Protect Me: Oakville Series:Book Three (24 page)

“I know how I’d feel if it was my girl in there Paul. I’d want to beat the mother fucker to death, but I need you to keep it together. We go in get your girl and get out. No trouble. Marconi Senior isn’t a guy you want pissed at you. If we do this quietly he’ll forget all about you and punish his son for bringing this on. Marconi Senior doesn’t like eyes on him or people asking too many questions. He definitely doesn’t want it to get out that he and his son beat women,” the big guy says, staring at me from the rearview mirror, waiting for my confirmation.

“As long as she’s okay and the ass doesn’t get in my way, I’ll be fine,” I state honestly. I can forgo Ray’s beating if it means Holly and our friends aren’t harmed any more after this. “How long will it take us to get there?” I ask.

Liam responds, “About an hour or so. There shouldn’t be any traffic this early in the day. I’d guess we’ll be there around one o’clock.” I want to scream. Another damn hour before I have her in my arms. Leaning my head back against the seat, I close my eyes and try to sleep. Anything to make the next hour go by faster.

I
AWAKE
with a scream, covered in a sticky sweat that causes goose bumps to spread over me when the sheet falls from my upper body. Taking deep breaths, I try to calm my racing heart. Once my one good eye adjusts, I notice I’m in my room. Ray must have carried me up here after I passed out. I lift my hand to my face and wince from the contact. Every part of my face I touch hurts. I’m afraid to look in a mirror. I know it’s a swollen and bruised mess. My chest begins to tighten when I start to remember how it got that way.

Immediately, my hands go to my belly to hold and comfort my baby. I hold my breath, waiting to feel her move. Something to let me know she’s okay, that he didn’t harm her, too.

“Please, baby girl. Let momma know you’re okay,” I whisper to her. Tears sting my eyes and the air is knocked out of my chest when she delivers the strongest kick I’ve felt from her yet. “Thank God.” I guess I should feel grateful that Ray was nice enough to concentrate his rage to my face. The bruises will heal and the pain will fade. The loss of another baby at his hands is something I’d never recover from.

I never thought it would be possible to recover the first time. But thanks to Paul, I was able to move on. He helped put all my broken pieces back together. I didn’t realize until now that he did so much more than just help. He is the glue that holds all the broken parts of me together. Without him, I fall completely apart again. Here I am, right back in the place I fled from. The place I’ve tried so hard to put behind me. The place I swore I would never be again. I need him so much. To pick up my shattered heart and soul and put them back together once again.

I’m afraid this is a need that will never be met. If he hasn’t come for me by now, he never will. He’s had plenty of time to get my letter, but I think I’ve hurt him too much, leaving like I did and not telling him about the baby. Maybe this was all just a little too much for his fragile heart. I should have told him about Ray threatening me. But I didn’t. I was a coward, giving Ray the power he needed in order to control me once again.

I need to think of my baby. I can’t stay here with Ray, but honestly, where can I go? Ray has made it clear that he can and will find me anywhere. Yet, if I stay, my baby and I are in serious danger. What am I gonna do? I need to control my mouth around Ray. Go along with him long enough to get to a doctor so I can make sure my baby’s okay, then I can figure out what to do next.

I ease myself off the bed and make my way to the bathroom. I need a shower. Hopefully it will help wash away more than the sweat my nightmare caused. I flip on the light. When I see my face in the mirror, it causes my stomach to roil. The tears sting as they slide down my swollen and sensitive cheeks. This isn’t a view I thought I’d ever have to see again. In fact, I made a promise to myself that I would never have to see myself like this again. I allowed this to happen. It’s no wonder Paul doesn’t want me. I’m a weak pathetic woman. Willingly, I went back with a monster. Ray can’t take all the blame for this. I allowed this to happen. I endangered my baby. If something happens to her, it’s all my fault.

My realization causes my heart to ache as I enter the steaming shower. Sobs wrack my body as I slide down the cold tiles to rest on the floor. The burning hot water does nothing to take away the hate I have for myself right now. “I’m so sorry, sweet girl. I thought I was protecting you. Instead, I was walking us both into the lion’s den,” I cry quietly to my baby as I massage my belly to comfort her. I sit on the hard shower floor, holding my belly and crying, wishing I could think of a way to get us out of this mess.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here. The water is now freezing cold and my body is protesting the uncomfortable tile floor. Getting out of the shower, I notice the sun has come up. A new day is upon us. Another day of uncertainty. Of trying to keep my mouth shut, unknowing what will set him off next. And when I do set him off, will he be generous enough to stay away from my baby or will she pay the price for my stupidity?

A soft knocking on the bathroom door causes me to jump. I’m not ready to face him yet. “Holly?” Ray calls out softly. I don’t answer right away. I can’t. “Holly, honey. I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying so hard to change. I want you to love me, not fear me. I’ve made breakfast. Please come down when you’re ready and join me,” he pleads. When I hear his footsteps lead toward the bedroom door, then the sound of the door closing, I quickly get dressed.

