyone. Like you, I felt like I wasn’t worthy of being happy, that I couldn’t possibly make anyone else happy. I’ve tried to fight it, but it’s no use.” Suddenly, she jumps to her feet and bolts toward the truck. I’m up and following close behind. When she’s almost to the truck, we both stop in our tracks by a bolt of lightning that looks as if it stretches down from the sky and touches the ground. A crack of thunder so loud it vibrates through my body follows. I didn’t even realize storm clouds had moved in. Although, I suppose with the conversation we’ve been having, it’s fitting. I snatch up Holly’s hand and lead her to the back of the truck, lowering the tailgate with my free hand. Grabbing her by the waist, I set her on the tailgate. I settle myself between her legs, forcing her to face me while also keeping her in one place.