Protect Me: Oakville Series:Book Three (21 page)

The sound of his footsteps behind me causes me to jump in my chair. “What are you in such deep thought about?” Ray asks as he pours himself a cup of coffee before sitting across from me. I look down and notice my mug is empty. I laugh to myself. If that were Paul, he would have checked my coffee to see if I needed a refill before thinking of pouring his own. I guess I should be grateful that Ray even poured his own coffee. Before, he would have sat down then told me to get his coffee.

As I get up to refill my mug, I wonder if now is the time to bring up my concerns. I remember what used to happen to me when I’d question him and just the thought causes my pulse to quicken. My hands begin to shake and coffee spills over the top of my mug. This time when Ray speaks, I can hear the old Ray in his voice coming through.

“You’re thinking about the wanna be rock star, aren’t you?” he barks. My cheeks heat and I clench my fists. How dare he put Paul down. Paul is ten times the man Ray could ever dream of being.

“You need to stop putting him down in front of me. I love him. It’s bad enough that you’re forcing me to be here, I won’t listen to you bad mouth him,” I announce. At first, it feels good to stand up to him for the first time, but when I see the anger in his eyes, I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. The vein on his forehead is protruding; the first sign that he’s angry. This is the point when his fists usually meet my face. What the hell was I thinking? I have to think about my baby, I can’t be mouthing off to him, giving him an excuse to lash out. Not that it usually takes much of an excuse. He grips the coffee mug so tightly, I’m afraid it will shatter. When I hear his teeth grinding, I start to get a little nervous. Instinctively, I rest my hands on my stomach. Ray’s eyes follow the motion. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, but he’s not good enough for you. You deserve better,” he sighs. He has to be kidding. He wouldn’t know better if it slapped upside the head.

The words are out of my mouth before I even think about the consequences. “Better? If you are meaning someone like you, then you’re clearly out of your mind,” I challenge. He stands up so abruptly, his chair goes sliding across the floor and slams into the cabinet. The pounding of my heart is the only sound I hear.

“Are you trying to push me?” Ray bellows. I can tell he’s really trying to rein in his temper and here I am, continuously poking the bear. “I’m trying to be nice. To change for you. Be the man you deserve. You constantly aggravating me isn’t helping.” He begins to pace around the kitchen. I don’t fail to notice his fists clenched at his sides. A sane person would just shut the fuck up. But, of course, I’m not that girl.

“I’m not trying to provoke you, but you can’t possibly expect there to be anything between us. The only reason I’m here with you is because you threatened the people I love and my baby,” I squeak out. My mouth is dry and I’m finding it difficult to swallow. His face turns bright red as he stomps toward me. Covering my belly again, I brace myself for what’s coming next. I can feel a gust of cool air on my face as his fist barely misses me and slams through the sheet rock wall behind me. The crack causes me to jump and a small whimper escapes my lips.

“Why do you push me?” he screams so close to my face, I can smell the coffee on his breath. “I’m willing to forgive you for leaving and shacking up that degenerate. Why won’t you forgive me?” He slowly backs away from me, never taking his eyes off me. My body is still trembling with fear, yet I can’t seem to control my words.

“There are a lot of things I can forgive. But you lost the right for forgiveness when you deliberately killed our baby,” I cry. Even though I know tears anger him more than anything, they begin to fall and I don’t try to stop them. I’ve never confronted him about this. I was always too afraid to do so. Now, I’m still afraid, but it’s as if the dam that’s held in all of the pain and anger bursts. “Do you honestly think you have a chance in hell at getting me back? Let me make it clear for you now, Ray. I will never be with you again. Why? Because I hate you. Nothing could make me love you again. Nothing.”

Ray reaches down, picks up his coffee mug, and hurls it at the wall. “You’ve always been an ungrateful bitch!” he thunders as he grabs his car keys from the hook by the door. “By the time I get back, let’s hope your attitude has had a major adjustment. If it hasn’t, I’ll just have to adjust it for you,” he roars as he walks out the door, slamming it closed behind him.

When I hear the car pulling out of the driveway, I finally let out the breath I’ve been holding. He has changed some. If I had talked to him like that before, I’d be on the floor bleeding by now. I’m amazed he was able to walk away and control his temper. However, I don’t think I’ll be that lucky twice.

I need to get out of here. I should have known he was trying to get me back. This whole thing was a ploy from the get go. His father probably isn’t sick at all. And if there was another woman, why has he not left my side once in three weeks until now? Getting up from the table, I start to search for a phone. It’s time to get my friends involved and let them know why I left. I pray they will even give me the time of day. Paul is never going to understand why I did this. I can’t say I really blame him, but I need to make him understand that I was only trying to protect him and our baby. This is not how I wanted to tell Paul he’s going to be a daddy.

After I look through the kitchen with no luck, I move to the rest of the house. The living room, dining room, all four bedrooms, and now, his office. Nothing. Not one phone in the whole house. He’s trying to keep all contact from me to Paul cut off. So far, he’s done a brilliant job. What am I going to do? Paul has no idea how to find me, or even where to begin to look. I’ve never told him Ray’s last name and when I left Ray, my last name was changed in hopes it would help keep me hidden from Ray. I don’t even think I’ve ever told Paul where I lived before moving to Oakville.

When I see a sheet of stamps lying on his desk, it gives me the answer I need. If I can’t call anyone, I’ll send a letter. They have to know I’m not here because I want to be with Ray and the look on Paul’s face the day I left told me that’s exactly what he thinks. I just hope he hasn’t written me off. I need him to get me out of this mess. Why didn’t I go to him in the first place to ask for help? I should have known Ray was deceiving me.