T-shirts and sweatpants make up my wardrobe these days. Ray allowed me to order some clothes on-line when I could no longer fit into what I’d brought with me. He wasn’t too thrilled with my choice of clothes, but he didn’t fight me on it. I wasn’t going to choose anything that made me look good in his eyes. I’ve worn no make-up since I’ve gotten here weeks ago. I keep my hair in a loose ponytail, which is something Ray hates. He always wanted me to wear my hair down. Besides, it’s not like I’m allowed out of the house.

As I approach the kitchen, my stomach growls. Bacon, eggs, toast, coffee, and orange juice are scattered around the table. I didn’t even know Ray could cook. I’ve never witnessed it before. He thinks these little things will make up for the brutal beatings. There’s no way that will ever happen, but, in order to keep myself and my baby safe, he can’t know that. I need to make him think I notice the changes he’s trying to make. Make him believe that there are still feelings between us, other than the pure hate and loathing. Anything that will keep his filthy fucking hands to himself. I can’t risk him harming the baby. And I don’t think my face can take another pounding.

Ray turns to face me when he hears me approach. His eyes land on my battered face and his happy expression is replaced with one of sadness and regret. He may regret what he’s done after the fact, but it still doesn’t excuse that he did it. “I’m so sorry,” he says while pulling out my chair. I sit and think about my response. Needing to control my mouth, I choose my words carefully.

“I know you’re sorry and I can see you’re trying to control it. Next time, I’ll try, too. I’ll try harder to not provoke you,” I say the words, hoping he believes them. The smile that crosses his face proves to me he does. He may be sorry and he may try not to lose his temper, but it changes nothing.

“I’ve managed to get you an appointment with a doctor this afternoon,” Ray says with excitement. Butterflies dance in my stomach. I’ll finally know for sure that my baby’s okay. I’ll also get out of this house, if only for a couple hours. The excitement is quickly knocked out of me. “He will be here at one o’clock, and he’s bringing a portable ultrasound machine so we’ll be able to see that beautiful baby of ours.”

His words are like a knife through my already broken heart. This is not our baby. She’s my and Paul’s. Ray will never be her father. I won’t allow it. In order to keep the peace and avoid another beating, I go along with him. With a false smile plastered on my face, I let him hear what he needs to. “I can’t wait.” His face lights up. Clearly, he likes that I’m as excited as he is.

We both continue to eat. I will say, the breakfast is tasty, and it’s probably the nicest thing he’s ever done for me. “Thank you for making me breakfast, Ray. It’s really delicious,” I tell him in hopes of keeping the good mood going. As long as it keeps him happy, I’ll deal with it.

The rest of the day goes by slowly. With each hour that passes, I become more anxious. I want to see my baby, hear her heartbeat, but more importantly, I need to hear the doctor say she’ll be okay. After we ate breakfast, I cleaned up the dishes and Ray went into his office to work. Now I’m just sitting here on the couch, trying to will the clock hands to move faster.

When one o’clock finally rolls around, I’m about to jump out of my skin. My stomach is filled with butterflies. I can’t wait to see my little girl. Even though it hasn’t yet been confirmed, the dreams I’ve been having along with a strong gut feeling tells me it’s likely. Of course, I’ll be happy either way. As long as it’s healthy.

A white Mercedes pulls into the driveway and I’m all but bouncing up and down from the excitement. Ray comes out of his office and heads outside to meet the doctor. There’s a woman with him, who I assume is his nurse. The nurse goes to the trunk and when she reappears, she’s carrying a large white case. Ray leads the two into the house.

Ray introduces me to Dr. Northman and his nurse, Sonya. Both stare at my battered face and I wonder what excuse Ray used to explain this mess. Quickly, I have my answer. “Holly, Ray tells me you were in a pretty bad car accident and that you’ve been worried about the baby.” I nod my head yes. Does he really buy that story? The only marks on me are to my face and it’s so clear what caused them. How can people just ignore something so obvious? How can they live with themselves knowing they did nothing to help? I guess in this town, money and the name Marconi will keep anyone’s mouth shut.

They begin to set up the ultrasound machine. “We’ll hook it up to your large television screen so it’s easier for you to see. Ray, once I’m all set up, can you please close the blinds and turn off all the lights? That will also make it easier to see,” the doctor says while he and Sonya continue setting up. My heart is pounding in my chest like a jackhammer. The suspense is killing me.

Once they are all set up, the nurse has me lay down on the couch. She gently slides my shirt up so it’s resting just below my boobs. She then eases my sweatpants down so they are resting below my baby bulge. Grabbing a bottle, she squeezes a cold jelly onto my belly, causing my body to break out in goose bumps. Dr. Northman pulls the footstool up to the couch. The living room is dark with the exception of a small glow coming from the ultrasound screen and Ray’s big screen. He takes the wand thingy and moves it on my belly, spreading around the jelly.