I find a piece of paper, a pen, and an envelope. I sit and quickly begin to try explaining to Paul all of the reasons I left, and how, at the time, it seemed like the only way to keep him, our friends, and our baby safe. As I write it down now, I am starting to see how stupid a move it was for me to make. Why couldn’t I see it at the time when it mattered the most? Rushing to get this finished before Ray comes back, I pray I’m making sense. I pray he will somehow understand why I thought this was what had to be done.

Quickly, I fold the letter, place it in the envelope, and seal it. I address it to Paul but leave off the return address, writing it in the letter instead. I don’t want to risk this coming back here and Ray finding it. After placing the stamp on it, I put everything back exactly how it was when I came in here. I need to keep Ray calm and happy until Paul comes for me or I can find my own way out. I still believe Ray could hurt the people I love and I can’t allow that to happen. So, until they know his threats and that he’s capable of pulling them off, I need to play nice.

Looking out the window, I check to make sure Ray hasn’t returned yet. If I remember correctly, there’s a mailbox on the corner directly behind us. I slip on my shoes and head out the back door. I go through the gate located in the back corner of the enormous, fenced-in backyard. Thankfully, he doesn’t keep it locked. After a minute or so trek through some light woods, I reach the street behind us. I’m thrilled to see the blue mailbox sitting on the corner. I rush up to it and drop my letter inside.

When I come through the gate and into Ray’s backyard, my heart starts pounding and my legs go weak. Ray is standing in the center of the yard. His fists are clenched at his sides and his chest is rising and falling quickly. When he sees me come into the yard, a look of relief washes over him, but the anger hasn’t left.

“Where were you, Holly?” Ray questions, trying not to sound irritated. I need to keep him happy. There’s no way I can fight him off if he gets angry and my baby is the most important thing.

“I was just feeling a little cooped up so I decided to go for a walk,” I answer with a smile. “Is that okay?” I add, letting him think he’s in control. When he smiles, I know he’s appeased.

“No, it’s fine. Next time, just ask and I’ll take you. I don’t like you wandering around on your own, okay?” He caresses the side of my face with his hand. The gesture makes me want to vomit; instead, I smile and nod my head yes. “Let’s go inside. I think I’ll grill us some steaks for dinner,” he says, placing his hand in the center of my back and guiding me toward the house. God, I hope that letter makes it to Paul quickly. I don’t know how long I can keep this up.

“A
RE YOU
planning on leaving this bar stool any time soon? You really need a shower,” Kyle sternly says.

“Yeah, you fucking stink, dude,” Angel chimes in.

“Way to kick a guy when he’s down. If I go upstairs and take a shower will the two of you get off my back and leave me the fuck alone?” I bark. I’m in no mood for their teasing right now. Holly’s been gone almost a month. No one has heard from her and I’m losing my shit. I can’t figure out why she left. There had to be a reason she just up and took off. I need to know what it is because my mind keeps wandering to the possibility that she left me to go back to Ray. I don’t want to believe it, but what choice do I have? If that’s not the case, why would she up and leave without an explanation? There’s nothing else I can think of that would make her go with him willingly. After all that man did to her, after all he took from her, how could she go with him?

“It will be a good start. Amber went by your house and grabbed you some clothes. They’re in the bedroom upstairs. She didn’t think you’d want to go home. She also said the mail is beginning to pile up and wanted to know if she should bring it here for you,” Kyle states. I don’t know what I’d do without such great friends in my life. Amber is right, I haven’t wanted to go home. I went there the first night Holly left but couldn’t handle being there without her. We’ve been living there together for over a year now, so the memories overwhelm me. Luckily, Kyle keeps the apartment above the bar empty just in case.

I know I’m being a dick to everyone, but I can’t seem to control it right now. Thankfully, they all get it and aren’t taking it personally. Even they can’t seem to understand why Holly did this — especially after I told them everything Ray did to her. Just thinking about it pisses me off all over again.

“Fine. Anything to shut you assholes up. Please ask her to bring the mail here when she gets a chance. I can’t go back to that house yet. Not without Holly,” I grunt and wobble too my feet from my more than comfortable barstool. I sat here last night after my shift was over and began to drink away my anguish. This is where I woke this morning and began again. I haven’t left since, so I suppose it’s time I got up for a while. Before I make my way upstairs, I reach over the bar and grab a bottle of Jack Daniels. Kyle doesn’t stop me, he just shakes his head. He’s been here himself. He knows what I’m going through and the only way I’m not going to lose my mind is by keeping it as fuzzy as possible. There’s no better way to do that than my buddy Jack.

I finally make it up the stairs after tripping, several times, and let myself into the apartment. Just as Kyle said, there’s a pile of my clothes on the bed. I raise my arms to pull off my shirt and get a whiff of myself. The guys were right, I fucking reek. I make my way to the shower. I turn on the hot water as high as it will go, hoping it will wash away the ache in my heart from being without Holly. It doesn’t work. Nothing does. I want her here with me, safe in my arms. He had to force her somehow. I have to believe there was a reason Holly would go with him and leave me alone. Tears begin to fall as I think back on all the times I’ve held her in my arms. I slide down the wall and let it all out. I need to get her back. If he harms her in any way, I’ll never forgive myself and he’ll no longer be breathing. When the water begins to run cold, I quickly wash up and get out.